I've fallen into an empty void.
I have the will to pull myself out,
But I'm not sure I want to.
I don't feel overwhelmed,
I don't get hurt,
And I'm done crying.

I write away the pain,
I trap it in ink,
These pages hold more then words,
They hold me.

You can't see me,
You can't hear me,
It's a shell of a happier person I used to be.

I am trapped in my own mind,
The walls are crumbling,
But I'm still chained,
The chains are weak,
But I'm still stuck,
because I am afraid.

The walls are collapsing,
The roof is caving in,
Under the crushing weight of anxiety and depression.
I am afraid I am going to be crushed,
But I won't leave,
I am even more afraid of the outside

I don't want to be seen or heard.
I don't want to trap you with me.
I am dying,
You don't know,
I am dying.
But you are happy.

So I can be
fine.

Don't be sad, depressed or lonely.
"Follow me!" they say,
Belivieve us we will show
you the way!
The cures just an arms reach away!

Sad?
Well joys just a little sniff away, you can even puff if you'd like!
"Look at you, all grown up!"
Depressions easy!
Meet the lips of a bottle to your own, till you forget you're down!
"I think you're getting it!"
And if you're lonely,
Just find another body to lay with.
"See! You can take care of yourself just fine!"

Oh honey they never tell you,
The sniff becomes necessary,
The drinking nightly,
It's only lust,
Never love.
but it's just a little to late,
You drank their Kool-Aid.

With each that falls,
I relive an old pain,
I feel a new sorrow.
The same suffering,
A different agony.
An endless loop,
A momentary relief.

Somethings are more
beautiful while they burn

I'll give you pleasure,
Then show you pain.
You'll never smile so wide,
Or cry so hard.
It's suffocating in silk.
It's drowning in daffodils.
It's a strange addiction

I told you I was fragile,
But you dropped me anyways.

Every one has barbed wire.
It pulls away but you only grip it tighter.
It cuts into your hands.
But you refuse to let it go.
No matter the pain.
No matter the cost.

I think about you,
before I fall asleep,
When I wake up,
You're always on my mind.
Am I on yours?
Do you think about me the way I think of you?
Do you look at me from across the room when I'm not looking?
I think I'm in love,
But afraid you aren't

I'm not afraid to fall,
I'm afraid to land.

I never had the chance to be soft.
I was always ****** knuckles and broken glass,
I wanted them to fear hurting me.

When they judge most, care the least.
Their thoughts aren't yours to carry.
Drop their comments and strut over them like a red carpet.

Look through a liars eyes,
See what betryal,
What pain,
What fear,
Has turned them into.
Only through a liars eyes.

Night and Day
I laugh,
I joke,
But that only lasts the day.

Then at night,
The sun goes down,
Along with my walls,
I  break,
I cry.
And just a little bit,
I die.

Then when the sun comes up,
So do my walls,
My smiles fake,
My tears dry.

My emotions are night and day.

Caught in your crossfire,
A blow meant for you,
That I have taken,
You won't notice though,
You only have eyes for your foe,
I am caught.
Now that I'm in,
Theres no way out.
Caught in your crossfire
What's war without casualties?

Why do you blame the children?
Who raised them?

Can't walk out
If I don't let you in
*finger guns

It all begins with Those deep brown eyes,
Those deep brown eyes have no end,
They hold the world,
These fleeting moments when nothing exists at all,
It all ends with those deep brown eyes.

I'm sorry that you like me.
But if you met me you would regret it.
I can't do this to you.
If you get to know me I'm not that great.
Getting close to me isn't safe.
A warning isn't enough.
I have make sure you don't come back,
No matter how much it hurts either of us

This isn't a storybook,
Don't stay when I say to leave,
Don't wipe the the tears you caused from my face.
I don't need to be saved.
Don't expect a fairy tale ending,
If I say its over, it's over.
When it's done, it's done.
This isn't going to be a happy ending.

I won't leave,
If you can give me a reason not to

When I give you everything
You tossed it away like nothing.
But I blame myself for letting you back in.

The road to hell is a long one.
And it's paved with my good intentions.

You went for it,
I didn't.
You loved,
I did too.
You confessed it,
I didn't.
You fell,
I did too.
You thought we could make it,
I didn't.

Those lovely green eyes hold all the innocence in the world,
The forest has less shades of green then those eyes,
Those green eyes show a brand new beginning.

You told me I'd never do it,
That my dreams are unrealistic.
Well maybe they are, but I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it twice and look **** good doing it.

After building yourself up
so many times after being broken down,
You learn to cherish the pain,
And love your destruction.

I can't resist you,
But you can't keep me.
I'm not enough.
You're too much.
So maybe it would be easier for us both,
If you stopped coming back.

A war rages in my heart,
The only casualties are my feelings,
My tears threaten to spill when we speak,
How do I tell you that I love another,
You are my brother,
If not by blood then by bond,
I can't live without you,
But I can't live with you,
If I tell you how far will you go?
Could I still reach you?
Can we go back to friendship?

No it never ends well,
We fight,
We fall apart in each other's arms,
We clean each other when we're a mess,
We catch all the tears,
But In the end we tear each other apart,
We are better off without eachother,
But that is a whole new agony,
so again and again we go through the motions of this toxic romance.

The feels of a poet are never easily explained,
A string of words,
Scratches of a pencil,
We pour our heart into the note book beneath our pillows.
Expressing our pain, sorrow and joy all in one place,
Our safe haven.
But if you ask how we are the answer never changes.
We are fine.

If love is a battlefield,
Doesn't that make life war?
And what's war without casualties?

I'm here.
I'm visible.
But I am disconnected.
I'm too afraid to shatter the walls.
As long as I stay in here no one
can hurt me.
I'm not quite happy,
I'm not quite sad.
But I am safe

The Weapons You Wield
Though they never touched my body,
Broke my skin,
Slashed at my flesh.

They tore at my heart,
Ripped up my mind,
Spilt my tears.

The pain is real.
The weapons you used are not the kind of war,
but the unkind words tinting my soul.
I lost the battle.
I intend to win the war.
-Madison Smith

Would you look at that;
I've lost sleep,
                 Weight,
                         Confidence,
                  Control,
And probably my sanity.
What a hell of a week.

You don't get to pick and choose,
Cutting me apart to fit into your puzzle,
I am whole,
And if you want my body you have to take my heart.
Sorry, but it's a package deal.

At Youth camp service the pastor asked all the troubled to pray at the alter,
He called it the alter call.
Dozens of teens stepped forward to pray,
The tears were almost to much for me,
I comforted all who finished,and
whether I knew them or not.
The you walked forward, all eyes on you,
You were the strong one,
You never broke,
What hell has broken you?
You one else and after everyone left, you stayed still praying.
I stayed behind waiting.
when you finally lifted your head your teary eyes met mine.
We hugged for an eternity not speaking,
You left and smiled at your friends, messing around, a flawless mask,
And I believed that lie for the longest time, But now I know you truly.
Only I knew the unbreakable boy has snapped.
And I think I love him.

They are all around us,
The ghost of the girl I was before I met you,
The ghost of your touch on my skin,
The ghost of your name on my tongue,
The ghost of our mistakes.
It's all the past.
None of its real anymore.
We are now.

Not What I Meant
I told you to leave,
I said I was fine,
I laughed it off,
There was something in my eye,

But that's not what I meant.

I needed you to stay,
I was falling apart,
Later I cried,
I just wanted to die.

I want a boy who looks at me as though there's something worth seeing.
I want a boy with eyes full of mischief,
I want a boy who isn't afraid to be vulnerable,
I want a boy who sees my flaws and continues to love me.
I want a boy who can love me.
I want a boy who I can love.

You are a risk I'm willing to take.
Let's see if I made a mistake.

The icy air surrounds us,
Your scent almost overwhelms,
I feel your heartbeat on my cheek,
Your warm hands on my back,
The whispers in my ear,
I breath it all in.
I inhale our beauty

If you think I'm a mess now,
you should should see me without you.

You fight tooth and nail
Until you're sitting on a throne,
On top of a monarchy.
Not only will Society fear you.
Society will surround you,
It suffocate you
And it will tear you apart.
Until finally,
You're a shattered soul beneath a crown,
Nothing but the luxuries you
****** yourself for.

I told you once, twice and many more times,
But you can't seem to release your grip,
Or even get a grip,
You're not the one for me,
I'm not the one for you,
But you can't stand the thought of me with someone else,
He is kind,
He treats me right,
He is trustworthy,
He isn't you.
You need to leave me alone
Learn to forget me,
Just let go

You strip me down to the core.
Force me to resurface painful secrets.
Pressure me to empty my mind to you.
You scrape out my heart while it beats.
You may as while dissect me while I breath.
Then you have the audacity to tell me I hurt you.

I had a crush on you before you broke,
Things happened,
You changed and so did I,
You were done with it,
But it was just the beginning,
Life threw hell your way,
And you endured.
I had a crush on you before you broke,
Now I think I'm in love with you and your beautifully broken self.

Hey,
Remember me?
We went to school together,
We were friends.
No?
You were so important to me,
I guess I didn't mean as much to as you did to me.
That's ok, I guess I'll go now.

You were a whole chapter in my book,
But I was merely a sentence in yours.

You are my dark side,
Personified.