stretches of time
miles of missing

what does your voice
sound like, again?

you're not here
to answer all my
rhetorical thoughts

so i ask myself;
is this what
longing feels like?

there are still
parts of you

d r i f t i n g
  a  w  a  y

i try to catch them
on my better days
but the sun in my eyes
sets sparks to my soul
and the darkness
fades away
with you

and so i’m left
wondering

alone
again

y e a r n i n g
r e a c h i n g

but for what?

•  •  •  •  

i find my breath
and i find myself

i breathe in
this moment

remembering

this
is all
i need

this
is all
that
exists

the wind is blowing
but the world is still
when you laugh
the hurt in my heart
grows flowers in the cracks
I can feel you try to mend me
as I re-write the memories
but it is your sweet nectar
that keeps sticking to me
as I endlessly try to
wash myself clean
of all I was tied to

and I look back at those places
that once felt like safe spaces
and I feel weak in the knees
for not being brave enough
to open my eyes and see
that you never were
what you promised you'd be
I had made up this story
told it so well

and dressed it up in me

and now that you're gone
I spend my nights
un.dressing the ache
of the never-ending
echo of the child
I never got to name

yet for you,
it's nothing more than a story
an "almost, what-if, thank-goodness"
kinda thing

and that is why
it is always the mother
who carries the weight
who has to bleed

a power I have embodied the best
ever since you decided to leave

and i smiled
because i knew
the places your hands went to
the home your heart made on my chest
your voice
the soundtrack to my bliss
how i melted into your kiss
your humbleness
your soft
no beginning or end
i could swim into
the ocean behind your eyes
and float inside your mind
i could uproot
all of the bad seeds this world
planted inside of you
and spend my life
replacing them with
all the beauty i see
when you look at me

all the cells
in my body
dance in
u n i s o n
to the story
on your lips

my heart beats
to the rhythm
of your hands
on my hips

when you
l a u g h
i can feel
my cortisol
levels dip

and for
a moment
i swear that
you & i
are all that
e x i s t

can you taste the notes
along my losses
the hopeful honey i found
that dilutes every fear

i am saturated in survival

come snuggle up into
all the heavy i healed
to bring me to my truth

i want to melt into
the sweet cosmic concoction
your resilience has served you

you can count my scars
and see the constellations i cultivated
the galaxies that shine through my cracks

the air i breathe is heavy
but your laughter lingers
like relief

so i pour you some tea
taste the sugar on your teeth
and pull your soul’s soft edges
into into the nectar of me

life really is
sunshine and rainbows
if you choose to see it

even in the dark clouds
that hang over our heads
and the lonely in our beds
there is light that softly
shines ahead

and it is constant

with kaleidoscopic colors
that blossom from the pain
your soul once led
the sunshine that follows
is the blanket of warmth
that you never even knew
you’d been yearning for

and eventually
when it pours
you’ll start asking for more
because you know that the growth
is what you came here for

and when your heart breaks
watch it shine from the cracks
glowing ~without waver~
as you mend yourself back

with more reason .to be.
and more clarity to see

you are all that you need

you are the moment you are
e x p e r i e n c i n g
and it is perfect
sit back and

enjoy the dream

infinite possibilities lie within your frame
and even if people don't show it enough
i hope you know you are so much more
than what you have lost

so much more than those who
have walked the other way
~specific to the reason~
you shine brightest today

you see clearer now
because things once didn't go your way
the way you picture your life to be
isn't always what you need

surrender to what you now see
let your highest self take lead

this life’s a gift—so let it be
if you can focus on the love
and trust you’re guided from above
you’ll see that darkness wakes your light
and feel your magic come to life

the world is shifting in your eyes
your laughter gives the sun it’s shine
so as you align, don’t let yourself
get caught up in all the “why’s?”
for in you, all the answers hide

when (i) became the sun
i felt the trees and rivers (run)
(along) the deepest parts of me
i sang (the) oceans roar to sleep

the (clouds) arrived to give me space
at times, the moon would take (my) place
and i would gladly let her (shine)
knowing it (never) could dim mine

no reas(on) to feel jealousy
for everything is (one) with me
i no longer (fear)ed dark at set
for my own (light) i can’t forget

my warmth (fills me) even in snow
and (when) it falls, my glimmer glows
the contrast~it’s just what (i) need
it is the (plant)er of the seeds
~to (the) f l o w e r i n g
(love inside) of me~


(i run along the clouds
my shine never on one fear
light fills me when
i plant the love
inside)

—sun  stories

healing is not linear
it is a balance
an ebb and flow

don’t you know
the work is never done?
sometimes you have to
come undone
to remember what it’s like
to feel complete on your own
to remember the worth
that settles in your bones

there is a whisper
inside your soul
aching with growth
it’s getting louder
can you hear it?

can you dance to the beat
of your fleeting intuition?

can you feel the strength
blooming within you?
coming to fruition
if you just listen...

can you feel the earth
moving at your feet
the mountains
of all the defeat
you’ve climbed upon

you are an echoing
of everything

feel the oneness that surrounds you
the goodness your heart pumps to

that rhythm in your spine
it’s all aligning
with your dreams

there’s cosmic reason
sewn into all your seams
there is nothing you cannot be

you are
e v e r y t h i n g

let it all go
b r e a t h e
there is so much beauty
hidden underneath
so much love still
left to see

and your greatest days
have yet to be...

you were the kind of hope
that soothes an aching soul
just the sound of your name
makes my bones feel whole

maybe i never got the chance
to tell you

that the kindness you carry
so delicately on your shoulders
and the rooted rhythm of change
you’ve had to learn to dance to
has created waves of hope

maybe i didn’t tell you enough
that the love in your eyes
was exactly what
i didn’t know
i needed to
know

your l o v e
your goodness
a glass overfull

and it has over poured
into a soothing memory
a blanket of comfort
where i can find peace

so i snuggle into the loss
comforted by the knowing
that out there exists someone
as honest, as brave
as soul-shaking
as you

this alone has moved me
deeper into myself
a soothing to my soul
you’ve reflected
e v e r y t h i n g
i needed to see in me
and left me only with
tiny bruises
of what-ifs
the always wondering of
what we could have been

but these growing pains
are mine
i will kiss them
and sometimes
i will cry
i will fall asleep alone
to the rhythm of my own
heartbeat
to the peace of knowing
what comes
must sometimes go
___

the world keeps spinning
let it take what it must
to make room for
what will
b l o o m
with even more beauty
than any life experience
has yet to do

embrace all that has left you
stretch out in this new space
of self discovery
keep hope & be eager
for all that’s yet to
u n f o l d

there is endless magic
within the havoc
of the wounds
that dress
your knees

i hope you
kiss the scars
that they all leave

and that you believe
they pave the way
for you to reach
your wildest
dreams ♥

there is a stream of bliss
where all your dreams exist
and it never ceases to flow

of all the love i fell into
the only honest one
was you
a catalyst for
all things true
you gave me
something
bright and new
and even with you
out of view
as long as there is
breath in you
your heart
will drum
the loudest to
the songs of me
i lost in you

forgive those who forgot
to water the love in you

they didn’t have the strength
and that’s exactly why you grew

you are
tread(in)g through
dream-filled waters
and although beautiful
they can seem deeply
frustrating at (time)s

but (you) have the power within

(learn) to laugh when it gets heavy
you are only served the kind of tides
(that) you are strong enough to conquer

no wave thrown (you)r way
could ever submerge the
delicate warrior you (have)
(become) today

flow with (the) Universe
you will never be shifted
the wrong (way)

share your space
only with the souls
that lend you
more room

hold onto the people
who shine more light
through your cracks
and remind you
of the masterpiece
your storms have
formed you into

dance along to those
who don’t have to dim your song
just to feel like they are heard

forgive those who forgot to
water the love in you—
they didn’t have the strength
and that’s exactly why you grew

you’ve only gotten stronger
the heavier your heart
has wandered

so listen to the songs
that all of your scars
now can sing

close your eyes & feel
all of the L I G H T
your dark did bring

all the cells in my body
dance in unison
with the ache
in your heart
my blood pumps
with the knowledge
that you shine most
from shattered parts

you are loved in a million ways
no matter who decided they
could not find a way to stay
and even if you don’t hear it enough
you have just as much meaning
as all that glowing star stuff

i know first hand
that life can be tough
but it knocks you down
so you remember that
alone you are enough

you are the universe in motion
allow yourself to feel every emotion
because if wildfires have the right
to burn everything in their paths
and if the sky can cry
for days on end
then why would these rules
for each of us amend?
when we are filled with
the same elements as them

you are allowed as many phases
as we see in the moon
and just like the sun
this world is warmed by you
you share cosmic meaning
with everyone you meet
this world depends on you
like the air that we breathe

so i hope you recognize
the strength that you grew
from the punches life threw
and that no matter what happens
this earth keeps spinning
just for YOU

within
the depths of my losses
lives a flicker of fate
where a fire once burned
and it spells out your name
when i squint though the haze
i see you dance in flames
and i think how my cold hands
could use you these days

i reach out to find
the warmth in your blaze
but suddenly it shrinks
and the flames start to fade
still i keep trying
using all of my strength
but the Light
and You
are completely erased

now darkness is growing
at astounding new rates
and i am left alone
filled with unfulfilling fate
so i build myself up
using mantras of praise
for an abundance of Love
in me always stays

i open my eyes up
to peek at the bleak
darkness around me
and finally i see
through the cracks
you left throughout me
a warm Light is glowing
and i feel my heart beat
with the magic i bleed
it shines with a force
that the sun hasn’t seen
it dances to rhythms
my soul sings on key

soon my cold hands
are warmed by the heat
of all those old flames
that first flickered in me
the ones i had tamed
just to spell out
your name

but i am the warmth
i am all of the flames
what burns inside me
will forever remain

as does the truth
one that i misconstrued
about that great glow
i thought started in you
but you just reflected
the Light that i bloomed
for i am the Sun
and you were a phase
of my moon

for no thing i see
exists outside of me
the fire is burning
always at my seams
glowing to guide me
and help me to see
alone on these paths
that lead me back to me

your bones
they glow
with galaxies
you have yet to
come to know

and when you sink
the ocean floor
becomes your home

the water finds
a way to seep
out of the corners
of your eyes

to wash away
all of their lies

salt that dances
in your wounds
will carry you
up to the sky

and you will feel
much more alive

so you can breathe
in the sunshine
and realize that
those falls arrived
to help you find
new ways to rise

recognize
the untold power
in your own strength
plant seeds in the hurt
where others threw dirt
use your tears
to water the cracks
your heart once lacked
because
those are the places
your light shines through
your darkness is a reminder
that all you’ve ever needed
is radiating from you ♥

all that exists is now
breathe in the magic
of the infinite potential
that lives in this moment


there is a stream of bliss
where all your dreams exist
and it never ceases to flow

wherever you heart goes

i am sleepwalking through
this clouded view of truth
and my soul is heavy
with your need to escape
all those noises they grew
so your voices would fade
the clouds are turning gray
and begin pouring fate
the rain wants to stay
but the sun finds a way
as they grow familiar
with the rivers and waves
i have formed in the desert
with the tears that i taste
from the suffering you face
and i want to erase
all the pain that remains
so that look on your face
can be lifted some day
as we all have the power
to shine light your way
and use our own privilege
to create worlds of change

you may feel alone
but your troubles are known
i blink and your worries
have found a new home

they soar over oceans
and dance past my eyes
into my limbic system
for me to unwind

your wounds
hold a glimpse of
our lost love and time
i will line them with silver
so the world sees your shine

i will carry your thoughts
when your mind is unkind
i’ll speak love down your spine
drink your tears to survive

with your pain
i will paint you
constellations for eyes
so you glow like the stars
dancing deep in your bones

oh, my heart would skip a beat
just to loan you your own

alone isn’t lonely
you are complete how you are
you’ve bloomed from the ache
and found depth in lost parts
all the stars feel your pain
but see only your spark
these losses obtained
don’t define who you are
you’re a galaxy of possibilites
with constellations for scars
in your darkness you channel
The Light That You Are

someday you will
look back at your life
at all of those seemingly
impossible situations
and all of the days that
you felt like giving up
and you will realize
how every thing
had to happen
exactly how it did
exactly when it did
to bring you to
moments of bliss
and you will smile
because you’ll know
that it was you who
carried you through
with all that strength
♥ that YOU grew ♥

—from all the pain
that you once knew

your soul
is on fire
every loss
is a flicker
sparking new
Light in you

with galaxies
for wound-beds
your scars form
Cosmic Truth

your darkness
was made for
dancing and
your soul was
born to groove

never can you
fall off track
when every
path leads
back to you

oh, but look at what grew

all because of the dirt
that they once threw

you were born with
a gift in your bones
this world is shapeshifting
from your light alone
and it’s lining your vessel
with gooey lovetones
that are dripping pure gold
on to all you have known
you are gleaming with meaning
you are a multidimensional being
who thinks every thought
to create all you’re seeing
you are strong and redeeming
there is nothing weak about you
you pump never-ending value
feel your strength as it climbs
from your cosmic enzymes
they are dancing inside
singing out an endless love song
that “you’re right on time”

us humans—we are a
powerhouse for change
a true celestial force
to be reckoned with

did you know
that when we clap
down here on earth
our neighboring planets
are affected by it?

so when we cry until
we cant feel our face
or when we laugh
until our bellies ache
the whole Universe
feeels us shake

our vibrations
are so much louder
than we think
we are so much more
powerful than we
could ever see
our thoughts
literally become things
all of consciousness
is woven into a blanket
of all that we think

and mostly
we are unconscious
in how we guide
our self talk
but it’s never too late
to remember
what we forgot

create a whole
entire new you
with the new
patterns you grew

so let’s make more room
for healing our lives
by rearranging our mind
into a catalyst for light

(may)be
i have just always
felt (more) comfortable
walking through (chaos)
maybe
it always (lead)s me
back to (me)

how they make you feel
has nothing to do with them
but it has everything to do
with how you feel about you

it’s not about
trying to seed out the bad
in your garden of overlooked good

it’s about shifting your energy towards
the never ending faucet of goodness
over-flowing within you
and allowing what seems bad
to just become background noise

until eventually it ceases to exist
within your perceived reality

because your soul will be so full
off of the sugar dripping from
the cracks in your heart
so high off of the sunshine
glowing from the knowing
that you are built from
broken parts

that what once was bad
becomes the catalyst
to all things good

and life will begin to unfold
without a single condition
for how loud you can love
or how deeply the stars listen

relish in this
let the bliss
let the magic
of this incredible
gifted experience
consume you

until no separation exists
between where your soul ends
and the rest of existence begins

life really is sunshine and rainbows
if you wake up and choose to see it
even in the clouds hanging over our heads
and beneath all of the lonely in our beds
there is light that softy shines ahead

and it is constant

with a kaleidoscope
of colors that blossom
from pain once endured
and sunshine that follows
with just the kind of warm
that you never even knew
you’d been searching for

and eventually, when it pours
you’ll start asking for more
because you’ll feel that the growth
is worth all that you came here for

and when your heart breaks
you’ll laugh
because it always
  always
    always
grows right back
with more reason to beat
and more clarity to see

do you know what i mean?
everything has magic at its seams

you are the moment you are experiencing
and it is perfect

so sit back and enjoy the dream...

let (you)r bones
all on their (own)
be (the) garden
for your (greatest)
(love) to grow

tell me
who drew you in 
and made you think
the bones and joints
within your knees
the veins and nerves
mapping out your entire being
were not already complete?

who made you see
through their broken glass
who made you think
it was okay not to ask
to ask you how
it made you feel 
when they realized
they weren't going to be real
to you or to your swollen heart

you were just so beautiful to see
they just couldn't let you be
and when they fed you their falsities
they made you think you had to stay
as if half of you had gone away

when in truth—you were noting short of gold

and you should have been told
the one thing they couldn't be
was everything they knew
you needed them to be

and when this realization hits
they don't even have the heart to admit
you were everything they wanted
but couldn't be

so they just had to taste it 
they had to feel your breeze
and they take and they take
and then they leave...

but darling don't you fret

for they will never forget
the love they found in you
the love you still hold true
the love that's grown too

you needed them to help you through
so now you see that the best part of life
has always been about loving you

in the Light we stood
it all looked so clear to us then

and now
as the clouds roll in
much heavier than before
i carry this trust in my heart that
you won’t get lost out there alone

you'll find all you’ve been looking for
within the home you call your bones
you’ll uncover the endless reason
to the pain you have known

you will come back a warrior,
with weapons of worth
surrounding
your volcano of a heart

arriving whole
you’ll feel new—light as water
yet moving mountains with
just the tune of your Soul

Love from a place of fufillment
never love to quench a lonely thirst
let your seams seep Self-alignment
from filling up your soul-needs first

externally so much noise can exist
but you have the power to quiet it
by making space for self-awareness
its expansion is your assignment

don’t let this world distract you
from the Worth that You Shine with
all that you ever seek for isn’t lost but
deep down inside—always it thrives
and like gravity, it keeps tugging
at your Soul to Arrive

whether it was
the unwavering yearning
or the heights my heart insisted
there was a sense of hope there
that only grew with distance