Well I’m backed up against this weeping window pain for yet another night.
Looking through it but never too far off into the distance,
Where once I could see a flickering candle light,
Dancing delicately with the wind,
I now see black once again.
A depressing default of stationary sickness.
This black awakening rises up once again.
I miss living my life,
back when smells weren’t polluted, diluted by oceans.
When sparrows dived and swallows would fly.
catching the day on their wing,
a perfect dance across a broken mind.
But how many lives will it take for me to be happy?
how many memories of songs and poems?
of long chats and short walks.
of star kissed nights and sun touched skies.
What is that we do,
after all these years.
Punched a hole in the wall
that now I look through.
Seeing the world through that shattered master piece.
How can it be, that after all these years
we are still the same.
Yet so very far from how we were.
Well I guess this is me,
They say once you’ve hit rock bottom you can only go upwards,
Well I hit the rock and pushed up into my mind,
Revealed the sky and shot up into the night.
Though all the scars and torture I’ve trodden through are tattooed on my skin,
The mud might have weighed down my boots but I’m stronger now than I ever have been.
A somewhat sober somebody, turning my life into something instead of melting into another nothing.
Well you seem to have jumped into my life like some golden ticket I’ve spent my life trying to find.
A gorgeous boy and my tired mind,
Because the toxic fog around my eyes was burning for much too long,
But you’ve cleared my mind and made me happier than any artificial overdose ever could.
Perhaps I spent too long in this box I call comfort,
And perhaps my minds too lost for me to understand,
A barren town of ivy and weeds,
Overgrown memories with a hint of reality.
You’re a ******* breathe of fresh air, for these dusty lungs.. and I won’t stop trying to show you how much you mean to me...
I'm so tired of this two step forward one step backwards ******* that my life has become.
This therapeutic **** up, where I glance between monitors carefully scouring the land.
Punching my therapist in the face before I've even met them, I'm sure my life had a direction at some point.
Now I seem to dance in the moonlight of substance abuse and alcoholism,
But trying to make sense of it all in my mind is the most difficult of all.
Add fuel to the fire and punch a ******* baby for crying, this is the only life you have so do what you want.
Is it possible, do you think, to dance in the shadows of a mountain and think you're in the sun?
Do I love him? Am I ready for that kind of a maze?
Because perhaps I've cleared the fog from inside my mind just a tiny bit and bitten down into my ****** up past, just enough to taste the bitter sweet fuckery that scars my wrists.
Well perhaps this is living, but I've not been this suicidal in years.
So perhaps then, I'm still just as lost as Ive always thought I was.
Well it would seem I've fallen into this current world,
Slept in too long and skipped the past.
Found myself awakened by the thoughts in my mind.
A simple conversation to clear the fog of the winter nights.
With neon lights carving lines in the dirt, directing them with influences and tricks.
To better fill their pockets and pride.
Well maybe I'm crazy, but looking back it all looks right.
Maybe my "gut instinct" is more than an instinct.
Maybe I've found myself, lost in this river.
In the calming flow, of ever changing chaos.