To my memories
All of them
May I never forget
May I never regret
Mistakes or success
If I forget I would change
My memories have made me
If I'd let them they would break me

I pass by
leaving a lingering
Vapor trail
Of endless craving
My desire sweeps by
Like the salty ocean breeze

There you are
inhaling my presence
Filling your lungs
Holding your breath
Hoping this time
I'll stay forever

Yet you must breath
And you exhale
Happily knowing
You held on
A little longer
Than last

Presence
It is always about presence
But everyone
Is a little absent
Of mind
A little absent
From time
To time

Once I was absent
In high school
Fiction lit
The teacher
Said I wasn’t present

Really I was
But I still got wrote up

I didn’t protest
Because his perception
Was absent
And I didn’t care much
Who thought I was
Present

She said I love you
Staring down at her feet
As he drove off
Into a dusty cloud
Of past regret
*Idiot

She left
In the middle of a clear night
Saying
You have better chance
Of counting all the stars in the sky
Then me ever coming back
So I guess
I'll be counting stars
The rest of my life
Hoping if I count long enough
She might really come back

We were young
but still not old
stuck between telling
and still being told
trying to resale lies
we once were sold
and we wonder why
our souls cry in pain
as we deliberate
which ones will be sold today

Sadly enough
I am just not sad at all
Buy not happy either
Just indifferent it seems
To this world around me
And I’m tired of thinking
About all of theses thoughts
I am screaming for help
But my voice is trailing off
My mind keeps wondering
And my judgment keeps faltering
While I’m just stuck here
Figuring out my emotions

I’m sorry I haven’t been there to catch you lately
It seems I have been preoccupied
With being preoccupied
I know its no excuse, but I’m back for a while
                                                    Hopeful­ly this time for good
The last time you wrote you said you felt like you were on trial
Always being judged by your inner demons
                                                     My advice
Free them
I know it sounds strange to hear this from you
But the trial is done
You’ve judged and been judged
So its time to move on
                                                       Remember, mistakes are momentary
If you hold onto them forever
Then you’re just reliving them
Hopefully you can find this helpful
                                                    ­   I would hate to see you return to being dreadful
Promise me you will write back
I’m hear to listen now and won’t be leaving
So try to be happy with yourself
                                                   ­    I hope you found this to be self-revealing

Thanks for your letter
It made me feel better
For awhile
But it seems my mind hates me
Some days I feel I am just
H
   A
      N
         G
            I
      N
         G
By a thread
It seems like I am a lost traveler
But at least I’m still moving
         Down the road
And I know
We end up where we should be
No matter what path we take
But some days this
Lonely Road
Seems unbearable
Yet I will push on and overcome
Also
I’m learning a path without
O    S   A   L    S
    B   T    C   E
Really isn’t worth traveling

Irrational beauty
A fly away thought
Of yesterdays
And places far away
Of your back on the grass
Or your feet In the sand
Your head in Clouds
Your
Hand in my
a
n
d

Heart fluttering
At the sight of the setting sun
Blues reds oranges and greens
And I thought for a second
I must be dreaming
But when the sky melted
I grabbed your hand
and we just flew away
Knowing we'd dream again
Another day

My mind, Far from
A clear crystal lake
More like
A murky stream
Or muddled drink

Thoughts come,
Rippling away
Or perhaps
They were the pebbles
Causing the wake

The true trouble,
Discernment

These words
S
   C
      R
          E
             A
                 M
In my head
Telling me I am worthless
Better off
              D
           E
        A
    D
        Struggling to find peace
The edge looks peaceful
                         Six feet is nothing
Compared to this hell
I created for
                    Myself

Poets do not work everyday
They write continually
But
To a poet
Antagonizing over paper
And word is life
And the words never cease!
Poets take obscurity
And slam it into reality
Like a ****
Simply
Growing out of the sidewalk
Is not just a ****
But a metaphor
It is almost maddening!
A love hate relationship
As cliche as they come
But poets carry on
And find hilarity in madness
And truth
When there is not much else

In  
      sight
                 Exists
                        Significance
Insightful
          ­       Significant
                                   Existence
Signifies
                Existential
                                  In­sight

*Insignificant Existence

Therein the hearth lies warmth
The warmth of a long old fire
That burns with such fragrance and love
Warming generations
And some say
It's just an old wood stove
Cast iron
Two double hinged doors
One covered with tin
Glass busted and gone long ago
The other door
Ornate stained glass
Blazoned with family memories
Even in the summer a gathering place
And some say
It's just an old wood stove
What care given to stoke the flame
Just to keep the family warm
Day and night it never dimmed
And everyone still gathers around it
Countless years burned by one family
And some would still say
*It's just an old wood stove

If not for ourselves
We would have nothing
No experiences
No loves
No friendships
No thoughts
It is for our existence
That we purely exist
It is through ourselves
That we experience
Not just ideas or thoughts
But we experience ecstasy
Don’t ask yourself what is happiness
Ask yourself why exist to strive for happiness
A thought that has eluded great philosophers
Instead experience existence
Enjoy the breeze
And live for the sack of living

I will shut the world
                                      Away
From here I must
                                      Escape
The hatred in hopes I don’t
                                      Break
Down these walls holding me
                                      Back
To a time where I was
                                      Happy
I sit and wait for
                                      Death
Can’t find me because I’m
                                      Hidden
From the prying eyes of
                                      Society
Cant change my
                                      Mind

We are not killing time
You see
Time is killing us
The clock goes steady
While we collect dust
The hands tic by
Yet Time lingers on
Our lives measured by seconds
Since time has begun

I’ve been reduced
To watching limbs dangle
From trees
Outside these windows
And the dogs
They chase each others tails
We’re not that different either
Approachable
Loyal
Yet ignorant
But I feel
More sorry
For the man behind a desk
Doing relentless work
For supervisors
Really just
Shoveling excrement

I guess I envy the dog
At least they enjoy
Chasing each others tails

Let’s get lost
But only for the moment
Let’s disappear
But only into the future
Let’s be
But only with each other

Life was perfect
I swear
Until it wasn’t
My heart wants peace
But my mind doesn’t
It’s like I’m trapped
In my own device of perpetual motion

My answer to When did love begin:
Possibly when nature had no man
And then peace was first to love
It loved harmony and in return
Harmony loved peace
Until man traipsed in
And glimpsed his pale reflection
In the deep blue waters
Then peace found conflict
And harmony found discord
Love was lost to the lust of man

Not a wink
Of sleep
Mind wondering
To some new
far off place
a map
with routes
I cannot retrace

I don't love anyone
But I am
Passionate toward others
I am infatuated or enamored
Maybe I experience
A yearning for others
Perhaps I am devoted
Enchanted
Or hold others
In high regard
Or maybe I am
A little cowboy
Hankering for you
Or perhaps I am
A little Disney
Enchanted by you
Or it could be I am
A little short of will power
And you are my weakness
Maybe its my birthday
And you could be my cake
You could say
You are my delight
But I am never in love
Because really
Why should I only use
A four letter word
To tell others how I feel

Kicked up clouds of confusion
Truth misconstrued
Lies are egregious
But truth has
more manipulative misuses

I’m not a fan
But in the end
We all march to the same beat
The living hearts thump
And the dead hearts rattle
So grab a drum
Or grab a shovel

I'll write you a meaningless poem
                                                            Of
                           Jumbled
Words                                            And metaphors
Seemingly making the intangible tangible
                            All the while
            I smile
                                                     Knowing
After all
                         These                   words
Are completely random
                                           Phantoms
Of my
                                                                Mind
Clawing away at the inside
                           I'm destroyer
Of my                                                   thoughts
              Purveyor
                                     Of my sins
What i write on paper
                                                  Might as well
                              Be
                                        Meaningless

He was unhappy so he took a pill
When the docs saw his brain
they thought
He must be mentally ill
but he just smiled
at their misdiagnoses
and finally said
Could you return my hat
and please step out of my head

Spin a story
Make it so
The audiences is left nauseated
Wondering
When will this end
Only to hop off
And want to be spun again

Time is passing,
Blasting,
Into outer
Space age creations
Contemplations,
On the speed of light
Orbiting Life's
Reason and rhyme
Supernova visions
Expanding the infinite
Still yet,
The stardust confess
To the Universes unrest and
Entropy infractions,
Everything possesses
Equal and opposite reactions

If Misery loves company

Then why am I always alone

My minds filled with guilt

Even though I’ve atoned

Not haunted by my dreams

But by these nightmarish memories

I guess I’m less alone then suspected

These memories are my company

My minds misdirected

I am Misery

As the seasons do change
My breath carries as fog
As I answer in vain
To the questions
Of my memories
Because now it seems
I've misremembered some things

Small and quaint
But felt like a mansion
For so long I never knew
Just how much they gave away
Comfortable places to sleep
And food filled plates
How little they had
But still the richest in my eyes
Several generations sleeping on floors
Tracking in mud
Now of course
I leave my shoes at the door
The rooms are still filled now
Even in their age
And the food is still delicious
And the rooms still warm
Who knew such a small place
Could hold such a big part of my heart
It has never just been my grandparents home
It has been their bed and breakfast
And there is always a vacant room

I saw someone today         
and they said                                        
I hate you                                              
I asked why
They replied
You hate yourself
So why shouldn't I
I never looked in that mirror again

My soul will sail away
And let the winds
From my troubling yesterdays
Fill its tattered sails
And carry it wayward
Bound for a better future

Although the waves will batter
And the thunder will crash
I know my vessel will reach harbor
Surviving to set sail yet again
When I find my soul restless
Longing for the next journey

To think
Timing is everything
And sweet heart
By the time you read this
It probably
Won’t mean a thing
But there comes a time
Where everyone must admit
That they have grown attached
This is not emotional
It is just a matter of fact
That you made a choice
While I stood still

So we live life
Live it with theses...
With these things...
These things...
So inaptly named
All the time
Wondering
Confused about things
Like why these photographs
Really aren't frozen memories
And looking back
On love and such
Realizing
It was so much more...
Much more than...
More than...
Words
Used to name things in the end

Though the moon still rises
And the sun still sets
My limbs are still broken
The cuts are still fresh
They say time heals all wounds
But these ones just fester
Wrapped in bandage memories
Of the time we spent together

Seeing is further from believing
Them my face from the stars
And though quite literally
It is just my brain interpreting
What I am supposedly seeing
I believe in disbelief
As the trail from
The flickering shooting star
Slowly burns out
To die
But only in my eyes