When I was younger,
I'd change the station,
At the first sign of an Olivia Rodrigo song.

When I was younger,
I never knew the toll someone could take on you,
The way they could change you,
In a way nobody seems to understand.

Now that I'm here,
Listening to every single Olivia song,
I understand the things a person taken by love will do.
Now that I'm here,
I know what it's like to wreck your life,
For the hope you'll get something back.

At times I still want to take it back,
Fold into your arms,
Defeated, but loved.
At times I hate myself,
For latching onto your memory.
That I let you hog a part of me,
Can you please go away?

In the end I won our game,
Of who loves who more.

One of us still thinks about the other,
How leaving might've been the biggest mistake he'll ever make,
But taking it all back when he remembers all the ways you cut him down.
Even that brownie recipe,
You'd do anything to keep me attached to you.
Anything to keep me with you,
Even if it was twisted,
It was nice to need each other.

Though that won't ever happen again,
Now that the other has another.
It's eating me from inside out,
You saying you were here for me,
If I needed anything.
Turning right around,
All you wanted to talk about was how much better he is for you.

In the end I should've known,
On my ankle your sprout still grows,
Some sick parasite,
Digging into me,
This flower twisting up my leg,
One lasting memory of you,
Wants me to be,
The new black tulip.

Today I am broken,
But I am still the person I came as.
I am still strong and I still have strength left to give,
I know you liked to see me crumbling apart,
Left in ruins while trying to find my beating heart.
At least it’s how I felt,
Today is a better day than any to grow a little more.
To repair and replace,
As I rebuild the castle inside of me.

I’ve learned to listen when my mother talks,
I’ve become so used to thriving off of hastily done love.
Patience is so hard to use,
But that’s why they call it virtue,
I could crawl back into the arms of another someone.
Or I could start to let go,
Of these hopeless pleads for romance.
Truthfully I don’t need anyone but me,
To know I’m worth it,
To know I’ve made it.


Rest, you’ve come so far.


I’ve learned to listen when my mother talks,
That if I keep chasing the broken,
And expecting full light,
I’m not right.
That you can love somebody,
That isn’t good for you,
And still keep them in your heart,
Hope that they grow beyond what keeps them down.


Mama said no broken girls


I’m sorry that I didn’t stick around,
Sometimes I wonder what would happen,
If we tried to stick it out.
Next Fourth of July,
I don’t think I’ll go to see the fireworks.
Instead I’ll stay a little longer at the family BBQ,
Get to know my family a little better than I have.
Because in this world we don’t get to choose blood,
But we do get to choose who we love with,
I’m sorry I didn’t choose you.


If we had come along a little later :(

I wish there was a better way,
To show things will get better,
Than stupid umbrella metaphors.
Because the truth is,
No amount of wisdom can really help,
When darkness is a brainless beast.

I wish there was a way to make things change,
Nothing big,
Just to shake up the rocks.
To unstuck everybody who needs it,
It’s not much compared to these pains,
But I promise we will see the sun.

People will come to you,
For one reason or another.
Either drawn to you for friendship,
Or drawn to your light,
To feed.
It's more important to keep yourself up above,
Than regret the ways you let yourself fall to them.
You'll never get closure,
From broken people,
Who wanted to see a broken you.
The only way you can fill that gap,
Is by cleaning out the place in your heart they stayed,
So you have more space,
To grow.

When I was far from here,
The gusts of wind felt like loving fingers,
Caressing my silhouette as I moved.
It seemed I was haunted,
By one loving ghost.

Slowly as the day grew grayer,
The soft gusts faded,
Turning to cold winds accompanying the rain.
Whatever spirit I had found never returned,
It could be in the dreary storms,
They moved on.

I write on paper,
A lot more,
Since the last six months,
It feels better,
Than staring down a screen,
Where I tie my artistry,
To the last echoing words,

I wish I let them pull me out,
Of all this,
Much sooner.

Being young seems to be a lethal thing,
It's hard to see future days,
When there's so much haze,
Over today.
Falling back feels worse,
When you were just there,
And it's hard to resist giving painful people second chances,
Because I can't see my future soulmate,
As good as others can.
At least not finding them,
I can visualize them.
Someone a little similar to me,
But not exactly the same.
I'd like to be a little taller too if that's okay,
But that's really it.
I just want somebody,
That I love,
Who loves me back the same.

the reason i still feel a little hollow
i still dont really know
i can tell life is better
people say im happier
they talk like i was sick
and finally found the cure
i dont wear my hat anymore
not the one i always wore
not the one you wanted to see me in
i like to wear my hair down now
other people compliment me on it
i dont worry about looking stupid as much
starting to feel safer in my own skin
and clothes
tomorrow im going to wear my favorite button down
that you called 'a **** *** shirt'
when i heard you say that
i didnt really want to wear it anymore

she still comes up sometimes
when i get bored
but i think thats normal
im still a child
coping with losing things

I’m never kidding,
When I say I need humbling.
Life goes too good for too long,
I get too popular winning at too much,
That I forget what it feels like to lose out,
And I risk everything.
It’s so silly,
Complaining about succeeding,
But sometimes I miss the days I wasn’t on the radar yet.
Because now that I have so much,
My vision is fogged by greed,
I forget how to treat the people that brought me here.
I never learn,
Until I lay askew and burnt,
When my luck runs out.

It’s not magic.

Every July 31st is cold and rainy,
Since 2025.
Every July 31st,
At 2:30 on the dot,
I get a new flannel.
It’s been that way,
Since 2015.
Every July 31st,
Has left me waiting for a change in tomorrow,
Left me wanting to live on,
For an unpredictable August 1st.

There’s a mist on the water,
When I wake.
It gets thicker every morning,
Creeping a little farther into shore.
I spend my days now,
Moving my house,
Further up.
Trying not to drown,
In the inevitable gray.
It’s one of those things you don’t escape,
It’s one of those things that never goes away.

It rests,
Slumbers for a while.
But never stops,
Creeping up.
So close to me,
I fear that I’ll run out of energy,
To run,
To escape.
I’ll die in this foggy place,
Join the sirens with their frowns,
Dragging more people,
Down.

To the fog.

Take me apart,
See what makes me tick.
Turn the key in my lock,
You’ll know,
When you hear me,
Click.

My heart is a clock,
Someday it’ll fall apart.
But while it’s running,
And I’m alive,
I’ll track the seconds,
Until we click,
Again.

The lake house internet is dead,
And Frontier refuses to fix it.
They said nothing was wrong,
But I could only listen to downloaded songs.
But Fiber finally caved,
When my uncle found the fiber wires,
Scattered on the street.

Real people smile,
Real people bleed.
Reality is held by physicality,
And philosophical pillars.
You may smile,
But if you smile without knowing what it’s like to bleed,
Somebody will come show you.
It’s humanity,
In retrospect,
It’s human illness.
We wish to see others struggle when we struggle,
But when we are not struggling,
Then there is a disgust placed with the struggling.
For if you know what it’s like to bleed,
Yet, not what it’s like to smile,
You will long to draw blood,
From the smiling.

The sure fire cure,
To a spirit rotting your mind,
Is to leave your spirit behind.
Find somewhere where nobody knows your name,
Except the trees who know everything,
Rebuild your spirit there.
Fresh as the smell of pine,
Strong as the flesh of oak.
Remember what you were born to do,
And do it more.
When changing tradition,
Or burning books of lore,
You must keep the few that remain true,
Then dance in the ashes of the rest.

I saw the smoke from the mountains,
Early in the morning sun,
Billowing deep from the trees,
Where the great mountain beast once was.

I saw the smoke from Paul Bunion’s cabin,
Rolling up into the sky,
So when I climb up there tomorrow,
I’ll bring him a great big pie.

Up to the trees I go,
Further north where fresh water flows.
Travel preparations with my heart aching,
Home is where I’m free,
Left alone just to be.
Not in this gloomy place,
Not within this heat wave.
Like a pioneer,
I pack my bags,
Leaving behind the places I know,
In search of the places,
Where I’ll grow.

How do you come to hate,
The ones you loved?
You don't.
They tend to turn on you,
Either that,
Or they weren't real at all.
I forsake any shard of regret I had,
From leaving you,
I regret any feeling I had,
From loving you.
If anyone lost here,
It was you.
Because you'll fall back into emptiness,
Trying to replace it with people,
But I, I will not.
I'll continue to cradle my own light,
Which you came so close to taking.
I'm done sacrificing pieces of me,
In order to receive nothing.

Writing's worse,
Music doesn't work,
Talking to you helped,

I guess I didn't want to hear,


What I knew you'd say



Eventually

I cried when you said you liked him,
I emptied every single tear.
Everything I'd been holding back.
There's puddles on my keyboard,
I just keep typing.
Love, love betrays,
It's a beast you never tame,
So I keep room in my heart,
For hate.
I hate love,
It hurts me,
over an over again,
i hate crying,
or looking like a mess
or being the mess i am
i am a mess

I love you and I'm sorry but I'll never stop and even if we never be each other's again i'll never stop loving never stop loving you or longing or wanting for you ill never be complete ever without you i dont think

i don't think,
i hate me
and what i am when i feel
stop feeling for her
no



ill only die without you



Can I be real with you?
...
I'm crying
...
i still love you

i still my heart

Today is better,
Than these days have been,
No longer cloudy minded.
I know I'm still hanging on to love,
I don't know if you are,
But thank you.
For speaking to me today,
I need you more than even I knew,
But I think I can come to terms,
With being good friends.

Many don't know the moral of Vincent Van Gogh.
We as artists don't mind the pain,
Of cutting off an ear.
We only notice how it hurts,
When our gift is rejected.

There's all to win,
When giving your all,
Yet when giving your all,
There's a great chance you fall.
Pride wasn't made a sin, of itself.
It was deemed evil,
When we witnessed the destruction,
From a broken sense of pride.

We give as much as we can,
I do as much as I can,
A perfect person.
After preaching against it I know she was right,
I am only a hypocrite,
Still searching for that perfection,
Has left me to become only a suggestion.

I wanted to write you a letter,
To tell you what I'm thinking.
But I don't know at which house you're living.
Though if I addressed it and sent it,
You'd be bothered by it arriving,
Yet if I'm wrong,
And for what it says you long,
I'll share it here where there are no tears.

I miss you,
As a pair of arms to fold into,
As a perch that held me up,
As support.
I do not miss you,
As a puzzle I always had to guess,
As a locked book written in code,
As confusion.
I miss you,
As a warm feeling of happiness,
As a soft sort of bliss,
As love.
I do not miss you,
As a cold place, shivering,
As a fire, burning me as I try to tend you,
As pain.
I miss you as crying joy,
I do not miss you as crying sorrow.
What I miss is what I love,
I still love of you,
I still love you.
I don't think I could stop,
Maybe in some future a ways away,
We both fix the things that broke us.
Make amends and live things out,
I hope we don't leave off forever,
A long long time ago
In a galaxy far far away.

You are the black tulip,
In a field of warm colors.
Slender, atop the hill,
You drew me in.
With petals shining in light of moon,
From the start I knew,
You were a dangerous beaute.
I dove in anyways,
Into your inky waters.
Where your roots wrapped around me,
Keeping me in your whispers,
Torment as I tried to swim.
I know you lied,
When we would say goodbye,
If this is how you treated the man you loved,
Do you really love at all?

The healing process starts with the wound,
A broken bone,
A fractured piece of scaffolding.
There might be something in the way,
Distracting from the injury.
If you fall backwards,
Hit your head and land on your wrist,
The pain of your head is most prevalent.
So it gets iced,
Immediately it feels better.
But after icing it too many times,
It stops hurting the way it did,
You start to notice the pain in your wrist.
That doesn’t go away when you ice it,
Even if you try to ignore it, it’s in-ignorable.
Now that the smaller pain of your head is gone,
You start to notice why something still aches,
The real wound is a broken wrist.
So you get a brace,
You tell a doctor what’s wrong,
They give you something to make getting rid of the pain,
A little easier.
You wear the brace for a while,
Until you get used to hurting with the brace,
But you still don’t like it.
So instead of letting it happen,
You adjust the Velcro,
Making the brace tighter to help you better.
Until the doctor decides you don’t need it anymore,
You’ve healed.
But you’re still sore,
It’s going to ache at first.
When what you’ve missed because of it sinks in,
But people point out how you’re happier.
Then you realize,
It got better,
By taking away the injury,
You healed.

I don’t think it’s from the heart anymore,
Writing or love or anything.
Diagnosed with greatest of all time syndrome,
But it’s not from me,
Too much winning makes people expect way more,
Till I’m panting begging for the mercy of the floor.
Real writing doesn’t sell,
But I can’t write vague ideas and modern morals forever.
Bring me back,
Because I’m on the brink,
Of being somebody out of touch,
Either your hero,
Or somebody you don’t give a second look.

My blood is rebel red,
So if I bleed,
They can't keep me down.

I stay strong,
Running till I see the sun.
Back against a cliff,

This isn't the time to slip.

Some sunny day,
Things will be better.
Less tears to cry,
Less reasons to cry them.
If we can't go on forever,
I'd prefer us to live a happy life.
Happy people are in short supply,
But in high demand.
Some day,
Happy people will be common,
It'll be the sad people who saved themselves,
That'll be respected.

How to find inspiration?
Google says;
-Try new routines.
-Expose yourself to new environments.
-Start engaging in activities to stimulate your brain.
(EA, Connecting with people, Connecting with nature, Brain Teasers Magazine 1937.)

I say,
Google is a robot.
Trying it’s best to understand,
Lofty human ideals,
When it was programmed to be down to earth.
The real secret sauce of poetry,
Journaling, noveling, shortstorying,
Is living.
I like new books,
Under new skies,
Trying to adapt to a new life.
You may like storm clouds rolling over mountain tops,
Or a crowded dance floor playing Spanish house music,
Neil likes punk rock.
When you’re out for inspiration,
The best place to go,
Is a place you know,
Or a place you’ve never been.

I saw faith through the window,
A holy light burning in the trees,
So under the rug,
I brushed my sin,
A chance to repent again.

For some it may be an old street light,
Though for I,
It was nigh,
I see a new life,
Echoing in the storms of night.

Can you really change the way you were?
Because when we had love,
Too much of it left me hurt.
I know I want you,
You're truth to me,
But I don't want my heart to bleed.
I thought we'd go all the way,
I think I lied to myself.
How can I go without you,
For more than these three days?
I don't know,
About changing my mind,
About going back to what we had.
I know,
About hurting,
About being mistreated.
I thought,
About love,
About us.
I think I have to keep the beat in my heart,
I have to keep us apart.

I never meant to push,
I didn't push.
My question wasn't why won't you,
I didn't know what changed,
What went wrong.
I told you I wasn't interested in sneaking away,
Hiding out to do something,
Trapped in corners of school grounds.
I never asked for PDA,
Or mouth to mouth anything.
All I wanted was to hold you close,
With your head on my shoulder,
As the fireworks went over.
But when I said I didn't want to creep away,
You started to fade,
Icing me out once again.
I never asked for anything more,
Than to be slightly romantic,
It's not like your friends don't know us.
You want me to love you around mine,
So why can't we so much as hold each other,
When yours are around?

I can be strong now,
Tonight, I'm not in the wrong,
I must help myself

Something here,
Something there,
The evidence is everywhere.
Waves wash over,
Close to fire,
As old bones stir in the mire.
When evil takes the face of man,
Society is left in our hands,
Will we live or die?
We play children's games,
Silver pieces replaced with steel knives,
Can you duck from the goose?
They turn the mob loose,
Suddenly the waves close in again,
Close to the fire of a torch.
Stand to fight,
Or lay to die,
Give it time.
If there is scandal,
None will be found tonight.

Some years echo,
Golden songs of prosperity,
Others trickle through.
Black liquor seas,
There's blood on these bricks,
So much happened before 1776.

Good morning USA,
How joyous am I,
To be waking in this country,
Of all the days,
The 4th of July.

As the red winged Robins pass me by,
I stare out at a spot of sunshine,
Across the hall.
Sumer time seems to fall,
With no care for my voice at all.

Soon I know these times will go,
Like our young country,
We grow out of touch.
It becomes hard to reach,
A point of sound sanity.

These late nights are all we've got,
Carnival games, shirt stains,
Twelve dollar fries!
Staring deep into your eyes,
We find silence in their cries.

Clouds of smoke wander around the house,
We keep the grill out of the way,
But peckish little hands happen to stray,
Such delicious food, so many trays!

Happy freedom day.

This time was too much,
We argued, argued,
We're both sick of it,
So we should take a break,
The next time I hear from her will be Sunday,
I didn't want to ***** things up,
We were angry,
I was scared,
We were low,
I was immature,
But I hope this is good for us,

Please don't leave for someone else,
When we're taking our breather,
I can't afford to lose you,

Please say,

Tty Sunday

What shadow am I,
Lurking on this page,
This blocked out feeling,
I need to go away.

I don't read,
I don't write,
Cut at my roots,
Neither ink or water comes through.

We never go too far apart,
We're never too far from love.
Whether I'm across the country,
Or you're right next to me,
We're never too far to love.
When we grow old,
It's my heart that will drag me out of bed,
Chasing after you.

She wants me to be with my friends,
When I want so badly to be with her,
I thought she liked when we sat for lunch,
The few minutes we got together,
But she wants to be different without me,
She wants to brag about me and get advice about me,
To talk to her friends about their interests in guys,
I'm probably in the wrong,
But it breaks my heart,
To know she wants to be somebody else without me around,
When I give so much,
It feels like she wants me away.

Can we be together,
On July 14th?
At the perfect palace park,
In some kingdom far away.
Six years from now,
We'll be in Boston,
Strolling down the shores.
Hand in hand,
I'll trace my finger over the ring,
I placed on yours.
Together forever,
Separated never,
The same word,
Written in different fonts.

The lonely liar, in search of a lair to lay,
Stumbled into a fancy French place,
Somberly he sat at the bar of burdens,
As he asked the witty waiter for something he'd never had,
Cautiously the character considered,
Then after a monumental moment of thought,
Brought out a blue bottle of *****,
Precisely pouring a pint,
Laying it in the hands of the lustful liar,
"What is this?" He wondered,
"This," the tender told, "Is a liquor called Love."

Human beings,
Akin closest to the creatures of the void,
As we consume.
Dictates of wrath falling from our hands,
Onto tablets of conversational truth.

I am conscious,
I think and do,
Still I consume too.

Leeching off the fuel writing gives me,
I run, an engine breaking through rocky walls,
Testing the boundaries of inspirational energy.
Aching with the feeling of being restrained,
Tortured by carrying,
Some few echoes of truth.

Living life is a painting scheme,
Creating colors to cover up the blanks,
Trying our best to break away.
We re-saturate,
The bleak shades of our face,
Replacing something organic,
With chemical compounds.
Suddenly evolving beyond natural gleam,
Distorting to fit twisted cookie cutter shapes,
We execute the order,
Of this lustful modern god.
There was beauty in the earthen iron's shape,
Forgotten glory, bent to grim reality,
Turning away from standing in the looking glass,
Becoming indistinguishable again.

The heat is irritating,
So never argue under a blistering sun,
Though you shouldn’t wait until streets are iced over,
Rage will freeze into cold, logical things.
Tear water freezing in between,
In the kind of way that makes you miss the rain,
The steam rolling off an anguished face.
When there was heat and humidity,
But no rainbow,
A little too much of something broke the recipe.

Occasionally I struggle to write,
Eyes glazed over late at night,
Drinking ink instead of ****** wine,
Breathing in antique paper smoke.
Chewing on pen tips,
One slips, I cut my gum,
Tell the dentist it's a canker sore.

My soul whines for true release,
For me to free myself from the foolish games we play,
But instead, me and Spotify play the polo,
The Gentleman's shuffling game.
So the night wears on,
I udder not a single yawn,
Lost in dark times,
People say they're scared for me.

I am left yearning to drown,
When smothered in your love.
Breath, breath is optional,
I live off of your love.

Addiction, obsession, craving,
Need, you are need,
So I repeat the same words back to you,
Drown me.

Somewhere in the evergreens,
Smoke stacks rise above the trees,
Peaking amongst the clouds,
As light rain sprinkles the grounds.
We lay softly asleep,
Far off from the wooded cove,
My arms around your resting form,
Breathing lightly,
To ensure you sleep well.