It's not that I wasn't happy before
I was but I didn't understand happiness
Now that it's gone I feel like an endless pit
Something someone would choke on
Poison to all that feel my presence.

Nothing to do but continue to die
Life without the sun isn't all that bad
I just don't have anywhere to hang my head
Feel endless in their warmth and hands
Losing strength losing myself on my path

My lovers friend passed away
She feels him with her
The love he still has intwined
Laying on his grave singing
---
There was a ghost in my rear view mirror
Standing looking at me when I looked back
No one.  A blue shirt and dark skin gone
Still there in my memory as I looked for him

I love you as if i never breathed until i loved you. I love you as if the sun reflecting off the moon was only the light of our love. I love you as the waves wash onto the beach and the tides shift with each kiss.  I love the music i hear when i think of you or the music we make when we touch. I love you for eternity and beyond that because my love for you is not governed by any law of nature. You are my lovely one and only love.

Acting as if me
Carefull not to
Sound the same

Favorite face
Same as mine
Differnt place


Same emotions
Differnt skulls
Heart strings

Eyes as blue as oceans still
With the fire always intwined

Pure as angels wings
Flutter slowly as breeze
Bitter sweet cacophonies

Finally happy as you leave
Shivers, tingles, part of me
Let you go, living free

Here i am in the field
My lonely breath visible
Not waiting, but living.
Without you hearing
Yet always listening
As you have taught me.
I will always be smiling
In your mind, find me
Smiling, writing love to you.
If you hear me whispering
Throughout the wind that we are
Know that i am only singing to you.
I am only home with you, without
I am only wandering the storm.

i told you it happened again

no response


take it to the back
punch them in the face
knives begin to show
and now you dont know

what is this inside
what is this pure metal feeling

on the fence, but this is the risk worth death then

it stings
it feels its way
in

forcing,
im sorry
forcing
im sorry for this
forcing

im not sorry for wanting
but im so sorry for needing

I never meant to hurt you
Didnt ever want to be the one
Some dreamers are innocent like you
Strategy their favorite , heart blind
Never wanted to be your beast
I dont want to only see you sometimes
I'll never be able to not let you chose
It isn't even up to me as a choice
Fate comes down in acid rain drops
This statue fades away every time
No reason to save face

Sometimes i feel the world will never hear you
the way you keep all your love to yourself
you think you give it away, really just afraid to fall
your words speak like light to my darkness
illuminating me even for a second
i know that we would both be happier
if you just would write a little better

World of weight in balance
Things you never see -  blind
Effects of smiles thrown overboard
In this together, how are you so alone?
Getting away with pride- false pride
Putting yourself down, dead weight
Running away from your dreams

people can accidentally send you pictures
with the love of your life,  living without you
and not think anything of it- what a miracle

Pain and payment saturate me
Beyond the better disbelief of this
Leave my body on the pavement

Pray this degradations done separating
Whispers heard through closed doors
Leave me in a blatant panic attack, panting

Your head on my chest, i think of us
Keeps me warm so wont you write soon?
all i asked of the guardian angels

She said you will be a much better author than I, I smiled and said
I know you will be fine

I didnt want to see her like that
After she taught me to live
They probably played her favorite music
I probably would have cried
Its too late to hug her goodbye
But i say it almost every day
Ive already said it once
And sang with some angels
I wasn't there at the funeral
But i will always be there

I keep making plans to disappear
Sometimes they become a part of me
Something that i might not understand
Why do i want to become that man-?
Forced with decisions second hand
Of course what it takes to go to France
Release a virus , or impeach the hands.
What it would take to be that be that and
Not be the same person that i always am
Wake up one day to me gone  and sigh
****

Those days are gone
With the dark wind
Clouds larger than sky
Those dreams are here

Tolerant to the cold
Doing this by choice
All to be forgotten
For ever more forever

Bathing in love/ your idea of it
Focused ******* that steady change
Just my size of box - a stepping point
Floating off from the rocks , open cove
There was always- something , cope.
/Paint me a picture/under fresh pine
way under the woody black faded from this green of desolate trees
Ship rock down the shore forgotten
Your plot of wood and cliff / faded from view as every day is now
Our newpine friend jutting out of rock / fifty meters from the seahouse
Something maybe in your tone- bubbles of soap- darkly the ocean
Salt water kisses and something about conquering fear or dread
One of the consequent
Black and white swirls
Has me laying around
All these messages left
Im on my way out
Afraid of burning bridges
And open water

He said normal things wernt working
What makes those other colors perfect
Work with me/dont try and force it
I am a brakeless vehicle slowing/
coasting

Open up the windows let the ocean in
Rain falls from such great heights
You fell from the bed , into the light
Do they even consider you still alive
The morhpine , is it working ?

nothing to this but the cycle
So what if there's a new season ,
time dont mean a thing

Based upon an old self /
you are a shiver and a coma
And im just settling

Starting to think we really were made
For this day and age - these lights
Your scarlet face / the waves

Un legible.   Notes scribbled in pain
Ment for somebody to never read
Lessons unlearned leaving bare skin
Naked like flesh canvas

Life is so precious, short ,
Full of surprises.  
I have so many questions , a boy
Smoking away his message.
Looking through the dirt, the dust ,
The past revealing itself.
Breathe it all in, fog ,
Thicker than Chardonnay.
Learn another lesson, heartbreak
Try and leave the monotony

What is promised for tomorrow
Today ?

Light
Color yourself indigo
Go on i dare you too
Sad but laughing buckets
Cleaning the floor with light

Oxy clean you are something
Modern poetic verbal stumbling
Left only to throw ***** shirts
Into the closet - hurt my feelings

See right through you

All through my head
Whilst i writh in bed
I was more comfortable
Back when
We would start fires
Lay in lie
Smoke forts misfortune
Charred torched remains

As i sit here in this downpour
My instinct to be silent
Bathe in that silence
Its ironic pleating
a million single drops of rain
Falling from heaven
Picking up fury as if it heard me
I can feel it get closer as if it could tear holes through this balcony ceiling
And wet me down to my bones
Like our skin does with its blood
In the rose of our perfect union
Louder and loudest untill it is a wall
Will us painting it black waves
With pinpricks of searing rain
Piercing our skin untill it bleeds out
Freedom, while freedom is from Hades
Our pin drops distancing untill the breeze muffles the sound of the storm
Slipping off the leaves , echoing whistling through Holes, like bullets torn through our flesh, rain drops
The wind playing the song that whispers us together

Fell in love with a caterpillar
Learned to let go of a butterfly

Willow body when she sleeps
Eats and reads Dastardly Seeds
Branbury Bush billiards and beer
Office chairs with thinning venire
Vacancy sign flickering         Lost
Shadows passport pictures unknown
Untitled vagabond day dreams
A home away from a revolver weighing down your coat

Waiting dormant mr mud toad
Vacant house with eviction notice
Bradly bound up rail bonds/ gold fillings just before his wits got to him

I know i wont be seeing you anymore

Will you think its weird that im in a graveyard
Find it strange i barely stayed for
School and missed opportunities
The worst thing is there's nothing
new to me
Third eye visible ghosts bugging
Now sleeping in my barely living room
Clocks slowly start to running
**** the things he thinks are funny
I should start hurling soon
Believe me i will bump into you  
In the company of tombs
Where a wren sat before flight

Let me eat your heart out

I can truly say you were the best
That ever happened to me

It seems as if i was the most unhealthy
Thing for you

Sometimes things change
Not often, but when they do
I hope you find me smiling
Bottle in my hand or not
Because its funny or its ***
Heaven is big enough

Its times like these
I want to cut along my stomach
down the middle
take my guilty hands  
tear out everything
And bleed  untill i
Pull out my spleen
Just say hey this never meant anything to you.

As the blood runs red , lips stained
Empty mirrors / like bad dreams

Flesh light rooms
Come again soon
Force me thoughts
Of beije and maroon
Often is as often looms
On every street corner
Soft while playing
coffin blues

Is this principle ? This palace ?
Progress seeking an empty room
Solace sounds like splinters - alone
Piercing the skin/ the ears/ examples
Forgiven in a girl of blood that is not
Belonging, validated, uncarven and noteing calories
You arnt who you had planned to be
Why cant i stop loving an idea
Now , for once , wont you call me
My own name, she wont be sad to see
Us die. A useless thing or a commodity
Im only as good as i try
Release , fiends onto me
Im used to it- ravaged ***** humans
Believe / believe in ....
Badly bruisen humans
Believe me / believe in
Broken burning buildings
Believe me / its worth it
We are flowers among the ruins

dew drops and sprinkler smells
flood my streets- naked in the middle
song birds hover around your halo

faking cries of distant land of Aberdeen
come as you are, hero wrapped in cellophane
does Satan love me being an alcoholic ?

Or temptress
Ascend this
Obsession
Not alone
Stressing
A blessing
Guessing
Head strings
Lessons
Dont mention
Etching

Here you go again ,  kissing my face
holding me in your hands, closer
we've been here a million times,
yet we just barely met in this life
tho your laugh rings through me
all i can think about is how perfect
your kisses go with this song,
and that one. albums lying by the bed
when the rain washes me clean
youre there, shaking in our thunder
quivering, my body, holding you

The sun will come out tomorrow
Bizzaro //A real hard act to follow
they pour like liquid valentines
Villains
Some get lost going home
Most get moist-in a moan
Document the sweetness
Sorrow - gets set on fire
Ember- doused; a funeral
Empire. Reeds on the bank
A foggy morning riverside

Promenade in the rain
Reminding my ears
We are still alive

Money worth stomaching
Boxes folding stacking
Plain clothed cops and
Cars worth hijacking
Annoy me and all they do is pass me
Like i am in a James Hugh's movie

With grin
       Plastered
Against walls
Sorry
if i
fall

She fell as a raindrop
Unnoticed
    Unscathed , cushioned by the pavement

I couldn't understand
But once again,
Something i have been feeling
Even as it is -- a feeling
Is making me begin to eat in
Myself making a meal
In my dreams


As i still make the deals
Yet she rights the wrong

Together
Laughter / inception
An Amazing twist


heads over heels
having climbed
Only slightly

More dangerous trees

Here is the edge of silence
Sick of time like leaves in the
Blowing away - a people person
Forgiven for follies fickle as ****
Falling frozen in the farewell flame
"*******" she says

We tried to wash away the stains
With rain, but something went wrong
They took us away today , again
With praise, they said it was all wrong
The children can not be saved
But pray- that everything is all good
They say , but nothing is as flawed
Our plans- Made- for the summer.
He stayed there on the interstate
In blood, he is a name on his grave
They can not wash away - like memory
In vain, they try, the rain
The rain

Everyone trying to explain
                I try but can i afford to?
                  Leaving for good , in ink


Wait a minute
Is this even legal?
Money baths
Coke plates
Romance
From royalties?
Surroundings
Heroes , ******
Introscopics
All the same
Saying-*******
I love you.


                         I know what it lookslike
                       Cliches and cheap flowers
                       Conversations gone cold
                        Some of you haven't met
                         I just wanted something
                      That was meant to happen
          Everything pure gets ****** in
The end

Text messages of accusation
Lies spread across dinner tables
Conversations with my mother
None of which are really you
The way you are here smiling
My couch , reminiscing of old
I ask you remember the time
We slept at my mothers house
And the way you responded
That slight coy nod "I do"
I knew you were a dream
I meant my mothers old house
The one you never slept at
you smiled and shook your head
And I told you, "now I know
Im talking to a ghost"
Oh how you were smiling
While you soft and slowly
Faded out , into darkness
Leaving behind any reality
I choke up , couldn't help but run
Upstairs , blind with arms catching me
Out of this dream. Away from you
How you haunt my dreams
And oh how I can tell its not you

Under a bold lettering of pinholes
  A night time sky cast in early essence
Lay - infog.the remains of a broken bell
  Hidden in a lost hum of silence,
   The first cries- a grebe or grieve..
For the time to rest our eyes is over
The blue starts to show again, slowly
Whats waiting in an envelope,
Fortune cookie type numbers odometer
Coffee
Our radio kicking back into itself
Folk take buses , trains, automobiles
Some walk- others sleep
And i . Breathe
And cough
Put my shoes back on
Come to a stop to-
Wait in line for a cigar
Go home and climb sore, not soar
Aching- into the only bed i long for
My dreams