A leaf doesn't know it is a part of tree,
so please let us keep on growing.
History
is taught to the ones who've fallen.


They see a tree, the ground, the grass
the sky above
they leave, they travel
they live free and die.

I am a sad, sad
Character
With a smile that is
Upside-down
A frown owning
A crown.
Good-looking but not
Good on the
Inside.
My guts are black,
Brain fried, and
Eyes always
Crying.
Stature lacking
Confidence, finding it 
In the pants
Of others, and
At the bottom of
A bottle.
Seeking pleasure
With pain, hoping it'd
Make us equal.

Craters on my face,
remind me of space.
travel

Hair on my body,
remind me of nature.
untouched-touched

Scars on my skin,
remind me of mistakes made.
living

Tan transition to pale flesh,
remind me of wonders.
unseen

Dry chapped skin,
remind me of time exhausted.
work

Boney bones,
remind me of mountains.
adventure

Slow minds,
And
Hungry times.
Fire ignites a
Luscious green
kind of
magic.
Euphoria inhaled,
And
Stoners prevails
For we have
The upper hand
Held to our mouths
With the other
Not too far.
Lighter in hand
You are the
Magic man

Clean it up.
trash, littered
glass glitters
smash delivered
mouths quiver
blood slithers
roads killer
people stiffer
lives teetered
eyes tear
cars peered
windows cleared
bodies feared
clean it up.

Sympathy threw the
Eyes
Vulgarity out the
Mouth
No despair for poor Girls, and
poor Boys
Ribs, skulls, and bones
Is all that's visible
Crying over
Pictures
Seemingly unreal.
Their faces expressing
Shades of envy.
Is there modesty
Beneath gaudy clothes?

My touch screen won't work,
Touch  me and make me scream
So I know it won't hurt
Mental illness, is a killer.
I won't eat, I must punish
I crave pain
My stomach is as empty as children's playgrounds in chilling winter.
No reason to be hungry,
but I want to look great.
I haven't received any
friend request today

Your eyes are
Black,
Large, and 
Bruised.
Nose bleeding,
Open the floodgates.
Red flesh toned salmon
Pour out.
Struggling for air,
They coagulate.
Drying like the
Rivers, and
Lakes.
The beds are
Cracking into another
World, our water
Is their water.
It comes back with
Rain, tears fall
From the sky
Mother, why
Do you cry?

Let me be the
Corpse beside
You, rotted.
With roses on my lap and
In my hands.
Fresh flowers reside
Everyday, never
Wilted or fake.
Dusting my bones daily
With fine conversation.
Even when you 
Were the one who
Killed me, I stayed
Forever, as forever can be.
You made sure of
It.
/
Eat the candy
Out of my
Mouth.
I tell you
"**** on that!"
So you did, saying that it
Taste like honey,
But you pucker.
Lips swirling into
A kiss stolen 
From me. I want
It back!
Tongue missing from
My mouth, gargling
On saliva. Not mine 
But his.
Oh, I know
So sweet...

My family and I just started our after dinner walk on Mother’s day.
All smiles, strolling along our paved road that leads home.
As we were halfway near the highway, telling jokes and giggling over our bloatedness.
I look down to notice our dog panting and barking off into the distance.
Nothing was there. Dogs barking was not something I usually take too much mind to.
We own 3 dogs; Lucy is a male pitbull, Linda is a male yorkie, and Mindy is a female pug.
They all came with us on our walk. Usually they roam free, but today they stuck near.
That didn’t seem to be unusual.

We talk about how everyone is doing and what exactly everyone is up to.
Basically getting caught up since I usually don’t visit often, as i stay with my partner.

All three DOGS walked off into the distance, on there way back. Most likely tired.

All of a sudden my heart skips, my ears pop
increasingly loud ringing..
Confused, I start to panic. Everything seems fine. I can't hear anything.

I look around, finally noticing that my family was gone.
I finger my ears repeatedly. The sun is going down.

Nothing seems to be around, no cars passing, houses in the distance seemingly vacant but cars are parked in front and everybody is most likely inside.
I shrug whatever happened off, I make my way back home. Ears still deaf.

The driveway to my house seemed about a football field away. Every step was disorienting. I could not hear anything, still.
I apparently took an awkward step unknowingly. spraining my ankle and falling into a bush of stickers (this is New Mexico so that’s not uncommon.) It’s dark now. The closest amount of light is coming from my house.
I am yet to be able to hear anything.

The house less than 600 feet away. I yell for help. I can’t hear myself yelling but I know I am. The house has a big window that’s radiating light in my direction. It makes sense that my screaming would get attention. Nothing happens.
Shadows appeared looking out from the window. Feeling a sense of relief, I scream again. Expecting them to take notice, they don’t. They actually stay where they are.
All I can see is familiar silhouettes.

Still screaming, now waving my hands in the air and crying. I still don’t hear anything.
My throat feels as if it were bleeding.
Feeling very helpless and scared.
The silhouettes remain where they were. Frustrated, crying, tired, and in pain.
I close my eyes and throw my head back ..
into black
Like sleep

I wake in the beginning

No one wants to be
outside when the
sun falls.
Everybody wants to
see the sunrise.
When it's dark, no one wants to speak of
what they feel.
In the light people
talk of what they
see, and make nothing of it.
In the dark few feel for what
they cannot see, awareness is a new sense.
The light and dark have both individuals
who hate and love one or the other.
Warmth and cold

Ring your arms
Around my neck
And call me
“dead”
Because that
Is what I am.
Pain is love, like a
Room full of broken
Mirrors
Single mirror stands
Reflecting what is
True.

I cannot find
the strength to
Shut my eyes hard enough.
Seeing the discourse
Disheartens me, but
it is necessary.
A conversation ever-going
Becoming more and more complex.
Complexity is the future.
Everyone will want to simplify
to make it easier for they to swallow.
You can't always swallow the hardest pills. Possibly, it may go up the
***.
None the less it is going somewhere.
Progress, hunty

Joy is a
drug,
and I
can't buy it.
More glamorous than
any amount
of *******
but more available
than a breath
of fresh air.
Smiles are
easier to break
than an
Anorexics bones.
Snap,
frowning faces
begin to walk
their steady pace
of
birth to coffin.

moist deep exploration
finding what
makes you smile, or understand.
near my ears the
same tongue
talks ******,
feeling around
my mind touching
my imaginations
sweet spots

My head,
      Doesn't 
Hurt.
*****, becomes 
My friend.
I say "hello" 
Every morning.
Pills are for
Weak days
Ignore the pain,
Smile.
"hit me"
Written across 
Your forehead 
Walking into
Traffic
Staying in the 
Fast lane.

The world is ill and I am not a doctor. Success is water soluble. You can mix it with alcohol and you can roll it with your ****. I want nothing to do with it. Greed is as green as the grass thats on the other-side. Poverty is camouflaged with bright smiles and happy families. Pain is merely an evolutionary adaptation wrapped up with a bow as common sense gifted to all who are born. Apparently Adam and Eve must've took a bite of an apple and lost some teeth to make them think they sinned.
Repression is the new depression. Nothing changed just my behavior .

DO I, DO I, DO I
Have to listen to what
everyone says, at-least to
capture an idea. I've heard
of tedious reviewing, but
can it be raw. Can it dare
to be something other than
structured. Concise is one thing,
but is stress another. If I were
to free-flow like the rest
of the world, would it be bad?
You may say it's trash. But are children's books
the same to a certain degree. May it be long,
may it be short, may it be?
Why must there be an end, when your mind certainly
doesn't, or would you rather talk
of death.

There is a
Threat
Outside of bed.
Beyond amber red
Sunsets
People of the night
Come out.
Awaken by the smell
Of repugnant restrooms
And *****.
Last memory of
The inside of
A toilet.
Brought alive by
the frightening
sunrise.
Blinding all
who hid.

My skin and blood jumps
My mind doesn't
Obedient, well trained.
Does it mean I know what's going on.
No.

I know what's good
for me but
I feel what's good
Isn't good for me.
The minutes go by
you know what you
should do but
you do not do.
enemy to yourself
Hostage held at
the highest ransom
but no one knows
your in danger.
In danger of
your self.
You want help but
you do not seek it.
Anxious, nervous... You
wait to improve  but
you do not prove that
you know what to do.
"Just do it!" you say
angrily. "I'm sorry" I say
I'm sorry to say "sorry"
a powerful word when over
used, you used to say what's
the use of being sorry
if you truly are't.

I want
You 
To put 
Your leering
Fingers
Deep in.
Make me feel
The pain,
I once felt,
You leaving
Me, shocking
My spine into 
***** ness.
Throw my breath
Onto your 
Ceiling, and
Suffocate my
Eyes
With every ******.
/
I will
Twist
My torso,
Coil like a 
Snake.
Pounce into 
Danger,
Attacking
What holds
 Ill intentions.
Venom oozing 
Out through 
My loving fangs,
Going for your
Throat.
Laying flat, you
Feel excitement
Course all throughout 
Your being.
Curling at the toes.

Black eyes, bruised wrists, mangled genitals.
Ribcage extruding; calling for love, lust, and cigarettes
Faces offensive; unmet eyes, and searing expressions.
Scars on arms; speaking louder than quiet voices
Staring blank; at bills yet paid
Thinking there is no way
Imaging the fall from your 3rd floor
Apartment
Weighing funeral costs over living expenses
Death would put you deeper in a hole
Not able to get out, saying how
Did I get here.
Looking up seeing the opening nearly
Closed; finger lye at the only opening left.
Hope.
Being crushed brutally, whilst you see it all
happen.
Blood rains on your pale face, craving
Sunlight.
Dismemberment of fingers, brings you into total darkness.

I wish to be mute
my only voice is on paper
Half the time I'm alive
I wish I wasn't .
I want to cry so hard
when I'm alone but
I know
No one cares
My throat feels sore from
screaming, but I
haven't screamed yet.
I feel I have no one
to tell,
to tell what?
Is what I say to myself.

elders carry stories
of themselves foaming
at the mouth
like rabid dogs

like the language they spoke
was *****.

Nuns with sharp rulers,
sharply ruled the catholic schools

No choice, but to
submit and Americanize
with cheeseburgers and denim

lonely tears for home
   missing the
  gentle breeze of pine and juniper trees

while forgotten brothers and sisters hang with
touchy pastors whose love for Christ
told them to be quiet.

I put you in my mouth
Took a bite

I was burned

My mind my tongue
My chemistry

My lungs

You satisfied me like no other,
now I'm anxious

Touching myself, I was *****
I was burned

My **** my eyes

****

Long furry black legs
extending out from a
furry xoskeleton.
No love for the Spider
to be stepped on.
Estranged by many,
loved by few.
Majority wins, till
all open eyes to
beauty

Like a mermaid washed up on shore
Needing no breath
(you stole it from me)

not sure if shes okay.

Take a deep breath

Eye to eye
Medusa rose
-stunned

Effortless beauty.

im terribly
terrified of the future
with pretentions minds

Do i stay
where I am and soak
in the disorganized
disheveled world
let my mind be
the same.
do i allow
do i learn
do i take a deep breath
and inhale each seasons scents

Twirling on the neon red pole
With blue skimpy attire
Hair long with bleached lies
To hide dark brown truths
Glitter on the eye lids, flutter
for parties, and alcohol.
Smiles for nirvana
Body motions for a living,
Spinning for life
Each dance is a prayer
Multiple gods to pray to
Beer guts, perverse grins, and cigarette stained
Teeth.
Dollar bills, rain like answers
Given for hard problems to solve
In the end, work is work
Same difference?

The postponed appointment
Impending


blackest days will always be
that.
Your demons and shadows will only be
Demons and shadows
You are brave

Know that I am in the wind
and you are in the world

Like the stocks I wasnt invested but still I went bankrupt

My debt now consolidated.


I will creep back into the waters
of creation. Body and mind at rest
Forever

I hope you feel my words

Hear my intent

Notice my attention

and most of all

see that I care..


Hear your words

See your face

Look in your eyes


Feel your teeth, your tongue

Hear your heartbeat

pound as

we nervously touch .

Our sticky eyes

View eachother

Bubble gum touch

Gliding fingers
Tender kisses

Pelvis to pelvis
Tight holds
Molecular bonds
Love made strong
Final song
the ecstacy


Morning breath smells

of vulnerability, humility and laughter

I love you

Whenever I see a queer person of color
I hide the comments section.
No love there.
My optimism is *******.
Everyday I see these
influential warriors
fighting for there voice.
Many enemies.

Nothing but hate

I love you!
Great and valiant fighter
Go on and create.
As will I!
If you do too

Out-worldly, and an
Introverted extrovert.
male with female taste.
No more than a nail
Inching closer to
My heart, is what
It is.
Once we talk
Pain strikes my
Psyche
Voice on my
Shoulder says I
Should hurt myself.
The other talks of
Hopefuls outcomes, and
Bright futures.

I'd much rather be
Dead
Then to live any
While longer
Life is difficult
So am I.
Why do we have
To stare at each other
In the eyes
Life challenges me
To put the
Gun;
Silver, cold, and ready
Up to my head.
The real challenge is to
Pull the trigger
Of such a powerful
Item, that exemplifies
Blasphemy in
Common activities

Holding hands with children
Shiny red balloons
you fear to let go,
holding for dear life.
The future is here
kids grow nearer
to the world we shelter them from.
A bull running faster and faster
your heart can't take
another surprise.
Future is now , shiny-er
than ever. Optimism rains,
perfection is strived, tomorrow's
problems are solved and
today. Progress is
continuing.
Future's are secured

Ima sit here
with the bottle of water
I bought an hour ago
from down the street.
leave me be, here,
with nothing on my
mind.
sitting thinking about
yesterday,
about hanging with friends
with a cool imperfect smile
that weeds out the real.
keep the circle tight.
so tomorrow is worry-free

leave me be, here,
with my bad habits

Blindfolded, I feel everything.

chewing bubblegum lips.

fish above water

gasping for air

Time
doesn't matter
                     Humans,
                nutrients for the future

to only feel optimism is ignorant. We experience so much more. Happiness is a choice? That's repression. Bottling up.
to explode in a public space is seen as unhealthy.

That is in the end to feel something in the moment honey. We got those feelings. Express it. So someone else can understand

twirling, roses falling around me
jumping, feelings that explode
Fireworks in my hands
Jazz in my toes

Dance

Smile to shine
Eyes wide to see
Butterflies
Oh, romance
beautiful ******* leave me
and nihilism alone.
Keeping to myself and I.

Was this a night mare
Was this a movie
What was this memory
I remember so well.
( Was this a memory?)

When you've been living in a daze
everything is too close to a dream.
When you're in a dream, have you ever thought about anyone else .

I had the thought of rethinking what I knew.
I knew now everything, wasn't exactly as it was . Or was it?
I don't remember, should I care?

Why does it hurt?

I'm not scared of dying.
Living seems to be the
only frightening aspect of reality.
Just being is making foot prints at
all the places you been.
Your eyes are fixated on happiness
while the man in front of you has a
tool palpitating for you.
Grasping the tiny member is
like holding a baby carrot
his face was no better to
look at: scruffy face, double-chinned,
and ragingly *****.
Hands behind my neck curates
whats next ...
bobbing for apples and coughing
grudgingly
tearing eyes and exercised reflexes
give to the masterful art
of *******.
smiles are priceless, if met with
the supply of eye contact.
your heart isn't for sale, but
your orifices are.
Hyper-sexuality is the name of
the game.
your *** should be as big as your
ego, mouth wide enough to swallow
beer cans, and eyes sweet enough to
defile.
wiping your mouth
you find a hair.
"this means extra!" holding it
to him.
"I told you over the phone"
Man throws you the money and drops
you off at the local flea bag
hotel.
Waiting ... waiting ... waiting ...
the call of a stranger, can
be stranger than ever each time
you answer.
next guy wants you to play with his
****, while you humiliate him by
spitting in his face

Papered words
Swallowed by a manic depressive
a bottomless binge eater

Indigestion regular
Normal ****

Broken bottle once
Filled to the brim

Pop is an escape
Easily digested

Substance at face value
Shallow

“Broken again?”
Says the creator
Humpty Dumpty’s tale
too relatable.

Curious is the cool cat
Who saw the suicide

Quiet is the mouse
Who ran away

Message in a bottle
lost at sea

Castaway

**** me, my mind
said so. Heart doesn't
like to talk anymore,
since she's been beatin' one
to many times by nervousness.
Anxiety and Depression
like to have threesomes
with me, ******* me
from all ends.
I'm so sore, they do
it raw and sometimes I bleed.
Whenever I talk Anxiety's
*** still lingers in my mouth,
it reeks. He made me swallow hard.
They told me
if I said anything
what would be
the point.
They're not
real.

You'll never know who
closed the door-
when you were
never awake to begin
with. Laying alone, cold...
you find comfort in the heat
of Others, but
in the heat of
others you find tension
teeth clenching, tight
being exaggerated and
intensified to the
point
where you'd concentrate
so hard into concentration
you'd die to be falling safely
from the reel of images leading
into static Sanctuary

I like when things
Are in action when I have done
Nothing.
Working, loving, breaking,
Falling
Without a touch from me
You work, you love, you fail
You live .
Me laying still staring at nothing.
Crash of cars, storms gather, an alcoholics
Head splatters.
Next day the same. dust picks up,
Tumble weeds travel. Love grows
where seeds of hope are planted.
Sprouts of joy rise, blossoming smiles bright, care is honed .
Drugs are sold, people are stolen,
Brothers and sisters are killed.
All that I've heard is a good prayer helps.
But does prayer stop a trigger ,
Does prayer stop kidnappings,
Does prayer stop peoples desire

Smiling,
blood in
teeth.
Eyes large and
crazed.
pupils dilated
like large black
holes
swallowing
images of
others acting the
same-
wild, intoxicated, and
sublime.

Body crawls to bed
falter now
animal mounting prey
staring at your face
intimate eyes.
fingers explore your body,
ear to chest
Excitement in your heart
blood pumps
cannibal desire