The wipes do not work
My eyeliner, smudged;
Words at war
Words when calm.

The Einstein hair
Bad morning breath;
A shadow of a smile
You standing against the light.

Ravaged by tragedy
Fresh bread from the bakery;
I lean in
For my forehead kiss.

Last night at war
The morning calm
–  Coffee is ready
Did you sleep on it?

Some people will never experience Berlin
Except through stories,
Have their thirst for the thrill quenched
Than by reading.
Close, but never close enough ;
I never saw that sunset,
Just the reflection of it,
And it was just as perfect.

Not all love stories have the happy ending
But that does not make them any less real
Than the real thing.

You and I, we met on a tuesday night.
It was just a typical day for you;
For me though, our encounter shed new light.
Amidst the crowd, found that special place
Where we hear giggles; go in without a trace.

Here, I crave for what is in my reach.
Sitting in the corner with exclusive view,
I get to choose; his face is sweet as peach.
Between whispers and stares, we speak truth;
And I become Eve, tasting the forbidden fruit.

After some sinful flirting here and there,
At the break of dawn we are through.
You're a handsome mistake I needn't repair.
Sense my grin as I lit this cigarette?
Tuesdays got me smiling now, ****, I don't regret.

I have drawn
The lines of your silhouette
My ring finger
Dark from smudging
The shadows behind your head;
I color it now
Where is that brown
Accurate enough
To capture the secrecy in your eyes,
That kind of green
That matches the shirt you wore
The one I tore that night?
Painting the memory of you
However, the colors I use
Mask your true colors,
My muse.
Because you are black and white
Your rainbows are shades of minimal
There is no space for red
Or opening up for my sake
But I see;
That is a happy face
Listening to the blues
Below the surface.
You are black and white
Would you like some colors, I ask.
Hand over on the brush,
Just say the word,
Let me be pastel in your world.

Blank canvas
I cleaned my brush
So do I need to know
About your past
And drag mine
Into this now?
Saturated colors
Some dark edges;
A focal point
Can we not paint on white
Start out right?


Blank canvas
Is not ours
I do not require
A new work of art,
Superimposed
Upon our past.

I take you
As you are
Along with each stroke of brush
You have crafted until now;

The anatomy of us
Overlaps with the portrait of our lives
I see the whole spectrum
Let us look at the big picture.

I try to wake up with the sun
Barefoot, my heartbeat is steady
Coffee, cigarette, music on
Make this moment a ritual for me.

Feel the wind brushing through my hair
I take deep breaths, it's enthralling
To celebrate the brightness you share;
You give meaning to the smallest thing.

Inspirational thoughts quickly come,
I am no longer on the run
Made my peace with the universe
Blinded by you and still, we converse.

Sunrise, best part of any day
I make the best out of this day
Always a fresh start; chances, tons.
My dreams are real, as real as the sun.

A new beginning,
A comparable ending
It is the same poem
I keep writing.

The message differs
The titles adjust
One more figure of speech
For picking up a broken piece.

Elusive alterations
Editing the outcome
A plethora of versions
For my book of poems.

Another round,
Back to square one
Are there any words left
This heart has not said.

Before we met, high walls around my heart
Conscious of the risks of an open heart
Protecting myself from harm and deceit
True to form, getting hurt was a habit.

   I let my guard down, looked into your eyes
   Didn't know what I would find but I tried
   A version of the truth was desires
   For a second there, confusion arised.

I was brought back to earth when I recalled
The reason why I do not get involved
I do not trust myself with anyone
Intangible, my seat-belt, I fasten.

But it is the authentic me you saw.
Then, like child allergic to cookie dough
Keeping it simple, always a hassle;
Tasted romance and so I lost control.

I said things in the heat of the moment
The ******* likes her arrow broken
A version of the lie is that I care
Now a pseudo strain I'm supposed to bear.

After we met, the high walls from the start
Still quite intact, bruised knees were just a part
Not reciprocated and keep distance,
Only fin'amor applauds the absence.

Monday has a bad reputation


Before dawn,
Already frowned upon.
A lousy onset
Before it even started.


Monday has a bad reputation
I am dragging myself out of bed


When I should be clenching my fists,
Going in for the ****.


The titillating hope of the beginning
The victory dance when one wins
You gave me Friday this morning.


I have been in love with you
Since that first night
I laid eyes on you;


Still turning it around
Eight years in.


You and I,
An empty bar,

Rewriting Monday's light.

I'm fine
When I am
I'm fine
When I am not
I'm fine
Whenever I am asked.

I am tormented
On the brink of madness
If I go through
Yet another sleepless night
Whenever I am asked,
I'm fine.

We talk more
Smile and joke
They are
The wrong words.

I am worried
Ashamed of breaking
I am crying for help
I will say
I'm fine
Instead.

I'm fine
When I am
I'm fine
When I am not
I'm fine
When I am everything but.

The biggest lie
The truth behind
Listen,
I am not.

Write it down
That thing
You fantasize about.

Write it down
Those words you dare not
Say aloud.

Write it down

Now is the right time to write
When words will not sit tight
When they cannot match
Whatever you hold inside.

Leave it all to feeling
Will give these words meaning

Write it down
What silences your mind
Exactly that
Which makes your dear heart bounce.

It is a wall to climb
And one to knock down

Write it all --
The words do not need to blend
It is then
When feelings make the most sense.

Write it on paper
My love,
The one who will answer

One who can read
Lines that are not poetic.

Could you ever love with an expiration date
Still carry on when separation will be your fate
Temporary exaltation to venture into this affair  
Get so deeply imbued in someone before despair
      Understand that it is an impossibility
An emotional investment without consistency
Need one that will dive rather than just tests waters
It is no great story, if you don't give yourself entirely
Love is believing in forever
Risk yourself and losing your barrier
All that's frightening pushes for commitment
     But what you get in return is enlightenment
An inspiration in everything you do
And a heightened sense of feelings too
I love you does not seek a happy end
But a path that simply does not end

Calling you at this ungodly hour
Almost certain that you will be bothered
Apologizing for my drunken state
I guess this is how my feelings translate.

There's no way in hell I would have done this
In broad daylight, try not to reminisce
But what cold breeze on this dark autumn night
Slightly emotional after midnight.

Perhaps I had a little more to drink
Normally, my sorrows I do not sink
Although drunk dialing is not so smart
The truth is I am pouring out my heart.

Wanted to hear your voice right about now
Even if tomorrow, I'll raise an eyebrow
Aware that this is pretty much absurd
Barely coherent, I'm fairly hammered.

Miss you more than I will ever admit
It is like there's a hole in my spirit
You're still everything that I desire
The one that sets my heart on ice and fire.

I called you at this ungodly hour
Absolutely sure that you are bothered
Forgive me for my vulnerable state
Lost my heart and my mind, I can't locate

Putting on a mask is routine
Every day is Halloween
This flawless smile will mislead you
False tears have ways to ****** you

When are you really being real
Honest about feeling what you feel
Is there somebody here to please
Hindering you with boundaries

Society you cannot outsmart
Costumes are an integral part
Easier to be someone else
A personality that sells

In an alternate universe
Masks and sincere feelings diverge
What you see is what you will get
There's nothing here to simulate

When you are really being real
Honest about feeling what you feel
There's nobody but you to please
Lets you be without boundaries

Poison will eat you from within
If living in another skin
Real masks are not a solution
Rather scorned than an illusion

I had been assured
God had a shrewd way
Of testing the sour
That paths would continue to cross
'Til I was able at last
To resolve
The implicit matters
Between us.
Time had passed
-- But
Time between goodbye
And the heart that says
Bon voyage
A second is eternal
I would wake up in the morning
Better each day
Though still in mourning.
I was holding onto nothing
Kept replaying the last thing
It was clear in my head
But when I saw you
What I felt
More shock
Than what I thought
was left.
Maybe I had to see you
This last time
To ferret out
Why you were never
mine
I was glozing over
Excuses
I never got
When all along
It was I
Who could call the shots.
Maybe I had to see you
One last time
A proper goodbye
After the one
You were not able to
Provide
-- For me to identify
And I was certain
I could never live
Without your shadow.
God made me take this detour
However I was now sure
It was the right path
For me to come out
Victorious.

(PART I)

My heart aged quickly
Much faster
Than my face lets to see.
Pumped with deceit
By things and many
Stabbed and asked to heal
Perpetually.
If there is such a power
As to completely recover
A lesson I never learned;
Because regardless
Of how well it survived,
The finishing line
A heart in pieces
Already from the start.
Back to square one
The heart has won
Matured a couple of years
A thousand with every tear.
The heart grows older
Each time it starts over
The heart gets wrinkles
That no night cream
Can meddle;
I move with a cane
Taken the ability
To love without restrain.

(PART II)

But every time
I am done
I bethink myself of
The time I was young
When I believed
Without seeing
When I knew
Only by imagining.
With every life experience
The heart has catered
Faith
Always seems
To pull me back in
And this ancient heart
Runs back to that route
On the verge of innocence
When the heart's skin
Was still so thin;
Not hardened
Nor overshadowed
And eyes still sparkling.
I do not mind getting older
As long as I get wiser
And the lesson
Withstanding alone
With every heartache
A heart doubling its age
The heart that still tries
This heart that is willing
To always begin a new life
Is twelve years old again.
And when my body
Will slow down
And my hair
Is no longer brown
I will love as long as I live
Leaving behind what outlives;
For nothing is as hard
Nothing more enriching
Than staying young at heart.

Eyes do not meet
But I still see
Lips are sealed
But still I speak.

I listen to
Your quiet voice
And I inhale
Your scent long gone.

I pray for you
Each night I do
I cannot touch you
But I am holding you.

Autumn has a way
Of slowly creeping in
Though summer days
Are far from being over.
There is that turning point
Wearing a jacket off season
Cozying up around the fire
When the sky has become so low.
Seasons are already changing
Not ever having set a date
It is a dawdling process
But no one wishes to notice.
               What a strange sensation
Like opening a door
That was never really closed
The beginning of something
That should not have even started again.

Wrapped in love
Changes one.

Whether it is for the better,
I know not.

Hard to believe
In easy love

When emotional scars
Still cloud the mind.

Wrapped in your arms
Feedback that binds.

Easy to believe
In compromise.

I am changing,
I know that now.

Do not throw in the towel,
I will gladly fold mine.

I've written a love letter here before
Was the time I thought our future was sure
On my way to the eternal city
There, I knew that you were waiting for me

In the beginning, when everything's new
Driven by passion, it's mountains we move
Our souls collide, and the story we start
I was yours, you were mine - everything right.

So fate brought me back here six years later
The universe has a sense of humor
Us together, a distant memory
Buried someplace where my heart cannot see

In the end, when everything's forgotten
I'd lie if I said it's all forgiven
Chapter in the past, this love lost its spark
No longer you and I - everything dark.

I met my future in the past
You kept me up all night;
Had I known
It will lead to now,
I would not have said goodbye.

I knew there was something there
Not meant for the long haul
Still went in to risk it all;
I swallowed my pride
You would become my life.

Oenomel, blending strength with sweetness
Many a time, farewell is a present;
You attract what you are
I thank you from afar;
For the rest of my days in that one night.

I'm a singer without a mic
I'm a boxer when there's no fight
I'm a soldier without a gun
Still a shadow when there's no sun

I'm a waiter without a tray
I'm a hunter when there's no prey
I'm a poet without a pen
Still a listener when there's no friend

I'm an actor without a crowd
I'm a DJ when there's no sound
I'm a pilot without a plane
Still a player when there's no game

   I'm the answer without question
   Letter without destination
   A lesson when there's no mistake
   Lover when there's no heart to break.

In my prattle
A smitten gal
In my silence
A heart flutter
In my chuckle
A nervous soul
In my tremble
A happy fool
In my gape
A riveting thought
In my jiggle
My interest shown

An example of old saying
Butterfly wings flapping
Hearing birds singing
All written on my skin
When persuaded to fail
A closer look into the realm
For beneath the *******
I had nothing to worry
Because you were still able
To see right through me.

You only liked the beginning of things,
When getting a call sent your heart racing
And the dates were less than predictable
A few days apart were hard to handle

We would be the best version of ourselves
Our conversations were rich and honest
Didn't mind kissing until the wee hours
Then, you would still surprise me with flowers

A time we were so afraid to fall short
Both you and I would put in the effort
We did not take a moment for granted
It was love in all its glory, splendid

    And all of a sudden, we stopped caring
    It was too familiar for our liking
    We were past the infatuation phase
    Realizing a love so sure betrays
  
    You only loved the beginning of things,
    When there was no jealousy or crying
    So we started to count our shortcomings
    When did the real thing become frightening?

We take a break from work
From life; and fights
People we avoid
People we adore
One and the same
When the head has already left.

Amongst strangers
Widened horizons
On a rooftop somewhere
Playing djembe in the middle of nowhere
Far from everything
Suddenly it hits

Less or more,
Who am I
Without my focal points?

I will be richer
In memories
Come back tanned,
Stuffed and happy
The routine continued just fine
Without me.

Those I avoid
Those I adore
Sitting at work,
My life; and fights
One and the same
Once the heart is back in the apartment.

When we look forward to
Do we leave it all
Wherever we go?

Looking back
Did I not take it all
Wherever I strolled?

We are bent on making a good impression
As we try bringing our A Game to the table
Raising germane topics in the conversations
In the hope of displaying a slightly better version
Of who I really am, and who I am in your opinion

Even so, I consistently fall in the same trap
My mind always buzzing and I say what is on my heart
Wrapped in nervousness, I am the same opinionated
But it comes off as if I were completely demented
Or at least that is what I pick up on my deportment

And all of sudden that is when you make me realize
Even in my most unusual state, you are able to recognize
That I have never been more myself than when I have butterflies
You glimpse at my soul as I look into your eyes, and your verdict
Nothing sweeter than me being picture-imperfect.

How well will I perform
Does it depend on the right word
Gushing
Aching to
Exhibit perfection
So that you will see me
In that vision

How will you respond
To the reflex of being flushed
That I constantly misspell
Was always told
I wrote well
Yet to you
I cannot concoct a clever thought

This is how I tell
I drafted it then
Rewrite
Again and again
Until at night
The imaginary recital
Would flood my head

I love you that way
That the words I send
Are never close to decent
For it is my heart you confuse
It is so loud
To silence
I am reduced.

Blue clouds and a white sky
Another year goes by
And now I'm twenty-six;
Grateful to add new bricks.

Live my life in full swing
Finding joy in all things.
Each moment leads to now
Dodge bullets without frown.

Thankful for who I am
In deep waters I swam
No remorse since my youth
My heart still searches truth

I love wholeheartedly
Beauty surrounding me.
Forever in a day,
Extremes like all the way.

Blue clouds and a white sky
God hears me laugh and cry
My soul paints a picture,
A life filled with rapture.

There are moments in life when everything makes sense
Someone special touches your soul, breaks through the fence
In honesty, you'll never be the same again
Angel came down and gave you a taste of heaven.

The times you fail to find good reasons to wake up
In the morning; feel good, and put on some make-up
God sends a message and says bright days are ahead
"You want to explore the world, now, get out of bed!"

Intolerable hardships, inevitable
Everyone heals differently from the same battle
One who can't fall asleep will find a way to dream
A fatalist will stop seeing things in extreme.

Give thanks to the ordinary that empowers
And the extraordinary won't have borders
Reminded again, with love and music combined,
Real happiness is only but a State of Mind.

If he really loved you...
If he really loved me, what?
I suffer from Fernweh constantly,
Which horribly translates to wanderlust in English
Read the irony;
Still, I am traveling.
His blue eyes gallivant for a split second,
Sensible to where his mind escapes to,
I let him.
I go fetch him water
He sneaks up from behind
Never turning around,
He sees my soul full frontal.
If he really loved you...
If I really loved him, I know
What works

He is foreign land,
And I do not own a map.

Days she spent with him, she doesn't regret
The greater expectations were not met
Asked for something she doesn't even want
Only fools make turmoils so transparent.

The type that lives in the immediacy
Passions are meant to be felt intensely
So he said good-bye as fast as he came
Both dreadful and brilliant, that is the game.  

On some days, she wished she were more normal
That she'd be less difficult to handle
It's a curse and an asset; this wild side
Change that, all good things about her subside.

When fireworks settle for the routine
It drifts away, best bit lost in between
Only for a day or it's all the way,
Expect no less or she will go astray.

For glory

I am writing
For glory

I am lighting
This cigarette
For I deserve it
I am having
This cigarette
Because I am
No longer addicted

I am writing
For glory, my own
For once
I am stoked

I am hardest
On myself
My greatest critic
Is always editing

A sweet moment
To be content
Enjoy, my friend,

Glory is also
Being able to praise oneself.

I catch you
Looking at me
What do you perceive
It is rapture
That you read
Immediately
I spot my reflection
In the eyes of this baby
And as he grins
What can he
Possibly think
But I, I am certain
Of what I seize
When I look at him
The purity is
Overpowering
I could bathe in it
And my only plea
To succumb to it
May his innocence
-- Even a fragment
Rub off on me
Because he inspires me
To see and feel
With the virtuous eyes
Of a newborn child.

The silence is gripping
And I know at this second
God is giving me a moment
To seize it in its integrity.

The fresh air that I breathe
I find my inner peace
There is nothing else I seek
As the sun clasps my cheeks.

Now my soul is as white as snow
And this way, sometimes narrow
Though I see footprints on the floor
It is still my own footsteps I draw.

The sky has never been so blue
Suddenly, it is the world I review
I am so little facing all this splendor
And all I hope is my writing can mirror.