If only I could slow down my mind for a moment
I wouldn’t be turning for every door
And ending up on every floor
Maybe I’d see something to inspire
Or maybe I’d smoke and sit by a fire
Would the existential feeling be gone
Or be here forever more
Either way I need to write more
Get my thoughts and feelings out
Rather than keeping them bottled

She didn’t care
About the style of his hair
She didn’t care
About the pile of clothes
He let her wear
She didn’t care if the days were a fright
As long as they had each other to hold come night
She didn’t care if his wounds
Bled her blood
He knew she’d be there to heal them soon
She didn’t care about the talks of affair
For her eyes became blinded by despair
And the absence of the love
That was once there

Why do I lie like that
To think I’m protecting your chest
With a head pounding
I’m in need of rest

A type of whisper
A time where I could hear
A place that wasn’t so far
And a heart that wasn’t in fear
A home so full
And laughter so bright
We all wake up one day
We all have sleepless nights
A lingering feeling
From eyes such deceiving
A broken truth like never leaving

I sit alone
On nature’s throne
Wondering if the ground
Will help me decompose

Two ears and one mouth -
Encouraging one to listen twice as much
As they speak.
To learn the depths of another -
And to not repeat.
You see -
Some like to hear all sorts of sounds,
While others only care to hear their own.
You may not realize,
Until their words are all that fill your head -
With an intent to control
And change the person you once were.
I wonder if I shall say something more -
Or remain content with my ability to listen,
And hope that my actions will help them learn.

Desperation calls
And weakness answers
Will strength be here tomorrow
Or will false love be bantered

I barely fit in to my own shoes
Yet you expect me to fit in yours, too

Come on and get a little high
Maybe we’ll forget about why we cried
Singing johnny cash till we die

If only you could see
What makes rivers flow to seas
Brings love back to me

What a shame
That we’re not the same
Isn’t that what they say?
But what I feel
You do too
Every good and every pain
A heavy vibration
Turns in to weight
A feeling of yearning
I can not replace

I would say I wish someone would’ve told me
But they did
Now my hearts been put on hold
And I’m feeling like I’m selling my soul

Looking at how I’ve lived my life -
Sometimes it makes me sad.
Reflecting on each emotion -
I’ve felt and never had.
To define oneself by what they feel,
Can’t possibly make sense.
I swear you’ve felt these emotions too -
I can’t make up what’s in my head.
We long, we feel,
We hope for what’s real -
Will come around again.
So I can feel these emotions,
And know you do too -
At least that’s what they said.

The good times are now
We’re just too blind to see
Having the power to change
While only practicing being lazy
Kids are popping beans
Not really listening to he
Or appreciating the **** this life has brought we
People on other continents living like dogs
While our dogs live like royalty
I wish these thoughts in my head
Could be a reality
One where you’re no longer judging me
One where my brother cousin and mother could coexist
One where everyone doesn’t yet realize they want to live
One where our food and water is clean
And the government wants to see the people healthy
One where violence is a thing from the past
One where you and me enjoy life and smoke grass
But selfishness is being found in all our crevices
And now we’re hiding all our fetishes
Kicking back with sedatives
Ignoring what’s real
Ignoring how another feels
Finding substances to replace
When we know it’s only love we should chase

I step on my clean underwear
Unaware of the piles of clothes
Accumulated from days not spent alone

Can you hold my hand
Just a little while longer
I won't ask you to stay
But right now you're all that makes me feel stronger

I try to find a time I’ve felt this before
An internal battle
With no tears to show
But unbeknownst a broken soul
A use of a body and then another
Fleeting feelings
Never catching one another
Where a soul ends
Comes from a deep end
Of karma inviting itself into my bed

I wish I could hold on to the words once mine
Like the ocean holds on to it’s tides
Sitting by the shore
My hand no longer in yours

My conscious seems to be in a state of solitude
One where it is hard to reach the light
Because the dark succumbs
the area surrounding you
One where I'm not sure if this is me growing up
Or if Ive wandered too far off the path
to find my way back
But then I question
if I even want to retract to the old path
If maybe this path, this new path,
is one that I humbly learn
Until I am ready to break out of my shell again
I just hope
that it's just a shell that I can break out of

A blessing comes soon
From this food we consume
From places around the world
Another feeds a small girl
With the same seed we eat
From your table to my teeth
What a delight we can share
Whilst spreading culture everywhere

I wish i knew the words
to heal what you feel
Sometimes it's hard to understand
something so real
Like when Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to fetch their pale of water
They were only trying
to find ways to live a little longer
I wish i could see her
hold you in her arms once more
Come on momma
I don't want to see you cry anymore

I breathe to take in
what I can’t feel
Oxygen doesn’t linger
The dioxide fills
Likeminded individuals surround
They keep the place interesting
And my soul sound
As I try to search
for what I can’t feel
I close my eyes and listen
I know what I see isn’t real

Neutral
Can that be a feeling?
I don’t know
it’s not happy but its also not sad
It’s almost like nothing
I do see spurts of happiness
but also see spurts of sadness
So I guess I’m defining it as neutral
And being stuck in neutral
is also kind of like a car
You sometimes drift little forward
You sometimes drift a little backwards.
But most of the time
you stay in the same place

There was a time where everywhere felt like home
I found home in others
By actions, words and gestures
Then I would find home in places
By the familiar cherry wood my dad used on our first house
Or the bluestone that also lay by the gardens
Or the melodies my mother played and sang on the Young Chang
New places and people were never a problem
I always knew how to find a home
Until I met you
I realized I had been living in temporary homes
Now nowhere feels like home
I can't find the path to the ****** gardens
I can't smell the fresh wood
I can't hear the melodies
Did they disappear?
Did I stop looking or listening?

Ash was there, filling each groove -
Making it impossible as a space to use.
I searched for a device to clear my vice,
But could only see ones with others lips on their device.
Come to find, this one is mine!
But as I turned to clear the ash once near,
My gaze caught me by surprise.
The ash was clear!
We could settle here,
But there was one point I felt insight.
I could’ve used a device from another -
To clear the ash once near.
But I searched and waited to find my own,
And my patience brought me here.

A disconnect,
When they look through -
Rather than to.
An aching feeling
When one departs -
The understanding of
A world apart.