The small cut sits there
pulling at my pain
The tears fall
pulling at my heartstrings
and there is so much more to suffer
as I pull at the symptoms,
the useless situation, I am helpless, help me, but help cannot fix
what my body has come to be

I wanna disappear as if I were
snowfall touching skin
gracefully falling
pushed by the winds

I wanna love as if I were
snowfall with such gentle beauty
I would be cherished
but no one would know me

I wonder if they are tears
from a woman grieving
quietly up top the clouds
I pity her, I do, but I care not for her feelings

"sorry, always sorry. what are you sorry for?"

"anything,
everything...
within my grasp
even outside of it
if I didn't say sorry
I would fall apart
like a flower
when pulled all the wrong ways"

emotions are good little things
pretty like stars in the skies
coloring the dark void
and giving meaning to our life

multiple weighty peach trees
outlined grief's path
lanceolate, broad, and pinnately veined
leaves cornered my view
of the clashing realities between faint rays
and the celestial dome

my sweet cries and pleads set into the sky
the atmospheric refraction
distorts all that is left of her being
an astronomical twilight will pass
and the dusk will swallow her wavelength

wandering into a new medium
surpassing the earth
and as the sweet color of peaches decomposes
becoming simple matter over time
her sun has set and mine will follow shortly

even as I run away
you tell me such kind words

and when I look back
you have said so many kind things
that I cannot forget, that I cannot stop caring

I find it impossible to speak to you
because I know that I can't change anything
I keep wondering if today you'll be alive

why can you say everything right to make me feel better,
but I can't say anything at all to help you
how cruel is this friendship we've entangled ourselves into?

"my body is tired with torn hands
I want to be perfect, more and more
but nothing changes, it only ever hurts"

"when will you be happy?"

"never... I live miserably,
wanting to work myself to exhaustion
waiting for death's release of this worthless vessel
that hates me deeply
perishing underneath dirt and pebble
no one will want me, need me
I will be forgotten and my ideals of perfection soon to be rotten"

gun in hand
trigger in mind
let's **** things up, alright?

"help me, help me!"
im stubborn as all hell
so forget my inner pleas or i'll say farewell

you wish to love me with such sweet words
but **** it's too ******* late
so let's just indulge in self-hate

mister, mister
would you be so kind
as to tell me what trust is?
you see, you said i'm trusting
incredibly so, that it's refreshing
but i'm unsure of your words

mister, mister
do i trust people...
when I believe all my loved ones hate me
and would rather i disappear?
I'm not trusting, just desperate
a child simply wants to be loved

you reach out your hand
in case i need help
i'm sorry sir
i'm too stubborn for that
i walk two steps back
and fall a little further.

when you grace the garden
i am overfilled with sunlight!
an intense admiration
leaves me with sudden blossoms
of an ever gentle pink...

won't you come closer?
i don't ask of you to be mine
nor for the warmth of your hands
i simply asked to be loved
every now and then...

and when i realize my feelings are one-sided
my appearance falls apart one petal at a time
leaving me to cry among the decay
when the flower is no longer a beauty
what reason do you have to stay?

maybe I'm cruel
but I deem you selfish
In this obscure, unsure connection
we call friendship

let us adore this universe of ours
as we wish upon
a shooting stargazer lily
who collides with our world
bringing about blossoms
and pink springs
for days to come

let us hop between the planets
mark the moon as our own
catch the stars in our hands
explore the unknown!

let us create memories
and overfill our senses with joy
blast off our worries
into the void of space
and lie here in fields
full of pink and white orchids

this universe of ours
is so sweet

I sat in silence
anxiously deciding
certainly overreacting
a sudden desire to change
flooded my heart with courage

their voices startled me
my mind failed to be calm
with each beat after beat coming so quickly
but soon their laughter filled me with ease
and I could find myself finally at peace

if I write
could I ever turn the scribbled thoughts
the pitiful teardrops
and stress that festers
into something beautiful
lovable, almost.

Rapid warming bursts open his polluted lungs
Flies and maggots spill while wilted flowers have sprung
Sickly eyes and perverted form
Chaos and death revel in the man-made storm

Tears pull at the corners of my mouth
With his misery, we can both drown
He wants the sinners of this world to burn
This is a lesson I've yet to learn

Mourning with blue irises in my hand
A cold silent distance between where he and I stand
If I move an inch closer, I will have to overcome my fear
That it is of little matter that I care

My throat grows tight, dry of words to say
I watch our friendship slowly decay
Secretly I make a wish, my selfishness arising
To say I wanted to meet him, well, I'd be lying

my hands are bloodied with your thoughts,
the flower withered away
everything is gone
and my mouth is dry, empty of words to say

when you die
your burdens leave that tormented soul of yours
and wanders into my heart, making holes in every thought
each bit of love that once pumped has grown sickened
I wish I could tear myself apart, to build everyone up
my empty efforts have never been enough