Okay, you can shout
Maybe my sob was too loud
Fine, punch me to the wall
Maybe just a drop of blood will fall
Alright, kick me when I crawl
Maybe bruises won't make me sprawl
Sure, that was all my fault
Maybe I deserve this assault

Just remember to say sorry
*Cause, you know, I'll forgive you, baby

As much as I know
That he loves me
Yet his silence is colder
Than an iceberg can be
And sometimes
Silence is
A horrible ferocity

you sound like an idiot
when you said
you want to have me
all for yourself
because I have already
belonged to you
for so long ago
haven't I?

Ah, go ahead
cut my flesh open
let me bleed until I'm dry
and tell me to absorb
all the pain
as I cry my lungs out
then tell me you can't heal me
simply because you're afraid of blood

He nurtured
The flowers
With proper love
It could grow
On its own
After he left

Forever I will wonder
the happiness I brought you
will be soon replaced by hers

For morning awakens me
to the realty I wish I never see;
is you belong with her, not me

One look into my eyes
And flowers grow inside my head
One friction from your skin
And nothing else feels so true
One kiss to my cheek
And all my demons vanished into sand

I'd like to write a poetry
about how easy it is to reach for your skin
to bow down and get a sweet taste of your sin
to put my insecurity sleeping inside your promises
to fall for you until I scattered into pieces

Feels like surfing
On the ocean wave
Where I am free to play
Then folding inside
In a bizarre way
~
Is to appreciate trust
Rather than lies
Like brightened up
The moonshine in the sky
Even when starlight
Are impossible to hide
~
Is where your name
Taste like certainty
Blended with comfort
And strawberry
And all I notice
Is your arms
Encircle my hips
And your lips
Explaining a kiss
With infinity bliss

In the most connotative way
he kisses my red nose
and surprises me with the fact
that I actually have options
to stare out at the cold hope
*or to make him my full stop

One of the angel came
in the October
the one with fair skin
and hair of amber
glows like stars
with wings of a dreamer
golden Autumn eyes
bright like Summer
captivating kiss
nothing else sweeter
the thief of my heart
my only lover

He always moves his legs
whenever he sits down
like he has this rush
going on in his head
or maybe—just maybe
he’s always ready to run
and left everything
everything he has
so far away
that nobody is able
to stop him
or get him back

I will be cuddling inside your pillow chest
Smooching your strawberry hair
Endlessly biting your lower lips to annoy you
Laughing at your gestures and unfunny jokes
Resting my fingers atop yours like braid
Enjoying the love song of your heartbeat
Breathing your absurd laugh
Watching the stillness of your sleep and
Opening my eyes to see the sun rising on your cheek
All of the above are the opposite of  my reality
All of the above are what we were once upon a time
But
There's one thing left that's not the opposite
I am still extremely ridiculously inevitably
deeply honestly and completely
in love with you

it was different—how he made me fall
he didn't come with confetti and rain
or turned me restless with waves of rush
but he knocked on my door softly like snow
with white roses hiding behind his back
and a ring to promise me the right track

"Tell me what love is," he demands
and I answer in the most illogical
way I can ever think of
I answer;

It is when I met you the first time
and I knew I'd marry you in 7 years
It is when you're mad at me but
somehow you look peculiarly cute
It is when I left because you ****
but I held your string tight in my hand
It is when I know there are billions,
no, trillion souls, yet I stick with yours

"you are insane," he mocks me
and I laugh, "but love is insane!"
he kisses my lips and whispers
"then you're the answer to my question"

"Do you love her?"
"I do"
~

There and then I contemplate
your lips, your eyes, your breath
trying so hard to find the lie
in your straight answer
and the ***** between my neck
and my stomach trembles
caused by the truth
I cannot handle

it was everything related to our egos
how we thought we've played our roles
but refuse to synchronize our goals
neither mine nor his ever become ours
but we were fighting for what we had
with all the fusion of emotions and hopes
that this time we both will win the battle
we probably forgot that love is a losing game
rather than playing as team 'us'
we were playing as player one and two instead
but you know, there should be medals
for the kind of war that we had

You are the rose
That blooms
So wonderful
It compels me
To keep touching
And holding
Even when I have
To watch blood
Tainting my
Almond skin

Sweetie, hey,
Look at your reflection in the mirror
Not your pool of tears

See? you're young and beautiful
Not to mention that gorgeous smile

Yes, I know it hurts
When he chose to forget you
As you promised to remember him

But, Darling, you knew
You always knew
He never gives you his heart

Now, stop being so ******* yourself
Realize that it's neither your fault
Cause heart loves whom it chooses

Yes, you both didn't work out
Or at least that's what he said
But it doesn't mean love wasn't there
In that blink of a time
Love was there

I understand that you want him, only him
But you also need to use your mind
If he crossed your road
Someone else will do too
Eventhough this new guy will have his smile
Or his crooked teeth and sinking cheeks
But he will be able to fall as hard as you will

Baby, forgive yourself
Make peace with fate
Recall the fact that he refused to be the sun
For your white roses
Therefore you should make your own light
And decorate your garden with grace

I promise the right guy is waiting
He might be stuck on some tree right now
But he's around

It's a long tunnel indeed
But it all will be worth every dime

XO,
Amalia

I close my eyelids
and all I can recall
is the last night
where his lips
on my forehead
hand inside my hair
and heart beating
to stay with mine

when his eyes stare in the distance of one kiss
where giggles vibrate through our hot breath
is the moment eternal happens between us

rather than being told that I am strong
or getting angry at because I am weak
I want you to simply reach out your hand
and say "trust me, I can save you"

But, Darling
my sun rises in your eyes
and sets in my breaking heart
my moon shines from your starry kiss
and disappears along with your goodbye

before you leave, this I must say
eventhough your love is all about grey,
I still fell deeply in love with you
before I even knew that love itself is true

therefore I've made up my mind inside my fear
to speak these words just for you to hear
for the first and the last time shall you feel
"I love you, so much"
and there's no way it could be more real

To those midnights
and days
and mornings
you acted like
a little child
who is impatient
opening his
birthday gift
when I was wrapped
inside my dress
as I lay
on your bed

****, my voice is breaking
the sadness inside me is rising
I’m trying so hard to make it disappear
but the more I do the more it appears

how selfish will I sound
to tell you to stay cause I need you around?
so I choose to smile and lie
when I say, “it’s okay, goodbye”

I shall wear black attire
to mourn the death of
another piece of my heart
that you proudly killed
before my very eyes

She hummed heaven's song
When the sun rose
And hushed her love
When the sun set
She was the best episode
Of my 20 years movie
She was the comforting shadow
Below the trees
She was my safe place
To any danger that might be
I always reminisce about her
In too many ways there are
If time could heal
Then I wish not to feel
Anymore tears
And the wound in my heart
Remain still
For it is half of my soul
She steals

Somehow, he lured me
into kissing him again and again
until the only taste I know
is coming from his lips
and the only reality
I am capable of living
is the one I found
in between his breathing
when he opens his mouth
to whisper my name

Has passed
yet I can still recall how the stars aligned when we first say hi
how you answered my question with Craig David singing Rendezvous
"tonight is your night," you said on the dark road that seemed oddly bright
how you willingly opened up my door in a funny way just because I asked you to
how you took my hand after a couple of beers, a long chat, and the last order in that cafe
how the darkest sky turned white with you sitting down in front of me near the beach
how we shared our very first kiss, breakfast, dinner, until the very first morning
waking up to your beautiful brown eyes and the heat from your dutch white skin
I recall the Summer, where my heart melted to your lips whispering Iloveyou
and the Rainy days, when the cold clouds kept you sleeping inside my loving arms

but I also remember
how you broke my heart with all the secrets you hide deeper than my scars
how your words sliced my bones the nights you decided to left me with question marks
how green my eyes turned when you innocently treated her like she meant more than I was
how you pushed the restart button for the bridges you've exploded to ashes

In spite all that, aside from the bitter-sweet journey we have,
this I know for sure;
time has failed to separate parts of you in all of me along with the love I promise to keep

at least I am keeping my promise
to stay away from you, aren't I?
it's been an entire month, my dear
and I have not stop counting
the days I waste without you
my love, don't you miss me too?
oh, trust me I've ran out of lies to tell
only a pair of eyes that swell
and all I can do is sleep in your shirt
crying your name until it doesn't hurt

I remember you
The perpetual dream of my every wish
The sweet scent of the rain
The fallen angel who eases my nightmare

With every heat of the sun
Every cold side of the moon
It is my name you inhale
And yours I chant

Remember me
The feeling of your first kiss
The tenderness of warm blanket
The demon who plays well with yours

no matter how I try
to consider things
in a favorable light
there is no way
your dark heart
will ever turn bright

how many chances you've thrown away?
and efforts I have made in vain?
those tears I've cried, my heart that died
it is only you I want to hold tight

memories pierce their way to my bones
do you have any idea how many falling stars
I've wished upon just to be your only one?
now I wonder if I even matter a dust to you

but...

Laying down alone
Thinking about why you're gone
It's so quite here
My burning cigarette's all I hear

Hell, I loved silence
Loved
Cause after you came into my life,
Noise has become my best friend

Can I live by your haunting shadow?
This room feels so hollow
Even the smell of your skin
Staying like the words you spin

I should've realized it sooner
That you are the other half of me
Now you're gone, I'm just a stranded body
Trying to make peace with regret

I sigh, and of course you cannot hear
But I bet you are feeling it too
I am now, maybe always will,
Be missing you

*My heart belongs to you

I treated you like a King
But your heart refused to sing
I treated you like a star
So you took a step back far
I treated you like the sun
Then you said I am no fun

"You are too much,
I cannot handle too much"

Then I sit, inhale deep
And put my feelings
All my feelings for you
*To a deep sleep

look at me

look at me and tell me what you see

no need to patronize me with lies
you know I am not powerful
nor beautiful
I am the symbol of devastation
and self-destruction

so don't tell me you love me
if you only end up throwing me away
don't speak the word promise
when you refuse to stay

now turn your head
don't look at me

say your farewell
before you begin anything

Moving images
Drowsy voices
Is how I keep
Reminding myself
That you wanted to stay
But you've marked
Your calendar
To take your flight
Away from my heart
While I booked
A one way ticket
And I couldn't leave
Yours

that night, I was drunk
unconsciousness pulled me back to him

that night, I know he was there
his finger were wiping my tears
I felt his heart opened like never before

that night, he held me like a goodbye
that night, he kissed me like a promise
that night, he loved me until it hurts so bad, I cried

after that night, he stopped talking to me
—he quit looking for me, he left me
and after that night, I swear I will love again

*only if he promised he won't return to me

But my heart is too broken to be broken by you
and I have bleed myself by cutting my skin for you
leaving me neglected is how you rob my value
yet that's just the way you **** me with no clue

I honestly don't understand your poetry
I don't even know how to read them
but I need a reason to speak to you
to get your attention, to be with you
I'd do as low as lying and scheming
just so I can listen to your loud laugh
or have a nice dinner and take you home
and maybe, just maybe, there's a chance
you'd give me your heart too

Have you heard from your bedroom wall
that I long to be where you are?
have you heard the birds whistling
how I wish you a good day each morning?
have you heard your silence cellphone
ringing out the canceled calls from my phone?
sssh... be quite and listen carefully
let my blue heart speaks slowly
I am missing you, badly
and I am secretly still loving you, baby

While he was staring
into my trembling hope
and blurry eyes
he spoke in sigh;

“you ruin my life
—twice
but it’s okay
because it’s you
it’s you
you can ruin my life”

then
after a long paused
I kissed him and stayed

On a long walk like this, my thoughts often surf above the clouds about the kind of future we might have. The one with you waiting for me walking down the aisle. The bunch loads of pictures we'll be taking as our little family grows stronger. Just me and you and the miniature of us. Somehow all the heavy problems in the world are easier to imagine with you holding on to my hand. I wonder if you ever feel the same too cause even with the fact that you're in love with me now is too good to be true.

our love died, the cupids cry
their voice shook the earth, through the sky
as I lay weak on a cold hard floor
with all the promises you tore

It's June
But somehow it's still raining
And you
You knew I dwell in the rain
How I love the cold of being wet
But still
You cover me up with sweater
And hold your umbrella for me
As if you'd take the fall
If I ever run into the rain, *again

"If I knew it, I would not..."
she said—choking—
while tears dripping down her cheeks

that is the thing about life
we do not know, we never do

therefore we should spare some patience—
breathe easily, think slowly
in order to save a lifetime of regrets
so that we will be able to say;

"Eventhough it turned out this way,
I am glad I was kind. I truly did my best'

And so
She finds
Beauty
In the sins
She keeps
Beneath
Her sleeves

Bad memories,
Your faults,
Our fights,
Taught me a lesson
Not to take you back
But the good ones,
Your sincerity,
Our laughs,
Is crushing my heart
Into scattered ashes

Time with you is the time I'd stop
And repeat, over and over again

Like the time when I open my eyes to you
When you rest your head to my tummy
When we hold each other like Palomar knot
When you introduce me to your closest friends
When you kiss my lips like you're breathing me
When you take my hand in the crowd
When we slow dancing in your room
When you drive while gripping my hand
When you turn around after a back massage
When you stare at me followed by a smile

Those are the times I treasure
And always hope to be frozen

I'm done with love and its game
But for you my heart is tame
And if you ever feel the same,
Then let the vow be our aim

Sometimes a surface could
seems so cold and rough
with all the haunting past
and the demand to fake laugh
but if you'd take a long walk
on its wishful path
you'd find yourself lost
inside a pretty sunflower field
with all its warmth
you've always wanted to feel
along with the love
you thought wasn't real