There is beauty within failure*
Is my life then a tale of a fair maiden
surrounded by a macabre beauty?


Then it is not the tragedy
written in my sins
on bloodstained paper
that I've been practicing


Or is the beauty in
learning from you failures?
'Cause then all these lessons have been lost on me

I feel everything
And nothing,


All at once,
And not at all.

You were cast as the superhero,
And I played the role of freak.

You saved the world
And one damsel -
Who like the stories always go
Stole your superhero heart.

Flocks of people
Worshiped you as if you
Were their saving Shepard.

I loved you in a different way,
I loved you when you were "human"
And hero only to me.

Your power didn't change you
But took you away from me.
Desperate to claw back
At a love that was never mine

I cast myself as villain
Evil and rotten to the core -
Yet I was no glamorous villain
I was villain alone and forgotten

Lost in the rotting ache of a broken whole
Desperate for my superheros attention -
Love - the purest drug
That maddens like no other.

I wish you would get me a diamond ring already,
I know I am still young,
But we’ve been together for so many years
It’s been five already – that’s almost scary –
Well it would be scary if I could feel
You make sure I don’t though
You scream a darkened silence at me
And smother me with nothing.

I’m not saying a pretty diamond
Would salvage you, or make up for all
But I’m not a fool –
You and I
Are carved forever.

Not that I believe in forevers –
You made sure of that one
Right after you took all the FEELING.
I’m drowning in the nothing where you suppress me
I feel like Victorian bridal doll –
Entrapped, encased, suffocating
Watching in silence, in a dress that’s not mine
No one can hear me shouting

I can’t even see me anymore
The walls cave in
As I collapse on the floor.
Being awake shouldn’t take any effort
Or leave me with laboured breathing.

Can you just get me that diamond already?
At least then I’ll know we’re in something steady.
Not that I’d ever want to commit to you
But good days don’t come anymore
And I’d like to drown in screaming.

To be concise, and clear
I trust no one.
You didn't break me -
You never will.

You can't win a war
In which I refused to fight.
I fight alone
In the dead of night.

You can't conquer love -
A love that is mine,
My battles of a differerent kind.

To be clear,
I trust no one,
I fight alone
My broken heart and I

lonely is an artist
when he crafts his work,
lonely is an artist
when they need a muse,
lonely is an artist
when she basks in misery,
lonely is an artist
when lost in ones tragedy,
lonely is an artist
among their greatest work,
lonely is an artist
in their happiness,
lonely is an artist
when they craft their best.

I am so obsessed with you,
I wanna smoke you right
down to the filter,
'til there's nothing left.

Not loving yourself
Because they always broke their promises.

You kept yours my darling.

Write me a love poem
and we will see who has the last laugh -

A kiss with a fist sweetheart
a lovers pun.

Our first date -
a bottle of cheap whiskey
and awkward glances.

The taste of it sweet upon my lips,
before I got to taste you.

Through drunken ramblings
and childlike giddiness
we learnt so much.

You were more intelligent than me,
I like that -
to be challenged.


I'm challenging enough,
I don't need the added intelligence.

And soon one cheap bottle of whiskey
became two.

It feels like the whole world is against me,
that it's entirety is wishing that I would fail.

Funny how the demonic actions of one,
could make me feel this way.

There is yours
and there is mine
there is no us
like in storybooks

I am young
and you are restless
I am reckless
and you are wise

To the outside
we might be combined
but there is yours
and there is mine

Our stalemate love
is a sour tragedy
bitter on our lips
and tongues

Because there is yours
and there is mine
and what we have
we can't combine

You are the restless soul
that has been aged
and I am the youth
that is your pastime

Stalemate love
for stalemate lives -

How can something so fair
be so -

I failed my mother – she failed me first.
All through childhood I held your hand as you wept –
You sighed and cried and denied a mothers love.

I was twelve when I sliced my first cut –
I weaved artistic patters all over my arm,
Each hack felt like a distorted piece of sympathy.

You have been cured for many years –
The disease was just passed, unquestioned to me.
You have never asked, or even glanced twice.

Last night I saw you crying –
Your friends’ daughter had cut – it was a tragic devastation.
Everyone was making plans, dinners, lunches, supportive hugs.
You went to help – to empathise like her mother never could.

I have never punished myself for attention,
It’s a sad and sick release from my insanity – for me.
You birthed me and gave me life, fed and clothed my pathetic body.

I know there is so much that I can never repay –
I know I failed to make you happy when I was young –
But why do you give this girl a mother’s love??
When all I have are forced hugs -

I sat at the table – engrossed in Poe, once again my friend had failed to show.
A young man sat at the table next to me – mumbling it was the only free seat
I smiled politely and returned to the words, which meant everything to me
Each word alone a magnificent beauty.
I noticed the man was watching me, so I turned my gaze to he.

Twelve hours later I lay on your floor, as you read me poems about the girl you love.
Each one of us became an addiction to the other, each the others ecstasy.
Each week I came and we spoke, laughed, watched vintage films, read words of beauty
And music – there was always music.
Sometimes new, mostly old – my favourite was yours.
Months passed before we met the others friends, we had been so obsessed with talking.
Your friends sweetened the deal – each a soul, so pure and real.
They invited us camping – I could hardly wait.

When I turned up the next day, you looked different – ached, with a look of painful desire etched onto your face.
You said the trip could not go ahead, but pleaded with me to spend the night at yours.
I looked up at you, with my bug-wide eyes, sharing my smile and nodded silently.
I placed on our favourite movie and resumed my position on the floor, while you lay on the bed.
The film ended and you called to me, your voice sad and pained.
“Why do you never sit close enough for me to touch you – are you afraid?”
You slid unto the floor and sat next to me, this poem you spoke was different to all the ones before.
Nervously I bit my lip and sighed inwardly – that one, was written for me.
You pulled me closer to you and kissed me in a way that had never been done before –
It was soft, sweet yet hungry and full of desire. I turned away.
“I thought we were friends,” I whispered while nervously biting my lip.

You held my gaze until I understood, this time, I was kissing you.
You made love to me for the first time that night –
And every morning and night for a year after that.
You had warned me that first night that I would grow bored of you – I denied it.
Now I see, you grew bored of me – my love flowered as your apathy grew.

It’s been some months now since you uttered words of love for me
For a while we remained those friends who spent hours talking and listening – bonding.
We could hear the clock ticking – we could only pretend for so long that everything had not been destroyed.
That addiction, that time-warp-friendship, all that talking.
“I thought we were friends” was the last thing I whispered to you
I never wanted our love, it was your doing –
Now I am the one who holds the burden of  our love, in my heart and soul

You look straight past me -
I knew we should have gone camping.

No one's youer than you,
Or me-er than me

So lets be the us-iest us,
That we can be.

After that, just let it be.

From the time
Which I understood my thoughts,
I knew I was destined to be
Apart.

Never was I meant to be –
One of them.
Chilling in someone else’s plan,
With a white picket fence.

I was going to be something,
Small or great –
Just anything that wasn’t
That.

Now I sit here
Still young and ambitious,
Yet ever more ridiculous.
The only difference between
Me and them,
Is I’m doing it without a man.

Take me home
Where I belong,
Dancing in the rain
Reunited once more with you again.

Take me home
I am ready to fall
I've run so far away,
But there are memories you cannot outrun.

Take me home,
With you is where I belong.

I met myself one evening,
It was a chance encounter –
Like the chilled meeting of
A ghost from your darker past.

I stayed awhile –
Staring at me – while I stared back.
Neither me knew which to say –
Each the others misery company.

After time the ghostly figure asked aloud
“What is wrong with you?”
All that mine self could reply –
“What is right with  us?”

Questions which neither can deny,
Answers naught can create.

When left alone
Late at night
The voices of my mind
Being my only
Lonely plight –

I oft wonder
Do I love you?
Is it a feeling
Imbedded deep within
My soul?

Or a lust?
To be your bed maiden
Your late night
Lure?

Is there a “we”?
A heart spoken
Us?

Or is all this
Just a “madness”
Coated in my lust?

****** her out
onto the rough dirt,
the chapped earth
will soak her soul

Her being left to erode.
Corrupted by a town
that never understood
her story.

Misunderstood and perfect
yet rejected and alone.
A soul in custody -
bound by them

I watch a moment more -
the hands they turn, and rise.
I know not - what to expect
With each exhaling breath.

The hands, again they move -
not together, but with each other.
A syncronised harmony -
both moving, changing blissfully.

I'd look away, but I daren't not
I stare amazed, awaiting -
trying to catch or freeze I know not -
The tick-tock of that enormous clock.

She was beautiful,
like they are on paper
on the brush strokes of a
preserved oil painting.
A portrait only tweaked
To portray her sweetest
hidden beauty.

The colouring of a soul -
Colouring the world
with nothing more than her
Fingertips.

In my family
If your lungs don't **** you,
Your heart will.

My lungs don't work
To full capacity,
And my breathings heavey.

But my heart is clenched
Within a fist, crushed and twisted,
Only getting every other hit.

My lungs can't breathe,
And my hearts been abused -
Question is which will **** me first?

today is your fifth birthday -
only nobody in the world knows this but me.

the 20th of November -
the death of all your unlived dreams.

happy birthday my little one,
may you rest in peace.

So I brushed my hair
Twice!
With a fine tooth comb,
Until my hair flowed
Like silken water
And soft to the touch.

I scrubbed at my face
As if that soap and water
Would wash away
All my blemishes and past mistakes.

And when I was ready
I thumbed the blue dress
That look as though
It was for an adult dressed as a child.

"Blue like the ocean, blue like your eyes"

Im standing in the hallway,
Like a statue-perfect girl
With the eyes of my ancestors
Peering from the walls.
I held my breath
Like the breaths captured in all those peering eyes.

Today I would look perfect,
Like your darling little girl.
I know I am grown now
But on my birthday, I still hope you'll return.

I want to embed our names in the sand
So the crystal-sweet ocean can take them away


Lost at sea - Lost at heart

Love-poems of generations
recited through the sweet nothings
which are truly somethings.
Wedding vows, declarations
and wasted pitches.
Love and romance
encompass the orbit
that is my secret world.
Love swirls through the air
like autumn-leaves.
Colours reflect those of the
dead-flowers gifts.
The world a giggling
giddy, teenage romance.
Like in novels and epic tales.

My love story is a little different.
You stray away,
marginalizing yourself,
from me and all this feeling.
I wont shatter if you touch me,
or slip away -
back to nothing.

The walls came tumbling down,
as if a wrecking ball
had broken up that brick and mortar
displacing it, from its position.

Really the crack formulated
several years ago,
and in honest truth
was no bigger than hair.

Ah, but this crack was placed
within the foundation,
and as you walked away
so did its disposition.

This ones for you - not me
I wish I could teach you about the bee -
Drunk on nectar, dreams of sweet honey.

Do you dream of me I ponder?
I dream of you when grey -
by you, I hope I'll still lay.

Both of us caring for our honeybee
Adoring sweet honey - oh love!
Love of money - honey honey bee!

Dreams come true - or else you loose -
Lost - I lost you - and all that honey -
Honey - honey was a wasp!

I have never asked you for anything –
Because you do not know how it is that I feel.
Or perhaps you do, but choose to deny –
Keeping the later silent, in fear that I’d cry.

You are the harshest man I have ever met,
Though oddly sweet and sadly kind –
I crave your harshness – I view it as foreplay –
Your words like daggers – pinch my soul –

They free the dreamer, causing her to grow –
I imagine things with you, that one should not.
I ponder upon a life, you feel you cannot give.
You say you do not love me so –

I ask you playfully to love me – you always tease
I know truthfully, my heart is in your sleeve.
I wear you like my precious winter-rose
Upon my breast – within my soul

A heart for a heart –
Harsh words threaded with sweet –
A love that was never meant to be,
Yet a lifetime of it.

“No mother I don’t want to go out to play!
I want to stay here, locked away!
I don’t want to play with the others outside,
In here is my kingdom, all I need is my mind!”

I'm lying here, yet again
Wide awake, at 6am.

This is our little ritual,
Our native dance -  

Oh, the change that has come to our ritual -
While you fumbled for missing words from forgotten conversations

I listen to the light snores of our husband to be -
And as I smile with my 6am waking,
I know that you are somewhere in the past aching -

" I do not fear the night time,
no, my fear is much beyond that,
I fear the darkness within my soul -
the unrecognisable face in the mirror. "

I’d never thought of seeing you again
My mind too crammed to believe
In such distasteful possibilities.

Yet there you stood
In all your pathetic glory –
Imitating the successful knight
Of children’s stories.

They crowded around you
Smiles, laughter and love.
I stared on in disbelief and disgust.

My foolish innocence never void
I thought a sight of me
May change your mind –
Or display a shred of humanity.

The unhesitant look you gave me
Will forever haunt my twisted soul.

I know what you did.
How could you continue to live like this?

Every time we go a little longer between seeing each other,
Or you take your time replying
My heart skips a little faster
And I begin to panic.
I worry that you've copped on
To realising that I am merely a fraud -
I seem lovable at the start,
But by the time I'm falling for you,
Really falling,
You've realised I'm not that lovable at all.

I'm all scars, faded wounds that still burn deeply and lost amongst my insecurities.

I can't remember the last time I wrote,
because I have nothing to write about,
no words seem enough, and my thoughts are too little.

My words dried up, as you went away
at first I wrote of how I loved you,
and later of how I hated you,
then of the emptiness I had inside
consuming me, like a beast from a children's story.

Now I only have a few short words that I have to say,
I really really miss you, and I find it strange.

Once, when I was too lost being me
Being foolish and falling into the allures of youths stupidity
You stood there, always looking out for me,
waiting for me to mature, complete my phase of idioticy.

That day never came, I know you call me a ***** when I’m not near –
I know there is a deep and permanent scar of me on you – in you,
I would be sorry that I’m not what you wanted me to be –
honestly that apologies a little empty, void of empathy

I am sick to death of the blame falling on me – the user-***** and heartless soul-sucker
You were waiting for someone you created in your mind – I have always been me.
I have a love for you deep inside, of course of a different kind

It’s not my fault you can’t see that you are in love with an idea of a woman
One that’s never been real ,only aspects of her are reflected in me
I’m playing out my youthful stupidity now – because I never had a chance before
I told you from the start to let it go, why you won’t, I don’t ******* know.