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"mountaintops" poems
Sometimes beneath close eyelids I quest to bring you back As if you were driftwood floating Downstream on your back. I dip my hands beneath the veil And dry away the death And from my parting, weeping lips I give you back your breath- Just like the rising sunset burning In the summer sky Paints and saints the mountaintops And casts their colors bright. *Unrhymed Notes: Sometimes I dream I can bring you back Just as simply as dipping my hands into the water To retrieve a floating piece of driftwood; Dry the death from your skin And breath life back into you The way the sunrise reanimates The Dark Mountains Each and every day. I see your Ocean eyes open Embrace you like I'm trying to Fold you into my skin Where I can keep you always And feel your summer peach warm flesh Tangible against my permafrost fingers. If the dead could talk Nothing profound would leave your lips They'd only quirk into a Cheshire smile And you'd tell me to let go Relinquish Move along and stop standing still Life is for the Living Death is for the dead And dreams are for the foolish.* "You *******
0
Aug 27, 2015
Aug 27, 2015 at 3:08 PM UTC
Sometimes I Bring you Back.
I once thought there wasn't any life outside of this town, but I was okay with that because it had everything I needed. But what do I know? We are all so young, running through parks, climbing up mountaintops. Strolling past all the shops and driving around this town going nowhere in particular, I thought that it simply could not get better than this. We loved each other like the stars I thought that nothing could separate us. We were sure to last, but little did we know that all these days will belong to the past, and everything that we always did now live on pages on thousands of papers and in pictures tucked away in a box of old things. Happiness was in the air that day when we all were together once again. The moon shined bright that night, lighting the path that we once drove down every day. This city just seems so small now that I have broken all its walls. I drive past all the places we left marks on in this city. The now vacant houses that once held so many memories, the lunch table where our love blossomed, the midnight drives to the movies, getting excited over slushies, and the lakes we learned to float. I look back on all these places and think about all the things we ever did, I simply thought that it could not get any better than this. Setting the new year on fire. Dancing to the sounds of Grease. Picking peaches in celebration of spring. Watching all the bands we ever loved. I would forget all my stress and worries thinking about it all. Can it get any better than this? I want to thank this town for all the stories I wrote. All the times we felt like children. All the times we rose with the sun. All the times I felt loved by all the people that were my stars. As I'm driving through this town and watch it grow smaller in my eyes, I imagine a time when I was not alone. I know getting older can seem quite strange at times, but what do I know? All I know is that there is just so much to see, and sometimes the grass isn't always green as it used to be. But as long as I have these memories, it couldn't get any better than this.
0
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 10:42 PM UTC
Hometown Forever
I once thought there wasn't any life outside of this town, but I was okay with that because it had everything I needed. But what do I know? We are all so young, running through parks, climbing up mountaintops. Strolling past all the shops and driving around this town going nowhere in particular, I thought that it simply could not get better than this. We loved each other like the stars I thought that nothing could separate us. We were sure to last, but little did we know that all these days will belong to the past, and everything that we always did now live on pages on thousands of papers and in pictures tucked away in a box of old things. Happiness was in the air that day when we all were together once again. The moon shined bright that night, lighting the path that we once drove down every day. This city just seems so small now that I have broken all its walls. I drive past all the places we left marks on in this city. The now vacant houses that once held so many memories, the lunch table where our love blossomed, the midnight drives to the movies, getting excited over slushies, and the lakes we learned to float. I look back on all these places and think about all the things we ever did, I simply thought that it could not get any better than this. Setting the new year on fire. Dancing to the sounds of Grease. Picking peaches in celebration of spring. Watching all the bands we ever loved. I would forget all my stress and worries thinking about it all. Can it get any better than this? I want to thank this town for all the stories I wrote. All the times we felt like children. All the times we rose with the sun. All the times I felt loved by all the people that were my stars. As I'm driving through this town and watch it grow smaller in my eyes, I imagine a time when I was not alone. I know getting older can seem quite strange at times, but what do I know? All I know is that there is just so much to see, and sometimes the grass isn't always green as it used to be. But as long as I have these memories, it couldn't get any better than this.
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50
I was with the ocean last night and your body Was its vessel, overflowing.  Words were frail, Drops indwelling about the shapeless sky, Water reaching for its own height and breath, Like touch, were as desperate letters exchanged, Endlessly read, until like loamy vellums, they Disappeared in our hands.  Inklings of tide- Pool and driftwood.                                My blood was a river that ran Its course.  Members feeding your deltas and birds Breeding where the water-russet sheds on pampas And inverness.  Eyes like wing through ever— Green, empties the fossil shell.  Fire, brimming Mountaintops that were, for countless millennia, Sleeping.  Did I mention that the earth moved? No?  Her displacement was involuntary. Then came the waterfalls, lifting throughout Time.  The scent, searching for its identity, The wave, calling to its own name— Ocean, O— cean.  And flowers, opening like galaxies In the after-light.  A universe of face and hand With hunger for salt-rain and then the cloud Burst-blue and spilt and spun more redolent, Deities, in joyous creation. I breathe, in your ocean, like a child unborn.
0
Jul 3, 2012
Jul 3, 2012 at 7:30 PM UTC
Ocean
In tunnelled darks, pastes of reminisce Outward disjoint points to irrelevance Spooned and coned in cold mountaintops The darks of sorrows and trails of struggles Persistence patterns of self satire in gloom Sunken in identity crisis of broad oceans Stormy seas spotlighted by beatific stars Trajectory of spilled ice in recurrent motions A mere past cocooned by fears and tears Clouded in thoughts that cruise and decline Greyed white imprinted by sudden sadness Madness echoes on arched ancient bricks Checkered maniacs of fulfilled passions Filed and iced in cased prolific memories Cascades of sunshine tickles to warmth Orchards of glow that bloom and grow Picked, ticked and unpacked from boxes Attacked, nurtured and stored in bliss Eventful lessons unfolds in untold augury A mission as the known permeates and fade Windowed eyes all line up in parade Mirrored lights digest the haunted haste A stranger to self, an ally to another A dance of bright entwine a twist of blur
0
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016 at 11:48 AM UTC
Checkered Darks (Lyrical Poetry Additional Audio)
The purple haze of heather had dwindled in the sunshine. Bluebells were breaking too, their florets a flutter. Smoggy incense rolls in off the horizon smoking over the crumbled mountaintops, their peaks unable to break the surf.
0
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 4:12 PM UTC
Stifled spring
By Samaneh Nazerian On a cold winter evening, There was a dove with no wing, Looking at sky, Asking Him why? It was cloudy, Very gloomy, And across the windows, She saw a flock of crows, They were humankind, With nothing in mind, In the fading light, They were in delight! Oppressing on a dare, They were taking no care, With time passing, The kids' laughing, The poor's crying, The Lord's yelling, And His warning, The sun's shining, Where it's rising, And is setting, No care with the moon, Singing out of tune! They were working, And were playing, Eating, laughing, And were crying! They were doing, All every thing, Save for thinking, On their being! No one caring for the poor, the old, All what's seen was the gold and cold! All were there so wise, But getting shut-eye, And closing their eyes, To the how and why! No one seeking, The peaks and the ups, And not looking, For the mountaintops! Finding the world of humanity, In dark, free of any charity, The dove, With love, Felt unhappy, And like jelly! She asked the Lord with courtesy, For His Blessing, Help and Mercy! She called on Him, To forgive them, Give them a chance, To ruin their fence, To save their face, Well, in any case!
0
Jul 23, 2014
Jul 23, 2014 at 6:59 AM UTC
Human Jungle!
Matrimonial stars in aisles of Auroral rainbows. Mizzling rays of twilights, arraying bays with skylines of lucent waves.    A plethora of scarlet roses reposed in florid clouds. Ashore the Giddy ocean in a gentle motion, caressing Mali garnets, mirroring effulgent lights, kissing the mountaintops before refulgent nights.
0
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 8:04 AM UTC
Sunset Beauty
Flashing light paranoia Insecure and dark Dressed to hide a wounded heart As she implores ya to make a start Like a vampire with skinny teeth Making love under painful art What does she see when she looks at me? Does she want to tear it apart? Coming from the mountaintops Are voices singing out If only I could hear what they sang about I'm counting on a soulful shout She makes her way across the floor Still unsure of what she's without But when she reaches out for something She receives a little doubt Never mind the lights Never mind what they hide The song will say it's what's inside It's alright to be shy But when the time comes for showing up Saying hello and not goodbye I hope you know that rejection hurts But regret will watch you die
0
May 28, 2016
May 28, 2016 at 12:05 AM UTC
To the Woman I'll Always Regret Not Reaching Out To
What is artistic expression how do put my soul on a page How do I stroke my aura’s color if I can’t see it   How do paint my humor and intentions How do I draw my unbalanced chakras back to balanced and write the energies surging through channels How do I chalk out my thought process when I am reminded of you Walkie talkies hidden ontop my chalkie chakra blocked like telephone lines hit by drunk drivers or blackouts during storms Sunshine burning mustard seething weekend breeding burnouts coming out of retirement like My soul color bleeding rainbows with big blocks of grey in between Needing the contrast Needing the depth and blurred complications the world is not black and white we all bleed the same rainbow sparks into the same riverbeds breathing and exhaling with the time ticks of our existence of light reflected on the glitter trickled surface of the vibrations of our soul speaks ricocheting through galaxies for eternity. Can’t phrase anything right In come spiraling thoughts stories of me stories of we can’t help but trip I fall into thee mother Luna romanticizing the waves of the sea you rub my jaw with your hipster b Crown king we’re being free We’re trying queen Forgot the beauty in the cold Blackened hearts should walk boldly Frozen on mountaintops trying to keep our souls warm Broken and torn plastic bag in the wind escaping entities that block their flow Exhausted on faking Keep breaking from trying to make it Ain’t no fun to be around I keep all my words in my mouth The devils got my tongue I’m feeling numb All my existence is to *** I can’t get up out of the ******* ground Years go by I’m not feeling myself Tears come out of me like a leaking spout No drugs can bother me My head belongs in the clouds
0
Jul 20, 2018
Jul 20, 2018 at 4:28 PM UTC
Aura’s color
What is artistic expression how do put my soul on a page How do I stroke my aura’s color if I can’t see it   How do paint my humor and intentions How do I draw my unbalanced chakras back to balanced and write the energies surging through channels How do I chalk out my thought process when I am reminded of you Walkie talkies hidden ontop my chalkie chakra blocked like telephone lines hit by drunk drivers or blackouts during storms Sunshine burning mustard seething weekend breeding burnouts coming out of retirement like My soul color bleeding rainbows with big blocks of grey in between Needing the contrast Needing the depth and blurred complications the world is not black and white we all bleed the same rainbow sparks into the same riverbeds breathing and exhaling with the time ticks of our existence of light reflected on the glitter trickled surface of the vibrations of our soul speaks ricocheting through galaxies for eternity. Can’t phrase anything right In come spiraling thoughts stories of me stories of we can’t help but trip I fall into thee mother Luna romanticizing the waves of the sea you rub my jaw with your hipster b Crown king we’re being free We’re trying queen Forgot the beauty in the cold Blackened hearts should walk boldly Frozen on mountaintops trying to keep our souls warm Broken and torn plastic bag in the wind escaping entities that block their flow Exhausted on faking Keep breaking from trying to make it Ain’t no fun to be around I keep all my words in my mouth The devils got my tongue I’m feeling numb All my existence is to *** I can’t get up out of the ******* ground Years go by I’m not feeling myself Tears come out of me like a leaking spout No drugs can bother me My head belongs in the clouds
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29
I've been pacing from room to room Waiting for the world to stimulate Something other than haunting gloom Scroll unrolling a new series of emotions Trends are mountaintops so better follow The path is winding and this high peaked Enjoy the view of this digital landscape As the rest of the world crumbles at your Feet
0
Feb 24, 2023
Feb 24, 2023 at 10:53 AM UTC
Feet
She is beautiful when she dreams Dreams of yesterday, dreams of tomorrow Soft smoky dreams of places far, times long past Hard, wanton dreams of blood and steel And dreams of misted green fields wrapped in the scent of a spring morning Cloud shrouded dreams of mountaintops Caressed by gentle sunny breezes Dreams of the milky moonlight Wrapped about the night like stark lace Passionate dreams of love and laughter The taste of hot skin and warm tears Desirous dreams Of life, of meaning, of fulfillment Dreams of romance that make her eyes shine Dreams of lust and adventure that make her glow I see her reposed, dreaming her dreams White as ivory, fine and chiseled Eyes closed, lips full, peaceful and content She is beautiful when she dreams.
0
Mar 14, 2014
Mar 14, 2014 at 4:37 PM UTC
Dreams
***I've had enough, I'm done Your standards are no fun*** *You're a broken wordsmith Lost in a world of words Searching for realization While your story is unsung Your screams from mountaintops Heard only by cowards ears Your brightest light Can't catch my darkest hour* ***Good day to you sir A forever blur*** Joseph B Schneider
0
Feb 16, 2015
Feb 16, 2015 at 6:54 PM UTC
A Blurry Man
punk music playing in the basement heavy bass vibrating the walls bacardi in a coffee mug ******* on a tiny mirror hands on my thighs, ******* the rush sets hands in my hair eyes rolling back he ***** on my neck i light a cigarette "my room." he pulls my strings like a marionette. i know this exchange of goods very well. i take another bump, eyes widening, i can finally bear to see the world. he eats my ***** and i feel N O T H I N G. i gag on his **** and cry. he strangles me punches my **** my *** cheeks my stomach he's getting his money's worth he starts ******* me drunken noise outside the bedroom door in perfect rhythm with the bass and the headboard against the wall, every stroke hurts my whole body a wound. i think about a distant city skyscrapers towering above me like mountaintops, somewhere under lights and stars where i am happy to be alive, anywhere but here, this place where death lives and waits to catch it's prey. he moans thrusts shivers it's over i wipe mascara tears take another bump take another swig i light another cigarette he leaves the room without a word i follow two steps behind him covered in bruises hickies marked used marked invaluable a group of men shout names at me i block it out, i really don't care anymore. this body was meant for this this body doesnt matter this body is for getting what i want this body is tired and sore.
0
Oct 30, 2018
Oct 30, 2018 at 3:55 PM UTC
2.14.2017 / word salad
a daring mountaineer ran out of lonely peaks and women he could brag to he met a wild woman just as tired of her narcissistic journey they attached and hoped they were in love this projection became their Everest with no summit they ate crackers and soup listened to talk radio fell asleep wondering they sighed in unison quit dreaming of mountaintops
0
Dec 25, 2011
Dec 25, 2011 at 1:17 PM UTC
they stopped
I see you I've seen those eyes before Drowning in patched-up paddle boats With promises of tomorrow slipping down your face Like saline shipwrecks fleeing harbor And greeting the ocean floor with damaged handshakes And now you're hopeless Focused on could have been's and maybe one day's Knowing one day Swelled up storm clouds Could slide through your cheek bones Like sunshowers preventing your skyline parades But I see you still searching for rainbows Covering your face with two handfuls of imagination Daydreaming of days where technicolor dreamcoats Become wrapped around your soul Like tuxedos for the bold I've seen those arms before Deafeated willow branches in the moonlight Rebellious to rise upright And now you're tired Only fired up when your flesh Converts to kindling on a campfire Building sparks that shimmer for seconds When your light deserves a lifetime But I see you still inclined to shine brightly Trying to assign meaning to your life with two inspired limbs That can freely build bridges or climb mountaintops Clinging onto hope with sturdy fists Exploring the peaks of your potential I've seen those legs before Tattered toothpicks on prom night Frozen in stage fright on the dance floor Pressing muted prayers with each footstep Into creaky floorboards waiting for silence to ensue And now you're nervous You're certain those two left feet can't possibly find the rhythm So your shoes are the victims of bashfulness Fearing one false step will uproot your jitterbugs And place them alongside the butterflies in your stomach But I see you still owning your insecurities Because you know you're alive just fine I see you You are who I envisioned you to be I see you Brushstrokes of imperfections shaded in perfectly I see you It's more than just your typical hello It's a phrase for all of us to speak solely with our souls It can make you feel at home at the center of your bones When all your hope is lost and there's no where left to go So when I greet you Listen carefully This is a reminder that your eyes can be thunderous Your arms can be victorious And your legs can be ambitious Your presence is necessary for this discussion And your essence is accepted here Let me speak your spirit into existence Seeing is believing And believe me I see you
0
Jan 16, 2014
Jan 16, 2014 at 3:26 PM UTC
I See You
I see you I've seen those eyes before Drowning in patched-up paddle boats With promises of tomorrow slipping down your face Like saline shipwrecks fleeing harbor And greeting the ocean floor with damaged handshakes And now you're hopeless Focused on could have been's and maybe one day's Knowing one day Swelled up storm clouds Could slide through your cheek bones Like sunshowers preventing your skyline parades But I see you still searching for rainbows Covering your face with two handfuls of imagination Daydreaming of days where technicolor dreamcoats Become wrapped around your soul Like tuxedos for the bold I've seen those arms before Deafeated willow branches in the moonlight Rebellious to rise upright And now you're tired Only fired up when your flesh Converts to kindling on a campfire Building sparks that shimmer for seconds When your light deserves a lifetime But I see you still inclined to shine brightly Trying to assign meaning to your life with two inspired limbs That can freely build bridges or climb mountaintops Clinging onto hope with sturdy fists Exploring the peaks of your potential I've seen those legs before Tattered toothpicks on prom night Frozen in stage fright on the dance floor Pressing muted prayers with each footstep Into creaky floorboards waiting for silence to ensue And now you're nervous You're certain those two left feet can't possibly find the rhythm So your shoes are the victims of bashfulness Fearing one false step will uproot your jitterbugs And place them alongside the butterflies in your stomach But I see you still owning your insecurities Because you know you're alive just fine I see you You are who I envisioned you to be I see you Brushstrokes of imperfections shaded in perfectly I see you It's more than just your typical hello It's a phrase for all of us to speak solely with our souls It can make you feel at home at the center of your bones When all your hope is lost and there's no where left to go So when I greet you Listen carefully This is a reminder that your eyes can be thunderous Your arms can be victorious And your legs can be ambitious Your presence is necessary for this discussion And your essence is accepted here Let me speak your spirit into existence Seeing is believing And believe me I see you
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62
curling up into all sweet confusions that trickle down from your touch, we become the sky, as birds fall from above. i lose a tactician's leverage throughout this fog; a descension if you were the moon, an aberrance, if you were a single leaf, dripping from this tree coiling up to the lights hung on netted strings set under the darkness of the sky, where-ever you have been. where-ever you are. so, do the stars still shine solely for you, the nights you most need them? perhaps i have gone blind, just when i need to see you, more now than ever. perhaps i've just been sleeping a little too long, inside this cave. does the sky still divide the sea? but, undoing the buttons on your grip, you build declensions on foundations of realisation: with full authorship of your motions, you know you could go anywhere, love. you now know away from i is any road, every treadmark save this single one. and mine is hardly treacherous, but you'll still only find me in mountaintops, so i could barely blame you if the path gets too narrow, or too long-wound. do the clouds still turn images in full colour, late afternoon, to remind you of shapes i imitate in all fractured disappearances? i've seen retreat from so many sides now, the addition of yours could hardly make a dent. not that i would not lament a loss like you, more than anything. yet, don't worry, never worry, i can still stay in motion. still, if you see fit to collect all broken pieces of me, and build up this cottage, or nest, you can keep your heart here long as you like, darling.
0
Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 1:44 AM UTC
a speechwriter's woes.
curling up into all sweet confusions that trickle down from your touch, we become the sky, as birds fall from above. i lose a tactician's leverage throughout this fog; a descension if you were the moon, an aberrance, if you were a single leaf, dripping from this tree coiling up to the lights hung on netted strings set under the darkness of the sky, where-ever you have been. where-ever you are. so, do the stars still shine solely for you, the nights you most need them? perhaps i have gone blind, just when i need to see you, more now than ever. perhaps i've just been sleeping a little too long, inside this cave. does the sky still divide the sea? but, undoing the buttons on your grip, you build declensions on foundations of realisation: with full authorship of your motions, you know you could go anywhere, love. you now know away from i is any road, every treadmark save this single one. and mine is hardly treacherous, but you'll still only find me in mountaintops, so i could barely blame you if the path gets too narrow, or too long-wound. do the clouds still turn images in full colour, late afternoon, to remind you of shapes i imitate in all fractured disappearances? i've seen retreat from so many sides now, the addition of yours could hardly make a dent. not that i would not lament a loss like you, more than anything. yet, don't worry, never worry, i can still stay in motion. still, if you see fit to collect all broken pieces of me, and build up this cottage, or nest, you can keep your heart here long as you like, darling.
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58
I was with the ocean last night and your body Was its vessel, overflowing.  Words were frail, Drops indwelling about the shapeless sky, Water reaching for its own height and breath, Like touch, were as desperate letters exchanged, Endlessly read, until like loamy vellums, they Disappeared in our hands.  Inklings of tide- Pool and driftwood.                                My blood was a river that ran Its course.  Members feeding your deltas and birds Breeding where the water-russet sheds on pampas And inverness.  Eyes like wing through ever— Green, empties the fossil shell.  Fire, brimming Mountaintops that were, for countless millennia, Sleeping.  Did I mention that the earth moved? No?  Her displacement was involuntary. Then came the waterfalls, lifting throughout Time.  The scent, searching for its identity, The wave, calling to its own name— Ocean, O— cean.  And flowers, opening like galaxies In the after-light.  A universe of face and hand With hunger for salt-rain and then the cloud Burst-blue and spilt and spun more redolent, Deities, in joyous creation. I breathe, in your ocean, like a child unborn.
0
Oct 18, 2012
Oct 18, 2012 at 12:39 PM UTC
Ocean
Dear Little Lilly, You're going to be very loved and cared for. Your dreams will one day be accomplished and you will soar, High above the mountaintops and clear beyond the seas, Lilly, you can be exactly what you want to be. Dear Little Lilly, You will be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end. And when you grow up one day Lilly, you'll be my closest friend. Don't be scared to be anything but the best, For my little angel, baby girl, you'll be my greatest test. Dear Little Lilly, You are luckier than most children, you see, Your mommy and daddy are the golden key. They are so wonderful and so bright and gay, They will help guide you, love you, and show you the way. Dear Little Lilly, Little girl, I can't wait to watch you soar and shine, Even in your darkest days, you'll pull through and be fine. With God's love in your heart and the world by its tail, You'll always be my winner, and victory will prevail. Dear Little Lilly, Do you know how much you mean to me, As you grow into what you will be? The next few years will so quickly fly, With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry. Dear Little Lilly, You're an angel. You left us your wings. Yet you have no idea how much happiness you truly bring. You brighten up my days with your wonderful smiles and laughs. You help me to remember all the blessings that I have. Dear Little Lilly, You're going to be very loved and cared for. Your dreams will one day be accomplished and you will soar, High above the mountaintops and clear beyond the sea. Lilly, you can be are exactly what you want to be.
0
Oct 27, 2017
Oct 27, 2017 at 6:13 PM UTC
Dear Little Lilly
Dear Little Lilly, You're going to be very loved and cared for. Your dreams will one day be accomplished and you will soar, High above the mountaintops and clear beyond the seas, Lilly, you can be exactly what you want to be. Dear Little Lilly, You will be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end. And when you grow up one day Lilly, you'll be my closest friend. Don't be scared to be anything but the best, For my little angel, baby girl, you'll be my greatest test. Dear Little Lilly, You are luckier than most children, you see, Your mommy and daddy are the golden key. They are so wonderful and so bright and gay, They will help guide you, love you, and show you the way. Dear Little Lilly, Little girl, I can't wait to watch you soar and shine, Even in your darkest days, you'll pull through and be fine. With God's love in your heart and the world by its tail, You'll always be my winner, and victory will prevail. Dear Little Lilly, Do you know how much you mean to me, As you grow into what you will be? The next few years will so quickly fly, With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry. Dear Little Lilly, You're an angel. You left us your wings. Yet you have no idea how much happiness you truly bring. You brighten up my days with your wonderful smiles and laughs. You help me to remember all the blessings that I have. Dear Little Lilly, You're going to be very loved and cared for. Your dreams will one day be accomplished and you will soar, High above the mountaintops and clear beyond the sea. Lilly, you can be are exactly what you want to be.
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35
I couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed watching the patterns reflected moonlight made on my ceiling when I heard the faint beep of the kitchen microwave. I smelled popcorn. I decided to fill up my water bottle and see who was up. I slipped on a thick, terrycloth robe I’d gotten from Lisa last Christmas. It must weigh 15 pounds and it’s so warm and heavy I seldom wear it. I silently glided into the main room. Leong was standing at one of our two large picture windows staring out at the night. Her left arm cradling a bowl of ultimate-butter popcorn. Anna told me last night that Leong and her long-time boyfriend, who’s back in China, had broken up. They’d been together forever and had been expected to marry. A bright half-moon was hanging high over campus, an electric ornament on a velvet background, its moonlight glint painted the world, like ice on mountaintops. “I heard about your breakup,” I said, “what does it mean?” In Leong’s world, who you dated was of family interest. That person had to be approved, their bona fides proven - they had to fit into some long term plan. “It means I can’t be tamed,” she said, with soft bravado. After a moment, she spoke again, more seriously. “It’s better this way - for now - someday..,” she trailed off. I understood. All of our hopes are resting on someday, like so many wagers at a casino. I imagined some gambler, stepping up to a betting window, in an old black-and-white movie, saying, ”Gimmie 5 bucks on Someday to win.” Something in her voice, a brittleness, precluded further questions. I looked at the clock, it read 3:47. I gave her a hug and yawning, filled up my water bottle from the refrigerator's filtered tap. “See ya.” I whispered and headed off, back to bed. With any luck I could squeeze another hour's sleep out of the morning.
0
Feb 3, 2022
Feb 3, 2022 at 5:04 AM UTC
sleepy popcorn
I couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed watching the patterns reflected moonlight made on my ceiling when I heard the faint beep of the kitchen microwave. I smelled popcorn. I decided to fill up my water bottle and see who was up. I slipped on a thick, terrycloth robe I’d gotten from Lisa last Christmas. It must weigh 15 pounds and it’s so warm and heavy I seldom wear it. I silently glided into the main room. Leong was standing at one of our two large picture windows staring out at the night. Her left arm cradling a bowl of ultimate-butter popcorn. Anna told me last night that Leong and her long-time boyfriend, who’s back in China, had broken up. They’d been together forever and had been expected to marry. A bright half-moon was hanging high over campus, an electric ornament on a velvet background, its moonlight glint painted the world, like ice on mountaintops. “I heard about your breakup,” I said, “what does it mean?” In Leong’s world, who you dated was of family interest. That person had to be approved, their bona fides proven - they had to fit into some long term plan. “It means I can’t be tamed,” she said, with soft bravado. After a moment, she spoke again, more seriously. “It’s better this way - for now - someday..,” she trailed off. I understood. All of our hopes are resting on someday, like so many wagers at a casino. I imagined some gambler, stepping up to a betting window, in an old black-and-white movie, saying, ”Gimmie 5 bucks on Someday to win.” Something in her voice, a brittleness, precluded further questions. I looked at the clock, it read 3:47. I gave her a hug and yawning, filled up my water bottle from the refrigerator's filtered tap. “See ya.” I whispered and headed off, back to bed. With any luck I could squeeze another hour's sleep out of the morning.
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9
A year has passed. I couldn't feel it though, because all that time was spent with you. A year full of long drives for short vacations intimate hugs full of sweet sensation wind blowing our hair on snowy mountaintops chilling in minimarts, enjoying some lollipops staring into each others eyes, and feeling serene joining fundraisers and runs to keep the earth clean We sailed through troubles Chased after our dreams Drove ourselves further And flew to the skies, touching the clouds and riding the jetstreams. Before I met you, I did all these things many, many times. But with you, we did these things together. And they felt different. Every step, every move, every breath. I felt electricity in my veins, a new light to see in, and freshness in my life. And that was the difference that kept our unity. I love you. Happy anniversary.
0
Jun 16, 2014
Jun 16, 2014 at 2:16 AM UTC
On The Edge Of An Anniversary
I dreamed I was a butterfly. (Or butterfly was me.) I fluttered by the golden sky, The mountaintops, the sea. I felt the warmth, the sweet caress, The gentle breeze of love. I knew there was no hell below, No heaven up above. I spread my wings and let it go, Forgetful of the past. I dreamed I was a butterfly. I fluttered – free at last. I drifted on the salty waves, Beset by melting ice… Amid long years and short days I freely cast my dice. My dreams came true, and all at once The evil was no more… I let it wash all over me, And then – I crashed ashore. Anon, reborn, I dreamed again. (Or butterfly dreamed on.) My whole existence – pure as Zen, Unique as a black swan. The shards, dispersed along the way, I gathered – one by one. The kintsugi of life I made Was brighter than the sun. The silent flapping of my wings, Akin to sands of time, Sustained a galaxy of springs – Both mortal and divine. I ambled on, both dry and drowsed… The point of no return – I felt at home… When I aroused, A better world was born. My dream, however short it was, Is now a part of me. Now, conscious of a grander cause, I flutter by so free.
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Mar 23, 2017
Mar 23, 2017 at 7:07 AM UTC
Butterfly
don't keep quiet. go, and tell your story. sing it from the rooftops and shout it from the mountaintops. write it in the sky, tattoo it on your skin and braid it in your hair; tell your story. don't let it go unheard, because there is wonder in your story, there is grace in your redemption, because your words are stepping stones to freedom. tell your story.
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Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 9:06 PM UTC
tell your story.
Our life puts the "Sh..." back in "Chicago." This pulse could race, slow to a dull thud or stop and curdle like the residents of a container of milk who've been left out, and still you will never love me.   Gobs of waiter phlegm we never detect in our bowls of soup and teapots beg our forgiveness and howl for our affection, and are invisible. But where is the crime in not loving when we are not loved? How could there be a crime in not loving, when we are loved poorly? Loved so poorly we cannot afford to ask ourselves where is the crime, thus implying innocence. We put the "mice" back in "monogamous." tip-toeing, silent but for mere squeaks, nearly inaudible whispers, furtive looks, and how we run away, screaming, or, like mice and Chicagoans all, we freeze. Aquiver with fear, iced up in the Polar Vortex, hands raised in the policeman's spotlight. But where is the crime in not loving when you are not loved, or loved poorly? Loved so poorly we cannot afford to stand up straight, We scurry close to building walls, trying not to be seen or see each other as we curse our fate. Where is the crime in not loving those whom we hate? There is no crime, but still, not loving is the heart of all crime. To feel so deeply unloved we wish to destroy ... you name it. Blot out, ruin and erase them; our enemies, our families, lovers, and even the world herself. Jab a knife into her verdant hide and twist until black blood flows. Gouge out mountaintops seeking iron for our towers. Remaking her grace to build our graveyard. These vibrant phosphorescent tombstones, overpopulated pillars of mutual isolation reach up into the clouds. Announcing to the universe, we trumpet a loneliness as profound as it is absurd and ugly.
0
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 6:48 PM UTC
Sheesh
Our life puts the "Sh..." back in "Chicago." This pulse could race, slow to a dull thud or stop and curdle like the residents of a container of milk who've been left out, and still you will never love me.   Gobs of waiter phlegm we never detect in our bowls of soup and teapots beg our forgiveness and howl for our affection, and are invisible. But where is the crime in not loving when we are not loved? How could there be a crime in not loving, when we are loved poorly? Loved so poorly we cannot afford to ask ourselves where is the crime, thus implying innocence. We put the "mice" back in "monogamous." tip-toeing, silent but for mere squeaks, nearly inaudible whispers, furtive looks, and how we run away, screaming, or, like mice and Chicagoans all, we freeze. Aquiver with fear, iced up in the Polar Vortex, hands raised in the policeman's spotlight. But where is the crime in not loving when you are not loved, or loved poorly? Loved so poorly we cannot afford to stand up straight, We scurry close to building walls, trying not to be seen or see each other as we curse our fate. Where is the crime in not loving those whom we hate? There is no crime, but still, not loving is the heart of all crime. To feel so deeply unloved we wish to destroy ... you name it. Blot out, ruin and erase them; our enemies, our families, lovers, and even the world herself. Jab a knife into her verdant hide and twist until black blood flows. Gouge out mountaintops seeking iron for our towers. Remaking her grace to build our graveyard. These vibrant phosphorescent tombstones, overpopulated pillars of mutual isolation reach up into the clouds. Announcing to the universe, we trumpet a loneliness as profound as it is absurd and ugly.
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I had forgotten the way to the hut that I had traveled to so many times, so many days. So many moons, I would say. But no one marks moons anymore, except hunters. And I am not one of them. Nor a gatherer. I listen to old men tell how they felled the stags. I do not believe them. I am a wayfarer, to use the archaic words I used to love, the words I had forgotten, the words of time in eternity, the words of orange leaves on towering pin oaks, the words of circles of shadows settling on Gavarnie, of snowfall in the Pyrénées. Sever Spain from the Continent. I had lost the language of the ***** spray-painted sheep scampering over gray-bouldered cirques on mountaintops, boulders turning into mountains in the shadows, in the fog, in drifts of snow. There are no words for this now. Bleating sheep drown them out, and yapping dogs. There are no words for the radiance of transcendence. “Climb higher,” I hear them say. Higher into the haze of clouds. Cirque: circle, circus. Acrobatics on hillsides, balancing acts on rockslides, skimming streams in hard-toed boots. I had forgotten the way to the words, far behind me. I have come to a gate, a steep stile in shadow. No sheep can pass. Nothing looks familiar; nothing looks strange. I saunter in a cloud of unknowing. I had known the words: worn, smooth as stone unscuffed by hard-toed boots, slick as snowmelt. Slide from France into Spain. This is the path of Santiago de Compostela, the route of St. James, who said, “Do not be double-minded, brethren.” I cannot remember if I have been double-minded in my travels. I had forgotten the way. If the words do not come, which mind sees the threshold; which mind circles the fog? What passes, what begins when we travel? I do not look backward. The way lies ahead, waiting, wandering away from the words. Splotches of lichen sprout orange and green. “Go no higher for safety.” No higher. They do not mention exile or ecstasy or the straight path of radiance. The cirque circles my words in mountain shadows. I must unlearn the art of travel, adrift in broken fields of stone. I had forgotten the way to the hut. Rocks obscure the path. Light ensures the path leads upward. Nothing is lost. Words hold their weight. Stags dance above me in fog.
0
Aug 14, 2018
Aug 14, 2018 at 3:19 PM UTC
Pyrénées
I had forgotten the way to the hut that I had traveled to so many times, so many days. So many moons, I would say. But no one marks moons anymore, except hunters. And I am not one of them. Nor a gatherer. I listen to old men tell how they felled the stags. I do not believe them. I am a wayfarer, to use the archaic words I used to love, the words I had forgotten, the words of time in eternity, the words of orange leaves on towering pin oaks, the words of circles of shadows settling on Gavarnie, of snowfall in the Pyrénées. Sever Spain from the Continent. I had lost the language of the ***** spray-painted sheep scampering over gray-bouldered cirques on mountaintops, boulders turning into mountains in the shadows, in the fog, in drifts of snow. There are no words for this now. Bleating sheep drown them out, and yapping dogs. There are no words for the radiance of transcendence. “Climb higher,” I hear them say. Higher into the haze of clouds. Cirque: circle, circus. Acrobatics on hillsides, balancing acts on rockslides, skimming streams in hard-toed boots. I had forgotten the way to the words, far behind me. I have come to a gate, a steep stile in shadow. No sheep can pass. Nothing looks familiar; nothing looks strange. I saunter in a cloud of unknowing. I had known the words: worn, smooth as stone unscuffed by hard-toed boots, slick as snowmelt. Slide from France into Spain. This is the path of Santiago de Compostela, the route of St. James, who said, “Do not be double-minded, brethren.” I cannot remember if I have been double-minded in my travels. I had forgotten the way. If the words do not come, which mind sees the threshold; which mind circles the fog? What passes, what begins when we travel? I do not look backward. The way lies ahead, waiting, wandering away from the words. Splotches of lichen sprout orange and green. “Go no higher for safety.” No higher. They do not mention exile or ecstasy or the straight path of radiance. The cirque circles my words in mountain shadows. I must unlearn the art of travel, adrift in broken fields of stone. I had forgotten the way to the hut. Rocks obscure the path. Light ensures the path leads upward. Nothing is lost. Words hold their weight. Stags dance above me in fog.
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