I asked you when you find me most attractive… wondering if that would help. Perhaps that's not the question I should be asking in the first place. when do I find myself to be the most desirable version of myself?
when i'm in the eighth hour at the studio, overalls covered in mud, brow furrowed problem solving out in clay. I am **** as **** when I forget the world around me long enough to create something I find to be beautiful captivating and alive, something amazing out of dirt.
When I empathize with someone's heart break, with their loss, with their lost, with their depression and **** parts. When I don't stand above them looking into the whole they currently live in with sympathy and a sandwich but i crawl down to meet them in the dark spot they are. So they inside me, when someone does something despicable.. when hurt and sadness bites down on my throat and I can choke on the knot that is refusing to go down smoothly and I manage to articulate myself through all that is drowning me from the inside out, when I say something so true that those around me get choked up and the person who is doing the hurting hears me, I am brave, I am beautiful then, when I take a stand for something I really mean.
I am beautiful when I get up to go to work again and again, when I go and go and still notice the laughter on the streets, the children puddle jumping and can remember why I do it all. I am beautiful when I find the motivation to continue, when I am or am not at peace with the world or with myself. I am beautiful in my struggle and my success.
When we were at the wedding with your family, I choose to take of my shawl so people could see my tattoo. I decided to because I had decided It was time to be myself unapologetically. I may not be what everyone sees as perfect, but I am something to be proud of not hidden, in that moment I was beautiful.
When I see myself in those around me I find them to be beautiful, even the **** parts. It’s so human isn't it. I feel like myay angalue could never have said it better, we are all capable of know they are not alone, that I can relate and I love them. when I tell them thank you for sharing their problems without shoveling silver lining down there throat. When I have the courage and vulnerability to meet someone where they are, I am beautiful then.
the moment before I sit down to drive. when my heart tries to flood my body with fear and anxiety. When in my mind I can think I can't do this a hundred times but I still sit down and start the car. When I feel my breath change and I am embarrassed that this simple everyday thang has such control over me and I wonder what you must think of me, but I move forward. I shift, I drive,I do. I am making my own choices and I am beautiful then.
When I sit under your arm, on your chest and I feel your warmth, I feel like I am a part of something. I feel safe, and at home, I feel wanted and I feel beautiful. I feel like I am desired and I feel desire.I am beautiful then
when I feel that fire burn everything a human has done, we are all made up of the same things that make up the human experience it's just the parts of ourselves we encourage to grow that makes the difference.But it's especially beautiful when i see myself in youthful smiles, acts of kindness, small acts of defiance against what is always accepted as the truth. I am especially beautiful then.