The war between,her,me and she

Funny a tale I tell you

"Her" was me a minute ago

So malleable, gullible
Easy to stir

But "her" was happy
Holding unto a dark mural

"Me" is I now

Lessons from "her"shaped me

To let go of steam
From others action

That some ain't -
Worth fighting for

"She" is my future
The all control
I want to be

Some war ain't-
worth fighting for

I'm letting go of "her",
"Me" in progress
So that "she" can live

I was a kaleidoscope

Every hope,faith

I made symmetrical pattern

Yet I know nothing

I Saw the world through
magnified lens,
Microfying lense

Before I knew to pronounce letters greater than five

Yet I know nothing

The power to completely
detach from my soul

Yet be Completely entwined

The web of veins
That cannot function
without the other
Yet I know nothing

Pain far worse
Worse than shrivel of knives
Scattered through all my senses
Yet I know nothing

The vastnes of pain
Each knowledge it comes with
I've been through it
Understood it
Empathatise it
Yet I know nothing

Yes I am That kaleidoscope
My limitation is only war
A defect I'm happy with

Love,romance

The commonest emotion

I've seen ,heard and felt

Pitiful if you ask me

It's beginning blinds us so

That the middle and end is a blur

Just another page we've torn of our lives

The greatest of them fall

So why bother then

It's simple

It's hope when there's non

Even the most eloquent or the majority

Do promises such pleasure

But I haven't seen one
That met such expectations

Just like our fingers

We can't be loved the same

One could be broken person

who is promised a good stitching

Other needs a sense of completion

The purpose of it is still a mystery

That its not worth holding my breath for.

"I hate that they were right

you were too good to be true

because you were
a fairy tale

my subconscious

A projection
of what I wanted

my cravings

all which

would never amount
to anything but that".

Ive walked alone all through

The silence promising torture

Yet nobody bothered to shadow

And when i did get a shadow

That made the rays less scorching

It became a thing

To condemn my soul

To condemn my company

It Didn't matter

That my smiles were bigger

On some days brighter

Its their own thoughts,
Their own designs

That was most important

Yet its ironic

How clueless

How self absorbed they are

That its my soul

Never theirs

And I've never tried to disarm theirs

Gratitude,success

Those two words

Had been thrown idly

Through decades freely

Could be in a form of morsel

Or fortune ,family  or health

But its also the will to breath

At every dawn

To forgive or to love your figure

To stand or fall

To cry or to chuckle

To speak or be mute

The mediocre of it alone

Is another thing to pounder

"Ill do that" she said

She was so always eager to please

But then quick to anger

"No worries I'll fix it"
She always said

In return she got a warm smile

"I'll babysit for the coming years"she said

"I'll be a listening ear" she said

"What do you need help with " she said

"Have you eaten " she said

"You sick we need a doctor" she said

Then her cup got empty

She couldn't pour anymore

Yet she felt guilty that
she couldn't give,

That she blamed them for it

Her path became thorny

In return she tortured herself

Became her worst nightmare

And then she met him

He promised her love beyond this realm

That she was the purest soul he has met

What she was,still is ,is a torture device designed specifically for her

She should be validated

And he would make her understand that

He became he refill

A therapist she could divulge her secrets to

But she forgot he was human

She forgot her touch was sinister

She tainted him too

And he threw that to her face

And she couldn't blame him,or them  for that

Because there is always more to the story

She might be her author

But what she paints,what she writes

Would never be the full story

Because even she alternates between being a victim in her story

But what stays more constant is she must be the villian in this story