walking down the dark corridors
turning behind every few seconds
scared of what was going to be behind
fear that i go through while waiting
sitting alone in the classroom
dull dimly lit
seemed so eerie
the four walls of the classroom
that seemed to cave in
u have no idea
blasting music in my ears
hoping i won’t hear anything
any whispers
closing my eyes
hoping i won’t see anything
any shadows
hoping that u would come quickly
and keep me company
laying my head on the table
eyes closes
earpiece on
but every single small noise i hear
i awake
feeling scared
or hoping it was u at least...

i am just the worst person you could have met
one moment im kind to you
another i talk behind your back
lie to you
be mean to you
im fake
and i know that
yet u don’t
your kind innocent pure soul
YOU think that i am..well good at least
and i don’t want to make you feel upset
but i did eventually
you should start realising that i am bad
i am no good
and you should not talk to me
even if i treated you like the worst
you still continued talking to me
i am the worst
please you don’t deserve to be treated like that
by me.

the warmth that once filled this empty heart
this lonely soul
the laughters that filled the air
covering the voices in my head
the happiness that i once had
broke to sadness
trying to make things like they were before
but once its broken
u can’t fix it back
like the glass window that shattered to pieces
it could be replaced with a new one
my heart that shattered couldn’t be.

living in this lie
even when i know the truth
i don’t want to wake up
to... this reality
keep me in this dream
no... nightmare
i don’t care
even if it was to live in this nightmare i am already living in
i don’t want to wake up
to more...

Everyone have their own problems
but they seem so happy...

is happiness fake?

feels torturing to smile
feels like a burden to live
to cut a smile on my face
something’s wrong with me
with this fainted heart
it’s... so...
confusing
what is wrong with me?
my frail heart can’t carry this weight
just... wait...
for me
i... will be there soon.

if only i was my old self
i didn’t need to worry much
just had homeworks and tests
thats all
the new me
the changed me
the messed up me
that now knows everything
loneliness
fear
trauma
and everything else
that changed the light into darkness
changed the happy me
the pure innocent me
the old me..
that was carefree

i never felt so useless in my life
u suffered all by yourself
i thought i could help u
but when u said
i couldn’t carry your problems
and even said yourself would burden me
u didn’t have anyone
physically
u said u cast your problems to God
but u need someone don’t u
however u often think
u are a burden to people
then how about myself
i told u my problems
yet u quietly helped me
n suffered yourself without telling me
all these time
i thought that i could
help u
but when u said i couldn’t
i... i couldn’t take it..
u could take my problems
so why can’t i do it for u

i didn’t know i meant so little to u
when u said that u didn’t care
if we ever talked anymore
u crushed my heart to million pieces
i thought... i... at least i.. meant something to u?
well u did to me
were all those u said to me
lies?
i can’t believe i’d ever trust u
i can’t believe that i’d ever thought u were the one
months and months
of crying
thinking that it was true love
but now i snapped out of it
and i guess it wasn’t

there is no us anymore
i wish i could go back to the times
that us existed
but without u
us won’t exist
and without me
us will be broken
trust
heart
all smashed to million pieces
broken
picking up those pieces
stitching them back
to the right places
hoping that they won’t leave a scar
hoping that it would look the same
hoping that u would come back

only the first few pages
scribbled with thoughts
it was five years ago
yet u only wrote that much
but through those
i already saw
what went on
im sorry i didn’t see that earlier
im sorry for not noticing
i thought u didn’t know me
yet i was wrong
i didn’t know u
u were suffering so much
yet keeping quiet the whole time
why didn’t u tell me anything
not even one thing u told me
u should have let me know earlier
u should have told me something
now its too late
i can’t do anything
i teared up after seeing what u wrote
im sorry for not noticing what was going on

are my only friends
the shadows around me
they seem to follow me everywhere
and accompany me
like a friend would
are u my friend?
come and take my hand
bring me into your world
we shall disappear

tears dry
and vanish
while the pain
and feelings
stay

as the light keys
of the piano
drift smoothly
and swiftly
across my fingers
i played
as the melody sings
the piano keys
seemed heavier by the second
as i played softer and softer
the voice became louder and louder
the melody disrupted

stop torturing him please
it hurts me to know that
he is suffering
the voices
in his head
please just quieten down
and never echo back again
just let him have his peace
and a normal life
stop making him feel that he is the worse
when he is not
he feels like a failure
when he is not
he is so much more
so stop telling him
that he is not
when are you ever going to stop hurting him
please hush

what about all the plans
in the future
we already talked about
what to do next
but how can there be
even tomorrow
when us
don’t exist anymore

hot red cheeks
hands touching them
as it blushes even brighter and redder
getting closer and closer
until our eyes met
your fingers traced my lips
as you move closer
and closed your eyes
your hands pulling me in
to embrace me tightly
I closed my eyes gently
and our soft and delicate flesh touched
I could feel you smiling
as I open my eyes
a tiny little
to peep whats outside
I saw you smiling brightly with closed eyes
pinning me to the wall
I felt your heartbeat thumping through your chest
as mine did that too
hugging so closely together
as if we are never letting go of each other

sorry if i caused u unhappiness
u always seemed unhappy with me
unhappy of what i do
u don’t seem to show it
but i know it
and why
why are u so unhappy
it’s okay
u can leave any time u want
i already told u
but u still stay
and i don’t know why
its okay for people to leave in my life
because it seems so common to me
that it is nothing already
just leave
please
i don’t want to see u so unhappy

the carnival rides
sitting on the sides
swinging from left to right
going the highest ups and the lowest downs
turning and twisting
so swiftly
as the chilly wind blows ever so slightly
knees wobbled
stars seem to be around me
the whole world seems like its spinning
going round and round
and till i fall down
collapsing to the ground
everything seems so dark
can’t seem to see anything
in the dark
someone please wake me up
from the dreams
as i continue sleeping

not everything is  
just smiles and laughters
not everyone
is always happy
stop acting so happy
i know some part of u is sad
is hurt
why won’t u open it up to me
i will comfort u
i will care for u
u are not alone
i know that u always laugh and all
but are u really happy
or were those fake laughters
all those tears that are inside of u
are they drowning u
tell me something
please
i really care for u

so many chances given
so many times forgiven
so many stitches yet to heal
but crossed over with more wound
taking longer time to heal
yet the scar left behind will never be gone

smell of woods
as the breeze blew
canopies of trees
covering the forest
like an umbrella
beams of light seeping through
through the gaps it shines
like the trees are covering
what is hidden behind

wishes made
candles blew
now waiting
for it to come true
waiting for so long
but nothing seems to come
wishes were made
but i don’t see them coming true

unanswered questions
i’m sorry
i really want to tell u everything
but i just can’t bring myself to
i want to tell u
my misery
my pain
all my sadness
but i can't
trust me i really want to
and i’m always sad knowing that
u don’t get those answers u want
but i’m scared
scared that i might break down
in front of u
scared that u will change the way u look at me
more in a pitiful state
i don’t want that
i like how it is now

bring me back to those times
when people were truthful
when true love existed
when people don’t just come and go
the mask we are wearing now
getting thicker everyday
hiding the genuine within us
just so to fit in
we change ourselves to a complete different person
please turn back
look at what u have done to yourself
remove that mask of yours