I woke up this morning without the scent of your coffee in the air.
I scrunched my eyes and tried to sniff,
but the scent of your body wasn't there.
I paused, then frowned, confused by the missing fragrances.
Crawling out of bed, I made my way to the kitchen,
only to find a letter full of ******* sentences.
"I'm sorry," you wrote, "I'm leaving you now."
"My heart isn't happy here, I wanted to tell you sooner but I didn't know how."
I crumpled the paper as my eyes became full,
my intentions were pure, how could I have been such a fool?
"not happy here," replayed in my brain,
surely I was going crazy, maybe this is just a game.
with blurry eyes, I walked through the house
noticing your belongings were still there.
Confused, then angry, I thought,
"Leaving reminders isn't really that fair."
Then reality set, and I remembered your struggles.
Fear came next and I was screaming at the bubbles.
There you laid,
submerged in the water

"nothappyherenothappyherenothappyhere" it wouldn't stop
replay replay replay
why won't it stop?

Your wet body in my arms, I dialed for the operator.
I knew you were too far gone but I had to try for a doctor.
How could you leave me, but how could you not?
Your mind was your monster and it grew stronger than I thought.
The EMT's came but it all stayed a blur.
White walls, white rooms, but nothing of her.
"3:42 a.m." they said,
the number of your passing.
So everyday I've sat and grieved,
questioning my actions.

You're gone and I'm alone.

Left with all these thoughts.
People have come and gone
but my demons are all I've got.

You left and I'm alone.

Losing my own battles.
I don't want to fight,
I don't want these struggles
and now I finally understand
why you chose the bubbles.

I close my eyes,
Searching for that feeling
I know it's there
Because I can sense it.
My brain is straining.
My heart is breaking.
Both trying so hard
To grab something familiar;
Something safe.
But what was once warm,
Turned icy cold.
Just like your heart
When you left.

I'm taking a path; a long winding road.
Trying to find my place; my home.
I don't know where I'm at, there aren't any signs.
I took my own path, now I'm lost on the sidelines.
I don't know who I am; a constant search of mine.
I live out of daydreams with no sense of time.
I ignored all their demands, trying to become my own person.
But it backfired on me because now I don't feel human.
I used to be vibrant, happy, and fun.
Now I'm lucky to feel anything but numb.
Laughing used to be easy but now it's become a chore.
I need a way out; an exit; a door.
It's taken awhile but I've finally become guarded.
I've become a hard shell, yet I'm still kind-hearted.
This path is empty, aside from me.
I find myself thinking, "Is this how it's supposed to be?"
My life used to be a rainbow, not so dark and dreary.
It's hard to think back on memories without getting teary.
I've blocked everyone out, making them believe I don't care.
When secretly, I just want someone to help; to be there.
I've come to an opening at the top of the path;
I'm upon a hill, observing the lives I passed.
Wishing I was normal; wishing I was free.
But I'm not, because I've lost who I used to be.

When you're in your darkest hour,
I'll be there to knock you farther.
I'll make you believe I care.
It'll get so bad, you'll always need me there.
You'll say you hate me and try to leave,
But you'll come back as quick as you breathe.
You don't know it, but I've trapped you.
You want to tell someone but you don't know who.
I've made you think that no one wants you around.
You turn to me, unaware that I'm only going to knock you down.
Your friends try to help but I scare them away.
They see what you don't so you don't understand the hurtful words they say.
All this pain brings you closer to me.
You're too far in, now you'll never see.
You'll never go back to the girl you were before.
Because I've locker her away and took the key to the door.
I've made you believe that you were'nt pretty before you met me.
You thought you'd be strong enough to resist, you underestimated the power of an ED