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Ruheen May 2019
I want the freedom to make mistakes.
The freedom to learn from my mistakes.
I want the freedom to fail.
The freedom to fall.
Just so I can get back up again.
On my own.
...
Ruheen Nov 2018
There is a time you realize
That you only called someone your friend
Because you saw them five days a week.

Friendship shouldn't be based on frequency.
It should be based on understanding.
Just a thought I had when someone I thought was my friend left me for the "popular crowd". She wasn't really a friend. I barely knew her and she didn't know me. She knew what everyone else knew.
Ruheen Jul 2019
Take them off.
They’re blinding you.
They’re hiding reality.
Take them off
And you’ll see
A different world.
One not so happy.
It’s scary,
But it’s real.
And that is better
Than some fantasy.
We don’t need to hide
To be protected.
The world doesn’t need to hide
For our protection.
Because knowing
Is protection enough.
It’s just a different way
Of seeing things.
It’s a change of view.
A change of perspective.
A change.
Sometimes I want glasses like those. Ones that hide everything. Ones that make everything seem okay.
It’s too bad.
Ruheen Apr 2020
Gone with the wind.
My memories,
My feelings,
My heartache,
The headache,
Replaced,
With laughter,
Excitement.
No room for
Silence.
The confining
Spaces
That I
Always hated.
The sharpened
Anxiety
That left me
In ecstasy.
When I spoke
With sobriety,
The society
That watched me,
Left me in pieces,
For reasons
They will never
Explain.
It's changed.
How much?
How long?
Will it go back?
It never lasts,
Because the wind always comes back,
With more to give.
More than I asked.
And the wind will always return,
And it will bring
Back all the chains I earned.

Gone with the wind.

I'm trapped in the wind.
Because the wind will never stay gone.
A momentary burst of inspiration. I don't know.
Ruheen Oct 2019
Why?
There's nothing good about it.
I say that to everyone. Literally every day.
I am not a morning person.
Ruheen May 2020
I put up pictures on my wall...
Black and white
Just like this
Life
But then I
Realized
That none of them
Were
Black and
White
Or the lonely
Type
Just
Shades of grey
Side by side
And then I
Realized
That even I
Look
Better
In
Grey.
Grey? Gray?
Honestly, I gave up on caring about the difference. It's a word. A colour between black and white. That's all I need to know.
Ruheen Aug 2019
Smooth, so you slide down
Until you reach the middle

It's all tangled up
And you're not so little

You brush it away
And don't look back

You slide down further
Until you reach the end

And find that everything's
All knotted up again
I love my hair, but I hate it.
Ruheen Jul 2019
Split right down the middle
A mask of tears
No longer crys

Split right down the middle
A mask of smiles
No longer laughs

Split right down the middle
A mask of words
No longer speaks

Split right down the middle
A mask of sleep
No longer dreams

Split right down the middle
A mask of hunger
No longer craves

Split right down the middle
A mask of agony
No longer aches

Split right down the middle
A mask of you
No longer you
Figure it out, I can’t.
Ruheen Sep 2020
Halfway there
Then I turn around
Start walking west
But I hit the ground

And I don't get back up
I turn to my side
Elbow underneath
As the I watch the Sun pry

The gravel digs in
I turn on my back
Lie on my arm
Make it all pitch-black

I keep 'em open
When I hear sounds
Engines revving
It's about to go down

I crawl outta the way
My palms scraped and ******
Was lying on the dirt
But my jeans got muddy

Lights fly past
They show me a way
So I tie up my hair
And start walking straight

I'm still halfway there
But I turn my feet
Start walking north
Now there's grass underneath

How could one find me,
In this mess of a field?
...
Ruheen Aug 11
Those were the happier times
Moments where I felt alive
Sad days, slow days
Muddled in between
Those happier times

Where I lied through my teeth
To get between you and me
When I spoke in cursive
And told you to hurt me
So you wouldn't know
If it was me to blame
For the games you played

Those happier times
Where we couldn't tell
If we were sad and confused
Or elated as hell
Would be
If it met me

Those were the happier times
Where I could remember your face
Without wanting to
Jump off a cliff
I'm backkk. I wanted to come back a long while ago but my account wasn't working or something. I was locked out. Regardless. Here you goo.
Ruheen Aug 2019
I don't like happy endings,
Because in real life
Not many people have them.

But I also always want
A happy ending,
Because then I get to live
Someone else's life
And their happy ending.
I get to be happy
Even if only for a while.

I don't like happy endings
As that is all we can think of.
There is more to life than
Just riding off into the sunset.

I like happy endings.
As I am reminded
That there is a world
Of characters who are happy,
Even though we are not.

But I don't like happy endings.
Because they give people hope.
But it can't just be a happy ending.
Something has to come after.

More comes after the 'ending'.
Good, bad and ugly.
And then sometime after that.
Life really does end.

You don't have to like the ending.
You could love it.
You could hate it.
But at least then,
You'd know what it's like.
You would actually get to live it.
Finally remembered what I forgot...
But I don't like the ending.
Ruheen May 2019
Lock the door.
Close your eyes.
Embrace the dark.
Slide down onto the floor.
Feel the cold wall.
Against your back.
Hit your head on the wall.
It sounds like a heartbeat.
Just listen carefully.
Block everything else out.
It keeps on going.
Then suddenly, it stops.
Just like your own.
Now, again.
Open your eyes.
See the light.
Embrace it.
I don't know. Just try it.
Ruheen Dec 2018
Love is a blissful thing.
But when heartbreak comes around,
It becomes the most painful.

Although, sometimes, maybe the pain's worth it.
Just something I said to someone. Sounded poetic.
Ruheen Oct 2019
Hello hellfire
I cannot feel lighter
Then the air I became
A poison left astray

Hello hellfire
The sun rose higher
Burning all in sight
Satan's blight

Hello hellfire
Demons walk quieter
Devil's trap, heaven's plight
Angel's song, hell's fight
hehe....I don't know
Ruheen Jan 2020
I know it won't get much better,
But at least it can't any worse,
Right?
2020 everybody.
Ruheen Oct 2018
I say that I'm happy.
I say that I'm fine.
But shouldn't it be obvious that I'm not?

Of course not.
I've been hiding my pain for years.

I think I'm a pro.
Because I'm dying inside,
And no one knows.

Pain is hidden behind a smile.
Everything else, behind a wall.
...
Ruheen Jun 2020
Why can't I hit the
High notes
Side note
Let me make you
My own
Rainbows
Low notes
Tell me something I don't
Know
Who goes
Your gold
My go
Give me silver
And no more
Let me take you to the
High road
Say no
Why can't I hit the
High note
Solo
So please don't
Let me go down under.
...
Ruheen Sep 2018
Hope keeps us waiting,
and it leaves us like that
Hope this makes sense.
Ruheen Mar 2020
We're held
Hostage
In our own homes
In our own minds
And then we run
Thinking we're free
But that's just
A dream.
A hostage
I lost it,
And I don't know
How to fix it.
I just want to
Go to
Sleep
And never wake up.
I wrote a story, for my English class. Didn't think I'd like it. But then I read the last line. Still don't love it. I don't know why. But I'm getting there.
Same with this poem. Didn't like it until I wrote the last line.
Ruheen Dec 2018
Human nature is what makes us human -

Human nature is a bunch of characteristics.
Characteristics that include ways of thinking, feeling and acting,
Which humans have naturally.
It can lead to many things, both good and bad.

Is this what being a human is?

Fear, anger, love.
They aren’t weaknesses.
Without emotion,
We would just be empty shells of things that look like people.
Our thoughts,
Even the silliest ones,
Can lead to something big.
Every thought is important.
Our mistakes
Form us into who we’re meant to be.
Without mistakes,
We would never learn.

What does it really mean to be human?

To be human means having and showing emotion.
To be human means having the freedom of being whomever.
To be human means to accept all that you are.
To be human means to love and live freely.

Human nature. Being human. It makes us who we are.
Couldn't find the right inspiration. That's why I haven't been posting much. Didn't know what to write. I guess now I do. I think.
Ruheen Jun 2020
Let me clear something up:
ALL HUMANS ARE PSYCHOS.

And you can't tell me otherwise
Because we are.
We weren't born this way,
We were made.

And yeah you may not act like it,
But let me tell a secret...
You've got it in you.

We all do.
We can all be bad.

We weren't born good or bad.
When we were born,
We were like clay.
Mouldable.

We were taught the differences between good and bad.

We were taught to be good.

But do we really know the difference?

Say a kind person is called 'good'.
That same person can hate someone.
That person can be bad.

Because being a bad person isn't just killing someone,
Or stealing, doing drugs.

A bad person has dark thoughts.

And you can't tell me you have never had such a thought before.

Because I know you have.

Therefore, all humans are technically bad.

We just don't consider ourselves to be
Because our definition of good and bad,
Isn't ours.

It's someone else's.

Our definitions are based on what we see around us.

People may be innocent...
But that doesn't mean that they're not bad.
They just haven't done anything...
Criminal.

Yet.
Am I standing up for people who do all of these horrible things? No. I'm really not. I'm not saying that doing bad things is okay.
I'm just saying that bad things will keep happening because that's what people are like.
As long as humans exist, this world will never truly be peaceful. Something will always be happening.
Then again. It's my opinion. It's how I see the world and the people in it.
If you see it differently, good for you.
But don't try and change my opinion.
I'll change it myself when I want to. When I see something that's worth me changing what I believe.
Ruheen Mar 2019
Hyperventilating
My hands are shaking
Rapid breathing
My body's seizing

Shallow breaths
Not cold, but I'm trembling
I can't stop
I keep worrying

Hyperventilating
My heart's racing
Throat constricting
My eyes are watering

Anxiety
Exhaling, not inhaling
My fears
Keeping it in, I'm hiding

Hyperventilating
I feel like I'm falling
I can't help but feeling
Like my world is crumbling
Eh.
Ruheen Sep 2018
I can't think
I don't what to think

I can't speak
I don't know what to say

I can't write
I don't know the words

I can't listen
I don't know what to hear

I can't be normal
I don't know how
Ruheen May 2019
We know, but not enough.
We are happy, but not enough.
We are free, but not enough.
Humans have been trying for so long,
But I think we need to try a little harder.
Learning about this at school. Really smart, but really stupid, if you ask me.
Ruheen Sep 2019
Let them be harsh,
as society cannot exist with calm.
They prefer downpours of anger, not peace.

I’d rather be dead,
latching onto whatever piece of humanity
that is left.

That warmth that I once felt,
in the arms of my people, is now gone,
replaced by an icy death,
cold cascading down my back.
Those words, that were once imprisoned, by the angel on their shoulders,
do they leak through like water in a dam?
or is just a flood of things that could no longer be contained.

I’d rather be air and dust, than
lurk in the shadows, a shadow myself.
Watching the world tear at its hinges,
pulling close the curtains of humility,
has darkened the lights of their souls.
I don’t want to remember the world, why let it remember me?

I’d rather love no one and be loved by no one else,
for remembrance seems to cause pain.
I’d rather be forgotten, or better yet, erased.
We had to write poems following the structure of the poem 'Identity' by Julio Noboa Polanco.
I wrote mine and also wrote for three other people.
At least they turned out good.
Ruheen Sep 2019
Let them be brave
Alone in the dark

I'd rather be saved
Than broken apart

I save you
You save me
But you leave
I stay

I'd rather feel
Than be numb

I'd rather be known
Than just loved
Second one.
Or the third one.
I didn't really like the second one.
Ruheen Sep 2019
Let them hurt
I hurt too

I'd rather be framed
For what I didn't do

Than run and hide
Because that isn't right
I hurt, I die
They hurt, they lie

I'd rather be nothing
Otherwise, I wouldn't be certain that

I'd rather feel pain
Because then I'd be human
Last one (Maybe, for now)
Ruheen Sep 2019
let them be stars
I'd rather be flying like a meteor

alone, but free
together, but stuck
lonely

I'd rather be far away, than close to home
I'd rather feel the wind in my hair

let me go
Didn't really like this one, but well...
Why not?
Ruheen Mar 2019
Once.
Just once.
Tell me.
Show me that you care.
And maybe then I'll stop.
Stop saying that I don't.
Every time someone says something to me, or gives me a title, I say I don't care. But only because *they* actually don't. But I do care. I don't let it affect me, but I want it to. I want them to console me when I get hurt, not just dismiss it with a simple "Ignore it."
I want to care, but that'll only happen when they start to care. About me.
Ruheen Jul 2018
I don't know
Why the wind blows
Or how far the stars go

I don't know
Why winter is so cold  
Or why I'm left alone

I don't know
Why the wind strokes my skin
Or why the birds sing

I don't know
Why I yell
When I have nothing to tell

I don't know
Ruheen Oct 2019
No, I don't
I don't mind
The music's loud
We're in a crowd
But it's quiet

No, I don't
I don't mind
They're everywhere
But I don't care
'Cause I'm all alone

No, I don't
I don't mind
They're telling me
What to see
But I don't need to listen

No, I don't mind
But I really should.
...
Ruheen Apr 2019
If only
I had no problems
Maybe
Then I wouldn't be
So lonely
Stressed out mind
And open heart
Both so lonely
I can't tell
If I'm alright
If only
I wasn't breaking
Slowly
I wouldn't be
So lonely
Walking away
So coldly
If only
I wasn't so
(not) crazy
Then maybe
If only
I'm not lonely
Umm. Uhh. Yeah!?
I DON'T KNOW!
If only I wasn't lonely....
Ruheen Jan 2019
They say ignorance is bliss.
But what about when you're the one being ignored?
For that,
They should say ignorance is misery,
Instead.
.
Ruheen Feb 2019

I look up at the clock
I look back down
The page is blank
But the words flow out

I start to write
I start to worry
Time is running out
I can't breathe

Clawed hands reach out
They fit 'round my neck
They suffocate me
Until I'm out of breath

The claws push me back
And now I'm in the dark
I'm trapped in a box
Like a work of art

I breathe in dirt
Now I'm underground
Six feet under
Barely making a sound

"Let me out"
I hopelessly scream
"Let me breathe
Please hear me"

It's silent now
I've stopped trying
But I hear a whisper
Relentlessly saying

"Roses are red
Violets are blue
I got buried
So should you"

A nightmare I have all the time. It's weird how I never wake up screaming, I just wake up. Its like sleep paralysis, where I know I'm awake, but I can't get up. When my mind is awake, before my body is.
Ruheen Jan 2019
I thought I knew you,
But I guess not anymore.
I knew the old you.
You thought you knew me too, right?
But you don't, 'cause I've changed too.
People change. You think you know someone, but then you realize that you don't.
Ruheen Jan 2019
I'll tell you a story,
It's gonna be good.
A boy and a girl
Wishing for what they could,
Never have,
Even though they should.
And in the end
We know they would.
I'll tell you a secret.
But don't always believe it.
Life isn't like that.
It's not that easy.
People are broken,
And are never happy.
I'll tell you a lullaby,
I'll sing it for you.
It's better than all the lies.
But what can you do?
For every predictable book, movie, or whatever. Something unique would be good too. I don't just want any generic story. I want something different.
Ruheen Dec 2018
Someone asked me if I was an artist.
If I liked to draw,
Because I had a sketchbook.
I shook my head and said, "No."
Then I said, "I'm a writer,"
"I like to imagine."
I have a sketchbook and I draw only because I imagine my words turning into images. It's a form of inspiration for me.
Ruheen Nov 2018
I'm counting down.
Only 10 seconds left.

10

Here he comes,

9

Holding a gun.

8

He tells me to choose.

7

I choose.

6

I feel the gun against my head,

5

And the knife against my neck.

4

I wait.

3

2

1

He doesn't shoot.
But I cut.
Based on a dream I had. Don't know what goes on in my head. Wish I did.
Ruheen Feb 2019
breathe.
it isn't real.
do not cry.
wake up.
control.
don't scream.
keep it yourself.
you're awake.
just a dream.
pain.
it doesn't hurt.
scars, marks, wounds.
deep cuts.
not bleeding.
compartmentalize.
don't be scared.
lost.
scattered thoughts.
hide it.
please.
I'M FINE.
What I tell myself. I thought, maybe if I say it or write it down enough, I'll start to believe it.
So far nothing.
Ruheen Dec 2018
I'm visibly invisible,
Innocently uninnocent,
Bitterly bittersweet,
Scarily beautiful.
I'm misunderstood, yet understood.

I'm a lot of things, but I'm not yours.
So many people think that they know me enough to label me, to tell me what to do, to tell me what's wrong or right. They don't know anything. I don't belong to anybody.
Ruheen Nov 2018
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean what I said.
My life is just a mess,
So I'm living in my head.

I'm sorry.
For everything.
.
Ruheen Jan 2020
Say goodbye to the night

And the words of goodbye

I'm not staying.

And I'm taking the night

So you can have the light

Stop waiting.

Just make it all right

I don't want to cry

I'll be praying.

Please stop wasting
Your time.
...
Ruheen Jul 2020
Just because you don't want to live
Doesn't mean you want to die.

It's a pity there's no in-between.

It's one or the other.
You're either dead or alive.

Nothing in-between.
...
Ruheen Jul 2019
I'll keep the bodies in boxes
I'll keep the emotions in bottles
They're bound to be found,
One day.
Until then I'll hide them.
Keep them safe.
In case if I need them later.
But the bottles will crack.
They'll be found.
They'll be seen.
Loud and clear.
Like, little bursts of explosions,
And no explosion is ever good.
Meh.
Ruheen Mar 2021
I'm being an emotional fool.
A typical teenager, if you will.
What else did you expect?
Ruheen Aug 2018
I toss and turn all night.
I can't even shut an eye
Because of what I'll see.

I start to think I'm crazy.

I don't get to sleep.
But when I wake up
There's nothing wrong with me.
For all the people who can't get a good night's sleep...I get it.
Ruheen Dec 2019
If the road to hell is paved with good intentions,
Then what's the point of having them?

It's not like bad intentions are going to get you
A free, one-way ticket to heaven.

We have to do good deeds,
But easier said than done.

Bad leads to hell, and so does good.
Which means, most humans, if not all,
Are ending up there.

Lucifer and his demon friends
Must be having one hell of a party.
A very crowded one, too.
I just had a thought. And then I played around with it. Came up with this.
Yes, I know it means we can't just have the intentions to do something good, we must act upon that intention. But if you did something wrong even while having good intentions, that shouldn't make you a bad person.
This whole heaven and hell system is incredibly discriminating.
Ruheen Sep 2018
What do I see when I look in the mirror?
I see a broken girl
Who's suffered lies.
I see a crying girl
Who's dead inside.
I see a bleeding girl
Who blames herself
And is blamed by everyone else.

What do I see when I look in the mirror?
I see a girl
Who may have lost hope.
I see a girl
Who's just afraid.
I see a girl
Who doesn't want to hide.
I see a girl
Who's been through too much
And is still alive.

In the mirror
I see myself,
Darkness and pain combined.
I don't actually know if I wrote about myself.
Maybe I did.
Ruheen Nov 2018
I'm in too deep.
I can't touch the bottom with my feet.
But I'm not drowning,
I'm sinking in peace.

I'm in too deep.
I can't see what's around me.
I'm hidden in the folds
Of a deep blue sea.

I'm in too deep.
I can't hear the thrashing sea.
I'm just lost,
In the darkness around me.
Two words: My mind.
It's a metaphor.
Someone make sense of it.
Ruheen Feb 2019
Simply put; I hate people.

The more complicated version; I hate being around people. Hate hearing them talk and laugh. Hate watching them be happy. Only because I don't want them to see me cry.
...
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