Words,
Like lightning, ripping its way through my heart, jolting me violently as I struggle to compose myself.
"They're just words."
The trembling earth parts to reveal a smile, weak, fake, hiding the needle like pain the words you say cause me.
"No, it doesn't bother me."
I bite my lip, white bricks indenting into a plush garden, as the ocean threatens to overtake the beach with only my eyelashes to hold back the waves.
"Yeah, it is funny isn't it?"
You laugh about my imperfections, and I laugh with you,
hard, forced, hot air exhaling from my lungs as I blink and my mind scrambles to find ways to better myself.
"Totally, stretch marks are so gross."
Pink vines of ivy run their way across my body, and I wonder if I can find a way to hide the lighting on my thighs, my *******.
"But you're still pretty though."
Your words force the air out of my lungs and I nod reassuringly, because I'm still pretty, despite all the things you say are wrong with me. Things that make me who I am, but to you are marks against me as a person, but its ok, because I'm still pretty.
They're just words, but they can make you choke, and cry, and want to change yourself, just so someone can tell you that you're still pretty.
But pretty is just a word, and I'm so much more than your definition of what makes me worthy in your eyes.
Words.
Lava building up inside me and finally getting the courage to force its way to the top, to pour out of me and cover my body in molten rock, encasing me in protection in the form of letters and confidence.
"I know."

I love the way you look at me,
your eyes so Full of lust.
I love the way yoU kiss my lips,
I Can't help but want you too.
I know you want to taKe it slow,
but baby can't you see.
Read between the lines and Maybe,
you'll undErstand what I mean.

Hush little Sammy, don't say a word,
Momma's still watching even after she burned.

And I know Daddy seems real mad,
but since mommas been gone he's been real real sad.

And I know you wanted to marry that girl,
but she's with mommy and that must hurt.

And big brother Dean keeps selling his soul,
then daddy dies and you lose control.

And you meet an Angel of the Lord named Cas,
and he keeps bringing your brother Dean back.

And now Dean's hurting everyone,
and The Mark of Cain rests on the righteous son.

But though brotherly love transcends any curse,
The darkness has come to destroy our earth.

But its ok Sammy cause mommas still here,
and I know you two can fight this so dont you fear*.

You stood there,
across the crowd,
dancing with your friends.
Your hair, your hips, your eyes, your lips,
I was hypnotized at first sight.
I adored you.
I adore you.
Everything about you.
You’re perfect.
As I dance in the crowd that surrounds you,
I’m laughing,
I’m smiling,
I’m feeling
lovesick.

I ask a guy to get your number,
I’m so nervous I don’t think I’d be able to form the words.
He points me out and you smile a little and wave at me,
I blush and wave back,
As a shudder races up my back,
You walk over to me,
Are you an angel?
A starlit sensual sashaying goddess.
I buy you a drink,
and I’m starting to think,
this might be something wonderful.

You have beautiful eyes,
and the softest hair.
your graceful and magical,
like you walk on air.
and your funny,
your so kind,
your sweet and sincere.
I’ve never met someone like you.
Someone who cares.


A first date,
you’re at dinner.
I’m at dinner.
We’re at dinner.
A second date,
Its a movie.
My eyes are on you the entire time,
As you laugh and cry,
I laugh and cry,
I feel what you feel,
and I know you feel it too.

We text constantly,
and I think we might be making a connection.
Im on your facebook as you post pictures of us together.
Commenting and laughing about the stupid faces I make.
But you're always so beautiful,
No imperfections to be found.
And the more we talk and the closer we get,
The more I feel I wouldn't mind if I drown
in you.

The closer we get the more nervous I am.
I call you and hang up,
I dont know what to say.
I see the world in your eyes,
I hear the stars in your voice,
And I can no longer deny it.
I’ve fallen for you.

I love the way you smile all sleepy when you first wake up,
You’re just so happy when you see the sun.
And the cute way you dance to your own silent music as you fix breakfast,
though you always overcook the eggs.
I love the way you wander around the house in just boxers and a T-shirt,
even if the curtains are wide open.

I know it hasn't been long since that first night,
but honey I love you,
and I can’t explain the way I feel in a better way than this,
with a ring and a stolen kiss.
so please say yes.
Please.

Don’t look so surprised.
Why am I in your house?
I’m here every night baby.
Wait, no, I dont want to get out.
Stop acting the way your acting.
Dont you want this ring?
No, stay away from the door,
and stop throwing things.

Why are you fighting this,
The way that we feel?
We are perfect for each other,
so why are you squealing and screaming at me?
Is it because I woke you up?
You’re beautiful when you’re sleeping but I wanted to seal our love.
So take this ring,
and kiss me girl,
I wanna be your light,
because you're my world.

Stop saying no,
stop saying stop,
I love you ,
I need you,
Cause you are my rock,
in this ocean of life.
And I’m drowning,
I’m floundering as I knock you out.
No I dont want to hurt you,
but you are so loud,
with your screaming and pleading,
And we need to get out.

Shhh its ok,
the gag is a precaution,
as I drive to our new home,
I dont want you to wake and be frightened,
of the rope,
around your wrists,
or the blind fold,
or my ****** fists.
You see I want it to be a surprise,
when I uncover your eyes,
and you see our new home.
I’m bringing you home.

Do you like your new room,
no now don't start screaming,
maybe I should have waited to wake you,
and you looked so peaceful when you're dreaming,
Who’s that?
Oh I dont know.
He used to own the house,
Is he breathing?
It doesnt matter,
I’ll just get him and take him out,
Why am I doing this?
dont you see I love you,
and I need you,
to love me back.
So I’ll tie you to this bed,
and I’ll turn on this track,
It’s your favorite song,
Oh you don’t need to know how I know that.

Whats that noise?
What did you do?
Why aren't you tied to the bed?
Now baby I love you but I will hurt you,
its for your own good.
No put down that lamp,
Why are there lights outside?
Hey where'd you get that?
Give me the phone.
GIVE ME THE PHONE.
GIVE. ME. THE --
Oh.

⧫ ⧫ ⧫ ⧫

I went out dancing,
I was in this crowd
and I think he was there,
But then my friends were all about,
and I felt someones eyes,
but there were so many people,
I would think I would remember,
I should have know he was lethal.
But we were dancing,
entrancing,
and happy.
And no one wants to believe.
I mean I didn't really think.
He must have really thought he loved me.

Some guy asked for my number,
He said it was for a guy across the room,
He pointed him out so I smiled and waved at him,
he blushed and waved back,
And I dont have the best track,
When It comes to cute guys.
So yeah It was no surprise,
when I let him buy me a drink,
And ok, I think,
I kinda liked him.

He had nice eyes,
and ok hair,
but I got this vibe,
that he just wasnt all there.
He was funny,
kinda,
But he didn’t have much to share,
I let him down soft and left,
Maybe he didnt hear?


I saw him sometimes,
When I was at dinner,
and he was at dinner,
but we didn’t speak.
And again,
I was at this movie,
And he was there,
I was laughing with friends,
and I got up at the end,
and there he was,
watching me.

I got random texts,
But I didn’t know who they were from.
And he friended me on facebook,
But I’d forgotten who he was.
And then he would comment on my pictures,
and he was always in the background.
Smiling.
Watching.
Me.

I kept getting these phone calls,
but he would always hang up before he said anything.
I’d blocked his cell number,
but I was starting to connect the dots,
I mean I didn’t quite feel threatened.
Just really creeped out.
I still should have done something.

I felt like someone was in my house,
but I thought I was just being paranoid.
I mean who would sneak into my house?
Well I guess he would.
I started to close my curtains after that.
But the feeling never went away.

Then that night he was there.
I dont know what he was thinking?
He proposed to me,
he got on one knee,
and then he kissed me,
And I woke up.

I was so surprised,
I asked why he was in my house,
He said he snuck in every night,
I told him to get out.
I should have done something,
but then he started waving around a ring?
And then I went for the door,
and started throwing things.

Well he was saying so many things,
I can’t quite remember them all,
about us being perfect for eachother,
and he started to call me beautiful and yeah,
I was kinda screaming a lot.
But you would be too.
if you woke up to find him,
hovering above your bed,
holding a ring,
his lips near your head.

He wrestled me to the ground,
as I screamed for him to stop,
and I shouted no as he rolled on top of me
crushing me with his weight.
I was scared,
I was frightened,
and yeah I feared for my life.
I bucked and I twisted,
but I must have missed when he brought up his fist,
and brought it down on my head,
cause then the world went dark,
and I thought I was dead.

I was lost in an abyss.
And my world was quaking,
though now I know I was blindfolded,
and it was a car shaking,
but in the moments of nothing,
when I was half conscious and dreaming,
The ties around my wrists were gone,
and I was freely thinking of the life I could have,
so you understand,
why I fought so hard when I woke up.
you see I wanted,
I needed,
to stay alive.

I woke up in a room,
and I started screaming,
he was talking to me but then I saw in a corner,
It was an old man,
and he was covered in blood.
He’d been the owner of the house,
And the guy who thought he loved me said that he was dead.
I asked why he was doing this but he said he loved me
that he needed me,
to love him back.
It was so hard for me not to fight him as he tied me up,
and he turned on my favorite song.
I held back my rage until he was gone with the body.


Then I yanked at the ties,
and they cut at my hands,
and I ran to the window,
to see him digging outside,
and I searched through the room,
looking for somewhere to hide cause the door was locked,
but then I found the phone,
and I dialed 911,
And I told them to come.
and I waited a few minutes,
talking to the police,
when I heard him on the stairs and I thought he had me.

He ran inside just as I heard the sirens,
and he was questioning me,
and he was threatening me,
but I grabbed the lamp,
and he was screaming at me,
to give him the phone.
But I didn't give him the phone.
I gave him the lamp, hard, against his skull.
and he fell the ground as the police came through the door.

And then they helped me outside,
and the ambulance was waiting
and when he came out it was on a stretcher,
apparently I hit him a little too hard.
But I say not hard enough.
At least I know I will never wake up with him around me again.
Though he won’t either.
Wake up that is.
Because I killed him.

I feel remorse.
It wasn't his fault he wasn't right.
Though he made the conscious decisions to sneak into my house that night.
We found out who he was,
and that he was all alone,
no friends, no family,
and not even a home.
So here is my story.
And you know the rest.
Officer, is that all?
I think I really need to get to bed.'

I gave you my heart,
and you gave it back.
But with it you gave hope,
placed in a small crack.
Then that crack became a fissure, and it splintered and grew,
And when I came back with the pieces,
You said "I never loved you."

Teardrops,
seeping out of me and running rivers down my face,
like the rain as it collects together and weaves its path through the land.
Pain that forces its way through you to show the people around you that you hurt.
Choked sobs that make people ask questions,
“What's wrong?"
"Who hurt you?”
No one.
No one hurt me and No one is still hurting me.
No one is tearing deep into my heart and ripping it to pieces,
shattering it like fragile glass and wiping my tears with the shards.
No one is hollowing me out,
making me feel hopeless and alone.
Because no matter how many people come to me to tell me they care and will always be my friend No one stands in the shadows waiting to hurt me again.
Cold.
its washing over me as I sleep,
alone in a bed that wishes someone was there to bring warmth.
It causes me to shiver as I look into the eyes of someone I know will never warm me like I want, will never hold me close and whisper they love me.
It shoots through my veins in the form of adrenaline,
as hope rises in my chest like the sun only to be suffocated by the cold when someone turns away from me to find someone prettier.
Smarter.
Warmer.
No one stands to the side to welcome me back into its arms because it knows I will always be alone.
No one hurts me because No one cares enough to take a chance at us.
Even as the day ends and I climb back into bed with the cold waiting to surround me again I know that the next day will be the same.
And when people ask me who hurt me and why I cry I will always have the same answer.
No one hurt me.
Because No one is the only one there.