her smiles shines like diamonds at the bottom of a clear cool lake.
her eyes like hazel tulips fluttering in the wind while she dances to the beat of the drums constructed by her soul

mirror mirror on the wall, whose the fairest of them all?
break me down until I hysterically cry
call me ugly, then sing me a lullaby.
show me the beauty in what I'm not
then control my every thought.
Darken my days and turn my sky grey
Help me starve to take my pain away
mirror mirror, what do I do?
To fix the flaws you told me to.....

im alone...
in a an abandoned factory.
with lights so dim only a cats eye could see.
I can hear the chains clicking
while the light flickers in the distance.
the air is hot and choking me
my hair's falling out and so are my teeth..
im describing my disease,
which is basically consuming me.
the scale is God
food is the devil
and I have sinned

if I starve myself my bones will show
if I cut my thighs no one will know
theyll check your wrist for cuts and scars
but none will mend the broken heart.
ill pop the pills and die real slow.
quietly, so no one will know.

she dances on the soles of her exhausted feet
moving her arms with grace and femininity
she kept her balance as the beads of sweat ran down her forehead
with great posture she bowed and no one clapped, so she remained graceful and left the stage

I hear the demons whispering
but the angel of death is yelling my name
the stairs begin to creek
while the hallway light flickers on and off
.....this time I know they're coming and wont leave without a beautiful sinner

cracked nails with peeling hands
ugly dancers' feet
endless hours of stretching, leaping, bowing, and creating straight lines with no mistakes
you destroy me but, I love every moment of it

let the music move your soul
and the melody caress your heart.
the beat with move your feet
and harmony tear you apart
just listen to song deep within my soul

short black dress
heels higher than my self esteem
burgandy lipstick
bronzed skin
running mascara
ruined eyeliner
cracked nails......
that turned ugly didnt it.
this is our relationship.
at first it is disguised as beauty and lust
but on the inside it's ugly.
abusive....
shattered mirrors
broken dishes
smeared blood on the floor leading to the bedroom.
no more hiding an ugly face behind a beautiful mask.

Let your soul shine through like the ring you thought he bought for you to propose
Like the umbrella you used when he left you stranded in a storm
Like the spots on your thighs from skydiving tears and misleading acts of love
Like the lock on your pretty pink journal that never whispers to another soul
Like the walls your heart will soon begin to build

im clenching the edge of the skyscraper called life.
you are the only thing keeping me from death.
I hear the angels call my name
and I hear the shadows whisper
I just beg you.....please dont let me go

as my soul calls to the shadows
and my mind seems to over-process
my heart cries out to Jesus and prays ill be alright
I've seen many days like this and grieved for countless hours
while laying on my bed with a bottle of tequila
hoping this will wash the sins away

Her lipstick is the color of the dark rich blood that runs through her veins.
she steps on crunchy orange and reddish brown leaves while making her way to her new lover's home.
breaking my heart with each quick breeze traveling behind her that carries her sweet perfume.
gripping my heart with the crisp morning air and fallen leaves
........I'll just wait for winter

I am afraid to express myself to the world because of unnecessary judgment.
Afraid to be captured by demons but they're already inhabited inside my mind, body, and soul.
so what am I hiding from?
I'll be judged regardless.
The demons are already here and I'm afraid they know all my deep dark secrets
but shhhh.........
deep down in my spirit I feel as though there is something much more scary than a couple demons and judgment.
I think its those thing called "friends"

i hate you, but yet i love you
you bring me joy, but still fill me with sorrow
your presence brightens my day, but still darkens my sky
i love you more than words can say
you'll always be the highlight of my darkened days.
but when you leave so does the happiness.
the demons start to whisper
the stairs begin to creek
i begin to pop the pills
maybe those will be filled with joy.
the blades start to appear
the blood begins to drip.
maybe this will be my one-way ticket trip.
and always remember, if you don't see me again
you will always be my one true friend

friendship is a constant battle between too little and too much
like how much do I tell her
if we seperate will she tell
will she break my heart one day
and how do I trust her so easily

On the day of my funeral I don't want many things
except to have my family there and all that they bring.
The sky will open with grayish-blue clouds
that say the heaven are open without a doubt.
the breeze will begin to make the green willow trees sway
as my soul whispers "see you another day."
poems will be read and songs will be sung
but I will tolerate no tears because i am the one that has won.
now I suffer from no struggles or worldly doubts and fears
I fear not the people of the earth, but wipe away their tears

hangman is a game we all used to play
but do we know the real meaning of the game?
some words will hurt
some will be the trigger to the gun
some with be the knot thats tied in the rope
some will be the sharp edge of the blade
and some will be the death of me

big brown eyes
full lips
rich skin tone
gorgeous white smile
intoxicating cologne
why do you do this to me?
you make yourself so desirable,
but yet I cant have you.
when you look at me your eyes don't sparkle the way mine do, even when I see a picture of you.
just like my grandmother you to sing to me:
"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
you make me happy, when skies are gray.
you'll never know thee, how much I love you.
please don't take my sunshine away"
please release me of the shackles of your embrace.
your personality is a fountain of gold and silver.
you light up my day better than the sun does....Wow.
why don't you love me?

I am glass
my heart is a chandelier
beautiful but if shattered it may become deadly
it'll hurt all that come across its path until all my remains are on the floor
begging to be reconstructed.
I'm full of broken promises and painful memories that I wished would be erased and completely deleted
my prayers would fill bottles of wine and I could drink those spirits instead..........I am a piece of shattered glass

I simply cannot reopen my old wounds
and expose my weaken, crippled heart.
to break down these cement walls for you to just tear me apart.
the risk is way too major to just open up and let you in
how do I love when the demons are deep within

the uncomfortable straps of my bra
the struggle of getting my **** into those jeans I like
the high heels you admire but I dread
the hours spent on hair
and some minutes on makeup
the ugly monthly visitor
the cramps
the aches
the tears
the fear of thinking no ones there
trying not to fuss
and not to fight
and always making everything right
I am woman

DEMONS
DEMONS
I feel like I can hear them
but they are not whispering.
the screams are peircing my ears during the middle of the stone cold night.
their faces are horrific
but they have pretty smiles.
theyre quite big, yet they walk for miles.
I know they walk because im followed everywhere I go.
I act like theyre not there and play pretend.
the funny thing is I used to call these demons friends.

I dont feel like im worthy to go to church anymore
Lord please tell me why
your "people" have become the ones I most despise.
they judge me
speak down to me
like they're somehow on your level

there are about 140 people at this crowded after party
music is blasting .....but everything seems quiet to me.
I still feel alone when there are so many people that surround me.
its loud but the only thing I hear is silence.
I am prisoner to my mind and cruel imagination
but still I smile and try to blend in

Her hair flows like willow tree-tops in an autumn breeze.
Her lips are the color of fallen rose petal that have been stepped on.
Her skin is rich like chocolate in Belgium, just waiting to be tasted.

faking a smile isnt working anymore
neither is wearing long sleeves to cover the scars.
I just want to be happy
and also not have to weigh myself everyday
not have to count the calories or refuse the food I love to eat
I want to be me
but society does not allow that

Your words are like  honey...sticking to my bones, but rotting my teeth
I reached out my hand to save us both but you, all of a sudden, had a ladder crafted just for you
.......a ladder to climb from the depths of a howling cry filled with the remains of broken angel wings
Dreams you created, then crushed
Promises you made, then broke
Mistakes you confessed to God, then took back.
...you set the pictures on fire and placed the ashes on my pillow
from the ash I made mud, when I mixed it with my tears..
With the same hands that held you up for years, I sculpted a bird.
A bird with new wings that couldn't be broken or torn...only made stronger

I dig my nails into the filth of his mind, while he robbed me of the  innocence i once captured from my mother's womb
My thoughts seem to tick.......like the time given to me called a lifespan is running out
slowly but fast all at the same time
he grips my throat tightly telling me "you made me do this! Why did you wear that? This is all YOUR fault."
......i begin to think maybe i shouldn't have worn that.
  But than i think again i had on skinny jeans, a button up coat, and snow boots
.............SO WHAT THE **** was so **** provocative that you would break into my sanctuary called my body and rob me off my sanity

your kisses were warm
yet your heart was sort of chilly
when you wrapped me in my blanket you seemed to become annoyed
i tried to touch your face but you pulled away from me
what did i do?
have i disrespected you
or let you down in any way?
just let me know what i did to have you hate me anyway...

when the clouds pour out, do you feel their pain?
when the flower dies, can you smell the crumpled petal like failures?
Sun shines but there is no light here....only shadows, the light will forever shine past you....

I wanna feel the warm, tiny grains of sand in between my freshly painted toes.
smell the salty ocean breeze flow with the wind.
see the majestic waves crash and turn to soft, calm waters.
and see the gorgeous sunset lie gently on the edge of the sea

dead.

I wanna see that look in your eyes that used to give me all the time
A look of seduction, fear, and lust.
Otherwise known as the "come hither" look.
It makes my heart beat grow faster
My palms start to bead with sweat.
It makes my insides quiver and groan for your presence.
I don't think its love,
but its **** sure not just friendship.....w.e

passionate kisses
a warm embrace
smooth skin
the touching of the face.
this is now just a **** memory.
but it's as close as ill ever be.
every detail of your face is engraved into my mind.
your full lips
your nice hips
and the smile that never goes away.

If I give you midnight skies with billions of white stars
or rivers flowing with milk and honey
that lie on a fertile land with roses and tulips blossoming in the misty air
will you feel my love

the sweet warm breath on my neck
the scratches on your back
my deep moans of pleasure
and the clenching of the sheets
oh how I love the way you make love to me

Dear future heartbreak,
                                        
                                            the gel in my pen runs dry from the countless poems about how I miss you or how I'd confess my undying love and compassion. My finger swollen from gripping the pencil when thoughts of you seem to skip rocks in a river of tears I've created. you're smile is the sun that warms my universe. You swim deep in my waterfall of passion, yet even deeper in despair
......................................but you will always be the BUMBLE TO MY BEE
                                      

                                                                                        love, happily
                                                                                                   anonymous

i scream but no one hears
i move but no one looks
i cut but no one cares
im sad but no one seemed to notice
i cried but no one wiped the tears away
now im dead and everyone says they tried to help as they lay the roses on my grave

we gather around the couch
with our fuzzy pajamas and fluffy socks.
singing jingles and carols while we watch the snowflakes drift off in the wind.
staring at the blinking lights on a pine tree graced by a shining star on its tippy top top.
Waiting for the little jolly fat guy..........

one day ill open my soul to you the way tulips blossom in the warmth of spring.
one day my walls will deteriorate like paper left in rain water
and when "one day" comes I'll love you the way you love me

our love is like a sunset.
so many layers
so many colors
we can go from light to dark
or from dark to light
but in the end we'll always glow

I hope our love will be like a photograph.
with still smiles and memories that last forever.
this way our love will not end, but be frozen in time

everyone knows I'm pretty
most know I'm smart
my parents know that my voice is like and angel singing to the people of heaven
and everyone knows I'm stick thin
no one knows how hard it is to look this way.
you must weigh yourself every day
you have workout 3 times a day
and most important of all you must remember that pretty girls don't eat

I'll give you my all this time
I'll give my whole life line
just promise me this
remember our kiss... till the end of time
i remember when our eyes first met
and i remember the first time you held me in your arms
...promise you'll always remember it to.

An ice cold heart drenched in a pool of smoke and ashes
that is visited by demons that disguise themselves as angels called "boyfriends" and "lovers"

soft petal pink lips
caramel ice cream skin
big brown eyes that say come in
and a heart that's made of diamonds

Looking at the mirror I saw sin run down the pretty gold frame
It was black like the depression I faced in a nightmare once
He cascaded his hands over my mouth to muffle my praises
He is everything covered in silver and gold, rubies and diamonds
.........but God is raw and trustworthy......like the soil we plant the life of this Earth in.......the rain that nourishes it........and the animals able to feast

they tell me my hair needs to be waist-length and
that I need to feminine with a man's strength.
that my skin needs to be crystal clear
no matter the season.
and that I must always keep my composer no matter the reason.
that I must wear heels that hurt my feet
to beat every other woman that must be beat.
that being a woman is all competition, and you must get first place.
or die alone and never feel the grace.
the grace of getting married
or grace of being called beautiful
or having an amazing family.
they tell us to have these things we must be "PRETTY"

I like to imagine flowers dying.
it explains to me that even if we were all beautiful and perfect, we would still wither and die