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"shushes" poems
I never got the chance, To see the outside world, Since I was sacrificed, For the honor of my family. I sleep on the floor, Right next to dogs, I eat from the floor, Just like a dog, But I work for, a very honorable family. My mother-in-law is loving, She wants the best for me, A daughter as a child would be bad right? Us, being a family with honor and pride. I was violated, But my life was complete, I married him, The honor of the family wasn't tarnished at-least. I don't want to marry, My heart lies among the paints and brushes, I shall marry, My mind knows unmarried girls bring taints and shushes. My brother gets home by 3am, Me, 10 hours earlier, My dreams, my life, my need for freedom? These don't bring honor to the family. My aunt died, I will too, My husband passed away, Awaiting me are flames that flare and sway. Our lives are a necessary sacrifice, Our families should live, with honor and pride.
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Apr 4, 2017
Apr 4, 2017 at 11:50 AM UTC
Honor and Pride
I remember nights when I was so petrified, you'd sit outside the bathroom door for me as I'd shower. I remember nights you'd climb in my bed to soothe my sobs and stop my tears from wetting my pillow. I remember when you'd hold my hand and teach me to be confident with my shoulders back. I remember the nights of endless secret telling and shushes to keep quiet. I remember it all. Yet those sweet pea memories are slowly drifting away back to sea with the memory of who you used to be. I can't seem to get you to look me in the eyes anymore, I can't get you to hold me when I have an episode. I can't get you to spend time with me, your baby sister, and maybe its a big sister thing; growing tired of being your little sister's keeper. I dont know. But I know there are no more nights of secret telling, there are no more nights of being held while I cry. There are no more nights of you sitting outside the bathroom door for me. There are none.
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Feb 10, 2018
Feb 10, 2018 at 9:59 PM UTC
we're sisters
She's a leaping high five with her feet planted firmly on the ground She is a crescendo of sound and emotion . Puts her finger to her lips and shushes me . She bathes in moonbeams while tantalizing stars knowing their touch is too far She hides behind the clouds when the sun burns . Capturing the rays and hiding them in kelidoscopic jewels she wears around her ankles so she can see where she walks on moonless nights She teaches fairies to dance in rings and in return becomes the dance instead She's the Cheshire's smile that disappears on the wings of a firefly
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Mar 8, 2016
Mar 8, 2016 at 7:03 PM UTC
Metaphorically Speaking
If she sang the way she looked, you might expect Kate Smith singing "God Save The Queen." That *** Pistol's hit did not come out, more voice pixieish, a song unknown. Words were bleary but delish were notes. Complete meaning lost, her elfin aria enchanted us. Indeed there were whispers, "What is it she's singing?" Then shushes from those already spun in her spell. We drifted into her Mother Goose downy lullaby. Fattened by unexpected mellow mouthwatering coos, her taken audience drank it in and from beginning to end were somehow morphed into fuzzy waddling fans.
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Nov 23, 2015
Nov 23, 2015 at 1:56 PM UTC
Baby Geese
I walk into a hospital and the hospital is a graveyard. A doctor stands with his back to me, performing a ballet autopsy on a bluish barbarian. A single salty droplet falls from the bluish barbarian's head and there is a tremor in his hand. "He is alive" I whisper. "Stop doctor, stop," I say but the doctor doesn't listen. I keep shouting louder and louder until I am making a huge racket. A skeleton nurse shushes me. I scream and the doctor jerks, his graceful movements broken. He turns to me and his glacial eyes take over my mind, stripping away my layers until I am barren, exposed. He speaks but his voice is a wolf's voice. A wolf's voice isn't like a human voice, it is ******* harsh. "Look what you've done" he growls. "Now it's impure. It's weak." I watch as the bluish barbarian becomes dozens of tiny screaming beetles. Then he is dust and the graveyard is an urban labyrinth. "You stupid thing," says the doctor but the doctor is now an ant. I laugh and walk into the labyrinth but the doctor-ant follows me. "Shut up" I say and I laugh and I cough and I walk into the phlebotomy lab and break my skull on a glove. "I told you" says the ant and it walks away and I cry.
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Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 11:56 AM UTC
Dreamscapes
I want all of you. I want your eyes and the memories that hold their hand, and shushes it so that, though it's presence is known and acknowledged, it is silenced and calm. I want your smile that shines the walkway down your throat, past your lungs, and straight to your core. I want your skin and the paintings on them, paintings of days with no sunlight and straight lines of red. I want your love. Every moment of joy and pain and sorrow and guilt, I want. I want every goodmorning, after a night's worth of goodnight. I want the fear of saying goodbye to you; knowing that at any moment, the pit would find it's way back home in my stomach, as you're gasping for your last taste of sweet, sweet air. I want your love.
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Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 5:28 PM UTC
I Want You
Click them off like rosary beads with accossiated prayers. Smudge the dreams into the eiderdown, And divide them down in ironed out layers. Line them up and gobble them with listless tea. I am your prediction! (said in shushes, quite benediction) I want to drop like stingless bees. I am Addiction to Tranquility. How jealous I am! Watching him fall on his **** as I begin the solitary farce of trying to close my eyes. I watch his chest slowly sink and rise. How beautiful - to be cut down, like grass. Flophouse drapes of cigarette smoke hang from the ceiling in billows. A headache clings and holds me close as daylight stumbles like a ghost, and settles her questions on my pillows. The tragic thing about each morning Is that I greet each sleepy dawn with the dry and pinkened threat of tears. Sleepers – do you know the might of what you do each ******* night? The oblivion in half your years? The fiction of your wild frontiers? The obliteration and presentation of all your garbled Freudian fears? Do you know the glamour in what you do? Do you know what I’d give to be like you? To live and somehow not be here? To close my eyes? To disappear?
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Sep 2, 2013
Sep 2, 2013 at 9:24 AM UTC
insomnia
writing a poem is hard when your soul contradicts the rest of you. i say i love this woman and mean it, and fear grips me, puts its finger on my lips, and shushes me. tells me that neither of us is ready, that i don’t know my own thoughts, hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and their reflection in the mirror of her stark blue eyes and soul. that it’s all an imagining beyond my own soul and comprehension, that i’m projecting a long lost sense of helplessness and courage onto her without consent because i seek acceptances and intimacies beyond my worth. and still, knuckle-deep in this hard, scathing noise is a truth i refuse to ignore. i am hers in my entirety and only want to know that she is mine— my soul contradicts the rest of me but i faithfully **** it and aim for the future i’ve hoped lives in both of us.
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Oct 11, 2023
Oct 11, 2023 at 4:26 PM UTC
untitled
Once fully liberated, she rides her antique, three-speed bike down the small hill from her campsite to the:  RESTROOMS – SHOWERS – PAYING CAMPERS ONLY. She dismounts and goes into the well-kept, recreational facilities and takes a hot, 50-cent, seven-minute shower, arching her soapy back against the white tiles, rubbing her soapy front in the same spot, up and down and up, and then, rinsed, she stands, dripping wet in front of the first full-length mirror she's seen in weeks, gyrating her hips, mocking pin-up poses to herself and all god's good-looking men with a sense of the absurd, then she wraps her towel around, tying the knot between her ******* She stands outside in the sweet, Santa Vidian air, finger-drying her hair and imagining, unabashedly imagining, guys in the campsite above, eating fresh-cooked meat and ogling her. Then she takes off down the road, pale green nightgown fluttering against the rear spokes, past Bonnie's trailer where from sundown till 11pm you can hear the best country music: Randi Travis, Willie Nelson, Hank Williams Sr. She pulls up to her sweet “Bleu Belle,” shushes the dogs reflexively, hops off the bicycle, and turns, eyes closed, face upraised into a rare shaft of redwood forest sun.
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Jun 3, 2015
Jun 3, 2015 at 1:07 PM UTC
Love at Last
He feeds me his food sometimes. Even when he knows good and well I'm not supposed to have any. He gave me his bed to sleep on all day, but I share it with him when he is home. He loves to hold me close at night. Sometimes, if not all the time, I growl at him to stop bothering me to cuddle close to him. A midst my growling he just shushes me and kisses my nose.       I've finally got him on a routine. I sit at the door and he knows it's time for a walk. I'll walk him as far as he will go. As much as I wanna trot off he insists on a quiet pace. He also likes straight lines.       When I hear the door being unlocked I will sometimes see if it is him. Being stuck at home all day is boring, so I get all excited when he comes back. I'll nibble at his hands constantly to tell him I love him. And to play. He's good at playing when I can get him to play.       I guess it is safe to say that without my human I would not be here. And without me he wouldn't be here either.
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Jan 15, 2014
Jan 15, 2014 at 11:39 PM UTC
Through the Eyes of My Animal
Home is where the heart breaks.    (fall into bed) Familiar smells entrance and lull, the warm hearth of embraces shushes    (a murmuring wellspring) where spirit fails, soul and body crumpled up like scratch paper. Hemmed in by excess of Self, persona blind to its orchestral shadow,    (wrought by irony) the mind scribbles and raves unrepentant.        *(subtlety aches for        skillful instrumentation                 to give it breath)* Singing the pain of ages past to mourn these harrowing visions Beating on in leaden veins to the lurch of a pulse     (the crows take cackling flight)          time the river pours off The edge of the map.
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Sep 4, 2015
Sep 4, 2015 at 7:33 PM UTC
Wüstenland
Paddington train station is busy Lydia and I walk through the crowds of people passengers and porters with trolleys and voices calling out about trains smell of trains smell of steam of people keep with me I tell her so she grabs hold of me by the hand and we swim through people they pass us or swim by us quickly hers hand's warm inside mine me thinking us 2 kids aged just 9 swimming through this vast sea of bodies and their smells high perfumes or B.O. over there I tell her on that seat so we rush to a long wooden bench and sit down studying the people passing by either way whistles blown loud voices trains shushing puffs of steam and her hand still in mine holding on her green dress slight fading her white socks I notice have holes in brown shoes have scuff marks it's lovely seeing trains she tells me all the steam and the smell and the sounds yes it is I agree I tell her and we sit as the train shushes loud and pushes out a monster of blackness the steam train from the long wide platform out of sight like some large dark phantom of the night.
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Nov 4, 2015
Nov 4, 2015 at 2:33 AM UTC
AT PADDINGTON 1958
I shred the beets. Heads of red flicks in the bowl parged of white now rosé, blushes. To say the word properly is to nestle the tongue in the church of the mouth the nave of clucks tucked under the roof of the palate to squeeze conjoined shushes and birch noises. To steam to steep with the lazy roil of the soup. Do you recall the crunch of the snow outside our dacha? The days where ice coated crusts cut galoshes sloshed. The tureen beckons with its fractures. To predict the future merely gaze into the soup. How is this to see a winter of bread and shavings of fibers sewn rough of tough, tough coughs that spray rose petals in the dawn?
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Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 6:57 AM UTC
Borscht Belt
And so, a breath is taken, and the colourful universe feels Scales and trunks halting, causing the world to pause A Witches' hat lowers Hairpin halting On the path to the bun, A toothless grin falters, A mother shushes her young, A triple voice soars, and cracks, falls silence just for a second just this one A hedgehog stirs from slumber, a palace, blacksmiths, markets, circle, Elves cease to smile Just this moment There is peace The trolls, asleep in sunlight, are bought to consciousness, and they lift their lichen in a salute more beautiful than any enchanted guitar or harp. Dwarves halt in the smell of gold, lips parted in shock, beneath beards which now quiver, rather than quaff. Hex's parts come to a standstill, the ants, overcome, clutch the teddy bear and Hex's light, blinks off then on. A single word flashes on the output screen <Gone> The Wizards, third helping finished, long for answers: anything but this so wrong But Susan only shrugs Poker held aloft, she searches the the monster, but even Iron is not that strong. Stop The Press Stop All the Clocks Even Dibbler stops picking a lock All the egg timers stop A howl from the forest A salute A Goodbye The universe filled with an inevitable sigh Pyramid's shaking Orcs quaking Goblin's sobbing Tiffany Aching Even de'Quirm's thinking is placed on pause As hats and staffs and lords and trees and daggers and guitars and paws Even sad little bladders on sticks Are raised in tribute As reality quickens And a thin arm asks for an AUTOGRAPH The Cori Celesti bows To the Chief of all Gods As the timer runs of Sand
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Mar 12, 2015
Mar 12, 2015 at 1:45 PM UTC
The Turtle Moves
And so, a breath is taken, and the colourful universe feels Scales and trunks halting, causing the world to pause A Witches' hat lowers Hairpin halting On the path to the bun, A toothless grin falters, A mother shushes her young, A triple voice soars, and cracks, falls silence just for a second just this one A hedgehog stirs from slumber, a palace, blacksmiths, markets, circle, Elves cease to smile Just this moment There is peace The trolls, asleep in sunlight, are bought to consciousness, and they lift their lichen in a salute more beautiful than any enchanted guitar or harp. Dwarves halt in the smell of gold, lips parted in shock, beneath beards which now quiver, rather than quaff. Hex's parts come to a standstill, the ants, overcome, clutch the teddy bear and Hex's light, blinks off then on. A single word flashes on the output screen <Gone> The Wizards, third helping finished, long for answers: anything but this so wrong But Susan only shrugs Poker held aloft, she searches the the monster, but even Iron is not that strong. Stop The Press Stop All the Clocks Even Dibbler stops picking a lock All the egg timers stop A howl from the forest A salute A Goodbye The universe filled with an inevitable sigh Pyramid's shaking Orcs quaking Goblin's sobbing Tiffany Aching Even de'Quirm's thinking is placed on pause As hats and staffs and lords and trees and daggers and guitars and paws Even sad little bladders on sticks Are raised in tribute As reality quickens And a thin arm asks for an AUTOGRAPH The Cori Celesti bows To the Chief of all Gods As the timer runs of Sand
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LOVE CHARM I kiss your philtrum and you moan.   I lick a tiny trickle of sweat   from it.   I know it has no   apparent function & survives   between your delightful nose & your delicious upper lip.   But what of it?   A kiss fits   so neatly   into it.   And leads to lips & lips upon lips   ending in an ****** ellipsis . . . I love to look upon it   as the indent left by the finger of God   or where an angel shushes the yet-to-be-born   teaching it to forget all it has learned   in the world of the womb.   I kiss again your philtrum   a kiss   fits   so   neatly into   it.
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Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 10:23 AM UTC
LOVE CHARM
there is a moth that resides on my bedside table inside the warm lamp like a womb like an endearing cozy hand reaching for your face in the middle of a frozen hysteria he rises from his bed of light every night a bottom floor full of mirth and fuzz ready to relay the songs of his memories slow dancing in the small space of my room like he's memorized where the floor slants and what parts creak his mouth moves in a jagged frenzy and I am devoured inside the falsetto of a pregnant hum so constant my breathing loops in significant O's he waits for my eyes to close so that his wings open up moving the dust to gather itself and move to another part of the house the fluttering in sync with the wavering of the hypnotic sound waves the antennae sighing along with the mist outside slowly forming on the windowsill my head becomes a hot sun and as the beads of sweat trickle he moves closer until he reaches with spindly legs drying the perspiration from my forehead with a tongue that shushes me to sleep until I am still in a cocoon of silk telling me that want and need are always the same things always the same things
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Sep 21, 2019
Sep 21, 2019 at 12:50 AM UTC
the moth inside the bedside lamp
I love my body. The way it's imperfectly perfect, slightly curvy around the edges inevitably flawed, tortured and tormented whiplashed and backstabbed but still and always a great piece of art. I love my face. The way its burdened by two chubby cheeks, bears a thousand emotions no one can perceive, how marvelously it masks my mind, ignored and ridiculed yet still chooses to smile. I love my skin. The way it is cold and warm at the same time, pale, puckered with fear tanned, tarnished with regret, scrutinized and scarred but still glows. I love my hair. The way it never listens to anyone but itself, acts as a tangled mess, an untangled spirit more or less, chopped off, pulled at yet subjects to shine magically. I love my lips. The way it speaks with kindness, guards silence and is often mistaken for its innocent kisses, parched, bled and muted but still a fiery, crimson code of concupiscence. I love my fingers. The way they wish to be intertwined with yours forever, snaps, shushes and points at the slightest arguments that arrives with such brevity and righteousness always kept crossed for better things to come by. I love everything about myself. I am proud of my body and everything that comes with it. What I don’t like though is the way you make me feel about myself.
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Feb 14, 2018
Feb 14, 2018 at 2:57 AM UTC
Love Yourself
the silence was never there. thick, thin, a continuous disturbance— created by one of us in a fragile ice skate dance you sigh and the air swallows it while i am left to watch if i do the same or break thick, thin, a feverish disturbance— almost as fast as lightning, a broken trance has me hurling hurtful words, an argument that cannot win you point out the flaw in my ways thick, thin, descriptive of skin— your steps i will not to follow, a path i do not want to take a calm exterior is what i fake to keep the composure i've powdered on thick, thin, a relationship between suns— stars that never go out flares that never end heat that never really shushes in the silence of space thick, thin, a wire we walk on— tired and aching, we balance we balance, angrily, fists in ***** sadness washes over us in rain drops on a tightrope that never ends
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Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 6:26 AM UTC
walking on a tightrope
Silence Says the world around me I spend so much time looking for my friends and my family But the world it shushes, and it hushes me Lulls me, sings me a melody Of possibility, but doesn’t tell the truth Silence Says the world around me I reach out so desperately, to have the closeness I once had But the harder I try, the more that I strive, leads to …… Nothing, but I need something, I scream I need to speak out, but no one’s around Silence Says the people around me A crowd of remembered faces, all faded ( why do the shush me, and hush me?) I had known them to love me Is nothing above me, below me Can’t anyone hear me, a wine or a whistle? Silence Silence Silence I am still hear.
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Feb 3, 2012
Feb 3, 2012 at 11:45 PM UTC
I am Still Here
Whisper In the dusk; the fading light my consciousness floats free to sleep, to roam, to dream. Daytime’s resonance, artificial and brash, drifts away. In its weakening wake, within the soft quiet of evening, Nature speaks again. Gently, she hums; she whispers; shushes the leaves in the trees, buzzes; at first a quiet drone - cicada in the night - swelling, a cacophony builds to crescendo, to diminish as cools the night. Nocturnal creatures rouse. Night flowers with each new awakening. Every one with their own instrument, play their part in her Evensong; deliver unseen complexity to the music. Night deepens, and the Mother puts down her baton, purses her lips and breathes out her scent - to float for the zephyr to take – a bearer of her gentled nature to those who dream within her tune. The sparkle of the stars bear cold and quiet witness to the wonder of Her pristine night, and the bearer of the keys of life: This Earth - for which She is guardian. Mother drifts into my dreams, leaving me with bittersweet. She touches my heart in whispers with her message, and harkens me to carry it forward. Dawn brings magenta skies. Before the tinny, manmade sounds carry me to daytime, I hear Her once more. Reminding me of the song in my heart. She bodes me remember where I will find it, and to listen. For it can only be found in her Whisper. -Lin Cava CC 25-October-2014
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Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 1:16 PM UTC
Whisper
Timothy looks away Slightly disgusted By those around Flashing images streak by Gardens, yards Car park His breathing Frosts the window Sarah carefully Places one ear pod Into her ear To listen to Handel’s 5th Cameron looks Shiftily down the aisle For signs of The trolley cart That’s never on its way Signs of passing stations Shuttle by Side streets High streets Cobbled streets Timothy sighs Opens a book Pretends to be Invisible To fellow passengers The train manager Formally known as The Conductor Announces A delay due to points Failure Victoria Wishes she hadn’t Left Geoffrey Last Tuesday By the gas works wall Lamp posts, Telegraph poles Fence posts Flash by A trainee Train hygiene Operative Rustles a bin bag And asks for ******* Thomas smiles At the lady across the aisle Who quickly looks To the floor Hedgerows Sheep Green grass A tractor lazily ploughing a furrow Sandra, A mother looks embarrassed Shushes, tries to smother the cries Of her screaming child Trampolines Swings Slides Paddling pools Rush on by An old lady ***** Vigorously on a mint humbug Whilst knitting in rhythm With the motion Of the train Factories Smoking chimneys Industrial waste Barren landscapes Fly by Terry Anxious, Gets up and shakily Makes his way to check That his case is Still in the luggage storage For the fourth time Since The last station Garages with rickety wooden doors allotment sheds Lock ups Pigeon lofts Pass by The tannoy crackles The announcement That the train will soon Reach the next station And That All passengers Alighting Here Be careful to take all belongings And mind the gap Over grown weeds Wild rampant Budleahs Self seeded trees Glide past The 3:58 from
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Dec 21, 2019
Dec 21, 2019 at 9:15 AM UTC
The 3:58 from
Timothy looks away Slightly disgusted By those around Flashing images streak by Gardens, yards Car park His breathing Frosts the window Sarah carefully Places one ear pod Into her ear To listen to Handel’s 5th Cameron looks Shiftily down the aisle For signs of The trolley cart That’s never on its way Signs of passing stations Shuttle by Side streets High streets Cobbled streets Timothy sighs Opens a book Pretends to be Invisible To fellow passengers The train manager Formally known as The Conductor Announces A delay due to points Failure Victoria Wishes she hadn’t Left Geoffrey Last Tuesday By the gas works wall Lamp posts, Telegraph poles Fence posts Flash by A trainee Train hygiene Operative Rustles a bin bag And asks for ******* Thomas smiles At the lady across the aisle Who quickly looks To the floor Hedgerows Sheep Green grass A tractor lazily ploughing a furrow Sandra, A mother looks embarrassed Shushes, tries to smother the cries Of her screaming child Trampolines Swings Slides Paddling pools Rush on by An old lady ***** Vigorously on a mint humbug Whilst knitting in rhythm With the motion Of the train Factories Smoking chimneys Industrial waste Barren landscapes Fly by Terry Anxious, Gets up and shakily Makes his way to check That his case is Still in the luggage storage For the fourth time Since The last station Garages with rickety wooden doors allotment sheds Lock ups Pigeon lofts Pass by The tannoy crackles The announcement That the train will soon Reach the next station And That All passengers Alighting Here Be careful to take all belongings And mind the gap Over grown weeds Wild rampant Budleahs Self seeded trees Glide past The 3:58 from
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Be mindful, but don’t fixate Be outspoken, but diffident. Be a teacher, but don’t berate Be yourself, but don’t be different. You’re free to talk till your tongue ties, If you don’t mind the clamour of shushes.
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May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 1:22 PM UTC
That's not Wisdom
I tell her. That no one is going to listen to her problems. That her words are just going to fall onto deaf ears. That it's better just to bottle up her feelings. That she is better off imploding in one herself, than to detonate in a world that isn't ready for her. That she was never meant to be in this world. That no one will listen. That no one will listen. That no one will listen. And she's only wasting her time climbing up a never-ending mountain. It's the only thing keeping her going, keeping her from leaving. Her sadness dares to become a monster whispering lies into her ear but she shushes it quiet Because this is her battle. And no one can hear the breaking of her heart anyway. Praying that someone's out there, Praying that someone cares, Praying that someone can take the pain away. She holds out her heart one last time, hoping I was believing some stupid delusions But she just disappears into nothingness Her heart was too pure for this world.
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Feb 6, 2021
Feb 6, 2021 at 7:49 AM UTC
No One Will Listen to This Poem
LOVE CHARM I kiss your philtrum and you moan.   I lick a tiny trickle of sweat   from it.   I know it has no   apparent function & survives   between your delightful nose & your delicious upper lip.   But what of it?   A kiss fits   so neatly   into it.   And leads to lips & lips upon lips   ending in an ****** ellipsis . . . I love to look upon it   as the indent left by the finger of God   or where an angel shushes the yet-to-be-born   teaching it to forget all it has learned   in the world of the womb.   I kiss again your philtrum   a kiss   fits   so   neatly into   it.
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Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 3:08 PM UTC
LOVE CHARM
I wonder that Moses could counsel You Could argue with You and You would listen I know no other God that would allow For argument and pleading For His subjects to speak and be heard Do You know my prayers, O Lord? Even to me they’re muddled and confused Do You know what Your daughter needs? Lord I am afraid to be Your servant Because the masters You gave by birth-rite Like to pull out the costumes and play But to answer my confusion, they explain everything, Their words and actions by saying, “WE ARE GOD.” You said, “I AM WHO I AM.” They are not who they are. Send some rain?  Would You send some rain? ‘Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again – And Your daughter cries out for Your direction, Discretion, and mercy.  There is no light To lead me out of the dark I have lost my way and am afraid To search lest the way home … Lead to them. My sanity is not what it used to be, Lord. Gentle kindness shushes me into quiet But cannot soothe away the cracks in my brain. She fears for her sanity but I wonder at mine Contemplate how much sick I won’t be able to drain From my cranium even when my body is aged And legality bids me crawl out of this house to bitter freedom. I am so tired, Lord. I forget it sometimes when I don’t slow down And then it soaks back in and I stare and stare And contemplate how much I don’t have And how little I have left for them to take. I don’t know what will make me break: No music?  No school?  No friends?  No escape to Your safe places? But I remind myself here and now that I have always been melodramatic – Haven’t I, Lord?  I tell myself that to puzzle it out and stall The choking panic and confused tears that drill into me And scratch their way bleeding up through my throat – I am TRAPPED – But I’ve always been so silly And they would add ungrateful and a liar No one has the answers I cannot find the answers Honor and obey, You said, but what if they’re wrong? Am I right?  Am I right?! I cannot speak cannot stand – I will melt into compliance and silence And remind myself that I am wrong, a bad daughter That I am above myself and that’s it’s just all in my head – But the cycle will continue. Lord, I’m so tired – Of hopelessness and not planning for a future because I don’t think I have one I’m tired – Of self-inducing apathy as a cure to panic like it were a drug To slip into my veins till my heart’s pumped it through my dulling senses Help me, please I haven’t felt You in so long …
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Mar 13, 2017
Mar 13, 2017 at 10:56 PM UTC
A Prayer to God: To Be Counseled
I wonder that Moses could counsel You Could argue with You and You would listen I know no other God that would allow For argument and pleading For His subjects to speak and be heard Do You know my prayers, O Lord? Even to me they’re muddled and confused Do You know what Your daughter needs? Lord I am afraid to be Your servant Because the masters You gave by birth-rite Like to pull out the costumes and play But to answer my confusion, they explain everything, Their words and actions by saying, “WE ARE GOD.” You said, “I AM WHO I AM.” They are not who they are. Send some rain?  Would You send some rain? ‘Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again – And Your daughter cries out for Your direction, Discretion, and mercy.  There is no light To lead me out of the dark I have lost my way and am afraid To search lest the way home … Lead to them. My sanity is not what it used to be, Lord. Gentle kindness shushes me into quiet But cannot soothe away the cracks in my brain. She fears for her sanity but I wonder at mine Contemplate how much sick I won’t be able to drain From my cranium even when my body is aged And legality bids me crawl out of this house to bitter freedom. I am so tired, Lord. I forget it sometimes when I don’t slow down And then it soaks back in and I stare and stare And contemplate how much I don’t have And how little I have left for them to take. I don’t know what will make me break: No music?  No school?  No friends?  No escape to Your safe places? But I remind myself here and now that I have always been melodramatic – Haven’t I, Lord?  I tell myself that to puzzle it out and stall The choking panic and confused tears that drill into me And scratch their way bleeding up through my throat – I am TRAPPED – But I’ve always been so silly And they would add ungrateful and a liar No one has the answers I cannot find the answers Honor and obey, You said, but what if they’re wrong? Am I right?  Am I right?! I cannot speak cannot stand – I will melt into compliance and silence And remind myself that I am wrong, a bad daughter That I am above myself and that’s it’s just all in my head – But the cycle will continue. Lord, I’m so tired – Of hopelessness and not planning for a future because I don’t think I have one I’m tired – Of self-inducing apathy as a cure to panic like it were a drug To slip into my veins till my heart’s pumped it through my dulling senses Help me, please I haven’t felt You in so long …
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