pressed against a gentle river of bedsheets
falling loose from the mattress with every wave
to finally intertwine in the rythym of our heartbeats
i cannot help being depraved, as each motion makes me crave

"adore me, adore me, all that much, and more"
i plead, i cry, and his hands overwhelm mine
"a pretty little thing, obedient and kind, perfect for a *****"
as long as he gives me attention, all will be fine

all he's ever shown is the blushing red of kisses and bites
and all he's ever known is a cruel kind of rational
but even with all the flowers he gives, he never seems to fight
and it all seems to decay into something entirely foul

im done with the suffocating scent of amaryllis that i let fill my arteries
the sweet sticky pollen that tightens my throat so i can no longer breathe

my fingertips are cold, with slowed movement
and there is a grace to them, dancing in such a sorrowful way
I'd almost think they were longing for someone
to hold them, locking each other, and brushing against

and yet, my mind grows uneasy at that idea of warmth
I draw my frigid hands away, escaping the touch
how unbearable it would be, in all reality
they remain as they are, how i'd prefer, lonely.

every night before i sleep,
without fail, romance fills my mind
how hopeless, how naive,
however you wish to call me

but i think it's time
to finally pick the red glass shards
off the dark wooden shelf
that is so full of dust, i hardly recognize it

i cradle the glass in my hands
withstanding the sharp red
melting her into sweet honey
and knowing the broken glass, is nothing but temporary

i am not left without impurities
with sharp edges and deformities
but i am whole again
and i will not let anyone drop it again

because i will wait for an eternity
to find someone who puts the glass
up against the sunlight
and admires its beauty

i will find a love like mine
someone who indulges in flowers
and dream like christmas dates
and holding my small hands

there is no doubt about it
i am a realistic romantic
and i like you deserve to be loved,
endlessly so

when you grace the garden
i am overfilled with sunlight!
an intense admiration
leaves me with sudden blossoms
of an ever gentle pink...

won't you come closer?
i don't ask of you to be mine
nor for the warmth of your hands
i simply asked to be loved
every now and then...

and when i realize my feelings are one-sided
my appearance falls apart one petal at a time
leaving me to cry among the decay
when the flower is no longer a beauty
what reason do you have to stay?

I wanna disappear as if I were
snowfall touching skin
gracefully falling
pushed by the winds

I wanna love as if I were
snowfall with such gentle beauty
I would be cherished
but no one would know me

I wonder if they are tears
from a woman grieving
quietly up top the clouds
I pity her, I do, but I care not for her feelings

the flowers decay
and the bird's sweet cries die out
in time for your death
of which was all according to fate

the sun sets on the horizon
and my tears pervert the mood with sorrow
and I wait for the day that fate
will let me lie next to you

The pastel sky strikes forward, no longer soft-spoken
And the birds sing enchanting melodies
That almost lull me back to sleep
But with all the strength in this heart of mine
My body arises and dances with the peeking sunlight
For today is a lovely day for the peonies to bloom
Pink fluttering petals, blushing at my touch
I know they love me, they really do
I leave my home, whose color has gone and died
Eaten up by the tragedy of time
Today my sorrows shall dissolve
Tears mixed with tea
And quenches my thirst of loneliness
The peonies bloom and decorate the grave
And even if my heart pulls at me, I will not cry
I shall celebrate all that is of death and life
For no one, not a single person on earth
Can stop the peonies from blooming, oh so beautifully.

she looked at me with interest
inevitable, i suppose
she had lavender kisses
and honey filled whispers
that stuck to my neck
she told me that i was lovely
and that the lovely get crushed
but i surely felt nothing
and smiled all the while
it was not my innocence
ill play the game she asks of me
a liar's entanglement

would you like to dance, my dear?
let us waltz above the fiery pits of hell,
oh my, it would so be very tragic if you fell.. !
I'm only teasing, what have you to fear?

you must wonder who I am
I'm the one with a heart caged behind feathers
a holy being made from perfection and pressure
time is surely ticking until I let go of your hand

you wished for me to come, did you not?
I do as you ask and dangle you above death
yet here you are, clinging to me with all your strength
do not worry, your body will have use when I leave it to rot

one day ill lay beneath the flowers
my soul blossoming outwards,
only to be compressed by the soil.
once more rejected, failing to love...
poor little me, won't know what else to do..!
but tear into themselves,
crying for all of eternity...
but they say that tragedy is a beauty,
which is why the flowers blossom
over my pitiful grave.
and isn't it funny...?
laughable almost,
to be the source of your own misery

she stood before the edge of a cliff
as the earth beneath her became undone
a single white flower clung desperately to life
the angel crushed the fragile petals beneath her
with the same feet that once danced on clouds
but she was no longer in the heavens
she was on earth and the gravity of her situation
teased her naivety until she was struck with tears

she fell into the waters, of a gray stormy day
a place that surely no one, not even god, could find her
her worn wings had no intentions of flying
and she smiled, effortlessly, the way she had always done
gracefully falling in the air, even as she plunged into her demise
the small angel drowned at sea, with a heart pulled apart
by all the centuries that she attempted to love humans
and perhaps, she just wasn't meant for this world

cracking
the lines and curves of the sentences fall apart
screaming
the facade pleads to be rescued from this madness
crying
the entity shakes, and the world trembles along with it

worthless
if you disappeared not a single person would make a remark
unwanted
an unlovable friend, for who wants someone burdened by sadness
pathetic
a stubborn fool, such that even death asks you to submit

death is a lover, asking for your hand in marriage.
run if you please, but escape is temporary
so won't you love, as the white flowers fall...
embrace death and the sweet hums of its call

"my body is tired with torn hands
I want to be perfect, more and more
but nothing changes, it only ever hurts"

"when will you be happy?"

"never... I live miserably,
wanting to work myself to exhaustion
waiting for death's release of this worthless vessel
that hates me deeply
perishing underneath dirt and pebble
no one will want me, need me
I will be forgotten and my ideals of perfection soon to be rotten"

My dear, I wish I could speak my mind.
I would write in an eloquent letter and end the words with hearts
Saying that the distance between us will not tear us apart
But how do I tell you that and make those promises?
When I'm suffocating with such deep misunderstanding..

I pick up the letter and smudge the ink
Tear apart the sentences and cross out the hearts
I love you, I love you, but I'm sure you love me not at all.
How do I feel, what do I do? I'm tired when I endlessly think of you.
And the paper cuts mock me.
I give up before it drives me to insanity.
And I will sleep, perhaps for all of eternity.

for god's sake
how could one person
be so enchanting
that i both feel loved
and terribly empty
what state of delusion am i in?
and why won't anybody answer my cries
what am i? some desperate fool.. ?
maybe, maybe, but i can only laugh
i don't know how to feel or what to say
i love you, i love you, but not like that

They may pray to God and his divinity
Of which to me, is nothing more than a false reality
Oh the sinners and saints can burn
For only a holy angel will stir up my concern

Oh dear angel, a six-winged creature
Cover your face, your feet, and oh you fly
Oh, dear angel, I fear you not
Please just enchant me with those eyes

emotions are good little things
pretty like stars in the skies
coloring the dark void
and giving meaning to our life

in the month of may
spring has come forth
with promises of new beginnings
but death still knocks at my door
waiting for the end of day

he comes with innocent eyes
pleading for some company
there are times i almost fall for his charms
as he hides his trap with sweet honey
but i dare not fall for his lies

though i see him as a threat
i still lend out my hand
and smile cheerfully in the face of death
as if he were an old friend
though i won't let him take me just yet

mister, mister
would you be so kind
as to tell me what trust is?
you see, you said i'm trusting
incredibly so, that it's refreshing
but i'm unsure of your words

mister, mister
do i trust people...
when I believe all my loved ones hate me
and would rather i disappear?
I'm not trusting, just desperate
a child simply wants to be loved

you reach out your hand
in case i need help
i'm sorry sir
i'm too stubborn for that
i walk two steps back
and fall a little further.

gun in hand
trigger in mind
let's **** things up, alright?

"help me, help me!"
im stubborn as all hell
so forget my inner pleas or i'll say farewell

you wish to love me with such sweet words
but **** it's too ******* late
so let's just indulge in self-hate

"sorry, always sorry. what are you sorry for?"

"anything,
everything...
within my grasp
even outside of it
if I didn't say sorry
I would fall apart
like a flower
when pulled all the wrong ways"

I'm a happy little angel
sentimental and soft
as I dance through the clouds
I think of you sweetly

I'm a happy little angel
saying "I love you" in between sweet smiles
as you wipe your tears away
I will guide you, my dear

The small cut sits there
pulling at my pain
The tears fall
pulling at my heartstrings
and there is so much more to suffer
as I pull at the symptoms,
the useless situation, I am helpless, help me, but help cannot fix
what my body has come to be

in the palm of her ruined hands
was a single seed

if she grew one flower
spring would be in her sights

but winter pulled her down
together they were miserable

she could not bring change about
and so spring never came around

her loneliness surpassed the vast empty field
and on her journey, the truth began to reveal
no lavender, no roses, nothing lovely of the sort
she would be lonely, forevermore
she wished to cry and drown the lands
and so the gods compromised with her demands
they had left her papers and pens
in which she could draw and write, again and again
if only the flower in which she dreamed of, in which she drew
could blossom as beautifully as real ones do
and amongst her stories and the movement of the pen
she wished she could write a story and paint a scene
of which she had a happy end

she pushes and pulls like the waves
ultimately I cannot bear to be near it
and have disgust cover me cold
they see beauty, placing charm in her mystery
and I only see the madness
of an ocean that will surely drown me

I prefer to detach
rather than the agonizing
feeling of not being needed

And
with that sentiment,
goodbye.

I saw my former self through a teary vision
As she collapsed against the rough alley floor
knees scraped, burning and bleeding with pain
Why didn’t they pick her up and care for her?
Always telling her to stop crying.
As if she wasn't a child, aching to be loved.

let us adore this universe of ours
as we wish upon
a shooting stargazer lily
who collides with our world
bringing about blossoms
and pink springs
for days to come

let us hop between the planets
mark the moon as our own
catch the stars in our hands
explore the unknown!

let us create memories
and overfill our senses with joy
blast off our worries
into the void of space
and lie here in fields
full of pink and white orchids

this universe of ours
is so sweet

i love you, i love you not
i pull on the petals till our friendship rots
friendships never seem to last
every good memory lives in the past
and dies in the hopes of my hand
you move forward, but here i stand
the only person who stays is me
till death do I part, I will one day be free

I climb this hell in the pursuit of perfection
Yet nothing is sufficient to please my lack of self-satisfaction
All senses, all pleasures, my every motivation
Washes away as I push myself further into isolation

one, two three
don't forget to breathe
count to ten
slowly, slowly, before you can speak

that foul mouth
is better off dead
if you don't heed the warnings
you will carry the burden for all the words you've said

your heart needs to be silenced
crush it up, with hands of violence

"nothing can be done
especially not now
she is all that fills your mind
and it is time
that I leave you

what a silly family we were...
she has prolonged your existence
but I cannot smile
it is only a reminder
that your death is very possible"