if i could have one wish,
i would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck,
your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin and the feel of your heart beating with mine;
knowing now that i could never find that feeling with anyone but you.

Open my eyes,
Let me see the truth,
Open my heart,
And let me love again,

Hold onto me,
Drag me from my nightmare,
And into a Day Dream,

Open My Eyes and let me see the truth.

Open yours eyes please,
Open them to the new day,
Open yours and see the sun rise,
Let it wash away your nightmares my dear,
Open your eyes and let me take your hands,
Let me help you up,
Open your hands to mine so I can help stand my dear,

Let me take you to all the places you wanted to see,
Open your eyes and see that I will do that for you,
Let me give you all the things that you need,
To surprise you with roses and tickets to Unknow destinations,

Planes to exotic places,
Breakfast in different cites,
Memories scattered over the world,

Open your eyes darling,
Open your hands,
Take my hands and take the first step,
In this adventure,
That we call life.

When you saw the world, its colors and textures and sounds, I felt I felt the way you thought, hoped, felt, dreamt. I felt I was dreaming and thinking and feeling with you. I dreamed what you dreamed, wanted what you wanted--and then I realized that truly I just wanted you.

i will always in my heart or hearts realise that all i want is you to have you in my arms and in my heart to have you take me away to a place where our dreams are life and our love never ending.

The pain like cuts deep into my soul,
Release a bliss,
An ecstasy,
The pain like deep cuts of a razor blade,
The blood running over like an eclips of bliss and pleasure,
Why does pain have to give pleasure and yet take so much,
Devoid of feeling I'm left hopeless the pain is the last thing I hold onto,
Like the cuts of a razor
A ladder further into
Insanity
The pain like deeps cuts into my soul,
Release a bliss
An ecstasy.

Too much ******* noise,
All these people shouting and screaming,
Yelling at me,
It's painfully all I want is silence pece,
But no all these people just want to pull at me,
Pull me into maddens sand insanity,
All I want is silence and peace,
But these ******* just won't give in,
Please I'm begging you,
Let me be,
Let me fade away,
Let me fall away,
Just let me go.

Think I might just let go this time.
Say good bye.
And fall away like the autum leaf.

To let my soul rest at last.
Have peace.
To stop the fighting the worrying the pain.

Lettin go is easy.
The goodbyes won't be big.
Don't have anyone left to say good bye to.

It's a bitter sweet end tbh.
With out pain there would never be.
Peace.

Stars above my head,
Gently caress of wind on my face,
The sound of song birds in the distance,
The smell of wild flowers in the meadows below me,

O life how you can be so beautiful.
O life how you can tempt me to be at peace.

Tall moutains around me tall enought to have snow caps resting on top of them,

Forests so lush with life even the deafest ears can here the songs of forest life,

O life you, you tease me with these sweets.

Even as I stand here in this meadow of flowers dressed in moonlight i can not stem this feeling of unease,

It's the knowing that at some point this will end this peace.

Because peace never lasts long.

I don't know why but sometimes I feel as if I'm caught,
Caught between a rock and hard place,
Caught in a place where I can't escape from,
Yes there are people here but they can't hear me or see me,
I scream as loud as I can,
They just look right through me,
I try to touch them try to let them know I am here,
But my fingers just slide right through.

Am I stuck in a phantom zone?
Am I stuck in a place between the real world and death,
Why can i stop the pain that rushes through my vains,
While I'm in this place.

I'm stuck, I'm lost, I don't know what to do.
Some one anyone tell me your there make me belive I'm not stuck.

Let me show you my pain
Let me show you my longing
Let me show you view

A perfect breakfast
Sunlight shining down warming my skin
A perfect cup of coffee
A ciggerette just lit with the whips of smoke catching the sunlight
A ****** breakfast

A moment caught in between perfect and terrifying
A moment of peace and pain
No distraction from thought or feeling
A bitter sweet morning breakfast

A view of the world from someone else's eyes
Perfect captured beauty an image of someone's mind
The feelings rise with the symmetry of there view but lack the full impact
Why can I understand but not feel
A moment of pleasure and a pain
An irony set out for another day

A look caught across the train
A look caught while walking down the street
The smile and warmth the missed moment
A moment of agony knowing it will never be yours to know there desire

A chased moment as two lips meet
The tearing of clothes in passion
A must so strong no thought can intrude
A perfect moment in time music playing in the back ground
Two hearts beating side by side
It ends as it always does and everybody knows it can never continue

A memory of shared pain and remembrance
A look into my soul and you see the pain not emotion just pain nothing left of emotion
A tear rolling down a cheek weather mine or yours it doesn't matter because it's a shared memory of pain neither same or different an echo of agony neither can understand

See my world and understand the depth
See my point of view and know what there is to know
See the pain and remember your own

Find your way to remind yourself that this world has reasons to live

My point of view is just one and reasons have yet to be found but I'm still looking through tinted eyes to find my reason.

Cold,
Wet,
Rememberance,
Flowing,
Silence,
Deafaning.

Rain,
Everything we need and don't,
Good and bad,
Memories we want to remember but also ones we want to forget.

Release the Fear,
Release the apprehension,
The False Starts,
And The False Ends,

Release the Shaking of your hands,
The racking of your chest as you heave tears down your face,

Release all that you hold inside,
Release the Pain,
Release the Sadness,

Release it All,
Open yourself to the new,
And Let go of the Old,

Believe in yourself and What you can do,

Because believe me when i say this,
"You Are Not Alone, Not Alone With Your Fears, Your Sadness, Your Pain"
Believe me because i know what it feels like.

To hold on to the fear,
To hold onto that pain,
That sadness,

To Cling To it.

But Now With Me.

Let it Go,
Release your hold on it.

Be Free,
Be Yourself and not what your Told to Be.

secrets,
mysteries,
dishonesty,
misleading,
illusions,

all of this words mean a lot to me,
i've used all of them,
had them used on me,
but most of all i understand them,

understanding is the most important,
because its not just about seeing when they have been used,
but how to use them to protect yourself,
protect your heart and mind,
your soul and your life,

there will be times when you need to mislead people so you are safe,
times when you need to keep secrets so others are not hurt,
but also when to tell a secret or break one open,

but understanding is more than that,
its about seeing that no matter what you do,
it will be painful,
it will make you cold inside,
and it will change you.

secrets,
mysteries,
dishonesty,
misleading,
illusions,

all­ of this are important,
to see,
to use,
to understand.

life is hard, life is tough, secrets hurt but they also protect, mysteries surround every person we have to break and untangle them, dishonesty is hard and nasty but is needed in a world where every one leads us astray, misleading is every where we need to understand how to find the right path, and finally illusions are simple yet complex we use them to hide our pain but we get hurt by the through out our life.

for us to live,
to see,
to be free,
we need to understand,
to be set free.

***
****
All night long till the sun comes up and gose back down.

Let your hair down
And ****
And ***

Let everything ago and enjoy the exctasy of ***.

The pumping of his **** in you,
And her nails in your back.

Fuxk make love.
*** and moan so the naighbour a cane hear.

So **** it and enjoy it.

There once was a posh boy all alone in town,
He saw the sign for a good night going down,
The sign was neon and bright,
and all it said was,
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS,
So down he went and started his decline,
Shouting SHORT'S, SHORT'S, SHORT'S.

Silence is the lock that requires no key,
Silence is the friend that no one wants,
Silence is the loudest sound that we hear,

Silence is nothing yet everything.

There's nothing simple about simplicity ,
It's complicated and complex units iwn right,
It's just like truth that's not simple either,
It's less complex to tell a lie then to tell the truth,
But why is simple not simple,
Why is a lie easier than the truth,
Why is complexity easier that simplicity.

its easy to hide,
to not show your self,
its easy to just disappear,
its easy to stop texting stop calling,
stop all communication,

**** like magic,
gone with out a trace,
its easy,
a bit of smoke there,
a few mirrors here,
and i'm invisible,
gone to the naked eyes of everyone,
all those people who want to pry at the open wounds,

so here i go again spreading the smoke and placing the mirrors,
making it so that all the people who want to hurt,
who want to pry,
who want to rip apart everything in there path,

so with a magic word,
or a swish of a wand,
im gone,
like smoke and mirrors,

im just the smoke that everyone will ignore,
dissipating in the air.

People tell me to calm down,
Calm down getting angry won't help,
Calm down the tears arnt gonna bring her back,
Calm down getting frustrated won't get it done,

What if I don't want to calm down,
What if I want to let go of calm,
See where it takes me,
Calm calm down for what,
For pain,
Loss,
Sadness,
Calm down for what,

It's like everyone says calm down,
Like it's magic and will make it all better,
When I calm down it dosnt make it better,
It makes it worse makes me think of all the things,
That I did wrong,
Of all the bad memories,
Of all the bad times,

What if letting to of calm,
Means I can be free,
Free to live life like I should,

Because to me to stay calm,
Is to put your self in prison,
A prison made by everyone else,

Staying calm is not what it seems.

We are the stories we tell ourselves about,
But when those stories are lies,
We are the most suprised of all.

Take my hand dear,
Lay down beside me dear,
Look into my eyes and become lost with me,
Take my hand dear,
And we will go to a place where only we know,
Take my hand dear,
Close your eyes dear,
Lay down beside me and let's go to a place where only we know,
Take my hand dear.

Because I don't want to go without you.

A full moon,
That's what I see tonight as I wake,
In cold sweats from bone chilling nightmares,
Shadows
Jump out at me,


I wake,
Cold,
In tears,
I think to myself,
There's nothing left nothing,
Darkness,
Sadness,
Sorrow,

My nightmares plague my nights,
Chase my dreams away,
Take away my sanity,
Replace it with depression and sadness,

There is nothing left,
Happiness taken,
Love taken.

All
Because of these
Nightmares

You tell me to talk to you,
Tell you I'm when I'm not doing great,
But when I do your not there,
You never replay,
You never read it,
Never pick up,
Your always somewhere else when it matters,

They all say it "talk to me I'm here for you I promise",
But no one is there when it truly matters,
No one listens,
It's like talking to brick wall,
Hard,
Emotionless,
Full of cracks,

Yes no ones perfect but when you make a promise,
Don't go back on it.

Tears don't help,
Tears don't stop the pain and anguish,
They don't stop death or bring people back.
They won't stop anger or abuse.

Tears are just water cascading down your face as they do mine.

They are cheap and do nothing other than cause pain.

I learnt the hard way of learning that tears do nothing.

Don't do the same.

I don't know why,
But when I lay here watching the rain fall,
I remember all the pain,
The sorrow and sadness,
It's like each raindrop,
Is like tear shed by the sky,

It's like the world is crying for all of us,
See our sadness each day and night,
Like it holds it in for as long as it can,
But like tonight the sky cries,
And shows us that it sees our pain,

And I sit here and see in those tears my memories and sadness,
And like the sky I hold it in,
But then I cry and let it out,
Because I can't hold it in anymore,

My tears like the rain drops,
Dropping and hitting the floor,
With no sympathy,
With no one there to wipe them away,

But sky gives us one thing when it cries,
And that's a new start,
It washes away the tear tracks,
And washes away our actions,

The sky sees out pain and when it rains it rains for us,
Showing us that it sees,
And It knows our pain,

So let it rain and wash away out tear tracks,
And give us a new start.

The sound of the wet stone against the straight razors edge,
The rhythmic sound it makes as it grinds the narrow blade,
It's like a song what the cries to be heard yet no hears,
I hear it every night I hear it,
Mabey because that's because I'm the one playing it I don't know,

But I hear it and feel it,
The slow first cut the one with all the pressure,
The skin opens and the red crimson blood spills over the edges,
The ecstasy,
The thrill,
It's unbelievable,
So I do it agin and again,
I forget why I started,
I forget the reason,
But all that matters now is the feeling,
Pure as light it's self,

I play that song and relalise,
That the first cut is always the deepest.

little by little,
bit by bit,
slowly it all grinds down in the end,
like a river down hill,
it starts on top but over the years,
it erodes down and down till there is a gaping scar in the land,

little by little,
bit by bit,
its all the same really,
the ware and tear of life,
tbh,
I'm like the earth below the river,

my skin the grass,
my muscles the the dirt,
my bones the stones,
the ware of life is just going through me,
and like the earth it erodes through me,
and like the earth i give way to the wight of the water,
the scars are there old and new,

little by little,
bit by bit,
slowly I'm eroding away,
soon there will be nothing left.

and i will be glad for it.

Sometimes the best thing to do,
Is the hardest thing of all to do,
It's hard because it means letting go,
Letting go of the ones you love and hold dear,
Letting go of all hopes and dreams,
Letting go of the wistful thoughts you once held onto,

And I've come to realise that me,
Myself,
I've already done most of that,
Let go of dreams,
Of the wishes and hopes,
It's the people that I haven't let go of yet,
Because they keep holding on,
Why do they not see what I really am,
A dreadful poison,
One that rots your heart and soul,
One that kills you from the inside out,
Why do they hold on,
Why do they want me to live.

I don't know,
I just want them to understand that I don't want to be here anymore,
Don't want to have to deal with all the crap,
All the pain,
The scares,
And cuts,
The people who pour the salt into the wounds,

I just want to go so I won't hurt anyone else....

It's the little things in life that have the biggest impact,
That one look,
That one sentence,
It's the little things in life that change us most.

I met a girl today her parents are divorced and she hasn't spoke to her dad in a year and her mum has met a new guy and this girl can't cope both her parents don't see her pain, it's the look in her eyes it's the things she says.

It's the tear that fell down her cheek the look of Saddness in her eyes.

It's the little things we notice and don't that have the biggest impact.

I remember once in church,
when i used to go,
before i lost my faith,
a quote, one that has stuck with me all these years,

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

it was a quote which gave me strength,
and hope,
hope in the fact that i was not alone in the face of danger,
in the face of loss and death,

but the funny thing is,
hope is a lie,
as it that quote,
when we walk in the valley of death in the shadow of pain,
we are alone no one stands with us,
no one give us strength or courage,

these are forged by us,
courage,
hope,
strength,
we must build these,
we must create these to survive,

because the valley of death is a harsh place,
a place where one wrong step,
can lead you to your hearts fears,
and your souls pain,

because when,
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
we walk alone and must forge our own path.

I close my eyes and let me self go,
I drift away with smoke of my cigarette,
Drifting high into the sky,
With the clouds and birds,
I see everything,
See the couples fighting and kissing,
Seeing the child run away from its mum,
To the girl in tears in her mothers arms,
I close my eyes to escape but on get closer to the problem.

There is no escape.

these four walls,
they close me in,
hold me tight,
lock me away from the world,

these four walls remain,
where no one else has,
where friends and family and stepped away,
where love seeps away,

these four walls are all i have.

What is the point in searching for the light at the end of the tunnel, if when you get there is no bulb but a dark expanse of nothing, no rail road no dirt track no embers nothing just darkness, no hope no love no life just darkness what is the point in creating a light for others if all your creating is an illusion, why should I keep looking why should I start again when I know that all I will find is darkness.

When the tunnel has ended will there ever be light all will it always be darkness.

I grow wary of thinking,
I laugh when I chide my self,
"Now now carful you think hard enough it will hurt",
Then I laugh to my self and think again,

Sometimes of nothing other times it's of wild winters and summers full of laughter and love,

But even more so now I think of what it would be like,
To have someone close,
To hold,
To kiss,
To not have to think,

I chide my self more now than ever before for I think to much.

The hub bub of the local pub,
The endless chitter chatter of pointless conversations,
The no point small talk of weather and how do yous do's,

The noise of comfort and solace,
The shield of silence,
The comfort of anonymity,

This is England,
This is the pub.

To fear is to leave life behind,

To fear is to forget how to live,

To fear is to lose all you hold dear,

To fear is to get lost in your own mind,

Yet I fear for myself my family and my love,

And I have forgotten how to live.

Lost forever.

My eyes to heavy to stay open,
My arms to heavy to lift,
My legs to heavy to move,

Everything is just to much,
Everything is to heavy,
Everything is too much,

I'm just so tired,
Tired of trying,
Tired if trying move something that won't move,

It's just to heavy,
It's just to much.

I don't know what to say anymore,
I don't know what to think anymore,
I don't know what to do anymore,

My mind,
My body,
My heart,
My soul,
Do not know what to do anymore,

Time has just stopped,
It's like I'm just treading water,
I'm not moving,
Not going any where,
Just trying to keep myself afloat,

I don't know when I keep treading water,
Everyday my legs and arms get weaker,
The water keeps on getting deeper and deeper,
My body gives in,
I don't know why,
Why is it that I survive,

I don't know what to do,
What to think or feel,
I don't know which way to go,

I can't take it much longer,
It won't be long before my head goes under the water,
And I won't tread water anymore.

Violence,
its simple
its easy
its pure,
theres nothing complex about violence,
there doesn't need to be a motive or a reason,
its just there,
as a voice,
as a physical force,
as pure emotion,
violence doesn't need to be made complex,
violence doesn't need a reason,
its part of nature our nature,
we fight,
we ****,
we ******,
violence is everywhere in our everyday life,
everyday violence is committed and used,
so **** this PC crap,
**** the PC crap or turn the other cheek,
**** society the one that tells me i'm wrong for being angry,
**** the people to tell me to calm down who have no clue,
who don't know how it feels to beaten and abused,
**** this PC society who believe Violence doesn't exist.

Violence is simply, its easy and clean.
**** the people who believe it doesn't exist,
**** the people who have no clue about pain.

Violence is here it always has been and always will be.

Welcome Princess,

Why don't you walk over here and see where you'll be staying.

Yes Princess this is definitely the place this is no mistake.

Her eyes take in the black walls and thick lush red carpet the four poster bed with ropes hanging down onto the mattress,
she sees the chains on the wall and her heart beat quickens her body trembles with excitement,

O how how she trembles white skin a paler shade of white shivers of anticipation and lust,

O how she craves the touch of skin on skin, the feel of hard callused hands running over her back down her plump buttocks and down her inner thigh,

Her soul crying out for abandon of everything crying out for the last push of muscle waiting for the tensing and the in drawn breath, waiting for the hard gripping hands waiting for that final push to pull her into oblivion.

Thank you my prince she says as she slips out of white silk dress and knells next to her prince charming waiting barley able to contain her lust and hope of oblivion.

Welcome Princess to my world.

when we talk about love people see it as just words, love is passion it is giving all of yourself to one person risking everything for them love isn't just words love is our whole heart our minds our souls to make sure they are never alone.

what is the meaning of life?

some say its to find love,
others say its get rich or die trying,
some even say its to die,

there are many people who have searched for a meaning,
religious men believe the point in life is to get to there heaven to meet there maker,
the pessimists say there is no point in life they don't see why they should care,

Tbh i don't know who i'm inclined to believe,
in all honesty i believe in my own meaning of life,

"the meaning of life is different from each person, there is no one answer that fits all, there is no  easy answer either, we ourselves have to find our own meaning, our own passion and drive"

i myself find that the meaning of life is to live,
to run, jump, fight, cry, laugh and love,
to feel everything thing that you can possibly feel,
both good and bad.

the meaning of life to me is to live like everyday is your last
because really we only live once.

so to everyone who reads this,
Smile, laugh go to your friends have a beer, go to your loved ones and embrace them like you haven't seen them in years,
because if we truly live once,

*live it likes your last day

I don't know
I don't know why

I don't know what I'm doing
I don't know why I'm doing it

I don't know who
I don't know where

I don't know why it matters
I don't know why you care

I don't know why I'm still here
I don't know why I still try

Late nights
Early mornings

No sleep
Sleep all day

I don't know

What this is.

when the night comes my heart drops with dread for what is to come,
the darkness
the pain
the sorrow
the nothingness
when night comes and my eyes close i hope that the nightmares won't come,
but they always do,
the plague me
the destroy me
the plunge my heart and soul into fire
when night comes i scream for mercy,
but all i get is silence and the continued pain,
when night comes another bit of my life slips away.

Where have you gone,
Darling please tell me,
Give me a clue so I may at least search for you,
Where have you gone,
My love younhave disappeared,
You have left a gaping hole in my chest,
I have you my heart and you have gone,
Taking everything with you.

I have you everything, everything I had left to give.
Darling.
Where have you gone.

I need you, why do I need,
I'm at a loss as to why I dispear so much,
My heart aches,
My eyes shed tears like a dam that has broken,
My soul is a deep dark pit of dispear,

And yet you are not here,
You are not there,
I can't find you,
I need you,
I am weak and you are strong,

Where are you,
I beg O I beg,
Where are you.

i've often wondered what the point of life is,
ans after 18 years of life i don't think i've gotten anywhere,
by anywhere i mean the point in life,
but i have found an answer for some of my problems,
and that answer i can thank seasick steve for,

and heres his answer and mine,

"So lighten up have a cup of my happy golden drink
it will taste strong to begin with, but you’ll get used to it I think.
It’ll wash away your sorrows and soak up your concern.
Only trouble when you wake up… not a single tables turned."

and to be honest i have gotten used to it,
to the taste and effect,

so tonight ladies and gentleman join me and have a glass if my favourite drink,
drown away or sorrows and soak up our concerns,
because the sky is not baby blue,
and our flats and house which aren't all pristine,

and have a cup of whisky and join me,
while we count away the night till the bells ring,
to bring through the new year,
heres to hoping that whisky won't be my favourite drink.

Cheers.

What is the question?
That no one knows,
What is the answer?
That no one can give,

Why were we made to live, love and cry?
Why?

Just leave me
I'm not worth saving
Not worth protecting
Not worth anything
So just leave me
Leave me to die.

Sometimes i wonder,
wonder at all the mazing sights,
sounds,
smells,
and all the amazing people,
friends,
family,

Sometimes i wonder,
wonder at everything and nothing,

i wonder about emotions,
what are they,
why do we feel,
why do we not feel,

you see i have wondered today about a lot of things,
people,
the world,
and feelings.

Why, well because i hurt,
and when i hurt i think,
think about the good and for some reason being a pessimist,
how the good things seems to miss me by,

you see one feeling i don't understand and i don't think anyone understands is,
Love,
you see twice i have fallen head of heels in love,
and twice now i have fallen down because of it,
in pain and sorrow and disbelief,

right now i am in denial i am sure,
because i can't believe its happened agin.

and honestly i don't want to believe in love,
is if love gets you this.

but was it love, or was a it a desire to feel some one close both physically and emotionally,
desire and love are different,
but feel the same.

Maybe I'm just too young to understand or maybe I'm just not optimistic.

just a thought after being left again.