stretches of time
miles of missing

what does your voice
sound like, again?

you're not here
to answer all my
rhetorical thoughts

so i ask myself;
is this what
longing feels like?

there are still
parts of you

d r i f t i n g
  a  w  a  y

i try to catch them
on my better days
but the sun in my eyes
sets sparks to my soul
and the darkness
fades away
with you

and so i’m left
wondering

alone
again

y e a r n i n g
r e a c h i n g

but for what?

•  •  •  •  

i find my breath
and i find myself

i breathe in
this moment

remembering

this
is all
i need

this
is all
that
exists

the wind is blowing
but the world is still
when you laugh
the hurt in my heart
grows flowers in the cracks
I can feel you try to mend me
as I re-write the memories
but it is your sweet nectar
that keeps sticking to me
as I endlessly try to
wash myself clean
of all I was tied to

and I look back at those places
that once felt like safe spaces
and I feel weak in the knees
for not being brave enough
to open my eyes and see
that you never were
what you promised you'd be
I had made up this story
told it so well

and dressed it up in me

and now that you're gone
I spend my nights
un.dressing the ache
of the never-ending
echo of the child
I never got to name

yet for you,
it's nothing more than a story
an "almost, what-if, thank-goodness"
kinda thing

and that is why
it is always the mother
who carries the weight
who has to bleed

a power I have embodied the best
ever since you decided to leave

and i smiled
because i knew
the places your hands went to
the home your heart made on my chest
your voice
the soundtrack to my bliss
how i melted into your kiss
your humbleness
your soft
no beginning or end
i could swim into
the ocean behind your eyes
and float inside your mind
i could uproot
all of the bad seeds this world
planted inside of you
and spend my life
replacing them with
all the beauty i see
when you look at me

all the cells
in my body
dance in
u n i s o n
to the story
on your lips

my heart beats
to the rhythm
of your hands
on my hips

when you
l a u g h
i can feel
my cortisol
levels dip

and for
a moment
i swear that
you & i
are all that
e x i s t

can you taste the notes
along my losses
the hopeful honey i found
that dilutes every fear

i am saturated in survival

come snuggle up into
all the heavy i healed
to bring me to my truth

i want to melt into
the sweet cosmic concoction
your resilience has served you

you can count my scars
and see the constellations i cultivated
the galaxies that shine through my cracks

the air i breathe is heavy
but your laughter lingers
like relief

so i pour you some tea
taste the sugar on your teeth
and pull your soul’s soft edges
into into the nectar of me

life really is
sunshine and rainbows
if you choose to see it

even in the dark clouds
that hang over our heads
and the lonely in our beds
there is light that softly
shines ahead

and it is constant

with kaleidoscopic colors
that blossom from the pain
your soul once led
the sunshine that follows
is the blanket of warmth
that you never even knew
you’d been yearning for

and eventually
when it pours
you’ll start asking for more
because you know that the growth
is what you came here for

and when your heart breaks
watch it shine from the cracks
glowing ~without waver~
as you mend yourself back

with more reason .to be.
and more clarity to see

you are all that you need

you are the moment you are
e x p e r i e n c i n g
and it is perfect
sit back and

enjoy the dream