The strange child watches me
copies every step
when I move
he also does
and when I die
he falls.

(Five parts, all are listed here.)
War
My mind battles my body
Tearing apart the threads of what I live for
An eternal fight that can never be won
Time running out
Nothing seems to save me
Part of me wanting to live
Part of me wanting to die
Neither side winning
Yet neither side losing.
And time is the only constant.
But time is the thing I have the least of
Time is the thing that I’m losing
And no matter what I do,
The war is always raging.
The battle never ending.
And that’s the way my life feels.
A constant battle of good and bad.
A constant battle of the will to live
And the will to die.

Famine
I dream of happiness
Yet everything good
Is torn away from me
By depression
Never feeling good enough
But needing something
To hold onto.
The hunger of that thing
Rips into my heart
Gnawing on my soul
Eating everything it can reach.
But nothing satisfies its appetite.
Of the thing it needs most.
So I let it consume me
Sense I can’t control it.
No matter what I do.

Pestilence
Depression leaks into my soul.
It covers every part of me with a black, consuming acid.
It wants to steal me away slowly.
But it isn’t merciful enough to finish the task.
And it isn’t merciful enough to surface to the outside.
Where others can see it.
So it consumes my soul,
My mind,
My body.
And enjoys my suffering.
The darkness fills every corner of my body.
And filters out the light.
Taking my body over so even I can’t control it.
Using myself against me.
Showing me my weaknesses but not my strengths.
And somehow, I’m still here despite the mental disease worse than any physical one.
Because it can’t be cured with any antidote, no matter how strong.
No matter what I do, the darkness seems to win.

Death
My heart has stopped working
It doesn’t care about beating, the darkness has already stopped it from wanting and willing to live.
My brain has stopped thinking
The darkness won’t let it think anything but thoughts of darkness, why think when you can’t.
My face has stopped smiling
Nobody believes it anyways, the darkness can’t be seen, but my laugh has already been terminated.
My soul has stopped living
It has no reason to, not when the darkness has stolen its faith of a new beginning.
My body has stopped sleeping
Why sleep when all your dreams are filled with nightmares, when all your nights are restless to begin with?
My mind has stopped caring
It doesn’t need to, not when the darkness has already shown it that each thing it loved can be lost.
My eyes have stopped crying
Why cry when you have nothing left to care about? When everything you loved has left?
My body has grown limp
Why move when you have no reason to live?
My body is just a machine.
I’ve become a mindless automaton controlled by the dark depression I’ve fallen into.
My fingers have stopped typing
Why type when you’ve nothing to say? When the words run dry, when everything you say is just mindless babbling?
Why live when you can’t?
Why live when you’ve already died to begin with?

The Angel
The darkness has filled me.
I’m close to the end.
One more step and I’m gone.
One more step and it’s over.
But then there is a light.
A light more beautiful than any other.
More vibrant than the sun.
A star is nothing compared to the way the light shone.
And the angel approached me.
It tried to remove the darkness.
It couldn’t.
No matter how it tried.
So instead, it comforted me.
But the angel was whisked away from me.
Right as the darkness was losing its strength.
And so I was forced to watch the angel leave.
My angel. My hope. My love, removed from me.
The thing that gave me light in the darkness was taken away.
The end of my tunnel was closed off.

(Note: the italics are the narrators thoughts)


Dearest Love,
Are you okay all alone?
I miss you with all my heart.
No, I miss you with all the hearts in the world
you are the only fish in the sea for me.
I love it here in paradise.  I just wish it wasn't for work.
I hate it here with all my heart.  I dread the lack of your presence.
If only you could see the sky as the sun sets.
It reminds me of your eyes, and I cry everyday.
I hope the distance didn't cause you to forget me and pick another lover, just kidding.  I know you wouldn't do that.
You wouldn't... right... cause if you did, I'd die.
Well anyways dearest love, I hope to see you soon.
I'll book tickets for you now, even if it takes my life savings just to see your face.
I wish you were here.

Love,
More than any quantity of love imaginable.
Your one true love.
*I hope...

i am a very talented typing cat
all though i know how to use capital letters and punctuation marks
i cant stand them i have decided to take over the world through lack of both
if you cant use comas then lets eat grandma will **** everybody
leaving me the only one left
but what happens when somebody says something that kills the cats
i am beginning to see why we use grammar
yet i still refuse
i wish i could explain to you why my predicament is so brain racking
but what if i did take over the world with lack of grammar
but then again what if i took over the world through extensive use of grammar
causing everybodys brain to take over their body
wait arent brains already in control
so what if the lack of grammar caused the brain to only focus on my lack of proper english
and now you see why english teachers say they arent payed enough
so maybe if i used an extensive amount of grammar then people would be required to go back to school
just because a cat is smarter than they
and then the outcome would be a financial crisis causing more people to be poor
and goods to become more expensive
maybe i can take over the world with extensive grammar usage

now i just need to figure out how to get people to read my work

please excuse my spelling and grammar i may be a very intelligent cat
but i too am lazy

come
join my journey
to nowhere in particular


come
to the depths of my soul
and to the back of my mind


come
dance in the darkest parts of my mind
and sing in the brightest place of my heart

I was a broken mess
You are the gold
Holding me together
And making me more beautiful.

i have learned
that love
does not come
without strings
people love for their benefit
and nothing else

i have never
been truly loved

In the deepest cave
a monster waits.
Crouched alone I wait to be rescued
but help cannot save the blackest of souls.
As I sit and wonder,
Without a drop of hope,
The monster devours me.
Nothing ever seems to help,
Not the kiss of true love or a safe place to hide.
Nothing will help...
Nothing but you.

***** laced lips
Stumble over slurs.
I try not to trip over
Your tangle of lies,
Glass shattered at my feet.
The only silver lining
Is the cigarette
Smoke-filled air
And broken shards
Shining up with epicaricacy.
Masquerade behind bitter liquid lips,
Shallow promises.
Innocent heart, ragged with age.

broken crayons
organized by colour
and size
shape and fracture
they’re all used
all beautiful
but for some reason
everyone prefers a colour
they say they love the rainbow
but when it rains
they find the shelter
they say they love the smile
but when tears
mark enemies of good thoughts
they back away
into the depths
broken crayons
aren’t meant for being sat on
broken crayons
can still draw
images of velvet skies
and crystalline water
but you’ll always reach
for the whole
before you think
to touch the broken

Frozen.
In the burning ice,
The bitter trap I can't escape
That society put me in.
Help,
Can't move.

No.

Don't help me,
Run,
Before they trap you too.

.................................................................­..........sa-..................................
                 ­                                                           ve
                                                                ­              m-
                                                ­                               e I
                                                               ­               am
                                                                ­            dro
                                                 ­                         wni
                                    ­       ng in                    my
                                       own emot              ions
                                          ­please          save me
                                 from myself I am drown
                               ing in   my own thought
                             and  I     keep sinking
                             deep       er into thou
                             ghts         I need you
                               to           pull me up
                                to           safety befo
                                              re I disapp
                                              ear into the
                                                 darkest
                                                  depths
­                                                     bel
                                                      ow
    ­                                                    p
           ­                                                 l
                                                         e
                                                           a
                                                        s
   ­                                                   e
            ­                                            h
                   ­                                        e
                                                        l­
                                                      p
        ­                                             m
                                                        e
     ­                                                   b
            ­                                             e
                                                       f
                                                     o
                                                       r
                                                      e
       ­                                          **i
                                                t
           ­                                  's      
                                            t
                                            o
                                        o
                     ­                 l
                                    a
        ­                               t
                                         e
                                            .
                 ­                              .
                                            .

Falling down into darkness,
I am awaited by an angel
More beautiful than anything.
Her light, dappling the walls
Her hair, rippling golden waves
Her eyes, holding sapphires
Her gaze, stopping time
She catches me and laughs
Her laugh, contagious and godly
Her voice, more beautiful than
The first flowers of spring.
She is my angel,
Saving me from the darkness.

cracked eggs and shattered minds
caress death and romance hell
mind numb and body dull
crack me open and make me think

I turn the page in the book
And look at the chapter that lies ahead of me
They say don't look back on the past
But how would I be here without it.
All the pain, the misery, the sorrow
And the joy, the laughter, the love
If I didn't have those memories
How could I be this strong.

TRIGGER WARNING**
Parallel lines
Running forever
I found a friend that will stay next to me like those lines
Those beautiful, thin parallel lines
Running on and on
A deep reminder of my life
The lovely lines that match the colour of the pretty girl's lips
The pain isn't felt when the friend leaves
But rather is painful when present
Some say my friend is terrible
But I defend my friends no matter what.
And likewise, I will protect my friend
The blade.

draw me the sky
with the angels weeping
draw me the moon
with all its flaws
we all have flaws
we all die off
we won’t last forever
and that’s why
the angels weep
and demons preach
and never for the right reasons
draw me your world
in perfect perfection
and i’ll draw you mine
in exact chaos
the world wasn’t meant
to be distorted
it’s a vile creature
of native things
sin isn’t abnormal
and we don’t pray away the sin
we pray away the pain

Brushing off
the dusty pages
I continue the story
I once began
I used to question
If the world deserved to hear my story
Now, with pen in hand, I question
If I am allowed me to keep those secrets
Hidden in the depths of my soul
Controlling my hand
The pen starts to write
Sharing all of the secrets
I thought I could hide.

Another silent tear drips down my face.
Laugh, stay calm, act normal for once.
The night is a softer shade of black than my heart.
Don't let them know how much you hurt.
The pain tugs at my heart.

And* yet again it happens my thoughts collide with reality and I cannot control my tears.

Your beauty is unfathomable
Your knowledge is uncountable
Your love is unforgettable
Your protection is unimaginable

Sinking into the depths of the sea,
Her mind like an anchor,
Dragging her down.
But her heart,
Like a raft trying, forever, to pull her back up.

And finally the raft pops.
She sinks down.

Farther,

And farther,

Until the light of the beautiful sun
Won't even touch her fragile face.

Fighting tears and clouded thoughts
I began to question if this was all
That there is in the world,
Small, hopeless moments of love,
Only to return
To our cold dark world that is reality.