I found myself under
the dance of flashing lights
and dimming night,
of talking clouds
and breathing hours,
the hands of time
would tick in his hand;
loud enough he told me
as his voice reverberates in my ear,
"Welcome to Wonderland."

When all the love is pure,
when your hope and faith is full,
when the ocean isn't pulling back,
the setting sun is yours to touch.
When lips would wake you up
and lips would bid good night--
fall as a fog into the gloomy woods
for your love knows no sun and moon.
When the storm is just a whisper
and the weather is just a news--
you are the burn and the shiver
between his pillows and sheets.
--------------------------------------------------------
­
When all of these had faded fast
*I'll remember you as my first and last.

Through the thick walls of this building,
the coldness of yesterday's promise crawls
and haunts me around in a maze of halls
where neither end nor start exists.
No holes or doors, windows and rooms
I placed myself in a game
where insanity blooms.
The days kept running and nights kept coming.
I slowly grew gray and pale
and my nourishment, drained.
I withered to dusts and became nothing
for I waited eternity to arrive
but made a visitor in me.

I can still see you in the dark
     and as I trace your silhoutte on my wall,
     you juggle your last piece of
     cigarette between your fingers--
     disregarding the heat.

I can still feel you in the wind
     with your scent that draws
     all the girls in town to you
     or even when you smell like alcohol
     and fall from your seat.

I can still write down your name
     when I thought my pens
     grew tired of bleeding for you
     and now my blank sheets will be your tomb--
     keep them marking on repeat.

I am not your breaktime deed --
That cigarette you roll
Between your fingertips.

I am not your black bow --
The one that you wear
When you're on call.

I am not your alcohol --
That bottle on your lips
And your face to the floor.

I am not your suede shoes --
Your night time glitter
In your daytime locker.

I am not your perfume --
Bottled and locked,
Always consumed.

I am not your secret --
A kept thought
Inside your head.

I am not your personal thing --
You neither own me
Nor use me.

I am your drugs --
And I brim your head
With what you think
Is true.

and we roamed my bed
like the corners of your city
struggling to breathe,
grasping to every thread
of my soft sheets
you brought fire to my body,
brought waves of ocean
from my steaming pores
and you're thrusting
like diving down a deep well
crying out like a wolf
as if my ceiling is the moon
without any uncertainty,
you held the hanging bells
from the temple you're
trying to rule,
like you would to your pillow
pinch, bite, and lick
as if you're trying to do
some sort of a magic trick

what we did felt good,
your love tastes good,
and the daylight came
reaching out my windows
touching my eyes softly
and slowly, I came to my senses
and wished to be asleep forever
or prolong my greatest night

the darkness died as the sun came up
and you were gone in the morning
like my old school camp fire

gone for good...

after a night of festive screams,
scratches, and rolling in the hay,
what I got was just a trip
in Heaven and Hell
and I was so burned by your body,
blinded by your touch,
silenced with your kisses,
for a few hours, you made me
an object of your desires and lust

you're a daydream in the night
and your love is a mirage

the night is deep
though you're not yet asleep
and the air outside our window
can't bring you under our sheets

I held your hand and kissed you
all the way to your ear
to slowly confesss
what my heart wants to tell

"I would never bother to go
outside and look for the stars
'cause I see the universe
in your eyes..."

"you are the brightest star
in the constellation
of people..."

"you are my star..."

you smiled and slowly,
started caressing my hair
like turning the pages
of your favorite book
and went closer for my ear
and whispered,

"you're my universe
and what you saw
was your reflection..."

"I see you as my home..."

"and that's where the
*brightest star belongs..."

The festive lights are drowned
in the darkness of the night
and it's just you and I and
our sheets beneath us.

I breathed and traced your skin
with my fingers on my favorite parts
of you and tried to make your scars
feel a little bit lighter than before.

You healed from my touch
and slowly, I became a stranger
from my favorite places and my
landmarks are all gone.

From my love, I sparked the fire
that burned the fireworks in you
and you're slowly turning to ashes
just like my New Year's Eve.

You are so in love with the moon,
as much as it is with the ocean,
to notice a little star like me.
It's stupid of me to fall for someone
who sees light than a far away
twinkle in the sea of darkness.
Every night the moon shows up,
you cry and cradle yourself to sleep
for the moon is bathing the ocean
with her love and she's being
kissed with his towering waves
that may never reach her
but touch her in some way
that only them can understand.
And I'm here, from a distance that
only the Gods can measure how far,
twinkling in the pitch black sky
calling you out from your tears,
from her light that consumed your heart
asking for your heart. For your love.
But I'm never closer as the moon is to you
and falling from the heaven is just
worth a wish for you to have her love.

I was asked about
my favorite love song;
I talked about your voice,
your laugh, and the other
sounds that you make.

I was asked about
my favorite scent;
I talked about our bed
and how the stain on our sheets
brings the smell of our love.

I was asked about
my favorite book;
I talked about our story
and how it is beautifully
inked on sheets of cream paper.

I was asked about
my favorite color;
I talked about the golden threads
of thousand sunsets as the sun never
stopped setting in your eyes.

I was asked about
my favorite place;
I talked about the warmth
of your arms and the beating
of your heart while we're miles
away from dreaming.

I was asked about
my favorite view;
I talked about your smile
and the silly faces that you make
that always make my day.

I was asked about
my favorite among them all;
I talked about you being my drug
and the flaws and the handsome side
of you, how perfect you are to me,
and how you are my favorite.

"How can you love him like that?"*

At 5, they taught me
how to color shapes
and I would color them
beyond the lines.

At 10, they told me
to make a 500-word essay
and I did a 1000-word
for it and got an F.

At 16, they apprised me
to wear a cocktail dress in a party
and I wore a long dress;
they bullied me for weeks.

At 20, my professor instructed me
to place up to 5 decimal places
and I wrote 7 for assurance;
I failed his class.

At 23, he asked me to love him
with everything that I can
and I gave him beyond everything;
he broke my heart.

We are the lost lovers who wander
the great walls of this world;
in pursuit of the love that only navigators
can have in their very own hands.

And we go in endless circles while
endlessly hoping of being home
to someone we'll ever know but
our fate only does.

The roads have turned to deserts
and the life is starting to wither;
you are her oasis--her savior from dispair;
though you are nowhere to be found in the middle of the death fair.

You are one of the likes of her --
young, tired, lost, and long gone
from the lovers' lane you once belonged;
and you're alone, wandering to wonder.

May you both find your ways
through this garden of all-or-nothing;
and may you find dandelions
than a rose in a field of thorns.

Leave her
like how you would end
your favorite book.

All the markings you made
will be her ever after
on the pages you took.

Scan her down with those eyes
that once showed interest but are now
excited to read her very last word.

You would barely remember the details,
the marks, her errors, and lines
and will soon forget her.

And by then, you'll leave her
with pages mangled and folded
and befouled on the edges.

She's just one of your many books
piled in dusty shelves;
waiting in line to be forgotten.

She is her words --
        the letters in the lines;
        the art tattooed on pages.

She is mystery --
        the secrets and signs;
        the lies and her guise.

She is astonishment --
        the curved pathways in pages;
        the plot twists on the edges.

She is sadness --
        the tracing downfall from a cliff;
        like how she fell for you.

She is madness --
        the explosion of everything;
        the collision of all universe.

She is beauty --
        the art on gritty surfaces;
        convergence of different abstractions.

She is death --
        the poison to your heart;
        the knife before your eyes.

She is life --
        the birth of vivid events;
        the breath of memories.

She is love --
        the beating of each stroke;
        the thing you have from her.

She is her words --
        the black and blue on papers;
        the prisoner of her book.

Love is like
your favorite
superhero --
it brings salvation
along with
its destruction.

Love is like
the air we breathe --
felt by our senses
except for the eyes.

Love is like
a sincere prayer --
where our hopes
and dreams
are being kept.

Love is like
a faithful devotion --
the act of being loyal,
of being truthful,
and committed.

Love is like
a memory --
lives through the years;
immortal when
scripted on pages.

Love is like
the promises --
uttered from
many years ago;
by a lover, to
a wishing well,
or to a falling star.

Because love
is something
you can never
hold on to;
but can only
believe in.

I am your poet --
I write your name on my heart
and our memories on my pages.

I write about my doubts,
my maybe's, what if's
and whereabouts
of you; and only you.

I write about my mistakes and yours --
our past, present, supposed future;
and how I love you the most.

I write about our debates --
the shouting and crying like
a wildfire sprawled across the bed.

I write about our first date --
when we dress up so nicely
and danced all night.

I write about our first kiss --
the push and pull of our lips;
and the warmth of our breathing.

I write about the way we talk --
the sweetest and most painful sound
uttered against the wind by the heart.

I write about your heartbeat --
the way it speaks to me,
and how it says my name joyfully.

I write about your face, your body,
the sound, noise, and joy;
and how we make love endlessly.

I am your poet --
I write about our unending love
that ends on my pages.

"Where are your hopes and dreams?"

"It's in my heart."* I replied.

"But it's broken!" they cried.

Is it wrong to have hopes
And dreams in a broken heart?

You don't keep them anywhere
Where they would fade with the time.

You don't place them somewhere
Where they could be forgotten.

They must be safe in a place
Where they would not cease to exist
Or be passed by the hands of time.

Even if the heart, itself, is not safe.

And when your heart breaks,
*That's when they become true.

The heart --
        Can never be open
        Unless somebody
        Breaks it.
        
The love --
        Can never be true
        Unless somebody
        Makes it.

The seasons --
        Can never change
        Unless somebody
        Feels it.

These blankets --
        Can never be warm
        Unless they are
        Somebody's arms.

These words --
        Can never be relevant
        Unless they are
        For you.

I traced circles on your palms
And infinity in your heart
I drew my love on your skin
And made you taste it on me
The time ran on us
The earth is shaking
Heaven's up above
But it's hell down here
We soared the night
With our eyes closed
With the lights turned off
We bathed in moonlight
Of warmth, sweat, and darkness
But you were uncertain
To sketch on me as well

And now you like simple girls
When I already combed my hair
Like the way your former girls do

When I already painted my lips
Like how the roses would bloom
In rows in the fields

When I already dressed myself
With how the pretty girls do

When I already turned into something
Your senses have been looking for

"I like simple girls"
And I never got the irony
Turned myself into someone I don't know
Because now, right in this moment

*You like simple girls...

I knew she was sad --
Not because there were
tears in her eyes
But because there were
Grey clouds in them
Swirling chaos in her mind
Thorns around her throat
Poison in her heart
And a tired smile
On her bleeding lips
And the love she knew
Never thought that
She's really that sad

My vision is broken
My heart is impaired
I trusted my senses
And met my catastrophe
What I did was not just
A mere suicide
I walked to my coffin
And loved you to *death

I am so consumed
By my own addiction
And I'm addicted
To loving you
But you're just in
The cloud of my thoughts
And I light up a smoke
Each time the clouds
Brim over my lungs
Each part of me
Is just so into you
And they tell memories
Of you as I burn them slowly
My tub turned instantly
To an ash tray containing
My remains and the
Thoughts of you

But hey--
I spared my heart for you
May you know how warm
It'll be to have me in

You want to know
Who I'm talking to
When it's already 2am
And the lights are dead
All you will see is the
Light from my phone

You want to talk
To the one I'm talking to
When it's already 2am
And my heart's dying
All you will hear
Are my thoughts screaming

You want to see
Who I'm talking to
When it's already 2am
And my hands are bleeding
All you will see
Are my words talking

"I can't hear you talking..."
How could I interfere
Such conversation of
Madness and beauty?
Have you heard a killing
So audible and axiomatic?

And this is my first
Of all the people, but you
The gravity of your body
Calls me to fall from the heaven
The crashing of the sun and moon
The collision of two souls
Like attracted magnets
Of positive and negative
Bombarding each other
With nothing but pressure
Your lip did the deed
From my neck to where I
Try to gasp for some air
And I am feverish
And burning with where
Your hands walked endlessly
Time stood still
The angels are watching
I never tasted something
Sweeter than what is now
But forgive my selfishness
I need to breathe some air

*And I'll leave it all here

Fire and ice met at last
With so much longing,
They gave their all
The coldness burns
And the flicker dies
Such phenomenon
Can't be permitted
As much as they want to
To touch is to stab
To love is to ****
A second of togetherness
Is the death of their will

I got caught up by the stars
They took my hand
They took my heart

I found myself in the woods
Sadness and evil
Filled everything that goes beyond

And I saw you
Of all the places, but here
Where no light can be found

You smiled at me
I fell in an instant
The stars brought my heart to you

You offered yours
I took it without any doubt
Not realizing we're on the edge of a cliff

*And now I'm suicidal

Sing to me like one of your girls
I'll find your beat even if they can't be heard
Into your rhythm, I can be wringed
I'll take it all up to the ones I can
I'll dance and dance until I lose my feet
I'll just look at you until I lose my sight
I'll let the fire burning until it loses its heat
I'll keep you in my heart until it loses its beat

'Cause my ashes flew somewhere else
Where lost people go
I tried running and hiding
Away from the stares
The judgement of the minds
In an irrational trial
I am held guilty of being me
I am a sinner
'Cause I am broken
Left to chase my ashes
Bounded with endless bars
And cliffs as roads
I am sorry
*For being different