"i just thought the sky looked better behind you."

curated
left myself hanging on the gallery of promises.
eyes and arms outstretched,
ache and need
follow you around the room.
do a double take,
take my few remaining moments
while you ponder
if you could have done something similar, leaving loss under floodlights
to tell a feeling, to rot under public protection.

Do you think logically
or logistically?
Cause it seems to me
Love,
has no place in your vocabulary.

Yet your bank balance expands,
as does the gap
in our bed.

Put my money to my mouth                                                you said.
                                                                    Where

It should of been I love you                                                  instead.

is spending more time
waiting than moving,
living?

If so:

is spending more time
remembering than making,
mourning?

the song in the whirlpool
with coral collarbone
i didn't mean to break you
we weren't made to be alone.

like-a-night-terror
slip pin g  out of vie w
                                  the words elude.
  so keep there
the                 eyes
     unfocused
at paper or/// screen till the sentence---- rushes into sight.    
              break it.
                        ^^                  butcher it.
     keep it.<<      >>  analyse it.
  toss it .                                         kiss it.

where w a  s it?                  was it ee ee e even here?

a tremor in the night
awoken without the memory
(all poets say is a million different "I can't love you any other way.")
of a line i wanted to write.

I remember
even if I don't want too.
Seeing you climb over
obstacles of your own making
and jumping from post to post
with no other feeling
but a smile.

Its a still image

repeating again but different;
like waves that break
or waves that smother
or waves that never rise at all.
But it's better to break beautifully
than stagnate.

I didn't belong in someone else's heart

**That's what I believe.

blue eyes deep enough to get lost in
i made them caverns to get lost in
and filled with light you couldn't turn without blinding yourself
so i sit in the dark and stare at my ceiling
wishing for respite
in this very long night.

take rest
beside my tongue
and i can tell you stories
only heartbroken lovers can tell.

With an Earthquake,
the deadliest moment is not during.
It's the aftershocks.
Rocking those weakened foundations
to rubble.

The same is said of Love.
No matter how shaky
or rough.
When the motion stops moving
that's when truly life is tough.

On my finger
a semi-precious stone lies.
I was promised its energies'd linger
with a colour to match summer skies.

Lapis Lazuli, blue blue blue
Please I beg-

Never lose your hue.

you have outgrown
the roots within me.
and as branches spiral upwards
searching for another place to lay,
your oaken memory will

Slowly.       Wither.        Away...

pale flowers pale proprietor pale ale
i have ordered you to the table
almost funny how quickly you arrive
and funnier
ethanol ice, roots and glasses crash in
celebration
oh branch, gnarled wood with a numbered
engraving - i send thanks
via application
payment as in a pitcher - forget
taste -  order it
sugary with a bit of weight yet
you never took credit for
sake of appearances
I only entered you
knowing you wouldn’t ask as much as
the others past 5pm
to sneak out your doors by 11
into gravel’d outposts -
into the dark crying out for something
like your lost beauty.

i spoke back into the echo
of an earlier cry
an
outburst of comfort
attempting
to heal the older me.

(i)
you used to sit two seats away from me.
probably never realising the glances stolen
from behind notebooks and pencil cases.
i was happy to hear your laugh and the tapping of your feet, of your hands upon the table.
it was puppy love, it was my only.
the days you weren't there were the ones that lasted the longest
and the days you were, ironically, the fastest
i did not know how to switch the two.
but then you caught me.

(ii)
you used to sit a seat away from me.
with words that spoke softly now
and mutterings i no longer had to second guess.
to the crinkles in your eyes when you smiled
and the cuffs of your blazer a mess.
you rarely looked me in the eye
so i could never tell if you were listening but
i was just too happy to care.
but then you caught me.

(iii)
you are the gaps of my sentences.
and i am a memory you'd sooner forget.

we measured the time
by what infatuation took us
that year.
Year 7 was flittering
8 was unfounded
9 was groundbreaking but
10 was changing
Year 11’s love might still be reigning.

you never forget those 5 years.
even if you'd like too.

all routes lead to the homes made in passing.

i am unable to recreate your smile.

all peaks have views wishing to be seen.

you do not want to be looked for.

                 *I will live a half-life

you have taken root somewhere inside me.* *The petals tickle.

never have i begged
my legs to give way,
but i have begged
you to catch me.                              
            
                                        i may ask for your love
                                     **but i will never betray my own.

peace comes in packages we sometimes can't find strength to open

peace comes in millstones we can sometimes release ourselves from

peace comes through doors we open
and sometimes reveals itself
once we shut and bar some from entering

peace came and laid down arms in the name of forgiveness

peace came and lasted

peace

-bitten love;
tasting someone else
just to spit them
out.

when the kisses turn to bites
and the mirror reflects his love
more than you-
"DONT BELIEVE IN ACCIDENTS!"
-think about the times where tenderness was supplanted by need
by want-
"WILL IT BE SATISFIED?"
-or perhaps how you never get looked in the eye-
**"I need you."