There are some days
I think to myself
I am beautiful

But most days I can't
Sometimes I catch
Just a glimpse

In the mirror is the girl
She is the one
I wish I could be always

She is graceful
She is beautiful
She is everything I want to be

I cannot look again
If I do I won't see her
I will only see me

It's disappointing
I can only see her
Just the single time

These days I don't
I no longer see her
I am no longer beautiful

There on the wind
Is that a bird or just an image
Am I dreaming of something
Is anything real here

The woods by my house
They sway in the breeze
Picturesque in this dream
They shake their leaves as they die

The clouds are drifting
They are white on this gray background
Fluffy but wet as they go
They shake and they cry for the Earth

Is anything here real
It all looks like a dream to me
The birds are flying past
The wind blows across my face

The angels are falling
They burn like Icarus
Falling from above
The building below
It looks like it will collapse
My eyes full of tears
The start of this sacred week
Begins with the flames of a fire
It takes out an important symbol
But things are saved and stored
The angels though they've fallen
Still guard what they've guarded for years
Though in doing so they were burned
Still here I sit waiting for better news
Tears finally falling

I don't understand
Of course that means they'll be angry
God forbid I don't comprehend
They complain about reading
The simple little chapter
We get assigned small
These little things
What have they been taught
Never told it is necessary
To be able to read
Without complaint
I don't understand
This school doesn't know how to do it?
Are things really that different?
No, they're my age
Why then?
Why can they not do this?

Glittering snow
Freezing colds
The front moves in
The wind chill hits negative
Frostbite is likely
Power goes out

"It's freezing"

But I can't help it
I admire the beauty
It comes every winter
However I hate what it brings
The cold and sleepless nights and
Glittering snow

I don't know what I'm going to say
I can understand what happened
I comprehend
I just don't have any tears left
Another of us is gone
He fought his battle
Though he lost he was brave
Courageous, wonderful, and kind
I don't know what to say to the people
The people who loved him the most
My voice can only reach so far
Sometimes it falls on deaf ears
I understand it hurts
There's pain, fear, and anger
I wish there was something I could give
To free them from this
There is nothing except to be there
Hold them when they cry
Make sure they take care of themselves
I don't know...

I'm slowly realising that I am falling apart
Whether it is piece by piece
Or all together
I know I have miles to go
To progress and choose my path I want
However I am tired
I want to stop
At the same time I want to keep going
So here I am yet again
Writing out my feelings
Trying to ignore my hurt
While this doesn't always work
I hope it does this time around
Enlisted and hoping for a chance
To prove myself and take a breath
I hope that I am what everyone's looking for
So here I go

One day I will
Hang these words
They will no longer
Need to be my shield
I will not worry
One day I will
But not today

Today I thought would be good
I woke up and said
"Happy Birthday"
To my dad a VFW
I got dressed and empty the litter
I kissed my kitten June
Packing my things together
I even remembered to charge my computer
My class did a Vet's day memorial service
Then I went to class and everything fell apart
My computer wasn't working
Google Classroom failed
I looked at my grades
My mom will be mad
I know I turned that in though
I mumble to myself
I talk to my teacher so I can get everything done
Hopefully before tonight
All will be forgotten
I can look forward to the holidays
My family
My kittens
Ha even my friends
Today is one of those days
Where it can be bad
Slowly though becomes good
I hope everyone can appreciate
These some days.

I'm sick of it
Sick of hearing
Your generation this
Your generation that
We were never that lazy
I walked uphill both ways
So what
Do you want pity
Do you want me to be you
If not then why do you compare me to you
I hate gym class but I like helping people
What's wrong with that
You say "Why not do both"
Because I don't like both
I'll join the military just to get away
Maybe I'll die honorably
You'll be proud
I doubt you'll be sad though
Not as sad as the people I helped along the way
Tomorrow might be another day
So what
Why should I do anything tomorrow what I can do today
Because then I have time
I don't have to get it all done at once
I can pace myself
Take a moment to just breathe
Then comes the onslaught
Why are you so lazy
Why can't you do one thing without complaining
When I was your age...
Why don't you ever stop talking
Stop muttering to yourself
Stop singing in public
Stop embarrassing me
SHUT UP ******
my tiny voice of
I'm sorry
I didn't mean to
Please I'm sorry
Tears stream fast
Marks flood my cheeks with red stain
It makes me sick
That you think to be good at anything
I have to be you
Or like you
I'm sick of it

Your brother came onto me
I'm sorry I hurt his feelings
But not really
He took me to the party
But he didn't want to dance
I tried to talk
He didn't respond
I think that he deserved anything he got
Especially after he called my friend
"*****"
I'm not sorry
It hurt him but it hurt me too
From this I know I'm on yours
Your Blacklist
You care about him
Then let him fight his own battles
You're the younger sibling
You aren't supposed to fight his for him
So now I'll deal with you both
You can send the hounds after me
I don't care
But once you attack my friends
That's another story
I will fight
Tooth and Nail
Blacklisted

Today I sit
I look at the sheet
It sits in front of me
I don't know what I'll do
I know they'll be disappointed
If I don't score high enough on this
Why is it that something that hurts me
Makes these people so so much happier
Today I'll look back and think about it
I won't understand no matter what
I sit and wait for their responses
No matter what it says on it
I will still sit here and wait
So tired of these tests
This sheet sits here
While I look at it

Today is a day I barely remember
Everyone says that people were lost
I understand that but what is the purpose
Why do we continue to grieve
Why do we lose ourselves in something
This was almost two decades ago
Yet here we are remembering
All those lost
Those who were injured
And the falling of the towers
America why is it that we remember
Just the pain
What were we speaking of that day
What were you doing
They ask
When the towers fell
I don't recall I say
They look disappointed
In all truths I do not understand
Why we are grieving
Even though we are told to continue
To move on when we loose someone
So why is it that we grieve over this
Nothing else not the day we lost thousands
In wars and things of the like
So why is it Today is so much more important
Can you tell me?
Why Today

Further
so much further am I from you
I cannot be safe from anything now
further
it's just a word you say
I know I know it's just a word
further
away and away I get
all my life I've been moving
further
it's ok he whispers
we'll be together no matter how long it takes
further
the longer
still it is
further

I have been here and alone I sit
New places, new people
Alone
That is how I feel
I have had to move on
Alone
Here I am and I have nothing
I stand so afraid
Alone

Bleary-eyed I sit up
It's hard my head is pounding
I lay back down
My alarm goes off
School then work
I try to breathe through my nose
It's congested
I groan
I have to go to school
I send an e-mail to my co-workers
It's a question
Can you cover for me?
Simple but no one responds
Guess I'll take a hit for it
I cough
My chest rattles and burns
I sit up again
My heads whirls
No more
It hurts

Eyes glance back and forth
They wore identical masks
Chained together in silver
The moving of a car over potholes
When they were caught
Their masks were removed
A girl and a boy
Held together by nothing more
Then a rosary with Dismas
It is held in their hands
Clasped together in the back
Bars divide them and their captors
The boy is whispering
The girl recites with him
The man in the front yells
The car crashes into another
Shielding her he takes the blunt of it
Glass flies and a bar breaks
"Let's go"
His words loud in the silence
The two climb out
Immediately surrounded by 'family'
The ones that saved them
Today they are seperated by cities and bars
By people who don't want them together
By oceans and lakes
But they each hold a piece
Of the same rosary from all those years ago.

POUND, POUND, POUND
my head is killing me
looking at anything hurts
it's like if someone took a knife and
STAB, STAB, STAB
I don't know why it hurts so bad
my eyes overflow with tears
it's a migraine
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
there's my heartbeat
it makes my head hurt worse
please stop
THRUM, THRUM, THRUM
I just want to sleep but I can't
medicine not helping
what am I supposed to do?
POUND, POUND, POUND

The flowers bloom
The breeze flows past
Trees reach to the sky
The sun shines bright
The clear blue
This is the spring
This is the beauty
The beauty of the world
The birds sing
The butterflies flutter
The bees grasp the pollen
This is the spring
The children play
The grills fire up
There is fresh cut grass
The music plays loud
There are smiles all around
This is the spring

Finally old enough
I spread my wings and leave
Walking, running, laughing
The world still beautiful
A gunshot echoes
The facade broken
A boy in a mask sprints
“Come on run!”
He shouts grabbing my arm
Adrenaline pumping I run
Excited
A new feeling I’m excited
So is he through
His smile shows in his eyes
We run until we get to an apartment
He leads me in a door
Panting he sits
“Vagabond, call me the Vagabond”
His voice small echoes through the room
I nod knowing that isn’t his name
“Dante”
I flinch
We’ve exchanged names now
Suit says I’m not supposed to do that
I’m supposed to say ‘Katherine’
“Inferi, I’ll call you Inferi”
His voice is crisp and sounds unused
I just nod in agreement
Now he is My Vagabond
And I’m still the little Inferi tagging behind
Still the small children we were in the beginning

She is but a child
That's when she knows
She is not wanted
However she trudges on
She hears the whispers
The rude remarks
She sees the looks
However she continues
She tastes salt in the air
That's it she's done
She leans off the ledge
However it won't be the last time
She wakes in a hospital
There are more whispers
She's tired so tired
However she stays awake
She is but a child

Words
They are my mighty sword
They are my shield
To protect me
They can't do it completely
Some of your words with hit me
But I stay standing
I can fight you back
As long as I know what to say
No stutters
No fear
I can hold my own against demons
The ones you've sent after me
You set them on my trail
But I cut them off
Here I stand
Smiling
Are you afraid
Afraid of the words that I hold
Afraid I'll send demons after you
I won't because I can't
I cannot send demons
I know what it is like to run from them
To be scared
To fear
Just smile for me
I will be on my way
No demons on my tail
None to chase me
None to follow
Just myself on my way back home

Flicker
Breathe
I close my eyes
Taking a deep breath
Why am I here again?
Why?
Is there something important
For me to do?
Was there ever?
My body is always sore
Everyday it hurts
Why do I keep going?
I wait for my body to give up
For my time to stop
For the days to finally end
I’ve said I’m fine
But never really was
I’ve dreamt of places far away
But never really got there
Those places I want to go
To disappear
And call them home
Help me
An echoing voice in my head
A convincing smile
This is my lie
A lie no one has ever seen through
They never will
The voice responds
Help me
Another smile
Why can no one hear
No one hears
No one