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WickedHope Aug 2014
You are the sun to my moon,
The smile to my gloom.
I love you. I miss you. You are my sister, my best friend, my happiness.
WickedHope Oct 2014
You left me easily,
Why won't you leave my memory?
That song...
WickedHope Jan 2015
...save everyone," they said.

                                                                    They were right,
                                                                          I died trying.
WickedHope Sep 2021
Your whispers follow me
Tickling my soul
The same way your face
Tickled mine when
You didn't shave

I don't remember
How your arms felt
Keeping me wrapped up
And held together against you
I'm falling apart
You aren't here
To help gather my pieces

Your laugh still plays
Like a broken record
A repeating track
Creaky and fading with each replay
When it stops
Then you'll really be gone
WickedHope Sep 2014
why do you ****** me
slay me
the words you say
just short of
what I need
you torment me
showing me that
you could love me
then choosing
when to
and not to
WickedHope Dec 2014
WITH CONTRIBUTIONS FROM MULTIPLE POETS

You don't cut, your wrists are fine.
          If I was dumb enough to cut my wrists I'd have been caught by now.
You're not anorexic, I've seen you eat.
          How much, really?
You're not depressed, you smile all the time.
          Yeah, because acting and lying aren't things.
     ~
WickedHope

You can't have anxiety, you talk to so many people.
          Its funny how you see me talking, but don't see the panic attacks.
     ~
aesha nisar

You have a good life. There's no reason to be sad.
          You're part of the reason why I'm depressed.
     ~
Phoenix

You're not angry, you haven't raised your voice or yelled.
          Maybe the voices yelling in my head are so loud I can't do anything
          but focus on keeping them quiet.
You're not scarred from your past, you act normal.
          If normal is crying for hours at night till tears can't come anymore
          and apathy sets in, then yes I'm quite normal.
     ~
Stardust

You are so lucky, it's so easy for you to be good at what you do.
          You don't see the intensity of doubt and countless hours of anxiety to
          get things to the point they're not too embarrassing to show someone.
     ~
PrttyBrd

You're fine. You aren't depressed, just really sad.
          If I'm not depressed, just sad, then why am I here everyday?
          Why am I here crying to you when I should be out, living?
     ~
Tiffany Smith

God I swear every guy you meet online just wants to bone you.
          You say that like its a good thing. All I want is someone I can trust,
          someone I can rely on, not someone who wants to bone me.
You have boyfriends from everywhere, india, japan, china...
          I have none. These are only friends, the only one I want is you.
Your so strong.
          Yea, 'cause going home to cry in a corner, then stuffing my face with ice
          cream while watching sad anime is totally legit.
Are you okay?
          No I'm not ok. I just want to punch both your eyes out, then cuddle with
          you and make out with your face. Then maybe I'll just take a long break
          to bawl my eyes out and get rid of all evidence, all but the telltale clue of
          how swollen my eyes are
     ~
Creep that Loved You

Come on. You can go to school. You're not sick.
          Physically, no. Now mentally...
Why are you so good at everything?
          That's because you don't bother to look deeper.
You look fine.
          Oh yeah, the red eyes and dark circles just add to my beauty.
I love you.
          Yeah, it looked like it when you were 'out' with your 'friends.'
     ~
maha salman

You're so resilient. You've been through so much pain, yet here you are living strong.
          That's because every time someone says, are you OK? I just smile and
          say I'm fine. But none of them can hear the screaming in my brain saying
          I should just die.
You're so beautiful.
          No.... The smile is fake, powder covers the circles under my eyes,
          mascara makes my eyes look bright and lip stick covers the bite marks
          on my lips from where I chew through them when I'm anxious, or
          panicking, or being asked questions. You would be repulsed by the
          beast underneath.
You're such a talented poet.
          If writing down my deepest darkest dreams, nightmares, fantasies and
          memories, make me a good poet, then yes. But all I write is the thoughts
          that scream to come out or my head will explode.
     ~
The Girl Who Loved You

You have never felt real pain, you are a man not a wuss.
          The worst pain hits you in the heart not in the head... Whats a man
          without pride, whats a man without a name?
Get over her bro, shes just one girl.
          One girl that I chose to love out of the 7 billion other people in the
          world.
Open up your heart to new people new things.
          What's the point in meeting people, when in the end they all just leave?
You aren't alone.
          I'm not alone? You lie through your teeth, where where you when I sold
          my soul to the devil and condemned myself to the abyss?
We are proud of you always, son.
          Words I've never heard, just the echoes of my parents inside my head.
You live a great life.
          That's not the message the untouched prescribed sleeping pills and           ecstasy portray.
     ~
grld

You're so patient.
          On the outside yes, in the recesses of my mind I'm screaming my
          head off... waiting for something that will never happen.
     ~
Julian Pacheco

Who cares about the others? You're not like them you're different.
          What if I don't want to be different? What If I want to curl up into a
          ball and pretend I don't think I'm failing you every moment of the day.
Life's not fair.
          Well maybe it's time it should be. Maybe it's time for us to stop
          thinking that we deserve more because that's all we've ever known.
          Maybe it's our job to MAKE life fair.
Forget it, move on.
          I don't want to. Shouldn't everyone be able to hold onto the things they
          hold close? If they were holding it close it meant something and if it
          meant something good then it's worth fighting for.
Shut up.
          No. This time I won't be quiet because I sit here and I listen to what you
          say every day; you treat whoever you want however you want and that
          is not your right. Everyone has an opinion. I want to share mine.
     ~
Forgotten Dreams

You're so confident.
          Only because you do not see the pain and turmoil it causes me
          inside, and the sores inside my cheeks to keep from crying.
Why are you shaking? It's not even cold.
          Because I'm scared, scared of scenarios untrue.
~
Makayla

You're not sad, you look so happy.
          Tell that to the guys who keep pointing all my flaws, and laughing
          about it, leaving me speechless because I have nothing to say in return.
You're such a good writer.
          And look how handy that is, won't ever shut them up for good.
You still have so much to live for.
          To keep living like this, might be considered anything but living. You're
          all too perfect for this world, but you know what? My body can't keep
          living in a different place my soul is.
     ~
A Sad Sam

Chill out man, it's just a couple people.
          To me, three people is like three thousand people. Their voices circulate
          in my head and drive me crazy until I can't help but break down. You're
          right, I should definitely just chill out because I don't know anything
          about the disorder that brings a constant burden to my days.
Why are you so antisocial? Get off the computer and do something productive for once
          Try the fact that everybody that surrounds me makes me feel like the life
          I live isn't worth living and the comfort of understand people on the
          internet keeps me sane.
You're so lazy.
          Don't you dare start on that, because every ******* day I wake up and
          breathe despite my lungs collapsing in on themselves from all the
          pressure people give me, and every single day I do the work I'm told to
          do and I'm trying my hardest but I'm fighting a war with myself and it
          takes up every ounce of energy I have left. Don't you dare tell me that
          I'm lazy when every day I take all the strength I have to keep on living.
     ~
Emma Tauzell

They had never met, didn’t know each other’s name --
          Yet their eyes were already making love.
     ~
Deborah

You can't really love someone you've never met.
          He's the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes, the last
          thing I think about before I go to sleep, he's in my thoughts all
          the moments in between, his face takes away the nightmares and
          fills all my dreams. How is this not love?
     ~
Just Melz

Just forget about her and move on.
          How am I supposed to do that, when all I see is her and her
          precious qualities I so dearly love in every girl I talk to?
          Forgetting is a lot harder to do than finding.
     ~
Neb Dnarts
Feel free to add to this in the comments,
and I'll tac it on the end with credits to your screen name.
WickedHope Aug 2014
I pleaded with the sky
to meet me on the ground.
Begged the moon,
oh come down for a dance.
Told the rain to dry itself off
and asked the sun to cool me down.
Dreamt I received your love,
put myself in a blind trance.
WickedHope Oct 2015
What are we supposed to do
              with the string of hearts you've united in beautiful knots

Fading out of our lives without a chance to say goodbye

Your smile felt like home
                   and your voice was the calm in our storms
But your storm raged on
                   and you fought for so so long

         I'd like to believe you won anyway
My friend's funeral is tomorrow. What a beautiful soul she was.
WickedHope Jan 2015
Why did you stay
I never asked you to stay
I wish you would leave
It would be easier
My mind distorts reality
Though I'll never tell how much
But when you're here I can't
Go and get the hell out
I can't do this with you here
Leave, leave, I'm begging dear
I need to get away, as do you
You just leave me
And I'll leave you
Walk down the stairs and
Don't come back
I'll just stay here with shards of glass
Then when I turn and see
You've gone down the street
I'll slit my throat
With no one left
                              to hold on to me
I hope it's goodbye this time.
WickedHope Aug 2021
Why are you always like a knife to the gut
I still dont know what you wanted from me
Or what you want from me
Was it a game
Was it fate
Was it a dream
For me it's a nightmare I can't wake up from
Don't look at me
Don't talk to me
Don't touch me
Please touch me
I'm addicted to the way you touch me
But you always left too soon for it to be casual
I still don't know who played who
But some days I wonder
When you left me behind
What if I had followed you
I still don't understand any of it but you never answer my questions anyway
WickedHope Jan 2015
Don't be mad at me when I lie to you
Tell you I'm okay
The days that are bad are the days that I'm smiling
******* laughing at my blood
Stab me, stop being kind
Only spend time with people who hurt me
Use me, hit me, pick me apart, crush me
Don't ask me what I ate or if I drank
Don't be mad at me when I lie to you
Laugh you off, flip my hair
Don't let the pretty colors fool you
I'm not the church girl you think I am
Don't let the brains fool you
I'm not the try hard you think I am
Don't let the smiles fool you
I don't have a cure
Don't be mad at me when I lie to you
And tell you I'm fine
You don't care, you can't care, I'll hurt you, just forget about me, you know it's easy, I always fade away from memory, it's one of my few ****** up talents.
For a friend who was concerned today; don't be.
I'm fine, after all, that's all you need know.
WickedHope Oct 2014
Thank you world, you tried
I tried not to look gross today
And you tried to pretend it worked
Though we both know I did anyway

Some said I looked nice, cute
I even got a "**** dat *****"
But it's clear that's not true
I'll never be pretty to you
Why do my clothes change how I'm perceived?
Stupid society...
WickedHope Nov 2014
When you act irrational -- crazy,
I feel like the
P  s Y c H  **o
Stop.
Dear you,
Dear me,
Stop.
WickedHope Sep 2014
here I am
a glistening sweat
panting hot
from your touch
your hard touch
i feel you can protect me
i feel you can hurt me
and i drink it in
all of it
off of you
so hello erotica
you work of art
making me cry
cry
cry out
in sweet, fierce pain
i want more
this raw art form
to be experienced
shall we call it love
shall we call it desire
shall we call it nothing
i need it
need you
etched in me, your name
you are in my heart
you are in me
you are my breath
this is ragged breathing
our passion
one
and
one
bonds
i can't escape
your rough embrace
push me
hold me
love me
**** me
I normally don't write this kind of stuff...
Now I'm all embarrassed...
WickedHope Sep 2014
I can't recall a time I've ever been more alone.
I feel like you abandoned me, and I've no doubt given you plenty of reason to, but you stuck around.
So I suppose what I want to know is... why now?
WickedHope Jan 2015
Maybe I'm a little twisted and dark,
But I thought you liked it that way.
So I play with scissors and knives and darts...
Is the blood on the wall too much for you?
Is the blood on the wall too much for you?
I draw graphic stabbings and maimings,
You never said you liked your girls sweet.
Why did you ask for fresh strawberries?
I've always been more of a rotten lemon.
How was I to know you wanted a nice girl,
When you always loved to call me a ***** girl?
I thought I was your dark girl, dark angel.
You used to love the way I wanted to bite,
Bite you until I made you bled warm and red.
Now when I write you notes about butchering,
You abandon ship off the starboard side.
I wanted us to drown together darling,
But I suppose I can drown you alone...
No idea what this is exactly, it was a half finished piece I just found and completed.
Inspired by a ******.
WickedHope Aug 2015
When you pack and unpack
And move into your dorm
What will you do
With the memories I tucked into your hand
With the hand I gave you to trust
With the smile that you always summon from me
With the words I made sure you heard
With the heart I've given you

Will you bring them with you
Or leave them for your brothers to pick through
I just want you to be happy.
I love you and I believe in you. You've always been so smart. You can do this, even if you are afraid you can't.
WickedHope Dec 2014
Stop laughing at me.
You think,
what a silly little girl,
what a silly little girl...
Will you still laugh,
when your me?
When your drowning alone,
on display for everyone to see?
I'm having violent fantasies again.
- - -
Sugar is so sweet.
WickedHope Aug 2014
you left me here.
sometimes I wonder,
wonder if you still care.

when its two in the morning,
do you ever think of me?
or maybe just how wasted
your friends are.

so many words late at night,
you were there for me.
i don't understand,

you became a friend.
if
i didn’t scare you,
and neither did my embarrassed affection,
what did?
what made you go?

i understand you couldn’t stay,
but you’re not just far away,
you cut me off your map.

wasn’t a huge part of that
to make you
a better person?

so why now,
are you being
the *******
they warned me
you were,
but i never knew you to be.
WickedHope Jan 2015
I feel like you're mad at me
But you know
You know how I am
You know that I'm in a fractured state of mind
You know that I don't remember what I say late at night
you know that I have to delete our conversations because my phone is stupid
You know that I can't accept myself
You know that I need someone patient to calm me down
You know that I'm hard to fight
You know that I've been ****** up for the past 11 years
You know that I'm constantly terrified of everything
You know that I am most afraid of being left alone
You know how I am
And I feel like you're mad at me
I don't really remember what I said, but clearly I made you mad at me. I wish you'd just talk to me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're all I have right now, please. I feel like everyone else is gone. I just want someone who cares. I just want a friend. Please... text, call, email... I'm sorry I'm the neediest person ever. I'm sorry I'm ****** up and hate myself, I just don't know how to do anything else. I'm sorry I told you about the lists and now you think I'm a worthless idiot. I'm sorry I never had the nerve to properly chase you -- not that you ever wanted me, even though there was a time I thought you might. Please talk to me. Please. I'm freaking out even though I have no right to. I'm sorry that I can't just leave you alone, because I know that'd probably be easier for you. I'm sorry I'm broken. I'm sorry I cry so much lately... the girl who never cried. I just want us to be better friends. Tell me what you want, anything, name it, even if it's for me to go away. Outright say it and I will. I'm sorry I always want too much of you. I'm sorry you hate me now. I'm sorry, I really am.
- - -
Sorry the note's long.
WickedHope Dec 2014
Why are you my lion that shies away like prey?
Your doe eyes have taken this too far.

The bounce in your step has made you Tigger,
And I'm your Pooh bumbling after;

I'm the coyote continuously trying to catch up,
But you hit the ground running and you won't stop for me.

Oh, shooting star, I'm the one burning out it seems;
I'm jumping through wormholes, tearing myself in more than two.

In this garden you're the rosebud and I'm the thorns
Climbing my way up, only to never reach you.

If you're the life of the party, then I'm the death at a funeral.
Tragic how I can never quite seem to catch you for a moment.

You're the arctic wind whistling, calling me to you,
Though it seems my whole life I'll be stuck swimming with penguins.

My crazy little snowfall has become a blizzard,
But darling I was built for your sunshine.

The way you bring out my stars has made you my new moon,
And I fear I'm the uncommon eclipse consequently making day dark.

I'm the words and you're the melody;
I'm humming you all day, but you refuse to say my name.

I didn't know it was a crime to love you, I can't be caught now,
Can't stop, can't turn back, for it seems I've already committed my offense.
I'd love feedback on this one.
- - -
Not really about anyone specifically, just a reoccuring theme in my life.
WickedHope Dec 2014
I never asked you to be the exception to all my rules
But it's happened and I don't know how to take it back

So I'm asking you to come find me tonight
I'll be the one waiting under the bright lights
The girl singing off key, hoping you'll find it in you

          To just maybe love me
          Is there any chance you could love me

I never asked you to come along and charm me that first day
Talking in charades with those striking blue eyes

So I'm hoping that perhaps you'll think of me tonight
I'll be the dancer waltzing through your dreams
Praying you just might take a second glance at me

          To just maybe love me
          Is there any chance you could love me

I never asked you to make me fall in love with you
There isn't any grand thing about you that draws me in

It's your little idiosyncrasies that are my addictions
I know I'm bad luck and poor company
And I'm unfortunately terrified of my infatuation

          Oh, but I do love you
          Is there any chance you could love me
I wish I was worth the risk, but I understand I suppose.
Though my understanding doesn't stop my heart aching.
- - -
WickedHope Aug 2014
this is for someone who doesn’t know it yet
but i love the way your smile
makes me hold my breath

this is for the one who
looks at me
and i tremble

this is all for you
because of all the little things
you do that drive me crazy

though you may not have a clue
your eyes are an impossibly perfect
shade of blue
and i lose it when
i look inside them

this is for the one who
makes me cry
when he is upset
because i can’t bare
to see him that way

this is for you
because you have
yet to run away
WickedHope Dec 2014
I'm here
I'm tired
It's okay
There's no use
I'll never leave
You just want to bleed
I care about you
I don't give a ****
Be strong for me
Leave me out of it
Stop it
I'm not going to stop you
I'll hold you down if I have to
*I'm only here until I find something better
You're driving me insane.
Am I a ******* game to you people?
. . . I'm spinning.
WickedHope Sep 2014
Why am I so addicted to this form of poison?
WickedHope Aug 2014
Let me tell you this,
Your eyes boy, they're the perfect blue.

I don't see it often
But your smile makes my heart soften.

I want to hold your hand in mine,
I want to lie with you at night.

I wake up thinking of you,
Wishing my dreams were true.
I think I could love you, and I am so scared.
WickedHope Aug 2021
I told you everything I wanted to hear
Forgetting that
You had never loved before
I was your first
First everything
And I crippled both of us
Like a bad car crash
And I stumbled out of the driver's side
And I left you there
I left you bleeding
Clutching your heart to your chest
I told you maybe and meant never
I shouldn't have given you a ride
I meant to crash from the start
I'm so sorry.
WickedHope Jan 2015
You hurt me most
When you hurt yourself
I understand how
When you feel pain
It can seem like
The only solution
But I want to fix you
Put you together
Hold you still, for
Every insult
You mutter to yourself
Feels as if
You screamed it at me
Every meal
That you skip
Makes me
Want to purge
Every cut
You give your self
Is a ****** tear
At my heart
The pain you put yourself through
Is not just a punishment for you
It ruins me
Inside
So I have to share in
Your pain
That has become
Mine
Remembering Sunday by All Time Low just came on, and I hate the memories tied to it. Hate them.
- - -
The title and note have no relevance to the subject matter of the poem itself.
- - -
WickedHope Apr 2016
I remember my young body
Barely free of stitches
You placed me on a motorcycle
And laughed when I crashed
Title is a line from "Daddy's Little Peach" by Emery
WickedHope Apr 2016
why are the thoughts back
they arent supposed to be back
i dont want them
please go away
go away
AWAY
i just want to be poisoned
because i am poison
and i crave poison
the narcissist
i need to see my crystal clear reflection
that is disarmingly toxic
and delicious
oh my poison
my sweet poison
on my lips
i swallow you
swallow
swallow the truth
the truth is
i am gone

— The End —