She woke up to the melodic sound of spring, bright sunshine and cool ocean breeze, yawning after a carefree rest, Palladah stretched her petite body and smiled.

Today was her 17th birthday and a great day awaited.

Looking at the digital clock on the wall, she quickly got out of bed and literally jumped into the shower almost tripping in half undress.
Joy contained in song, she cleaned and dressed, a quick ding! marked the readiness of breakfast, toast and grape jam, remembering the diet of no ham.
She fixed her strawberry blonde hair into a ponytail, Friday's style, variety was important.

Her thoughts drifted to yearning as she remember that cute boy from biology class and hoped he would attend tonight's feast.
His smile made her heart skip, to share the happiness within, along her closest friends with music and cake.

And as time hurried her to move around and get ready, she gazed deeply into her full body mirror and stepped through.

By fate or coincidence,
pride and greed around the table,
faith has gone away.

Chasing the ghost of you,
shadowing the memories we grew,
time will only tear us apart.

What has happened to me?
Loneliness is just a mad scream.
Writing just to be free,
from this long and empty dream.

Where is the light that I pleaded for?

I shouldnt cry for yesterday,
there lies my hidden world
that somehow,
I managed to survive.

Windows show a bright sky ahead,
past dark clouds and broken clocks,
there it lies, the ordinary world,
that other people live by.

And as I try to make my way
in this new scary world,
somehow, I know,
everything will be purified.

Here comes that time again,
the time to feel so ashamed.

Again and again.

This feeling takes no change,
but why does it stay the same?

That fraud, feigned smile
tries to win me again in vain.

Mistakes have been made
and I just feel so drained.

Stop linking your lies in an endless chain,
wanting to confuse what is in my brain.

Drop all this false pretense,
dont you know its a weak defense?

You know I dont like to blame
but I just wish I could say the same.

I am not a pawn in your stupid game
or some dumb pet for you to tame.

Oooooh..

... I ... have ...

Nothing to give.
Everything to take.

No time to live.
only this heart to break.

I wish I could just run away,
learn how to stop being the prey..
But I live in this world, full of grey,
with these feelings made of clay.

I feel so ashamed.

Again and again.

Ooooooh...

How I wish I could be strong again,
Cut these chains of lies and feel again.

Destroy those that keep me insane
and control me in this delusional rain.

I want to cure myself and stop the pain.
Just forget you so I can change again.

so I can finally stop being ashamed...

Again.

Aside the step which sounds hollow..
Bringing the solitude that as a shadow follows,
stranded in deep thought with pain and focus,
in this spot, another self has been brought.

Forming amidst the dark recess of a suicidal mind,
Desperation and longing for an end, combined.
Ego finds death and rebirth in kind.
A hellish pact has been signed.

Letting go of the remainder of a failing life..
An unholy dark tool, a carving knife.
Motivation and purpose sparks from this new strife.
Who else can think of a more satisfying rise?

Waking up on the hospital bed,
everything seems so shallow.
Only the new being in my stead
understands what lies ahead.

Blue skies in its eyes..
Free from the lies..
It has won it's prize.

Pondering my soul over old sores,
hours pass by like an illusion.
Travelling through a dozen doors,
lost inside a hazy confusion.

Seeking an acceptable solution,
for heart's ache to subside,
turning empathy into a revolution
of jointed words with rhyme applied.

Defining decisive and hasty action,
a plan created from simple abstraction,
to create an appealing attraction,
a world created in tantalizing fiction,
that will surely lead to our satisfaction.

Weaving words, a spider dances.
Hands construct life's imagination,
wisdom's truth buried within lines,
a dreamer's philosophy in annotation.

Time passes by, the work is finished.
a mind cage, emotions trapped inside,
a blissful peace that pride can provide,
my dark emotions have now diminished.

Experienced pain, a mind fraught,
stranded below this lake of thought,
within a prism, shining with resentment,
made out of fear and disappointment..
The glass cracks with new contentment.

A lettered legacy was conceived here.
Pride in the forefront of work well done.
Even though, my words, in time might disappear,
I hope they were enough for inspiration to be born.

The colors fade away in a crashing blue.
a light through the sea of deep ocean lace.
this quartet of feelings my moon never knew,
filled with the emptiness of a timely pace.

I am the hollow bottle waiting for warmth to fill my grace.

Let your breeze wash over me, make my feelings anew.
Searching for a togetherness, the tether I want to find.
My wish of runaway sunlight, the love of you always grew.
This goal to feed the impossible with a hope in kind.

I want all these feelings back deep inside my heart.

Reaching out to the galaxies beyond your clouds,
feeling for a tomorrow bound in leaves bloomed to grey,
warm smiles that fight our dispelling shrouds,
sliding below your walls, your heart I shall sway.

I am the falling heart, searching for meaning at the end.

wishing for smiles to twinkle against starry skies.
Calling out into the light, a love I cannot hide.
Lost in the deeper side of your enchanting sapphire eyes.
Even against a hundred bullet holes, these feelings cannot die.

Fearing my words lost together in a colliding sharp.
I find it so hard to hold back what you have made me.

Against these feelings..

All for these feelings..

Thank you for these..
feelings..

You are the light,
guiding me to the better side.

A maze stood upon high ground emerald plains
made of fire, stones and grey haze.

A dark rabbit jumped in between,
searching for food, something green.

Whoever wanted to follow this rabbit black,
should be prepared to never come back.

For he leads to a merciless place,
a gaping wound in the earth,
a space that God misplaced.

Once and again, the confusion would be the wanderer's bane
into the dark sabbath of the eleventh's hour evil plane.

Together they sown
into the ruby glen
of soul's deep beyond
inside one's own.

Whatever they did, it was all in twain
in the midst of those shadow lanes
struggled they did in vain.

The fake blank faces all grew in disdain,
frowning ever so slightly upon the evil king's reign.

In the dark, in the nothingness, they got lost.
Forever forgotten in what they loved the most.

You talk to me..
with the language of my dreams.

Of promised joy
and a solid decoy.

With the cries of night creatures,
that I dimly understand.
I think of the fine features,
that in our life, I have planned.

and then I realize..
its all just a plain mirage.
A life full of false pieces,
a hopeful montage.

Your binary words,
glow in my darkness.

Your 'darling' hangs in the air..
and my head just forgets.

Making chemicals run in my blood, just by looking..
you freeze my sound, take my free will and throw it away..

And I feel your cold warmth,
as the icy sparks fly upwards
from the burning of all my wishes
with a simple blank line..

This shared story of ours
just sang its last verse.
In these last agonizing hours,
saw our love explode in reverse.

Rejected once again,
despair's endless chain.
Fate's allowed continuance,
illusion's promiscuous influence.

Kind time unwinds.
Memories separating.
Bright skies, clouding
Our happiness fading.

In the deepest recesses of my heart, I know,
I wont be able to escape from what follows.
The idea of a happy ending, so far, so hollow,
emptiness is what remains, misery's flow.

Barbed wires around my heart
both keep it safe and forsaken.
reality's trap, it was so smart,
experienced infatuation, so mistaken.

Amidst the rainbow storm inside my soul,
inner bright cacophony that just wont stop.
Destruction of self, my next goal.
one final harvest from hatred's crop.

Let the tar clouds from black skies
rain down on your people parade.
Let the endless sealess cries
remind you of my trust betrayed.

Dreams undo apart.
Hopes rise only to fall.
Illusion, a mastering art.
Delusion, the world in all.

A promising red moon over my head
tells me the story of what lies ahead.
Someone deserving your ill intent,
prays for resolution in time spent.

Did you see me falling in your darkness?
will you ever stop being my enemy?
Should I wait in eternity,
enduring it's cruel harshness?

My heart feels quite numb,
amidst this emotional emergency.
If one thing I know with certainty;
Fairy tales aren't real, I was so dumb.

Embracing my unrelenting demons
my terrors remain unclaimed.
Cannot find a logical reason,
to live with the monster, unnamed.

Friends, collateral damage.
Enslaved to the fear within me.
I know we cannot be salvaged,
still, I search for that lost part of me.

The red moonlight stirs
through the trees, so clear.
Only one wish left,
to burn it with fire.
This unholy forest of desire.

Storms settle down over a sunset.
A secret in the night,
against my plight,
a blessing in disguise,
a guardian onset.

Summon eternal romance,
for we want to be in trance,
joined by the happenstance,
in this enchanting dance.

Our 'everlasting' love,
where did it go?

Don't despair
life ain't fair,
but its okay,
everyone knows.

Betrayal and lies..

The devil amidst us rises
concealed in various guises,
using her vile and clever deception,
destroying our love connection.

Desire and temptation.

A pitch and angry world taking its toll,
I feel anger and wrath, hope falling apart..

I can't feel..more..

Where is my soul?
Where is my heart?

Did she take it all?
Did she broke it all?

Putting on our social masks
we fall back to the normal tasks
of feeding on tragic memories
and our perpetual miseries.

Where's my life?
Where's the hope?

Brave songs on trembling swords,
panic with mere determined words,
its time for a royal dethrone,
my resolve as strong as stone.

Don't you dare despair,
although the fear is there,
my will is laid bare,
I will prevail.

Using her evil art,
I will reach my goal,
this will be my heart,
this will be my soul.

Gain it back,
take it back.

No matter what.

Transient nights of sleeping alone,
fingers tied in knots around my heart in wait.
it slowly drums to this hollow, lonely beat.
I know there is life and its all twisted inside.

Eternity prisms upon grey desolate plains,
a sound echoes across palpable heartstrings,
its music, enchanting in crescent domed skies,
my name on her lips, happiness in my eyes.

I see the mind of her world,
it sparkles and shines,
her light, beautiful, inside.

I wish I could come over,
make your walls break.
I want to get closer...
much closer..

Her elusive heart, a tower to climb,
her love for him, she cannot hide,
jealous wrath that beats in time,
and I feel nothing else inside..

Hope wrapped in coalescent knives,
it's searing pain, always burning,
corruption overtakes me, as it thrives,
scalding torment in my yearning.

I see the spire of her world,
it spirals and entwines,
it reaches the clouds and collides.

See my light fade,
watch it break...
as you two get closer,
much closer...

until darkness is all that remains..
corrupted and twisted inside..

Lets go fetch the rifle now,
there's something in the yard.

The moon is clear,
the dog is on guard,
the windows rattle.

It is coming from the trees.

Chain the fence,
bolt the door,
secure the homestead.
That thing will never leave.

The dark is scratching the walls but how?
The culling of the herd is now.

How did you curse this place?
Strange ghosts of family past is what we used to believe.

There are strange lights up in the night sky,
screams come up the wooden floor,
claws gnawing the inner door,
floating 3 feet above the ground,
the reaper, his prey, has found.

I lie down in my bed
shadows looming over my head
moonlight peers through the lonely window
the cold and the fear returning.

A wisp of darkness moves ever so slowly
my eye following the entrancing monochrome pattern
becoming something most unholy
terror hits my heart like the heaviest hammer
I scream to wake up again.

The shade smiles with a wicked grin
he waits, floating close to my face,
lingering for me..

Nightly, he comes to feast on my past sin
forgiveness is something I cannot see..

Icy grip holds my breath
as it begins our dance of death.
Gasping for tears, one thing holds true,
tomorrow night it will commence anew.

I had a dream when I was seven, it was there where I met me for the first time.

We were floating above the city, clouds moving under us as fast as cars on a highway, but I couldnt feel any wind, just a warm glow. Time flowed faster as the blue sky turned to starry black in seconds.

The other me stood floating in front of me as if I was looking at my own full body picture, but it looked so real. Words formed inside my mind.

"I am you, you are me, here we are. We the Lords of the One Word."

The word flashed through my mind and I understood.
Understood things far beyond my little childhood mind.

"We stand beyond time, beyond life, beyond meaning. Why did we choose this? Why can't we just be?"

I could feel our frustration, like remembering something we forgot and now emotions were trying to escape and run wild within me. But now, I had the tools and the knowledge of us.

I stared at me, looking at eyes full of pity, concern and sadness with a hint of anger.

"We must try, change is not static, we waited so long, its time to push."

My other me frowned and floated towards me, we touched foreheads and we merged. A last sentence lingered inside my head.

"A word is lonely, a lonely world is created by inaction, write this or forget."

Alone in the darkness
among the doors of confusion
the screams of the heartless
only heard by condemned in seclusion

In the duality mirrors,
life smiles at me in one hand,
death stares at me in the other.

To make everything clearer,
one question for each is planned,
although my enlightenment is for another.

The art of the desperate,
the seeking of our hearts pleasure.
Death, what is Life for the helpless?
for the the ones without leisure.

Life is War.
I hate War.
At the end,
there is never change.

Torn by half-truths,
I gaze at the other reflection.
Life, why cant I be happy with what I have?
always looking for perfection.

Life is Hope.
I love Hope.
At the end,
there is always more.

I said liars!
smashed the illusions
they vanished in blue fire
inside my soul in fusion.

Feeling down and rejected,
shackled by my own lies,
I want life as reflected
in the energy of my love's eyes.

Life is War.
Life is Hope.

A war won by hope,
the kind that has no scope,
but inside one self
between beginning and end.

Across these empty halls..
My forgotten heart,
screaming.

Inside these cursed walls..
Your name echoes,
decaying.

Under this blazing sun,
My lonely hate,
is burning.

A war raged between us,
engorged in distrust.

Our little piece of heaven
quickly turned to dust.

That fateful moment,
so long overdue,
stolen.

With lies spoken,
I became frozen,
broken.

They eat away at me like a parasite.
I know they still remain inside of me.

(Manifesting)

Destroying my identity,
Like an malevolent entity.
It eclipses me physically,
I've lost all tranquility.

(Confining)

Anxiety never going away.
In fear, forever thinking.
Closed doors to empty rooms,
memories are what remains.

(Dissolving)

What is wrong with me?
Why do I revel in suffering?
I try to push the crushing pain away,
but it returns at the end of the day.

(I just want to escape myself)

Nothing's changing.
My hope, sinking.
My story, erasing.
My love, paling.

(I feel I'm fading away..)

My misery unfolding,
the sickness, growing,
the wound, festering,
my strength, collapsing.

It's time to erase the last of me.
Left alone, stranded deep within,
in the mirror, a happier twin.
It's time to face the wrath of me.

(Confronting)

Feeling like being in stasis.
Maybe in a full metamorphosis.
Don't let me go of me.
until I escape myself.

At the edge of tomorrow,
we can see the end of an empire.
Past the line of the gunfire..
all that's left is deep sorrow.

All creation ends in destruction.
Becoming dust after the hellfire,
after avarice's greedy seduction.
Burned in a cruel selfish desire,
following a small mind's instruction.

In the death of a lifetime,
the system begins to unfold.
Shifting humanity's lifeline,
war begins to be retold.

Kingdoms rise and fall.
No beginning without an end.
Death triumphs over all.
Victor's history penned.

A crumbling nation of one.
We cant escape power's misfire.
Through society's expecting gun,
it's the end of our empire.

It started long before me.
I never saw it coming.

That distance.
The promise.
A state of isolation.

Inside my darkest nightmares,
those things still crawl inside me.

The answer.
Persistence.
The trait of stagnation.

Still I do my duty.
Rejection.
Deception.
The breaking.
Of heart and promise.

A hope is cast in darkness.
A ritual born of circles.
The sadness in madness.
Feels like I'm gone forever.

Sometimes I hear them coming.
Shadows that smile in torture.

It's over.
Come slower.
Protect me.
Forget me.

The hate I hate believing.
The date of fate is leaving.
It's now time for grieving.

I'm gone and back.. again.

Hoy me siento triste y despojado
me siento tan infeliz, tan desolado
no puedo creer que el destino me prohíba tenerte a mi lado.

Una tras otra, cada noche espero tu promesa
esperando a que me des una carta o un mensaje
pero en vano , por un momento contigo, mi alma reza
sin saber si en realidad tu piensas en mi,
sin saber si tu das el mas mínimo suspiro por mi ser o mi existencia.

Estoy solo, de nuevo, en esta noche de impotencia
preguntándole a mi corazón la razón de esta locura
que no me deja ni pensar ni vivir sin tu presencia.

Cada vez que me niegas tus amistosas palabras
siento como una daga mi pecho atraviesa
tan profundo y tan doloroso como unas tijeras
que cortan los lazos de mi amor hacia tu gentileza.

Las noche sin ti es un interminable tormento
sangra mi corazón herido y abierto
me siento tan solo sin ti, tan frió, tan muerto,
sin ti me quedo sin aliento
y con ganas de que este sea mi ultimo momento.

No puedo sacarte de mi pensamiento,
tan fuerte siento sobre ti que mi cuerpo sufre en silencio
por esa jugarreta del destino y mi intenso remordimiento
de no haber actuado antes y de haber perdido la oportunidad de ganar tu corazón y tu aprecio.

No sabes las ganas que tengo de oír tus palabras susurrarme en el oído,
aunque me llenes el alma con falsa esperanza
para que después esos sueños mueran en el olvido.

Tus recuerdos y tus fotos me lastiman el alma
al pensar que tus sonrisas yo no puedo experimentarlas
el dolor estará dentro de mi hasta el día en que tu te intereses en mi
o hasta el momento en que yo me olvide de ti..

En la ventana miro la cuidad muerta,
tan solitaria como mi alma que grita por tu cariño
pero tu solo le cierras la puerta
sin saber que lo único que quiero es cumplir mi destino.

He llevado mi sufrimiento a las calles de mi pensamiento
se ven como un paisaje desolado, tan frías y tan turbulentas,
al final de un callejón en mi mente veo como tu me huyes
y sufro al sentir como mis ojos se llenan de lagrimas sangrientas.

Tu silencio ha esculpido mi llanto
el viento frío que ha dejado mí aliento,
esta noche he querido llorarte,
pero solo he conseguido esperarte.

Tengo tantas ganas y deseos de llamarte
pero tengo tanto miedo de molestarte
y decirte que te quiero.

Si pudiera hacer que me entendieras
o que por un momento esta desesperación sintieras,
el sufrimiento que mi corazón experimenta
al sentir como el amor aumenta
pero la persona que se quiere ni siquiera lo enfrenta..

Tonto es el corazón,
que al saber que aunque no hay razón
sigue queriendo con tanta pasión
sin importar el dolor causado por el desamor.

Hello.

Again.

How long has it been?
since you took over my skin?
since you became my sin?
This sickness from within,
I'm sure you want my ending to begin.

Poison in my world,
a perfect place in hell,
inside a golden cell,
a story remains untold.

You want a special farewell
or something for my love to compel?
a destiny for your lies to quell
or a fate only God can foretell?

Do I have news for you..

I still remember how this path began.
A last broken vow, a final failed plan.
Invisibility your surprising shield
as you just concealed and disappeared.

Venom in your words,
a blight hidden inside,
corruption in your cards,
trust always denied.

Goodbye.

Again.

The sound that emptiness makes.
The wound that disparity wakes.

Restrained.

If only I could get some sleep,
drowning in drugs, oh so cheap,
trying to destroy that complex machine
the one that haunts my dreams,
the one that burns me by my seams,
and everything wedged in-between.

Ingrained.

In time, we all die inside.
When hope becomes a dried lie.
When torture fuels the guilt.
The house infatuation built.

It lies.

Contained.

It cries.

If I knew what it was, how it went,
I would be brave enough for faith's leap
and I could start to make a single dent,
in the ideas keeping me from my sleep.

Nightmare vision of eternal division.
A cruel decision upon painful excision.
A stone provision on tragic precision.

Inside!

It lies!
It cries!
It breeds!
In time....
It dies!

Tragic life brought forth from a darker tomorrow,
sad accidents in a world full of sorrow.

Luck magic balances  out the karmic equation,
nobody has enough for their sinful inflation.

Hope destroyed, time borrowed.
Hearts betrayed, souls followed.

Life escapes without hesitation
whenever one sees the next evil revelation.

Running away, wont save you from cruel fate
as long as someone out there cries your name in hate.

Finding you wont be a hard task
for someone who holds intellect's overflowing flask.

Tearing your chest side by side with revenge's might,
a pitiful scream will be the last thing heard in your room tonight.

When you speak, I hear only silence.
Every word formed on your lips, I devour
Every reason for your trust, a defiance.
Every second of your anger, feels like hours.

Sunlight comes swiftly flooding in,
behind the morning curtains of memories.
A lonely mirror reflects my past sin,
a monochrome world hidden deep within.

Scars reminds me of broken promises,
of aged smiles and earlier losses.
A cruel chasm between us,
made of assumption and mistrust.

Bleeding out of sheer circumstance,
stabbing pain, cant afford any feeling,
these old wounds, never healing.
Dream and fears, darkness concealing.

Mirror of self-loathing,
nihilistic temptation,
so enticing.

Save your heart,
until you can become one..
in the meantime.. run.

Count the cracks on our wall..

Feel the silence envelop us all..

And as the moon beings to rise,
you will see fire in my eyes.

I'll tear down the lies
before hate is arisen.

I'll sell my soul,
so everything can be forgiven.

So please come look at me,
at how I break myself for you.

I want to change and be free
so this single one can be two.

I'll build up the courage
so nothing can keep us apart.

I'll open the locked door
that leads to your heart.

I'll break down these walls
that make up my prison.

So go on, open up your eyes,
you'll know what you need to say.

It's a simple, meaningful word
that will never be forgotten.

The most wanted set of letters
that in my heart, I confess,
will never be overwritten.

The best word that is 'Yes'

The reluctant hero comes to join the fight
on this fright night of hidden light.

Whose upon these darkened hallways
of twisted realities and unwanted dreams,
he shall stand bright.

Real emotions swallowed by the dark ocean green
and as soon as it came, it is gone in the midst of yesteryear.

Nothing but a memory of a person
drowned in a lake of temptation.

Rapid breathing of a last gasp in the middle of a restless sigh.

Clinging to the hope that one more
will bring back the normality of one's selfless thought.

In his prison of fear, he rests with all he holds dear
waiting for you to remember him when the time draws near.

I don't think I'll able to make it..
I can no longer see the way..
The eventual storm is coming..
Dark sinister clouds opaquing the day..

You don't understand..
I just want to be free
of your ever changing actions,
your chaos in my reality.

I willingly give up my time,
to harvest our shared memories.
But you treat my passion as a crime,
my heart raided, just empty treasuries.

As our entwined lives break apart
burning into pretty embers,
falling into the darkness..
I just want you to remember..

Our twisted tree has empty branches,
what love remains, a lonely leaf.
Your fire turned me to ashes,
the void you left me, my new belief.

Invisible as my reality might sound,
the empty promises are just drowned,
noisy jealousy and anger all around,
in my heart, a piercing, devastating wound.

I have just forsaken my fainting joy,
inside all these pointless word transactions.
I can't see past your weak reactions
reflected through my love towards you.

I don't want to destroy life
but when everything I see is a lie,
Asking the clouded sky with a tired sigh:
where can my trust come from?

When my blood can be seen spilled on the ground,
the only thing I need is enough time to grieve.
After countless betrayals, I feel my hope is bound
and I want to pretend that I can still believe..
in me..

I just have to make it..
Will I be able to turn this around?
I feel like it's almost over now,
but also that there is still a long way to go.

I have changed, like you've changed.
In shadows and wrapped in lies.

This concrete heart, still estranged,
searches for stars in black skies.

I feel it deep, unbeating.
I've tried for it become alive.

Trying to stop the bleeding,
I've learned to cry,
I've learned to mourn,
for one day, this love to revive.

Your distant name, I can now hear.
In silence, without violence.
A fading smile that shows no fear.

The bright sun, embracing light.
Bringing hope, dispelling fright.
Letting old love come racing through.

Come starfire, wildfire..
Burn long enough to make pain stop.
I'm here but I can't apologize enough.

Now there's no more shadows, just further lies.
I still ask, who will come to rescue us?

Whoever arrives, I hope they take us to where we need to go.

Inside a synthetic fantasy,
running from love's fall,
experiencing artificial destiny
when my life came to a crawl.

True life outside self-prison walls,
I can feel my purpose originate,
just another illusion's thrall,
twin ideas self-replicate.

(Why cant I keep misery at bay?!)

A lone perpetual memory,
I was just not chosen.
Reliving ancient agony,
I'm so cold, forgotten.

All senses lie to me,
truth hides unspoken.
Delusions are all I see,
I feel my mind is broken.

(Why cant this go away?!)

Unlit candles melt away,
under a cruel dark sun.
Colors fade back to grey,
watching a sadistic rerun.

Inside a forgotten cage
my heart lies sprawled,
unwilling to re-engage,
to her, enthralled.

How can I hope to see a new day?
If my heart still lies frozen..

Hoy me siento triste y despojado
me siento tan infeliz, tan desolado
no puedo creer que el destino
me prohíba tenerte a mi lado.

Una tras otra, cada noche espero tu promesa
esperando a que me des una carta o un mensaje
pero en vano ...
por un momento contigo, mi alma reza
sin saber si en realidad tu piensas en mi,
sin saber si tu das el mas mínimo suspiro por mi ser o mi existencia.

Estoy solo, de nuevo, en esta noche de impotencia
preguntándole a mi corazón la razón de esta locura
que no me deja ni pensar ni vivir sin tu presencia.

Cada vez que me niegas tus amistosas palabras
siento como una daga mi pecho atraviesa
tan profundo y tan doloroso como unas tijeras
que cortan los lazos de mi amor hacia tu gentileza.

Las noche sin ti es un interminable tormento
sangra mi corazón herido y hambriento
me siento tan solo sin ti, tan frió, tan muerto,
sin ti me quedo sin aliento
y con ganas de que este sea mi ultimo momento.

No puedo sacarte de mi pensamiento,
tan fuerte siento sobre ti que mi cuerpo sufre en silencio
por esa jugarreta del destino y mi intenso remordimiento
de no haber actuado antes y de haber perdido la oportunidad de ganar tu corazón y tu aprecio.

No sabes las ganas que tengo de oír tus palabras susurrarme en el oído,
aunque me llenes el alma con falsa esperanza
para que después esos sueños mueran en el olvido.

Tus recuerdos y tus fotos me lastiman el alma
al pensar que tus sonrisas yo no puedo experimentarlas
el dolor estará dentro de mi hasta el día en que tu te intereses en mi
o hasta el momento en que yo me olvide de ti..

En la ventana miro la cuidad muerta,
tan solitaria como mi alma que grita por tu cariño
pero tu solo le cierras la puerta
sin saber que lo único que quiero es cumplir mi destino.

He llevado mi sufrimiento a las calles de mi pensamiento
se ven como un paisaje desolado, tan frías y tan turbulentas,
al final de un callejón en mi mente veo como tu me huyes
y sufro al sentir como mis ojos se llenan de lagrimas sangrientas.

Tu silencio ha esculpido mi llanto
el viento frío que ha dejado mí aliento,
esta noche he querido llorarte,
pero solo he conseguido esperarte.

Tengo tantas ganas y deseos de llamarte
pero tengo tanto miedo de molestarte
y decirte que te quiero.

Si pudiera hacer que me entendieras
o que por un momento esta desesperación sintieras,
el sufrimiento que mi corazón experimenta
al sentir como el amor aumenta
pero la persona que se quiere ni siquiera lo enfrenta..

Tonto es el corazón,
que al saber que aunque no hay razón
sigue queriendo con tanta pasión
sin importar el dolor causado por el desamor.

Falling sands, shifting emotions
rushing down life's hourglass
in one swift linear motion
as time makes it's trespass.

Grain by grain
throwing it all away,
smothering us all in pain,
making hope the prey..

Shifting sands, falling emotions.
Strength in my hand,
closing hearts on command.
Empty glass, fragile devotions.

Day by day,
waiting through time in vain,
riding sand to the fray,
battling hidden clouds of rain.

Wasting sands, eroding emotions,
rushing to where it all began.
Tumbling in slow motion,
seeing them falling,
sliding into the perfect plan.

Turn the hour around,
grain by grain,
day by day,
it starts all over again..

It was a black night devoid of safe light.
The moon, a faded thin circular thread in the starry sky..

Standing above a cruel garden, the girl awoke,
stirred into consciousness by the evil beyond.

'Wont you come back to us?' the flowers begged her once more
'It's not the place of the forgotten to lie here the night before'

She tried to regain the memories that quickly avoided her senses
as she sat up from that grim bed of flowers amid the blossoms' verses.

The cold made her skin shiver, freezing dread was something the night delivered.  A faint aroma of jasmine filled the air, the beautiful petals lingered around with a flair.

'Worry not, dear child of the sun, for in a moment's notice, all will end with the sound of a gun.'  

And as promised, the sound tore through the cruel black.
A bullet ended her mortal chamber, forever to rest deep within her body's crimson ember.

It was a child who discovered the remains,
lying besides the cold tracks of the rusty trains.

A playful time tainted by cruel reality,
as the little boy found the girl's finality.

Through shocking tears and gasping speech,
the son arrived at his parent's reach.

The police arrived soon thereafter,
to see the ****** scene as a tragic disaster.

Her fragile heart fiercely pierced by hot cold metal
which proved to be undoubtedly fatal.

Clues hidden within the blade of grass,
beneath the jasmine flowers and the remaining brass.

Welcome home, he said to me.
The voice once so far, now so near.
I wish he would stay far away from here.
The sound, the truth inside the fear.

A battle between myself and me.
It's so hopeless..
and naive..
to try and disappear.

Stop and step back,
open your eyes, look again.
It's a fade to black.
An end to the pain.

Nothing lies beyond,
as I lose control
and then I fall..
I know..
its the end.

So far and yet so near..
an inevitable fade away
an escape to this reality
which marks what is left of me.

I wish this voice would disappear.
Instead, two things he makes clear.
I am trapped inside an empty sphere,
and that it welcomes me to the end.

Dreaming new darkness descends upon this old space.
I drown in prayer inside this ancient place,
scratching the bowels of this hellish domain.

Stretching, unraveling the seasons
that continue to age these crazy reasons
etched deep within my inner self.

Blessed God of War,
grant me resolution on this cold night.
make willful light shine bright,
dispelling evil demons that hold my endless plight.

Cyclic story is about what we always do, go back and repeat, is what we humans are built to do.

History repeats yet evolves, a roundabout of ideas of selfishness and ill thoughts yet we always hope for the goodness within, the air between us always looking for the thread that is thin.

Invisible yet exists, the connection between blood, friends and lovers is what makes us go and try again.

Its the bond that binds, our hearts one and all, the most precious things that we seek to protect from evil all.

Night yields to love alone,
light shines on the room unknown.
Flirting eyes sets tonight's tone,
bodies start moving like they're not their own.

Dance by yourself when you see him there,
seductive imagination and rotation for her to bare.
Neo romance sparks their intuition,
Sprint a little faster and take your position.

Anxious smile meet her blue gaze,
teasing flowing whirling spinning prism.
Burning hands touch her fiery dance maze,
body language starts to decor the rainbow rhythm.

Stopping cold when the sound breaks the illusion,
a new embrace becomes their revolution.
Charmed lips close in as a kiss is born,
a new blissful love has been sworn!

"My heart feels really bright", she said
he smiled back as away with her, he led.
"Be my girl, this night", he said
as from the floor they swiftly fled.

Moonlight adorns the pretty weather,
magic scene of them holding hands like a tether.
Secrets give way to a fresh endevour
that will make them be together forever.

Uncertain moves.
Letting instinct choose,
being blind to certain horrors,
that which taint one's prideful honor.

Sister of blades, release my soul
free me of pain, a hundredfold...
take me away, from heart's cold.

Geisha of spades, take my hope,
so I might once again cope,
with the people I have lost,
and left behind..

Mistress of aid, light my mind.
Direction is what I ask,
to cease being blind,
and see past her deceitful mask.

Goddesses of truth, in you I trust.
Do what you must.
The future, I know, will be just.

I stared at the full moon, wanting to find the solution inside her silent stillness.
Coldness all around me showed me how far my heart sunk deep in regret and loneliness.

In this garden of stone, humanity loss grows ever darker when hope is lost in quiet reverie.

Shuffling inside the frigid memories of a past not of our own, history of self but connected.

These last feelings melt away in the thought of you always dreaming in the darkness.
Time has not forgotten us, it comes slowly, trickling behind insanity that slithers into life.

Perhaps an otherworldly unjust test to make us realize failure is as natural as the wind.
Eternal nights come closer into the dusk of a lifetime, smile, at least we tried.

The solitude of this ruined castle called fate stood upon these eternal black hills and as the melody of ages past sang into my heart I knew how fast time endured through mystery clouds.

Walls made of ideas crumbling away, rainbows burst through as humanity's greatest strength shone bright. Creativity with all its might showed the path to take, destruction and creative primeval powers of God made human.

Labyrinths within, unexplored and filled with curiosity, tones and tunes, similar but different, one more complete. Sounding through these maze corridors and your song my map.

A cyclone of torrential emotions synergize with this dark forest where trees outgrow the fire.
I have to become the beastmaster to acquire control. Loneliness will not defeat these old bones.
Reach out and touch, solitary confusion is just a part of the soul. Isolation an illusion.

shades beautifully linger at the end of the line

a grey strand of fate twirls in the vast blue sky sea, bereft of clouds plainly for all to see

an earthly flower comes forth from humble roots, blooming in late winter against common sense

slowly welcoming the thread, entwined by both gloom and faith, incredible feelings bursting forth

a silent dream wakes, unable to communicate the magic experienced by a heart's crumbling side

snowy figures gather to witness, trembling in both cold and fear.

the portal is about to open wide, as wide as the possibility every one of us has to bare

and in time, life slows down, minute by minute, second by second until the moment is frozen.

all to gaze into the cataract of precious images seen by he who dreams, the lord of the one word, the stigma of existence.

from the bloom, a distorted angel is born, a fueled descending, a fall never ending, a being made of prayers never answered

in closer ending, a breaking tendering, a death drum ends a static dream as sorrowful nails are driven into all men's hearts.

A stray homeless dog wanders this crumbling city.
It's heart held back by fear of failure.
Sniffing for survival, hungry and filthy.
Exiled by the pack, forever branded a traitor.

His bark echoes in these empty streets
the sound oblivious to unwilling ears.
All these shadows waiting for sin's release
living their life with cogless gears.

Resolution, broken.
Hope lost, unspoken.
I've let all of you down.
trying to keep my ego's crown.

I'm sorry.

Old sepia photos, nostalgia recalls.
Did I have to be sacrificed after all?
Life is now colors of orange and black.
Still, I wish to bring the rainbow back.

My own fragile little universe,
protecting it with loneliness.
Icy waterfalls in reverse,
preventing friendly caress.

Come and break it down for me.

These cold walls, high into endless sky.
A precise strike it's all it's gonna take.
Under desolation's weight, walls will break.
So we can finally see each other, eye to eye.

Finding solace in your caring arms,
hunger for hope in soulless eyes
feeling parched for penitence.
regret, my only sentence.

I only wanted to be a hero.

Teach me to care again,
my emotions have been wasted,
my smile is only painted,
my stone heart, my only gain.

Make me human again,
sweep me with your sympathy,
my demons, with your love, slain.
our purpose, realigned, in symmetry.

Come and break down with me

A river of pain will flow,
drowning in torrential tears,
as we review our existing fears,
safe from the scorn of our peers.

Let the despair wash through,
clearing the path in front of us,
let's walk this road, together,
A crossroad, to places ubiquitous.

----------------------------------- -
It's never too late to start being
that which we always could be.

Puertas cerradas y oportunidades escondidas.
Elecciones pasadas y consecuencias retorcidas.

En el vació entre corazones,
argumentos sin razones.

Lagrimas caen siguientes,
nunca son suficientes.

Entre comunicación fallida
malentendidos, la única salida.
Ofensa e ira, algo que nunca se olvida.

Dentro de esta fantasía, la crueldad se siente real.
A través de la travesía, el obstáculo se vuelven mental.

Atrás del reloj del tiempo naciente,
yace o se hace frente, pero nunca es suficiente.
Aquel amor pasado, el cual ya no esta presente.

Flotando sobre tumbas en niebla y nieve,
la esperanza se revienta pero nunca se atreve.

Nubes que opacan el cielo de la promesa,
ausentes como el corazón que nunca regresa.

El futuro carmesí, brilla como un rubí desolado
en medio del desierto del pensamiento cerrado.

No hay libertad del presente,
el momento siempre se siente.
cuando la esperanza se encuentre ausente.
al miedo hay que hacerle frente.

Sueña ahora con algo diferente.
Yo te deseo, mucha suerte.

You held out your friendly hand
to guide me through this land.

Your smile so natural.

It might not have another meaning.
But it thought me the value of my feelings.

For you.

Tiny feelings expanding,
passion is demanding,
for me to make a move..

Distance notwithstanding,
love with deeper meaning,
for romance to be approved.

All this time, I believed,
that my world was conceived
by what betrayal achieved.

Joyful eyes of sky blue,
a laugh that rings so true,
makes hope, renewed.

Won't you hold my hand,
to see what you have planned.
Together, horizons expand.

Even after the fading scent
of shared autumn nights fade away,
I'll cherish every moment spent
and with this, my feelings convey.

I will remember.

Every moment.

Everywhere.

Every day.

*******
If only
another chance to see you,
was real.

Angel caido con alas cortadas,
maltratada por hombres de dos caras,
viajando por la oscuridad,
buscando ayuda con dificultad.

En un bosque sucio y desolado,
escapando de tu pasado,
haciendo caso de ese extraño llamado
y esperando un diferente resultado.

Este profundo pantano,
forzandote la cansada mano,
tratando de sobrevivir en vano,
las mentiras del tipico villano.

y yo sé que tus alas cortadas
y tus miradas determinadas,
hacen de tu vuelo algo errado
pero tu escape, alcanzado.

A un lugar donde el festin es sin fin.
Un lugar donde sonrie el serafin.

En estos tiempos donde la oscuridad
es siervo del cielo nocturno y de nadie más.

Por ahora, mañana mi espiritu cantará.
Pero hoy mi cuerpo se dañará.
Sé que el viento me alcanzará.

Seeing the past moving with you.
Letting a new day begin.
Halt until the winter that is now.
Ash to the memory of us.

You dont have to move on to let go.

Remembering the dreams that we have been.
Holding to the love that we cant let go.
Sealing the past without you.

You dont have to give up to move on.

Remember how I got lost within you.
Letting a new hope settle in.
Adding our smiles to the memories we keep.

You dont have to cry to forgive.

Feeling the future that is here.
Know the intentions that we dream.
Add to that memory we keep.
Remember when you fall asleep.

You dont have to forget to again begin.

I hear a scream in the darkness,
no time for indecision,
running towards the blackness,
danger out of my field of vision.

No doubting my mind now,
I feel ready to face it.
Hesitation filling a hellish vow.
Courage awakens in this pit.

Crimson rivers to the oceans.
I find in this balance,
a polished edge now.

When hopes of new beginnings,
burn at our bare feet,
perpetually searching,
for what we surely need..

The last chain for a freeman.
A symphony without rhythm.
A heart fit for a demon.
Oasis lost in the dry lands.

The lost art of resistance.
A hand stretched out in the sunlight
A darklight sea in the distance.
A kingless pawn as our last knight.

One last ace in a losing hand.
A heartbeat for a dead man.
A firefly in a dark land.
Happiness within a lifespan.

But when the world overwhelms
with all its grief and greed..
need to find a place to refresh..
soul, heart, mind and flesh.

A path through an empty mountain.
Making will a powerful fountain.
Reminders of a shared past.
Inverters of a new life

Creating rivers in our desert!

Live on.. live long..
against all the conspiracies.
Drive far, dive deep..
escaping all that you hold dear.

Running away from your perpetual fears,
hiding from the gaze of your judgmental peers,
restoring safety by going through anonymity's cloud
into the darkness, the scream chills aloud.

Mirror's eyes behold my shape,
it reflects feelings of other's hate.
Unable to find a place to escape,
doors locked all around but the cemetery gate.

I can feel myself being incomplete,
being nothing but a piece of meat.
Acknowledging the potential in me,
My only wish is for it to break free.

But stuck in my own darkness
I lie crying behind that heavy door
between the cowardly sheep and the lion's roar.

Come see me like the normal man that I am.
Have a good look into these forgotten eyes.

Working on the beauty of bullets in my mind.
Blistering skies, whispering skies.

Cant find me...

Underneath my skin a flare of a violence brand.
Bullets live in the black holes on the wrong side of my face.

Dreading the regrets brought by a steady hand.
Waiting by the altar to pray for the wrong kind of grace.

A quivering echo that was not planned.
Below the dream, teeth and soles lonely stand.

Ready to train.
Ready to maim.
Ready to blame.

Anyone, anything, anywhere,
everywhere, everyone, everything.

Hollow oil in the tips of my aching hands,
come find me and make me the lesser of a beautiful man.

Fun in the gun,
outrun the burn,
hope there is none.

Let me be the worst moral lesson to the common man.
A beautiful man with blood on his hands.

Making these feelings year around and round in a festering sky.
Nothing but the troubles of an old man.

Raise away the razor wire spinning around your neck.
Restoring the hollow idea of a sun to spy.

Ready to break.
Ready to wake.
Ready to ache.

Bullets fall like rain,
ahead of all in pain,
this beauty is not in vain.

You found me.

Standing in crimson flowers,
hands soaked in hatred,
what it seems like hours,
the anger has not faded.

Smell of bad cologne in the air.
Blood lust unable to bare.
No more moments to spare.
To find their addicting lair.

Running with speed and friction,
burning flowers quickly bloom,
bodies start piling in their tomb,
a sole ticket to destruction.

The heat of burning organs.
The music of screaming fortunes.
Ash hands and their contortions.
Faces sculpted in distortions.

There are bones in this zen garden.
Remainders of a hasty bargain,
for revenge, a heart, hardened.
and redemption it's last warden.

Speed created friction in my veins.
Happiness burned amidst the flames.
Now free from hate's chains.
Loneliness is what remains.

Curse my feeling of low importance,
scared of such a simple endeavor,
squirming like a child full of reluctance,
crying with the loneliness of forever.

Like the mirage of desire,
I met you by happenstance.
My bravery ever higher,
you said yes, by circumstance.

We are lovers destined to be,
Holding hands, together, in eternity.
A spotlight in our parallel paths,
facing down our monsters, together.

Time stops serotonin swells,
crushing waves lost on rocky cliffs.
Affection lost to argument's bells,
Indifference upon unopened gifts..

Let me see your wilted smile,
like a dried preserved rose,
under the last of the happy suns.
in time, everything dies inside..

Whisper my name and give me a kiss,
let me feel your cold embrace,
the warmth of your empty shell,
before you leave without a trace.

Why do you push me far away?
If only for one more day,
please stay..

Can I still bring you back?
Do we have to be through?
I promise I'll pick up the slack..

Why wont you let me love you?

If I can't feel your lace,
if I can't hear your grace,
if I can't see your face..

What was I born for?

Just to remember.

The smile never shared.
The love that never bloomed.
The frozen spark that never flared.
The cruel hope that I consumed.

This life you returned to me,
full of senseless desire,
inside a dull shadowy fire..

Why cant I be free?

Let me run away from you,
escape from the last memory of us.
Stranded in these hopeless remains,
just wishing for someone else,
to whisper my forgotten name.

Quick quiet whispers of clarity
give into my dazing sound
of inner turmoil and obscurity
from a love I never found.

Choirs of thunder intensify
the place a dark heart dwells.
Claps of lightning identify
a terrifying beauty that compels.

A useless emotion remains,
the kind that feels like chains,
and although I grew up with it..
I am not defined by it..
but I wonder if I should..

Clever synapses electrify
an idea I never entertained
experience stands to justify
a hope unjustly gained.

The sound of lucidity bells.
The promise of a better age.
A bright dawn that sadness quells.
The beggining of a brand new page.

And in the rage of love,
my soul tore apart.

And in the desire of love,
I have lost my heart..

And in the hope of love,
I found insanity's art..

And in the edge of love,
I see our chosen place.

Where we are together but alone.

I can't understand..
this event's chain reaction..
which has brought me to my knees.

The sound of waves below me,
implore me for my own release
and one more step would make me free..
but I'm just so afraid..

My concrete heart isn't beating
and it's heavy void is pulling me
towards the edge as I look down..

This hurt is for me to remember
that my hope, although run down,
will never put out your ember
even if, below this cliff, I drown.

but I..
don't..
want to..

surrender

to this pretender..

anymore..

The dawn's sunshine, isn't coming.
All alone in this starry darkness,
I know I cant accomplish what I swore..

For how long must I wait,
if I know something's wrong?
This waiting that I hate,
will **** me before long..

My suffering and screaming,
as I remember you leaving,
is being covered up by a smile
most vile..that I adore.

Tearing this heart out,
will be my last rejoice
and scattering my last doubt,
will be my final choice.

So when she comes back
bringing all her fears,
I wont be afraid of her tears
or that my heart could crack.

and I know, no matter what I do..
I need to learn how to let go..

Please fire..
born desire..
let it all burn..
so my heart can learn to love anew.

There wont be violence,
just silence..
and I know it'll hurt
more than any cut.

In this empty room we called ours,
there's no shadows, just old lies.
Leaving behind a pair of ruined towers,
a brilliant future in disguise.

but I still believe..
in the good in the bad.

and I will surely grieve,
the love that we once had..

One last thing I want to make clear,
before shedding any more tears,
I promise to never relive,
the pain that was done here.

After all..
I think I'm good to go..