It starts in my chest,
the hate,
the anger.
The urge to destruct clouds
over my eyes,
and all I can see is fire.
I can't sit still.
Everything shakes and falls.

And when it's over
all that's left is smoke.
It floats off my fingers.
Alarms are ringing in my head.
I look and see the mess,
everything I've ruined.
Through the clouds, I can see my home,
my past,
everything I've ever loved,
I burned.

This is what I am.
This is what I do.

Sun rays cutting across the room so you can watch the dust fly
Your heart singing to the beat of butterflies with broken wings that live
inside your chest
Child-like laughter replaces oxygen in the air
While memories of running through grass, fog over your eyes
A pale yellow/tan hue clouds around your mind
And glimpses of an old song playing on repeat
But it's all only there for a moment,
Like a deep breath in, then it's gone.

There's a monster under mamas bed
he's made of metal and...
and probably has razor-sharp teeth,
he's got eyes made of silver.
His sharpened tongue hits the roof of his mouth with a click.
And he shouts out shots.

My baby sister found him yesterday.
He fought her till she died,
And mamas never cried so loud,
But the monster's still inside.

I think that
there's a version
of me that you love,
the version
that sleeps soundly at night,
that never doubts,
you love this perfect person,
an idea.
you love the version
of me, that doesn't exist,
and I don't
know how to tell you.

No one thought to tell me,
So I just never knew,
But boys aren't supposed to look at each
other,
The way I looked at you.

I'm trying to love you but
you're hand burns when
it touches my cheek
and I've never really been
a fan of the heat.

~
I drink two pots of coffee
only to stare at the page,
I avoid all forms of rest
only to scribble squares,
I force myself into panic
only to give up before I start.
I swear I'm trying.
I hate this part of myself,
the part that overthinks for hours,
only to forget my words.
~

With all the stars in between,
I'm in love with the moon.

drain my lungs of all their air.
**** me, or don't, I couldn't care.

living in a house that isn't a home,
eating, sleeping, breathing, alone.

love is just a fire
you forget to put out

I want you to feel it when I'm dead
I want you to feel your bones crack
and feel your heart break
I want your eyes to be bloodshot red
and your throat to be sore from screaming
I want you to be sorry for leaving

Dark night
Flashing light
Piercing sound
You hit the ground
Old white room
Stench of doom
You were ill
Just lying still
Please don't go
Time moves so slow
5 hours pass
This can't last
I'm sick of white
Still, I hold on tight
Another hour
I won't shower
I won't even eat
I stay in my seat
It's now day
I know you're okay
I won't home back home
I won't go alone
I just can't sleep
Then a loud beep
I wait in the hall
A too loud noise
I keep my poise
She walks to me
Vision blurry, can't see
She starts to speak
My knees get weak
Running out
I try to doubt
I don't believe
You wouldn't leave
You are strong
They were wrong
Things they said
You aren't dead
I don't think
Just let it sink
I'm only numb
Because
Cancer won

Soft hands intertwine
themselves with mine,
our eyes meet,
and my heart shines.
My words melt off
my tongue
before they
reach my lips,
and that's not fair to you.
Because now I have
nothing to tell you
how stunning you are.
Your head rests on my chest
and I dare not breathe
for fear of disturbing you.
Not that I need air around you,
your laughter fills my lungs,
and your love runs
through my veins.
I could live here forever with you,
here, in my arms.
I could be happy.

fear runs through every inch of your body alongside adrenaline,
your veins are on fire,
and your fingertips sting.
your mind is racing,
but time moves too slow.

its breath is taunting your movement.
you can't see,
but feel it getting closer.

you feel lightheaded,
and fear passing out from the lack of oxygen
in your body.
and the knot in your stomach prevents
you from running any faster.

you know it's right
behind you no matter how far away
you try to get.

You shoot through my body like you have
some right to be here,
Like you aren't disrupting anything.
I was fine without you.
And now I'm doubting myself and rethinking
everything.
You dug your way back into to my mind like it's
always been yours.
I had just learned how to breathe
without you,
And now I'm waiting around for you like
you own me;

You don't though.