I love watching the way that all the muscles in your face relax when you laugh.

"it stings
in the shower
and the sad thing is
you know exactly what
i'm talking about"

They sting mercilessly in the hot shower as the burning hot water washes over them.

And with one final kiss on my forehead, he planted my flower in his garden. ❤

When you wake up, your nightmares end.
When I wake up, my nightmares begin...

I have been sad for so long that I don't even remember what it feels like to be happy...

Because cutting hurts less than you...

The smell of your cologne on my shirt sleeve still makes me melt after all this time

I fill the emptiness with pills, further haze my judgement with smoke and draw the line with a blade.

Depression…
Where every shirt sleeve becomes a tissue

You can buy all sorts of crazy things on the internet;
A celebrity...
A person to stand in line for you...
Even uranium for goodness sakes...

Why the **** cant you buy the ability to freeze time and just turn off your life for a bit.

THAT'S THE ONLY THING I WANT RIGHT NOW.

Nights are the most difficult.
It's when I miss you the most.
The worst part is, when I'm having a nightmare about losing you and I roll over for your comfort, you're not there.

Life has a cruel joke.
Giving you the right person,
at a dreadful time.

Even though I have everything I could have ever dreamed of, there is still a faint whisper from my past reminding me that I could lose it all once again.

In a field I lay in early December.
The sky was glum and the world around me was grey.
The air crisp, as the soft snowflakes melted on my lips.
All the nature around me was lifeless.
Oh how I wished to be dead along with my surroundings.

That’s when I heard him.
His footsteps crunching as he walked across the icy field.
With every step towards me, the frost on the blades of grass melted.
Each of his footprints being replaced with beds of tulips.
The sun started to peek from behind the clouds and the buds started growing on the tips of the branches.

“Come my Dear, its time to get up now.”

“What if I fall again?”

“But my darling, what If you fly?”


He leaned down to me and placed his soft lips on my numb lips melting all the ice around my heart.
My whole body was instantly awakened by a sensation I had not felt in what felt like forever.
The butterflies in my stomach that I felt from his kiss lifted me.
Indeed I did fly, Indeed I soared.

You know what really scares me? I remember when I used to be okay with being alone. In fact I loved it because, I was always surrounded by people and, having a little bit of solitude was comforting. It gave me time to step back and reflect.

Now, being alone is one thing I hate more than anything in the world. I constantly surround myself with people because I hate being left alone with my thoughts.

Today is one of those days, it is the first time in so long that I have been alone for a prolonged period of time and it’s really difficult for me. I have too much on my mind and I am slowly breaking down.

My heart says hello
My head says goodbye
But my lips keep drawing closer to you with every breath I take

You were my first love
But when I really look back
You were my first loss

I never understood how one could find the right person at the wrong time.'
Today I have a full understanding of that phrase as I felt as though I needed to end things with Mr. Right for coming into my life at the wrong time.

There have been too many nights
Where I lie beneath my sheets
Hoping you still care

How do I look today?
What do you think?

Are we good?

What should I do?
Should I buy this?

Are we good?

Do you like this on me?
Do you think I can do this?

Are we good?

Am I making the right choice?
Are you sure its okay?

Are we good?

When did my entire existence begin to only matter with your approval?

When did my confidence only shine through when you agreed?

When did my life begin to revolve around pleasing you?

The day I lost myself was the day that I met you and I regret that with every day I strive to find myself again now that you are no longer pulling me down.

Am I good?

Yea…I will be the longer you aren’t around…

She was a good girl.
**** as **** but super reserved.
She was the furthest thing from being considered a **** or *****…

He would tease her and slowly peel away her armour.
She abandoned the good girl she once was to be a bad girl for only him.
Something about him made her want to drop all her guards.

She would send him **** photos while he was in meetings.
She in hoped he would take it out on her later.
And one day he did, he called her a ***** and tossed her away.

As it is, your words cut me like a knife.
I don’t know how much longer I can take the pain.
For the next couple of months, I’m going to put aside a pill for every thing you say to me that hurts me.
And when I finally can’t take it anymore, I’ll swallow all the pills at once and end it all.
Simple

I wish I was your
One and only rather than
Your one of many

I have never understood people who cut themselves.
Like seriously, what in gods name possesses you to take a blade and slice into your own delicate flesh?
I am a religious girl, I believe that our bodies belong to God and it is not ours to hurt.
Last night, I took a dull blade and scratch my wrists until they were swollen. I scratched for such a long time until blood slowly drew and drip down my wrist falling between my legs in my bathtub.

I’m sorry that I never understood before.

I’m sorry that I never felt bad.

But I understand now.

I cut myself because any other pain other than the excruciating pain I feel on a daily was worth feeling.
The worst part is, I believe that I deserve the scars because my pain is self-inflicted.
I know he’s the very source and refuse to let go.

“There is nothing harder than putting yourself back together each morning.”

That is the saddest most true thing I have read in a while.

I want to ******* scream.
I so badly crave your arms wrapped securely around me at night when the nightmares start.
I want you to be the one who dabs my tears away and hugs me while breathing in the scent from my messy hair.
But you’re never there and it’s physically starting to weaken me because it actually hurts as to how much I ******* love you.

Knowing that its going to be a while until I see you again leaves my body numb. Every bone, muscle and joint just barely picks itself up every single day to live my excruciating life.

The crazy thing is, despite knowing that I had an addiction to you, I still consumed you wholeheartedly at the first opportunity I had knowing that consuming you, my drug, would corrode my body inside and out.

Every sensation I felt with you still lingers on my body, your lips on my lips, your hand on my chest, your torso pressed up against mine….

The weird thing is, I’m not sad because I won’t see you for a while,
because I gave my whole self to you, because the feeling of your body still remains on mine…

The ****** up thing is, I am sad because the smell of your cologne is gone from the sweater I wore when we met and ravished each other for the first time.

I don’t cry.
I never have.
Not when my childhood friend died,
Or even when I found out my grandparents had cancer.
I am a really tough girl,
Or so I would like to think I am.
Or rather I was a very tough girl.
I used to be a pro at being sad and showing zero emotion.
Lately, it’s been too easy to be standing at a bus stop and think myself into streaming tears and a runny nose.
I guess I do cry now…
And a lot thanks to you.