For about two years it crushed me and me under its control.
Preying on my weaknesses and craftily infiltrating my mind, just like a mole.
It was trying to set up shop and stop me from living.
Like Groundhog day, it felt like each terrible day, I kept reliving.
I knew if I didn't do something, I may slowly lose my mind.
I had to make the effort and see what help and support I could find.
It was time to try things like CBT and medication.
It was time to get back to enjoying my life; and not be ruled by trepidation.

December the 31st 2011 is a date I won't forget.
A day filled with misery and full of regret.
Everything was normal as I watched the television.
Then something tore my world apart with a calculated precision.
It started with shaking and a rapid increase in my heartbeat.
I'm not ashamed to admit, I'd almost resigned myself to defeat.
A tight chest sweating and a faint head.
I'd never been so sure that I'd end up dead.
Scared I could die at any moment, I questioned what I'd achieved.
Asking what I'd done wrong and questioning the punishment I'd received.

I am a firm believer that beauty on the inside, is more important than beauty on the outside.
I don't just want to see your bare body, I want to see you bare your soul.
I don't just want to have ***, I want to make love.
I want you to feel comfortable and to talk to me about anything and everything.
I want us to feel safe in each others arms and forget about our worries.

I hope to make you feel confident about your own insecurities.
To show you how special I think you truly are.
I want our hearts to race when we see each other and our eyes to sparkle.
I want you to look into my eyes, so you can see how much I love you.
Am I asking too much, or is that exactly what love should feel like?

When we go through rough waters, I want us to be each others anchor.
Knowing that our love and support for each other, can get us through anything.
You may be beautiful on the outside, but it's the compassion in your heart and the beauty in your soul, that makes me want to spend my life with you.

Thirteen years ago, something changed.
It altered my personality and made everything a stressful decision.
I let fear take control and I became a shell of my former self.
I must admit; It nearly broke me.
The important word there is, nearly.
It didn't break me and I won't let it.
I control my life.
I will not be controlled by fear and negativity.
I have one shot at life, I will not take it for granted and I will push myself.
Whether it's by writing or raising mental health awareness, I will try and show that mental health isn't a life sentence.
There is help out there.
It does get easier.

Sometimes I wonder if my body can cope.
Analysing everything so thoroughly, as if using a microscope.
Scared if my mind could endure this unbelievable strain.
I felt like I was under so much pressure. I started to question if I was sane?
Scared of how much my mind and body was having to take.
I thought it was only a matter of time, before I would surely break.
Where I was at, I needed help with this.
If I kept heading the way I was going, I would have fallen into the abyss.
I talked to people who had a good understanding.
Who recognised how mental health can be very demanding.
They told me that it can get easier, but it would be a fight.
That with support and help, my future could still be bright.
I needed to know I could get better and that things wouldn't always be black.
That I could regain control and get my life back.

Self confidence can be hard to come by when you suffer from a mental illness.
You show strength, when other people would crumble.
You help people with problems, even when you're going through a hard time yourself.
You forgive certain people; even when it would be understandable if you never spoke to them again.
You find motivation, when it would be easy to be lazy.
You try and make people's lives that bit brighter, even when you feel dark inside.
You raise awareness to let people know they're not alone, even though it makes you emotional and is hard to talk about.
Not many people could do all of these things.
You show kindness, when it would be easy to lash out.
You go through a struggle every day, but still make time for everyone and you always do your best.
That shows that you have every right to confident.
In adversity, you still show how good a person you are.
That makes you someone special and someone I'm proud to know.

I've experienced OCD, anxiety and depression.
I've been in the depths of despair.
There have been times where I'm always afraid something terrible will happen.
There have been many nights where I've doubted I will wake up in the morning.
Days where I constantly do routine after routine, making me feel mentally exhausted.
Wondering if my life will always be like this, if I'll always be worrying for the rest of my life.
The best way to describe it, is I was in constant fear.
If you want to enjoy your life, face your fears and stand up to them.

It took me sinking to rock bottom, to truly appreciate some of the simple beauty in life that we may sometimes take for granted.
Like a friend who supports you, appreciates you and is there for you in the tough times.
They are the people that make life that little bit easier and that bit more enjoyable. Keep them close and always return the favour.

The mind is the greatest obstacle that stands between us and happiness.

Life is so full of interesting things, don't be afraid to get out there and try something new.
Let people in and get to know people as there are people who will make life a much better experience.
It is better to be remembered and to have made an impact on people than to leave this world and nobody remembers you.
Love may hurt, make you angry, make you laugh or make you happy, but it is what makes life worth living.

Sometimes mountains can be put up to make our lives harder.
Sometimes it may feel like you only have a pick-axe to get through.
Some mountains though, are made to be conquered.
You have the heart of a warrior and can't be stopped.
There is a light so great in you, that however strong the darkness gets, you will always shine in the dark like the moonlight.
That fire in you will never burn out.
You've made it this far and keep getting stronger.
There will only ever be one person like you.
Don't ever be afraid to be yourself.
The road to happiness, starts with being happy in yourself.

Life can be tough, when it feels like you're walking your path alone.
The problems of your past can make it hard to let anyone in.
It maybe okay to be a lone wolf sometimes, but does it make you happy?
No one to talk to, to make you smile or to make you laugh can make this world a lonely place to live.
Are you lonely by choice or are you scared to let yourself feel vulnerable?
Is it better to have the emotional capacity of a robot or to be an open book?
Some people say you're born alone and die alone, but who says you have to live alone?
Who do you create memories with?
You are unique and your perfect match is out there.

What do you do when you question life?
Do you dwell on the past or do you look forward to the future?
It's easy to remember the bad things we've been through but how often do we look back at the positive things and just smile?
Remembering the negatives and focusing on the bad is hardly going to help.
What if you embrace the now, live for today and remember tomorrow is a new day?
Wouldn't that be a better way to live life?
Life is too short to constantly think about regrets and what ifs.
Do you want to be someone who's life is dictated by worry or do you want to take risks and enjoy life while you can?
Do you let the best years of your life fly by or do you take control and lead the life you want to?
There's only one pilot controlling your life.
Make sure the journey is a memorable one.

OCD is a part of my life that I thought was over and done.
Turns out it is a battle that is not easily won.
There will be ups and downs, it will be a war.
Things may never be the way, they quite were before.
I am determined though to keep it under control; this is a battle I'm sure I can win.
I just need to suppress it, this evil within.

I want you to look back to this time last year.
Think about how much progress you've made.
Things may not be perfect, but they are a lot better than they were.
Use that as motivation, to show you can and will get better.
It doesn't matter how slowly you move forward; just that you keep moving in the right direction.

If you could look into the mind of an OCD sufferer, what would you see?
You would see bravery and fear fighting it out.
One side of the mind trying to reason with the other.
If you tell us to get on with it, it's because you don't see the amount of strength and determination that it takes to overcome a mental illness.

In life sometimes you meet someone so special, they turn your life upside down.
Keep that person close, as a person like that may never come into your life again.
Treat them special, don't take them for granted and cherish every moment with them.
No one knows what life holds, don't regret not taking a chance.
When you think about that person with every waking thought, you can't let it slip.
Those kind of feelings are what make life worth living and there is nothing in the world that can make you feel more special
Those feelings and emotions are worth risking it all for.

Some people may abuse your trust and make you doubt love, but there are more people out there who will show you how special you are.
They will show you love and prove just how valuable an emotion it is.
Embrace it and give it a chance, as there is no feeling which can have a more profound impact on your life.

Has anybody ever asked you, how can you be tired?
You haven't done anything.
Well imagine your mind beating itself up all day.
Doing constant routine after routine, wondering if you're going crazy.
Fearing you may not make it through the day.
Stress and anxiety tightening up your muscles, making it hard to breathe.
Feeling like you've run many miles.
No day is easy for a person with a mental illness.
We have to fight to get through each and every day.
I just wish more people would take that into consideration before opening their mouth.

Anxiety is like going to war. Only the enemy you face, is staring back at you in the mirror.