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311 · Oct 2017
|You'll never learn|
nim Oct 2017
You can learn to love,
But
You'll never learn how to fall in love
310 · Oct 2020
death is mimicking my gait
nim Oct 2020
soft footsteps in my ears
a melodic pain, in my head
her gaze at my back
and her hand
on my shoulders

and so, death sits
next to me,
keeping me company

and so, death weeps and laughs,
it's driving me mad.
her hazy cries and whimpers;
they're tearing me apart

she mimics my gait
i'm losing my faith
i'm starting to steep,
i've never been so weak
304 · Nov 2020
trip to Neverland
nim Nov 2020
give me a reason to exist
numbing the pain, i persist
to go on, even if it's meaningless
and even if i've never felt less

take my hand
now crush it, let me die
hoarding the skies of Neverland
let me live a beautiful lie

the sky is dull, my life's on line
to paint the sky, i must try
so it can be a miracle and shine
and i can finally go on and cry

i like the lies you tell
your lips convince me as you speak
i let the truth escape and leak
you caught me, but that's why i fell
296 · Feb 2023
clash
nim Feb 2023
a puff of breath
slips into the cold air
while i sit on the ground.
i try to restart my heart.
i hope, when the sun
hits the clouds once again,
i can be kinder,
this next day.
"I've corrupted you."
296 · Jun 2018
ornament
nim Jun 2018
it's no wonder
you can't fall asleep,
when your tears
are ornamenting
your silky sheets
296 · Jun 2018
today's problem
nim Jun 2018
is weeny people
having thoughts that
are immense, vast, oversized for their age
for their teeny, picayune bodies

but that isn't the problem

it's the elders not acknowledging them nor their thoughts
it's their need for self destruction  
it's anxiety, depression, Weltschmerz all over again

it's not being enough
but feeling
way too
much
295 · Feb 2018
A feeling
nim Feb 2018
The abyss and emptyness.
A feeling,
craving other feelings.

Black.

Light.

Transparent.
To apathy
292 · May 2018
e v i l
nim May 2018
All of a sudden, everything made sense;
My guardian angel
Must be a fallen one
283 · Jun 2018
how without?
nim Jun 2018
my
bones
could not stand
your strength; my
glassy veins
could not stand
being unhurt; my
damaged brain,
without knowing
what's good,
couldn't stand
being
okay
;
my
self
hasn't
learned yet,
what it means to
feel like i'm real in this
vile, horror circle of life
galloping through our
time, wasting time,
following time,
timing time,
feeling time, but
making our thoughts
to still remain
timeless
and
to
stand
hurtless
but my damaged
brain, not knowing what
is good, can never learn
how to feel good
how to feel real
how to feel
how to be
how
.
.
.
how
without
hurting
...yourself?
280 · Jul 2018
be better
nim Jul 2018
i made a
promise, to myself
that when i get
older, i would
be better than
i was before
but i didn't know
that 'being better',
to other people,
meant
doing impossible
so it's no wonder
that i am no good
       that i cannot do good
that i
cannot
.
.
.
be better
.
.
.

when all
of my effort meant
nothing
to the people i
loved the most
276 · Aug 2018
The way you left me
nim Aug 2018
Your dazzling light
Was all I saw,
All I remember.

The image is burning
In my mind everyday,
Stamped by your words
In my canvas of misery.

And so, at last,
Hell's flame you left in me
Will never leave my head
The way you left me.
Some creative expression, playing with images
267 · Mar 2022
my flower
nim Mar 2022
i'm back, my old friend
once again, i picked up the pen
to make the smile on paper alive again.
colours are filling in my heart
and with you, i can see again
i never knew how blind i was.
you are the wonderful flower
that's being acknowledged by people
passing through the streets
then picked up, to gift to their mothers,
simply because of your exquisite beauty;
you are now her flower, and mine as well.
and without you, the wind carries me away,
and i struggle to find my path alone.
dreams would hurt me, the stars would shoot me,
and the lake would tell me to drown;
but then i'd wake up,
to see you by my side.

then i hug the world, and dream of better days with you.
with you, i know i can make it through.
266 · Jul 2018
pain
nim Jul 2018
pain
changes us
and pain
must exist
or you'll feel
like you've never
lived
264 · Jun 2018
let me break
nim Jun 2018
he told me i
can't have this
wounds patched up, i
can't heal
the only way to
close the
wound, is to
break
completely

so i
Broke
but i
am still
alive
help me
break
and let me
bleed out
in the dead
silence
of
night
260 · Jun 2018
please stop
nim Jun 2018
starless night
in disguise,
no sunrise
endless dark
254 · Oct 2021
picture
nim Oct 2021
fragile creature, lying on the floor
naked and bare, curled up
not even crying, slowly dying inside
whilst the sun rays hit it, thus
painting a beautiful, yet a sad picture
glass pieces and ashes ornament the floor
slowly glowing in the girl's hair
in a silver dress
slowly dying on the floor
247 · Mar 2023
rails
nim Mar 2023
||             look at me!,      ||
i playfully scream,
                                    balancing at the edge
||     of the rusty rails     ||
used only by ghosts
of trains, and of
people

the cliff                                          
||       turns gravity        ||
to pull me closer,        
into a                                            hug
||    i've always wanted,     ||
like a good parent
after praising his son

the call twists my
                                brain
insides                 ­               
pulling me          
closer          
                             to the cliff,

and i wander,
and i wonder,
and i
||        s c r e a m      ||
and i wish
i could
cry.

||                          ||
the rails are
closing in,
i don't have
much time

to write what i say,
                        || and sa||y what i write
i wish someone
could love me
now.

|n|ow|,|
not even the
rails
want me,
i fall
into the void,
now,
i     di         ||e||                  ▫️
a piece of you will always stay in me
and i don't get a say in it
234 · Jun 2023
writer
nim Jun 2023
what a big writer you are,
with tears serving you as ink
in the end, always
leaving nothing behind
208 · Jan 2020
Downfall
nim Jan 2020
Baby, the sun is setting down
And I'm done taking chances;
I promise not to make a sound,
Let's communicate with soft glances.

I've been on a run, just like you
A getaway from me,
Just like you.

I'd like to leave a note,
A soft goodbye.

But Fate won't let me,
Said we tied a knot.

You and me,
Versus all of the odds.

Nobody knows,
But neither do we.

For you and I,
We just used to be.

And so, I'll be calm for now
With the knowledge that sings me to sleep,
A sweet lullaby, for just you and me.

This time,
I will let Fate
Do her own thing

And sing me to sleep,
Amongst the salty tears.
200 · Oct 2018
Until I bloom
nim Oct 2018
I'm blooming.
This path, I've chosen it myself;
And though your footsteps are still fresh in my garden,
And I still see your siluette in the moonlight,
I shall not let the memories define me.

The grass once stomped, will recover.
Your shadows are slowly fading.
No more will I let your darkness grow in my heart.

I'm letting go, and I'm blooming.
The breeze relaxes me instead of sending shivers down my body,
Instead of reminding me of your cold winds, orbiting my neck.
Slowly pressuring it in the darkness.

Until the red sun rises, and the sounds of the darkness and solitude quiet down. Until the cherry blossom wakes up again. Until my rotten flowers die and they get replaced by new ones.

Until then, I'll be waiting.

I'll be waiting,

Until I bloom.
198 · Mar 2018
once the best
nim Mar 2018
i know
you once
used to be
the best
and it's okay if
you are not anymore

because
everyone's given
a chance
to shine

and not one
person,
can always have
thier place in the sun

so don't be
bothered
because of it, be
happy that
you

were once the best.
194 · Jun 2021
dark
nim Jun 2021
i hid in the dark,
i'm sorry it consumed you too.
187 · Nov 2020
hold my hand
nim Nov 2020
hold my hand
and even if it
falls apart,
just know;
you'll assemble me anew.
the world is ours to pursue.
172 · Apr 2021
life is kinda strange
nim Apr 2021
i need to sit
and catch my breath
'cause i can't stand
what's going on,
i need a minute
to just hold on.
the world is too fast,
it's spinning about,
i need to stop,
oh, god, help me down.
i need to sit
and cry it out,
i wish emotions
would come out.
it's all blurry,
i'm always in a hurry,
i wish i could
just break the clock
that's ticking down,
make the time
count down.
'cause god, i need to breathe,
but these things
are killing me.
oh god, just one breath,
in the rain, i suffocate.
it all comes down,
it's crashing now,
but i just sit
and try to breathe.
161 · Nov 2020
water the dead
nim Nov 2020
i was told to water my
silly little flowers
even though they've withered.
they bowed down, all the way
to the silly little ground.
but i think
i should just cut them,
deprive those stupid snakes of life.
because the dead flowers bit me,
and their poison still runs in my mind.
sometimes, i think that
the unseen flowers of evil
will be the last thing i'll see.

so, god help me,
if i don't deprive
these meaningless flowers

of life.
SN
148 · Jan 2019
Nö:#2
nim Jan 2019
constant aching in my chest
and i can't seem to help it
constant pain, physically felt
brought from the inside of my head
days feel long, days feel short
it's a sand hourglass constantly twisted
but each of them brings pain,
indecisiveness;
each of them is always
the same
in the unique,
painful
way
131 · Apr 2019
act 1
nim Apr 2019
i could be the best actor
pretend i don't care

but it's all in vain
when you are not
looking at my stage
lonely.
119 · Oct 2018
sky
nim Oct 2018
sky
my hands
are turning cold and dull
you're becoming blurry
my thoughts, I cannot follow
the sky is our limit, made to be surpassed

finally I'm fading,
for years I've been waiting
117 · Apr 2019
a riddle
nim Apr 2019
hidden, hidden
riddle me a riddle
your nails so black
rest on your face
while you're looking away,
a wondering gaze

it's like i can almost hear your mind
struggling to figure out;
"four feet, one heart, no spines, a turning clock",
you try the taste of the words

it is where I'm taking you, and me

together

one heart,
I'll do it
in the name
of love
115 · Oct 2018
Lies
nim Oct 2018
There was no place like your eyes

A pool-depth full of lies
112 · Mar 2019
musae
nim Mar 2019
and in the dark
you long for your muse;
calling her name
needing her to inspire you

to embolden the blood in your veins
to embrace the void in your eyes

to flip your world around,

to fill your soul with love

you long for your muse.
111 · Oct 2020
death
nim Oct 2020
maybe i am mourning my own death;
perhaps i've been dying for far too long
110 · May 2022
M
nim May 2022
M
Cleopatra used to look at this moon,
But I'm just happy I get to see it with you.
I love you so much.
103 · Apr 2019
a rainy day
nim Apr 2019
rain is slowly dripping
down my umbrella;
soft, orange and brown leaves
still stick to my shoes

the misty fog soon discovers
the path ahead of me,
white flowers on the trees
are whispering a soft hello.

i hope, i really hope
you'll one day see
the beauty in peace

i hope, i really hope
you'll find in the world
what i found in you.
love.
99 · May 2023
at peace
nim May 2023
i've been fighting horrible
battles with death, with my
mind constantly overflowing, spilling;
but

in my lifetime
i came across people who loved me,
someone loved me;

and that's enough.
Been having horrible anxiety all the time. Relief brings immediate tears.
99 · Sep 2019
lost
nim Sep 2019
i am lost
and
shattered
amongst
memories
98 · Jan 2020
Inhabit the moon
nim Jan 2020
broken glass in my ****** hands
and everything we've been through
it cuts me deeper
my broken heart
in your hands,
i fall
apart

our masks crashed on the floor
losing interest in the stars
we're walking away from our dreams
we'll walk off from the galaxy

i might numb the pain down
i might burn the sorrow away
i might scream the desperation away
i might make the misery drown

let's fall face down to the floor
let's dance off a cliff
and then fly away
and then dissolve away

let's wake up,
or let's never wake up again

let our tears light our way
or come into the way of our light.

let me numb the pain away
let me walk the stars
let me visit the sun
and inhabit the moon

let me never
ever
feel
this
again
97 · Apr 2019
won't you look at me?
nim Apr 2019
i want your presence
which floods me like waves on a stormy morning,
unforeseen and dangerous, swinging my base of life

can i steal a hug?
or a moment of your time?
just to tell you that
i see and seek your heart,
even for seconds,
if you could be mine...

if you'd turn your gaze to me,
hell, why won't you look at me?
hell, when did we grow apart?

i remember chasing each other
when the time wasn't right,
but will there ever come our time?

won't you look at me, look at me now?

if we can go back...
to how we used to be
before we
and i
fell
apart
96 · May 2023
sister
nim May 2023
you dye my hair
and teach me how to sew,
you give me advice
and hear me out when i cry, too.
when i treat you bad
or when i try my best
i feel at ease, but guilty,
because it is you -
i wish to give you
more than i ever could.

forgive me,
for i am a monster
that cannot fight as well
as you do, i cannot parent
as well as you do;
you are so bright,
in both stance and wits,
even when you're clumsy too.

i love all of your jokes,
and the way you laugh,
and the way you're always first
on the scoreboard of your old FPS.
i love all of your hobbies
and the way you're full of knowledge,
yes, tell me more about what the Romans do.

thank you for showing me
how to read these
dumb scripts, and how not
to get an F in an essay.
what the professors hate,
and why i might not fail.
for cheering me up,
for trying so hard;

just know,
you are seen too.

I love you, too.
hope i can express it well enough one day <3 thank you
92 · Sep 2022
life
nim Sep 2022
each passing time,
the pain gets multiplied
and it lingers on,
a scent, wrapping my body up
into mischievous agony.
amuse me, pain,
amuse me, agony;
for i have yet to show my best qualities.
the best has not yet come to pass,
but one certain thing comforts me
and puts me at ease like a sweet lullaby;
if i create, i am
if i write, i exist
and my life will forever go on,
and my existence will not be in vain.
for as long as i create,
some trail will be left behind.
the scent of death will fade,
and i will live
one more time.
91 · Jan 2021
i did the right thing
nim Jan 2021
but what's the cost?
i'm picking the good choice,
so why is it picking back at me?
90 · Feb 2023
my friend was the Sun
nim Feb 2023
hello, dear Sun,
with the ever bright smile,
the Sun that seems I left behind,
the Sun that appears in my mind.

the Sun was always beautiful
and it's warmth was like no other;
it made everyone's day brighter,

if only she herself could feel joy.

i read the Sun's letter
and the wishes on the book she got me,
time and time again,
hoping, for once,
the Sun would feel some
of her very own, warm rays of light.

and so, very well,
if the Sun wishes to leave,
i will gladly go blind
watching the Eclipse,

by fits and starts
dreaming of times
i felt the warm, yellow strips,
glow on my face.

dear Sun,
if only you knew
i never meant to hurt you,
if only you knew
what i felt back then.
because feeling the dark
slowly creep in,
sensing the Sun
set back in,

i set off first.

and for the rest of the night,
i talked with the Moon.

the darkness wasn't new.

i left, when i knew i'd
be stranded in the dusk.
so i chose not to walk on that line,
but to simply indulge myself
into the night.

i left,
not you,
never you.
i escaped from the clouds
that were threatening
to drench me in poisonous raindrops,
i escaped,
knowing you'd eventually
turn off your light.

and so,
the mute silence
dropped the curtain itself.
it is made out of iron,
and i cannot lift it alone.
the Sun cannot get through.

if only Sun knew,
i never wished to leave you.

but the Sun would leave first,
this is something i just knew.

like a survival instinct
screaming i'll get burnt.

and eventually,
when the Sun left, or when
i left the Sun,
different emotions
would pass me through.

what i may be myself,
is this dark side of the Moon.

today, i give up,
for the last time,
like a shadow that evaporates
in front of a strong light,
and i am letting go.

today, i'll just hope
the Sun will remember
how special she is
and wish for the Sun
to finally be filled
with unwavering joy,
even if that may be
just wishful thinking.

the Moon at least loves me,
here in the gloom,
but i can't expect this out of a Sun;
"but you did not follow me
into the dark."
thank you for showing me this site; i wouldn't be the same without it.
i hope you are happy,
and your yellows don't get painted over.
85 · May 2022
A
nim May 2022
***
Don't cry no more,
my beautiful sunflower;
let's spin in the rays of sun,
let me see a straw hat crown your gorgeous smile.

Hold my fingers, whisper in my ear,
snuggle with me in the sleeping bag;
let us pray to the fallen stars,
for a dream I hope will last.

And when winter comes, I'll make
a gorgeous castle, and do whatever it takes
to keep you safe and warm, my love,
so you can last an eternity in my arms.

In return, you can lead me to the
surface, help me grasp some air,
make me float in this endless ocean,
and show me how to breathe again.
85 · Aug 2021
let go
nim Aug 2021
sometimes, the hole is too big to be filled.
other times, it's like it fills itself.
as if something breaks, and i can suddenly let go.
sometimes, i still smell your perfume,
and other times, i see your shadows in our garden and in the faces passing by.
help me let this young soul go;
i don't know if you can leave,
but help him pass the bridge.
for i was way too late,
and people all around me are starting to wither.
i can see it in their eyes, and i know you see it too.
i can see it in the tragedy of their beloved ones, and i know how they hurt.
death, as well as other situations.
84 · Aug 2019
0334
nim Aug 2019
moon, you brutal lover,
keeping all of my secrets
yet never sharing yours.

still, i find comfort when I'm with you;
my solitude and sorrow
merging with your soft light
slowly turning into one

show me yourself
i need you right now
i'm fading away

don't be shy,
you're the one
who knows who i am

because tonight
your company is my only medicine
84 · Jun 2022
K
nim Jun 2022
K
in this land of supplements,
you are the only certainty,
the original, pure essence
that can satisfy my lust.
no amount of medication
can cure me like you do,
no amount of drugs
could make me as happy as you do.
you take my lust and need for happiness
and shape it into something called life,
a life i can live,
the one i can be sure i want to live.
is this what will ultimately shape me?
or will my black void prevail?
or are you the black hole,
which swallows me whole,
and leads to something else?
when you hold my hand
i no longer fear death;
i fear for you,
and try to find ways
to satisfy you.
do i satisfy you?
or will you leave?
will the swinging make you seasick?
or will you dance in the strong wind?
or will i drown, while you drift away?
if i drown, would you still save me?
if i drown,
will you still miss this body of mine
my shell on earth
that i hate so much?
will you miss my soul,
like i would miss yours?
like i miss your body right now?
i know all of the answers,
you are as certain as time,
constant and continuous,
and your love is as comforting as life,
so i hope you know how much i love you
through this messy head of mine,
where my thoughts are escaping
and i feel ill
and i drive people away
but i hope you stay.
82 · Oct 2018
your darkness...
nim Oct 2018
your darkness swallowed me
your magic tangled me in wires
your fingers with black nails shut my eyes closed
your knife pressured my larynx
your ways left me confused
your energy left me tired,
your life left me dead.
77 · Jun 2021
death, to you
nim Jun 2021
oh my, oh my,
how deeply i want to die;
it's around here, it's over there,
i'm having an affair with death!
but he beats me & i'm scared,
my eyes fall out, my cheeks get crushed,
oh my, oh my,
what a beautiful lie!
to disappear & not exist,
but to live, i persist;
because i love you, i do not,
oh, death, you really ****.
your skull is dull,
your eyes are dark,
your bones that touch
my crystal necklace,
and my amethyst lungs
filled with empty awe.
you repeat yourself,
over and over again
it ***** me in,
your words claim
"it'll be over", but
it will be over.
oh my, oh my,
what a beautiful lie;
my reflection stares back
as i down another bottle.
not even smokes help,
instead of high there's a fog,
i do not eat, i eat too much,
im really sensitive,
no, im not.
oh! i am sorry,
but not for what i claim,
my other side's
got the best of me.
i wonder where
is the rest of me.
74 · Feb 2019
once, it was your number
nim Feb 2019
hate me
for i deserve no good,
for i do my best;
but it is also my worst.

hate me,
leave me brokenhearted
with pain and apathy
and with just a stranger's number on my phone

once, it was your number
and all of my comfort and my heart;
i didn't know things would fall apart
once you were gone...

hate me
then you'll know
what being me
truly feels like

hate me
because now a stranger
uses your number
and if I called you
i knew i could never hear your voice
pain&heartbreak
70 · Oct 2021
Titleless
nim Oct 2021
i'm tired of feeling weak
in a way that makes me even weaker;
i want back the old flame
which spited the logic of being ill.
little flame, whose reflection
shines on the window
and makes me beautiful;
all over again,
i would die for you.
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