Too many
Too little
So much time
Not enough time
There's two
So you have two
There's one
So you have none
                                                            ­                                Overwhelming
                    ­                                                                 ­                              Or
                                                              ­                                                Calm
            ­                                                                 ­                                  Easy
                                                            ­                                                       Or
                                                                ­                                              Hard
              ­                                                                 ­                    Unbearable
                                                      ­                                                             Or
                                                                ­                                     Endurable
                                                       ­                                         Unbelievable
                                                                ­                                                   Or
                                                                ­                                         Possible
                                                        ­                                         Unbreakable
                                                     ­                                                              Or
                                                                ­                                         Delicate
You have to choose
Even if you don't want to choose
Because you have a choice
Even if you don't know you have a choice

                                                                                                     Indecisive
                                                                                                                   Or
                                                                                       Just not right now
                                                                                                  Life is hard.

if the clothes hanging in my closet
start getting bigger
i know
i'm either eating too much
or hiding under sweaters

if they all turn from black to white
i feel like I'm asking for attention
i look in the mirror
and force my smile away
"don't get ahead of yourself
you're losing direction"

i need to feel bad about myself
to get the right motivation
hide under sweaters
that shield me from affection

i like the rain
the sound
makes me feel like i'm alone
so when i'm in the shower
i cover my ears
so it sounds like the rain
and thunder
oddly enough
even cold water
begins to feel
warm

Not everything that is broken can be fixed.
Not all that is fixed was once broken.

The time that we spent crying for hours,
Wishing for a merciful death, instead of torture,

Waiting to be fixed, like we're broken toys.
Were we really that deluded? Was any of it real?

Are we that determined to be fixed that,
We surrender our joy for anger and despair?

Or are we in tears because we are being fixed,
Though we don't need to be.

We say we are broken, to be put back together.
Some need it, but most of us are not broken.

Most of us just need a hand,
For we are not broken, but simply cracked.

Shrouded in darkness.
My wall, my clothes and my thoughts.
I’m lost in darkness.
The girl they knew is gone.

I don't run.
I disappear.
When I do,
You won't see me for a while.

Castles are only walls
made to look pretty.
Kingdoms can only fall
because they aren't that pretty.
You treasure decorations
over things that
do their job.
Because
they are disposable
and beauty
is not.

Down                                                                 I trusted you, but -
          D                                                               You promised me, but -
               O
                   W                    I fall from the sky, and -
                        N                You let me fall, and -
                          down
                                 DON'T                                 I didn't jump, and -
                                      L                              You pushed me over, but-
                                       E
                                       T                     I'm disappointed, but -
                                         ME              You're disappointing, and -
                                               d
                                                  o
                                                     w
                                                         n
You let me down

I don't have a dream
Is that strange?
Is it supposed to be?
It isn't to me. At all.
I don't know anything
But why do I have to have a dream?
I won't find one
Even if I do,
I won't
Follow
It.

Forget about speaking and understanding.

If someone writes in a different language
To your own,
You wouldn't even be able to read it.

At least at first glance.
I'm sure if you stare at it
Hard and long enough,

You'd be able to make out something.

Who are we really?
We walk around this world with no purpose,
Destroying it with our every move.
Do you know why we're here?
Or what we were sent here for?
I don't know why we are here,
Or why we even exist.
All I know is that it certainly wasn't to ruin the home we were so freely given.

I want to get out.
Out of this place.
But I can't right now.
I have too much to face.
I want to run.
Run far away.
But there's so much I've done.
So much in the way.
I want to escape.
Escape reality.
Escape everything
That's chasing after me.

I can't fake it
Even though they want me to

I can't help but be myself
I can't pretend
That pretending helps

Dress like you're perfect
Ignore if it's hurting
Smile like you understand

Expectations
So many reasons
None that make sense to me

Look the other away
Hope no one notices
Hide the tremble in your hand

Expectations
Still, have to face them
I'm stuck being their trophies

The pain gets too much
The edges get too rough
But you still have to stand

I can't see the light that leads
The end of the tunnel
Is too dark for me

I can't make it
Even though I want to

To instil fear into others, as a way to make them show you respect,
Is being afraid you will not be respected for who or what you really are.

Watch me
             Fade away
                       Into nothing.
Fading...
              Fading...
                      ­      Fading...
                                          3, 2, 1...
                                                      Here I go...
                                                           ­             I'm gone.

i believe that if
i don't eat
three meals
a day
i'll feel better
about myself
it's
not
working

People fall apart quite a bit.
A few times.
But not as much as me,
Because I fall apart quite a bit, too.
A few times a day.

Blood may be thicker than water
But family isn't always blood
                                                                                And loyalty runs deeper
                                                              - Deeper than the red in your veins

Trust cannot exist
If secrets do.
Yet, I put up these walls
That no one sees through.

It is nothing, but a fear
A fear of letting someone in.
So, I let my thoughts become whispers
And I keep my feelings hidden.

I conceal way more than I show.
I don't let them see me cry.
I'm scared that I'll lose them.
No matter how much I try.

It's a fear of trust.
A fear of loss.

when you light a match
watch the flame
burn it black
wisps of smoke
reach your fingers
it's warm
it's exciting
then you put it out
it's still warm
part of it
permanently black
vulnerable
so you let it
crumble

i'm sure there's a metaphor in there somewhere




Once I lit a match. I wanted to watch the fire. I watched the fire burn the wood and turn it to ash. It was turning black. I saw wisps of smoke curling between my fingers, as the flames got nearer. I could feel the heat. Before I got burnt, I blew out the fire. And the flame was gone, but that black wood, that ash, still remained.
That’s when I had a thought. Maybe that’s what happens when you decide to be bad. When you choose to be evil instead of good. When you give up doing good for doing bad.
Maybe when you make that choice, a fire ignites in you. A fire so bright, you can’t see anything else. But it’s like bliss. Blinding bliss. And you let that fire burn when you continue to be bad. It makes you want to do worse. Because it feels right. It feels like you can finally be seen. But that fire, that flame, it’s burning you, to your core. It turns everything black.
Eventually, you extinguish the fire. You don’t want it anymore. But you don’t know that it might be too late. Your heart, your soul, your mind. It’s all gone. It’s black. It’s ash. It’s a part of you now, a part you can’t get rid of. It’s still there; it won’t just disappear.

I want to forget
The mistakes I’ve made,
But no one else does.
Instead
I’m the one
Who ends up
Forgotten.

"I'm a tough nut to crack.
Nothing can break me."
Is what I used to say.
Before they got into my head
And led me astray.

I'm as fragile as glass
                And I've already shattered.
                                           I'm as fragile as grass
                                                           ­ And as bruised and battered.

                    You can't break me because I'm already broken.