Take me home
Where I belong,
Dancing in the rain
Reunited once more with you again.

Take me home
I am ready to fall
I've run so far away,
But there are memories you cannot outrun.

Take me home,
With you is where I belong.

I was six
when I was first betwixt
by a world of words
and heartfelt tellings.

Poetry became
my enchanted castle,
the fairy tale
that just quite wasn't.

The first poem I read
was about the Banana man,
and how he would live
and die as such.

And as my body grew
so I fell deeper
in love with these
sometimes forgotten wordsmiths.

Each day I fall a little more,
as I read your words,
your little crafts
of feelings.

If you could see what I see –
You’d know you are
Both
Beauty and grace.

If you could see what I see –
You would not
Describe yourself as
“disgrace”

If you could see what I see –
You’d never want to
Change
A single thing.

If you could see what I see –
You’d love yourself
More
Than I ever could.

If a mirror could
Show you
The beauty
That lies
naked
Next to me –

You’d be your own
Perfectly
Imperfect
Sleeping
Muse.

I am scattered human being,
with fragments of emotions
that fall and scar at unexpected moments.

I am difficult to deal with,
trust me I know.
One minute I am on a high
the next I'm mumbling nonsense while
scrapping pieces of paper
searching for the one piece that holds all the answers.

Our house is a heap of half written words
and letter to myself
each a note of remembrance
of a thought that I once had -

I know I cradle this paper-mess
like they were a child that grew within me,
in a way they were
they are my creations, my imagery.

I forget the simplest things
like today was my day to clean
or that tomorrow we are supposed to go to dinner
but I am so lost in my thought-process.

Please don't be disheartened
by my chaos-mess
or how I seem to care little,
because I write all these for you.

With each waking word
these are fragments of my soul
my innermost thoughts
and my deepest love for you.

So I am sorry that I seem distracted
but I am so full of love,
that I wish the world understood
how you are the most perfect God-creature
that has ever lived.

I love you,
With no hope of gain
And much to loose.

With cautions lost
To blinding love
I gift you my delicate heart.

I darent ask for yours in return -
This gift is selfless
Because I love you,
Silently and without hope

And if you choose
Not to be loved by me -
I pray you'll be loved
Once again this way.

I can't remember the last time I wrote,
because I have nothing to write about,
no words seem enough, and my thoughts are too little.

My words dried up, as you went away
at first I wrote of how I loved you,
and later of how I hated you,
then of the emptiness I had inside
consuming me, like a beast from a children's story.

Now I only have a few short words that I have to say,
I really really miss you, and I find it strange.

The dark is a howling beauty that whirls throughout my hair.
The dark dark beauty and the oh! so familiar fear.
The darkness clawed at my paled skin, yet only I could see.
The dark, he never would like me – only if I had behaved for He.

The first time that I met him, he was standing by my door.
Eyes dark dark and hateful, they instilled such fear.
Speaking to myself in tongues, twisting in my sheets –
A nightmare a dream! A dark dark vision – it cannot be real!

He slinked along the darkness, crawling up to me.
The stench of death and sewers – the end of sweetly innocent stupidity –
Now and for all the tormented years to come, void of sweetly.

The darkness – his clawed, disfigured, insipid being withdrew the light from me.
Only I could see the lustful hate of He! His inspiration, his muse – all lay with me –
This dark and howling beauty that loved me – ravished me – destroyed the dreamer of my soul.
Took my love from me – there is a howling beauty – which instils such fear, only in me.

He would never love me again, Oh, what I did to He! What I did to me –
That only I will ever see.

I don't shine
she hummed to herself
half hazed with life, under her drunken breath.
Her fingers twitched gingerly
as if playing an invisible tune.

I don't shine,
she mumbled once more
as her sunken eyes dropped to the floor,
shoulders slumped, accepting defeat
and I could swear she had a tear stained cheek.

I don't shine,
she said a little too loudly,
nervously glancing around in case anyone had mistakenly heard,
then retreated back into her own little world,
swaying to a long forgotten tune,
sad and swollen, beaten and bruised,
where the sun don't shine
where she remains abused.

I don't shine either

I sat at the table – engrossed in Poe, once again my friend had failed to show.
A young man sat at the table next to me – mumbling it was the only free seat
I smiled politely and returned to the words, which meant everything to me
Each word alone a magnificent beauty.
I noticed the man was watching me, so I turned my gaze to he.

Twelve hours later I lay on your floor, as you read me poems about the girl you love.
Each one of us became an addiction to the other, each the others ecstasy.
Each week I came and we spoke, laughed, watched vintage films, read words of beauty
And music – there was always music.
Sometimes new, mostly old – my favourite was yours.
Months passed before we met the others friends, we had been so obsessed with talking.
Your friends sweetened the deal – each a soul, so pure and real.
They invited us camping – I could hardly wait.

When I turned up the next day, you looked different – ached, with a look of painful desire etched onto your face.
You said the trip could not go ahead, but pleaded with me to spend the night at yours.
I looked up at you, with my bug-wide eyes, sharing my smile and nodded silently.
I placed on our favourite movie and resumed my position on the floor, while you lay on the bed.
The film ended and you called to me, your voice sad and pained.
“Why do you never sit close enough for me to touch you – are you afraid?”
You slid unto the floor and sat next to me, this poem you spoke was different to all the ones before.
Nervously I bit my lip and sighed inwardly – that one, was written for me.
You pulled me closer to you and kissed me in a way that had never been done before –
It was soft, sweet yet hungry and full of desire. I turned away.
“I thought we were friends,” I whispered while nervously biting my lip.

You held my gaze until I understood, this time, I was kissing you.
You made love to me for the first time that night –
And every morning and night for a year after that.
You had warned me that first night that I would grow bored of you – I denied it.
Now I see, you grew bored of me – my love flowered as your apathy grew.

It’s been some months now since you uttered words of love for me
For a while we remained those friends who spent hours talking and listening – bonding.
We could hear the clock ticking – we could only pretend for so long that everything had not been destroyed.
That addiction, that time-warp-friendship, all that talking.
“I thought we were friends” was the last thing I whispered to you
I never wanted our love, it was your doing –
Now I am the one who holds the burden of  our love, in my heart and soul

You look straight past me -
I knew we should have gone camping.

Pen to paper,
words on a page -
ink smudges
with wisdom I wish I could say.

Life is short
when days are numbered
but my thoughts
when scripted to paper
can immortalise my thoughts -
immortalising my soul

An immortal soul,
means immortal life!
Is it only my body then
that is faced with ending this form of life* -

I will tell you later
if you tell me now

Never knowing fear, doesn't mean you've
Never been afraid. Never knowing the
Moment that could end it all - affirming or
Destroying all you've ever known - doesn't mean you've lived your life safe. The moments that break you are the ones that create you. Never taking the leaps, your hidden desires encourage wont keep you whole. There's a world out there - the probabilities of being afraid, alone, broken, forgotten and abdonned swarming you, etching into the darkness of your mind. Never knowing fear doesn't mean you've never been afraid - it means you've never lived and knowing then -

The first time that I touched you –
Caressing my hand along the bare curve of your spine
While your tongue danced behind my teeth
My heart flitted, skipping a solid beat.

This drunken adventure has left my heart confused
A misremembered experience of ecstasy,
Or have I unleashed a secret that I’d always buried so deep?
Maybe this is why no man has ever been enough for me.

I’d never thought of seeing you again
My mind too crammed to believe
In such distasteful possibilities.

Yet there you stood
In all your pathetic glory –
Imitating the successful knight
Of children’s stories.

They crowded around you
Smiles, laughter and love.
I stared on in disbelief and disgust.

My foolish innocence never void
I thought a sight of me
May change your mind –
Or display a shred of humanity.

The unhesitant look you gave me
Will forever haunt my twisted soul.

I know what you did.
How could you continue to live like this?

The scowl you wear on your face
Like a timeless painting.
The anger etched
To perfection.

You think I do not see?
I can feel your hatred
Seeping towards me.

As I stand at the top of the room
The figure of everything you hate.
I don't mind being hated by you -
I'm just doing my job.

I wish you could see your potential -
I correct you so you'll learn.
If you could turn your attention from disdain
And focus a moment on your education -

The things we could learn on this journey
Together.
Just because I am labelled teacher
Does not mean there isn't much
You can teach me too little girl.

The scowl on your face -
Your perfect determination
Tells me all I need to know -
Slowly, together we shall learn.

lonely is an artist
when he crafts his work,
lonely is an artist
when they need a muse,
lonely is an artist
when she basks in misery,
lonely is an artist
when lost in ones tragedy,
lonely is an artist
among their greatest work,
lonely is an artist
in their happiness,
lonely is an artist
when they craft their best.

When I was small and I got lost
You found me!
You smothered me in cuddles and
Warned me to never wander away again,
That I was your little darling and I was loved.

I've been lost for many years now
Wandering down lanes of darkness
Embraced in misery.
When will you come find me??
I've been screaming out for you -
Can't I still be your little darling
How can't you see how much I still need you?

I am Eve.
Your Eve,
like one, created from your very rib!

I am forever,
a piece of you.
Yet another body.

It is only customary then
that you _
from whom I am created
will be my demise.

Your serpent is there to temp me
and from it
a web cast of lies -

Dear lonely girl,

why is it that you choose to cry
about once again not having a valentine?

why does a stupid date
fueled by cheap chocolate
and ****** cards
make your very core ache?

you don't even really like flowers,
why receive a gift of something
that's overpriced and already dead?

having a valentine
would just be another broken half,
of a stalemate love.

you don't need no Romeo,
you'll both only end up dead.

it's just another day lonely girl,
another day for you to be happy
that once again, you get to live.

Love, Me
(lonely girl)

You are worse for my lungs
then the cigarettes I refuse to smoke.
Conflicted breathing.
Pounding heart.
Dizzy spells.
And love,
is art.

You are more beautiful
Than the dying lungs which gave you life,
That now are taking the very thing they gave you.

You are so much more than this disease
That with each aching breath is
Betraying the body you thought you knew so well.

We won't be angry with you
When you take your final sleep,
We will breathe a sigh, as you will be free from suffering.

You are more beautiful than that.

I have never asked you for anything –
Because you do not know how it is that I feel.
Or perhaps you do, but choose to deny –
Keeping the later silent, in fear that I’d cry.

You are the harshest man I have ever met,
Though oddly sweet and sadly kind –
I crave your harshness – I view it as foreplay –
Your words like daggers – pinch my soul –

They free the dreamer, causing her to grow –
I imagine things with you, that one should not.
I ponder upon a life, you feel you cannot give.
You say you do not love me so –

I ask you playfully to love me – you always tease
I know truthfully, my heart is in your sleeve.
I wear you like my precious winter-rose
Upon my breast – within my soul

A heart for a heart –
Harsh words threaded with sweet –
A love that was never meant to be,
Yet a lifetime of it.

You are a million miles away
so far beyond my reach
that my touch will never again
be greeted by your laughter,
or the glint of mischievous dirt-brown eyes.
And the echoing of my name
through the colours of your voice
will never again fill this empty space.

You are a million miles away,
next to me, not in outer space.

When left alone
Late at night
The voices of my mind
Being my only
Lonely plight –

I oft wonder
Do I love you?
Is it a feeling
Imbedded deep within
My soul?

Or a lust?
To be your bed maiden
Your late night
Lure?

Is there a “we”?
A heart spoken
Us?

Or is all this
Just a “madness”
Coated in my lust?

I have these words
etched onto the
left hand corner
of my heart.

The grá I have for you,
so full and bold -
A love so meaningful
it can never truly be
told.

Mise agus Tusa,
you and me,
just three little words
etched into my heart.

You held me so close
That I dared to think you were mine

"Mommy, there is a man in my closet,
And I don't like the way he stares
With eyes so cold and blue
Nothing but evil in his glare.

Mommy, he only likes to come out
So late into the night
That I can't be sure if this is a dream
Or an extension of real life!

Mommy, every time you go away
That's when this closet ghoul
Likes to come out and play -

He whispers secrets through the air
All things that I can't quite hear,
But I know the noise is there.

Mommy, there is a man in my closet,
And I can't help but be quite scared!"

Ghost of my mind
Takes all my time.

While others intertwine
I grapple with self.

I am seen as ghostly
because others never know
Whats really going on below.

So dear friends - persons
Keep in mind,
Whats in plain sight
Rarely really shows -

I feel everything
And nothing,


All at once,
And not at all.

I know that I know naught –
That there is infinity
Of that which I’ll never know –
Understand, cherish or learn.

That does not stop the longing –
The yearning of mine heart
To comprehend why you
Must be the harshest cruel –
Everything and nothing
to me.

I lavish in the night time,
The darkness my comfort-blanket
That wraps around my body
Suffocating life
'Til I cannot see.

The night-dark
Is my eternal muse,
A dusty shadow of lost hope
That hides shadows within itself
Oh sweet night, I envy thee
You hide all the colours my eyes could never see -
My soul and thee intertwined for eternity.

I wish you would get me a diamond ring already,
I know I am still young,
But we’ve been together for so many years
It’s been five already – that’s almost scary –
Well it would be scary if I could feel
You make sure I don’t though
You scream a darkened silence at me
And smother me with nothing.

I’m not saying a pretty diamond
Would salvage you, or make up for all
But I’m not a fool –
You and I
Are carved forever.

Not that I believe in forevers –
You made sure of that one
Right after you took all the FEELING.
I’m drowning in the nothing where you suppress me
I feel like Victorian bridal doll –
Entrapped, encased, suffocating
Watching in silence, in a dress that’s not mine
No one can hear me shouting

I can’t even see me anymore
The walls cave in
As I collapse on the floor.
Being awake shouldn’t take any effort
Or leave me with laboured breathing.

Can you just get me that diamond already?
At least then I’ll know we’re in something steady.
Not that I’d ever want to commit to you
But good days don’t come anymore
And I’d like to drown in screaming.

I fill myself with strange men
Bottle innards
And illegal blends.

On a one way system,
Labelled “self-destruct”
By the spectators and their lust.

Driven by my insanity –
Fuelled by lacking faith in humanity –
Caused by my depravation,
Isolation, and lack of conscious restoration.

That pitied stare cast from judging eyes
Sends chilled shivers down my breaking spine.

My will is breaking –
The “fight” others speak of
To “pull through”,
An obvious deficit in me.

Encouraged by insanity,
Or does she welcome it?
Have I cocooned my insanity – nurturing it?
Or have I always been so tumble-lost,
Void and weakly?

Self – Destructive or it destructing self?
Oh me and my, and our insanity.
Is it me at fault,
Or humanity?

Its tiring really,
the continual questioning
of why my nickname
has no reflection of my actual name.
I always come up with some sort of
half thought reckless excuse.

The real reason however?
That is the name my boyfriend
had me saved as on his phone,
so his friends would never know
it was me he was seeing.

Kind of pathetic really.

Cremate me -
and from my ashes
will come new life

I wonder if you ever
Wish for an apology?

You are the one who
Knows all about me.

You hear me whine
When I’m awake –
Catch my tears
When I am weak –
And hug the words
I mumble in my sleep.

All I have ever done
For you –
Rest upon you.

I met myself one evening,
It was a chance encounter –
Like the chilled meeting of
A ghost from your darker past.

I stayed awhile –
Staring at me – while I stared back.
Neither me knew which to say –
Each the others misery company.

After time the ghostly figure asked aloud
“What is wrong with you?”
All that mine self could reply –
“What is right with  us?”

Questions which neither can deny,
Answers naught can create.

your words
your thoughts
even your lies -