We sit on the edge of conversation
Hands clasped, feet shuffling anxiously
Eyes darting across the room like
the stars in the night sky
You lean back with a sigh
and I catch you.

Hands together, knees bent
fingers touching skin
Tracing outlines of mountains on the map you offer me
You look up from my gaze and a calmness falls across your face
The corner of our eyes don't wonder but meet
Times entangled in the feast before us
I raise a leg and your knee greets my feet.

Waters greet these feet,
Waters that rage on and under us
Washing over our bodies like the light that’s wrapped itself beside us
Bodies become one in the heat of the den that we've made
In the depts we've paid
The depths we've obeyed
The trust we've displayed

Down by the rivers where the whomping willow weeps,
where the waters run ramped, and the wild things wonder
wonder about life, wonder about death
run through your mind son, be absent, be bold
just don’t forget that the water man reaps
reaps in what is sown, sold and told

whispered. whispered like silence on the edge of the wind
the wind that howls through the corner of beauty
there where it stays and sits for a while,
as the man, he stands, waiting watching on duty.
I look back to you, your face changed by the cut of a smile.

A smile.
That smile, that warms my soul like summer breeze,
Wraps me up and takes me in from the cold
You don't even realise, you do it with such ease
You do it now when we're young and you'll do it when we're old.

We sit, once again, as we used to, but more alone
Hands together, fingers crossed, in utter isolation
It’s such a wild thing, wild life that we’ve known
And none of it is ripe for an explanation.

Feet dancing on the edge of contemplation
This information that we use for the source of our meditation
Imagination sparks conversation but also speculation
So, what are we to do when there’s no confirmation?
A shout shuddering in the darkness of creation
Thinking of the combination, representation and motivation for these words when all I ever wanted was a simple conversation.

I want to runaway,
Far into the oceans.
Into the abyss of waters,
The unexplored depts of
Undiscovered species of fish
And devouring monsters.

I want to runaway,
Maybe to Africa in the forests.
Where wolves, dogs and dragons roam.
Make a tent out of straw and mud,
And all it my home.
Spend the rest of my life alone.

I want to runaway.
Maybe to the snow clad- region of
The Himalayan mountains,
Or to the frozen poles of the earth.
Stand to the highest peaks,
Without any clothes
So my limbs can freeze ,
Till they look like plastic manikins.

I want to run away,
Take up permanent residence on mars,
Or the moon,
Or maybe on the sun.
Far away from earth as possible,
Because If I stay here,
You'll just be a village away,
A city away...
A country away...
Maybe a continent and it wont be enough,
I'll still spend each night thinking of you.

I want to runaway.
Maybe to another galaxy,
Maybe here exists parallel universe
Where I can escape.
One where there are actually super heros
That wear spandex and capes.
One where happily ever after's are real,
And you know exactly how I feel.

I want to runaway.
Escape this reality to wear stars align.
I would bend and twist,
Or manipulating time.
Abuse any available strength I can find,
Just to get you out of my mind.

don't you ever doubt it
you have my purest feeling
I've fallen from your lips
I've seen the depts of your pupile
and I thought I was the greatest misanthropist
until I found you

Your love is an ocean
and I am drowning.

Saltwater stings my eyes
and burns my throat
as I desperately cry my S.O.S.

You pull me down in waves,
my lungs aching for air.

Who knew it would be you
who has me struggling to breathe?

The water somehow calms me
with its silence.

I find solace in your murky depts.
An introverts daydream
all alone in 145 million square miles
of torrential rain
only to share my final moments with the sea.

I sink
deeper
and
deeper
I stop fighting
and let go.

For a moment
I may not be breathing.

The pressure against my chest is undeniable.

I open my mouth to breathe
but I only chock on saltwater.

My lungs fill with tears.

I swear I hear a voice,
be it my oxygen suffocated mind
or you
whispering to me.

You break the ominous silence
with seven simple words;
"Some love is to strong to fight"
and with that
I close my eyes
and
       give
               in
                   to
                      you.

Me, but everything that isn't me
Staring through a two-sided mirror,
Broken Angel wings,
crushed up in front for the eyes to see
My own self despises me
Rising up from the depts
of my own personal hell
Red lipstick on my lips,
I feel as if I'm floating
into the wide open abyss

As I proceed to stare,
The person on the other side
can't help but to glare
Her face is a pop of cherry red,
I feel as if I'm crying
and I can't get the sound of her voice
out of my head
My brain is wired
by her hand works of thread
She knows my fears,
my weaknesses and worst enemies,
Being with her,
trapped for lonely and dark centuries

She knows the questions I don't like
she knows my enemies
And when I'm going to fight
She knows when I'm gonna get a knife,
nail throughout her skin
she can't fight back
she never wins
She's me...
but everything that isn't me

Fear is on my mind
Thinking about whats on in life
Never stop thinking about the reaper
Who he gonna ****** next
My life is a mix of depts
Plus im never really up to something
Ima go help the world thats exciting
My momma told me show no fear
Wait till I tell her what i make a year
No wonder my brothers choose the savage life
I cant even pay my fines
Starting to feel like theres no love
My only wish is to make it rico
Allways regret the things I do
Never really stoped feeling like a tool
I'll never make myself happy
My minds like a wheel of fortune
Allways lands on depressed
Ive been feeling like a fool
Maybe I cant make it here
Someone said stop that youll regret it
Made me feel like a hundred bentlys
Want to stop the gates and shut the doors but the things are allready on the floor
All my friends just turned away
This all made me raise the stakes
Shut the door
Im alone
Thats what I allways hate

The dead man is watching
making his bets
trying to see
who will pay their depts.

The dead man has a theory
he keeps it to himself
any who wonder
are left on the shelf

The dead man has his mystery
no detective has seen
all who try, fail
no one is that keen.

The dead man is waiting
for some company
fall into his curse
and maybe you will see.

the bad you gave me
clears away from my system
you no longer live in the depts of my being
i no longer give you the authority

the rotten you gave me
disappears so easily
you were no solid
i now see that clearly

TO GO UNCONSIUS BEFORE DROWNING ,
IN TRUE DEPTS OF DISPAIR ,
BRINGS LIGHT TO FLIGHT TO FLOURISH
IN A PLACE NEVER THOUGHT OF THERE.
SUDDENLY SURROUNDED BY SANDS OF AMO,
NOT BLINDED BY SLEEP,
KNOWING ARE DREAMS WILL LAST FOREVER ,
FOR WITHIN ARE SOULS WE KEEP.

there he was
head hanging low
on a totem pole
for all to see
supposedly
their crucification, self imposed
like a bull seeing red
and feeling melancholy
he walked out of the casino
pockets empty, again
and just fresh off the farm
he now wished he stayed home
milking cows
collecting eggs
saving his money
instead of losing his scalp
to the Indians
he looked passed the exit
a door he walked into a few hours ago
with wide open trappings
where the glitz. glamor and neon
caught his eye and addiction
literally
the cling, the clang
the sound of music
Julie Andrew's voice coming to life
reach for the sky, reach for the sky
whirling around in his head
... a cut of cloth
who knows
maybe it was his grandmother's roots
grandma are you watching
yes grandson, I'm crying and praying ...
he looked over at the green mountains
the lost forests of patrons
the felted tables, banks of chips
fjords of  waitresses serving drinks
majestic, scenic and serene
and for a moment
he wished to be a boat in Norway
instead
instead
like always
he took to a splash in the abyss
******* and sadism  
his lost fork in the road
and like a billy goat
teetering on the edge
echo's  from the valleys below
don't do it , don't do it, don't do it
he peeled off all his Benjamin's
and credit
to the depts of the dungeon
beaten and wounded
where if only the next time
he rewinds his entrance
and finds his bouency and oars

Logan Robertson

5/07/2019

What you see is not always what you get. People might look nice and good on the outside, but they can be the worst on the inside. They might act happy and outgoing, but maybe the monster that lurks in the dark depts of their soul is eating away at them, soon leaving nothing more than that what once was a wonderful person.

I wish I could be free,
like a leaf on a tree, falling to the ground
I wish I could drift away in the wind
far away from the depts of my pain

The bruises of knowing that this terror won’t rest
sends my brain into fury, my mind a complete mess
The outside world frightens me, I’m not brave, I’m not strong
I’m lost, I just want to be free

This web of fear ignites my thoughts
constant, oppressive, it won’t stop it just haunts
My daily life torn apart by myself
submerged into darkness, consumed by my health

As I lie awake at 2am,
because I lost the ability to sleep
Racing feelings twist and turn around my head
I worn, I’m tired, I’m just full of dread

You can’t run, you can’t hide
You’re always a step behind
the panic that builds within my body
I’m drowning, you just can’t see it

I feel invisible sometimes, completely isolated
like the silence will never end
I don’t think I can escape
I’m to far gone to mend

I’m overwhelmed and worthless
I can’t do anything right
I want to escape, hide away
I don’t deserve to the see the light  

I wonder constantly what people think of me,
What they say about me
My heart is in my throat, it’s too hard to breathe
All I want is to disappear, I’m not allowed to be free

I overthink every word, every action I question
This demon living inside my head, fuels my depression
I’m vulnerable, alone, a failure, a fake
All I’m good at is making stupid mistakes

This is anxiety at its worst
next time you presume I fine
Take a minute to understand
that inside I’m fighting the eternal curse

I live with the hope that I will get better
That this fear inside will not last forever

Irrational thoughts come streaming
like destructive fireworks, grenades awaiting to blow
bombs of anxiety that
sit and tick in my brain.

These clock faces are making me go insane.

Yes, I know doctor
I know, mother
the thoughts are not true
that he will control me if I speak to soon
that they hate me because I said I like the colour blue
that I will be alone and everyone else will find true

love.

For people smile at me through gleaming eyes
and glossy lips
with no idea of the hit and miss.

Can they not see the internal hell that wages a war inside this shell of a body?
Can they not see as I hold a conversation, the fear in the corners of my eyes?
Can they not see me back bend, shoulders over as my chest fills with pain, an anchor weighing me down to the depts of the sea.

I smile back and walk on
head down,
try not to see, hear or feel
the invisible figures that

taunt me.

People live in the shadows
Of each other,
People ride on the coattails
Of each other,
People hand out their
Fairweather friendships
To each other,
(But only temperately)
People build walls around
Each other,
And around themselves,
Some people will **** you
With a smile,
Or a kiss,
That drags you down to
The deepest frozen depts,
Until you're at the bottom
Right with all the rest.

- Jamie F. Nugent

When I look at you*,
My heart starts to race
As if I've ran a hundred miles before.
When you came to my sight,
I couldn't breathe
As if I've forgotten how.
When you're not around,
My chest ache;
As if without you,
I'm drowning in the darkest depts of the ocean.

- E.I

A sweet charismatic wave of colour emerges,
into my empty soulless mind.
Carefull not to leak the notorious oiling spill of darkness,
that penetrates the thought and reverse myself to the futile point of the being I was.

It'll erase the peacefull love and war among myself.
It'll dominate me, and revolve my subtle urges to force myself to a slumber which will never be awoken.

Don't spill the darkness that spoils my mind and rots my roots into a meaningless void of emptyness.
Spare me such accommodation which will hassle me out of my trusted habitat and free my soul only to be replaced by an horrid entity.

Maintain my cloud of unknowing and protect me, from the sinister depts this world has yet to offer.

Sanity lurks within the insane
Feeling sunshine in the rain
Lost, but in the right place
Each raindrop echoes your face
Dreaming, but wide awake
Will go breathless in your sake

Soaring in the depts of madness
They say I'm in love
What is this happiness?
It's an alien feeling, it's mauve
An uncertain colour, beautifully pale
Like the death your eyes prevail.

Your words make me fly
In this weary ****** up sky.
Your 49 shades of blue  
I gracefully try to woo.
Your eyes, I crazily admire
Baby, you're everything I desire.

Come to my depths soon
Touch my soul, make me bloom

-fir.m

Yes,
I recognise, there is a need in this world. And this world is trenching, parched and suffocated. It asks for us, to be more negotiable, not just to the world but to ourself. Why, do we have to seem to be so strong, and so brave, so fearless and so precious and outnumbered. Why we always have to be unnegotiable to ourselves and flogg ourselves with intangible instruments of unwanted emotions like guilt ,remorse, anger ,suspicion ,doubt , helplessness. Why, you don't have to. Why not just be raw?
You could be original, you could make deals with yourself, you could balance emotions. The world didn't make it perfect, did it? Do you see the world perfect?
You see creases, valleys , beaches ,sand,mountain and you see crestfalls, hollowness, drowsiness in depts don't you?
The world never asked you to be perfect, you asked something so lame for yourself .
Do you realise even , that if you became oh so perfect (which you can not) you won't even recognise yourself?
This world we have changed, asked better for us.
We tranced our evolution for living better .
But what transformation we want to bring makes us whirl down an empty harsh road to self destruct where a person forgets to evolove to live better life, instead all he does is altogether stop.
Give your world a life.
Give yourself a meaning you know you want.
Be original.
Be you.

i welcome u to the depts of this chaotic mind,
enter at ur own risk, its not for the weak hearted this time.
i have a method to this madness, a remedy for the sadness.
i use my tongue as a weapon, my words as a blade,
i spit out my emotions, use my lips as an aide.
the mind throbbing begins,
as i filter my emotions.
the pressure erupts to a near mind explosion,
as i release these feelings outta my mouth i taste the corrosion.
sadness,madness, anger and pain,
resentment of emotional heartaches ive had to sustain,
used and confused, violated and betrayed.
thankful and greatful for the true friends that i have,
hateful and worried for those that did me *****, hope they never cross my path!
death and abandonment, how do i handle it?
searching to find the spirit of forgiveness,
but my mind and my heart cant give this.
my mind is about to explode, i cant deal with it,
this is all going on in my mind its my real life ****!
i worry for my kids stressin how ima do this,
by myself gotta get it together, get my mind right and handle this ****.
im spittin so many emotional razors my toungue is bleeding,
**** it, its my therapy, this what my chaotic mind was needing.
i **** back my mind, take the saftey off this time,
pull the trigger on my thouts,
and spray these bullets of words gotta get it all out!
there... now my mind is coming back together,
after i murdered your ears i feel a little bit better.
if i anialated your brains i  do apologize,
but that was my therapy session,my mind, my chaos, my life!

Gorgious grass fills my unending world illuminated by the suns.
The suns that seized the darkness.
The pink skies that got to unfold as the sounds of guns.
The red horizon promising more emptiness.

The craziness of the blue fogs that obscure my thoughts and choke my words.
The words of the power that emerges from the depts of the deep.
As the hearted suns met by the pure and helps me with sorts.
I finally feel the green shower that surges to help me steep.

Things I don’t want:
To be a someone’s project.
A missionary’s quest for redemption and salvation from their depts owed to their universe
Things I don’t want:
To be imperfect.
To have my mask ripped from my hands
And reveal the cracks across a face of China
The scars I’m trying so desperately to heal
Things I don’t want:
Feelings.
Feelings of abandonment, distrust, insecurity
Things I don’t want:
Feelings.
Feelings that are too sincere
Because sincerity is subjective and unreliable
Things I don’t want:
More nightmares
The kind that happen wherever you sit or stand
That cloud your eyes and make your head hurt
That can follow you like a fog throughout the day, and week,
and month
Things I don’t want:
More tears
And pain
That you can’t find to blame on anyone but yourself
For getting your hopes up again
Even when you know from your past you shouldn’t
Things I don’t want:
To travel backwards
Into a place I hoped I’d never go back to again
Because it was too dark
And draining
And I don’t have that energy to spare again
Things I don’t want:
More sad poems
Because sad poems mean you’re sad in real life
And not just on the lines of a piece of paper
And I just want to be happy

I sit upon your shore; marvel at your beauty
Your cool breeze, pearl like glistening water; makes my heart beat faster.

Peace and tranquility is what I suddenly feel,
Gosh! I sometimes think it's unreal.
Watching your waves, puts my mind at rest;
A temporary relief from life's dreaded tests.

In your depts lay many hidden treasures,
Some that are priceless beyond measure.
You are both beauty and despair;
So one needs to take extra care.

You are a force more powerful than any,
Even to those that have tons of money.
You are my beauty, my waves of bliss;
Without whom I'd be in a dark abyss.