For so long i've worked hard to not expect.
I've trained relentlessly not to be needy.
I've been good to deserve better.
And i've closed doors to avoid aching intruders.

For too long i've allowed myself to stop myself
From wanting anything more than everything
And thence you came with your perfection
Oozing optimism for everything and more

So for a while I recklessly permitted myself to have expectations,
To feel deserving, to open my doors
To wanting everything and to wanting you
And like all good things it was great, until you were through.

So right now, my heart is breaking into a million pieces,
For unmet expectations and unrequited longing. And maybe that's good;
For in the future you'll serve as a reminder
The perfect reason for tightly shut doors
Even though what's inside most definitely
Deserves anything, everything and more.

-f.irm

You said that my words were bitter
You said my tone sounded harsh
As if I was on a mission to hurt you
As if I'm the villain in this story.

It hurts that you can't see right through me
It really hurts that you look, but you can't see me
I truly thought we were better than this...
I thought we knew each other better than this.

My words may have been bitter and my tone harsh
But it's only because contradiction spells my heart
I want to hate you, eradicate you from my life
I want you to come back to me and love me until I die.

I don't know what to do anymore, I can't ignore you
I can't not see you, to not feel you, to not breathe you.
Obliviate what ruined us? If only you were willing to try.
What do I do? God, why do I pine for someone like you?

If only you could see all these words meant for you
Would you then be able to see me, not think I'm harsh?
Would it make you pity me or give you the courage to try?
to try for this bitter girl who was once just on a mission to love you until the day she dies.

-fir.m

How is it that I mean so little to you?
When I cry my whole heart out blue
How is it fair that I'm the one crying every night?
When you're out there living your best ******* life
Do I really mean so little to you?
After all these years of us being perfectly dued
To this thing called love...
How can I mean so little to you?
You ******* *******.

-fir.m

Loving.
Loving.
Loving.
Losing.
Losing.
Losing.
Oh only God knows
Just how much I try.

-fir.m

When Tove Lo said,

"Can't go home alone again
I need someone to numb the painnnn.." 🤒

Silent are the ones who can’t speak for themselves
Because in the world outside they don’t exist .



Shell ✨🐚