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Ithaca Jan 2020
I have lost count of the times
where I have seen your face
out of the corner of my eye
but I can’t bring myself
to turn around because I know
that I am seeing what I want to see
and nothing more.
Ithaca Mar 2019
I sewed my eyes shut, and shoved my palms through my head,
At that time and place, I would have rather been dead.
But my eyes were always closed, and the world I could not see,
The world was always calling, summoning in perfect harmony.
Hearing it so faintly, its melody soft and soothing,
I stumbled in my darkness, to find this voice seducing,
But I never did locate it, my eyes were always blind,
So I lost my ******* sanity, and demanded myself confined.
It was only in my imprisonment that I truly felt alone,
I felt my fingers ripping, the string I'd tightly sewn,
The darkness was so blinding, like nothing I had known,
I found myself digging, dirt below my tombstone.
When I reached the grassy surface, I heard someone intone,
It's been an eternity old friend, but you've never been alone.
Ithaca Jun 2019
Everyone dies,
But if I never met you,
I never would have lived.
Ithaca Apr 2019
Love is a war
Played like a game

These feelings are pawns
Marching to the flames

Burning passion blue
The blood trickles down

Who has time for fashion
When there are stains on the gown?

Her eyes weep gentle tears of blood in the cold and dead of midnight
Standing, shuttering, with the crimson stained knife in the candlelight

“I’m in love”, she whispered softly to the rag doll on the shelf
Smiling serenely, her insincerity masking her true self

With blood-stained hand and shifting eyes she lifts the butchered head
The sweet smell of death rotting intoxicating her evil spread

She slaughtered her love with the knife he gave her only the day before
All she wanted was to be with him forever and nothing more
This **** whack
Ithaca Apr 2019
Talking to myself
Laughing at my own jokes
Entertaining myself
Making fun of myself
Calling myself a *******
Believing it
Acting like a lunatic
Becoming one
Feeding my insanity
Laughing about it
My life is going nowhere
I’m happy I have a life
I’m a suicidal maniac with a smile and a side of fries
I write poems about it
And I wouldn’t have it any other way
Because of people like you
Who make my *******, boringass, cheesyass, waffleass, *******, stupidass, lønelyass life worth living
Thank you
My ******* way of saying thank you
Ithaca Oct 2019
We’re livin to die
We’re dyin to live
And hopeless we try
To love and to give
‘*** even in the end
When we breathe in our last
Our hearts attack the biggest mistakes of our past

Memories fade and it’s never clear
Why we were unconsciously creating the fear
Of loneliness, abandonment, and being cast out
So we grew up rough and callous fulfilling the doubt

A couple things I wish that I knew for certain
Are why friends and love only left me hurtin
Why my alibi is my greatest defense
And why my devastation makes the greatest of sense

When I was seven years old my father gave me a note
It was a hundred dollar bill, and on a paper he wrote
“Son don’t tell anyone of what you’ve been seein”
Dad was shootin dope with his best buddy Steven

There may will come a day
When our youth will pass away
When our shoes become worn
And relationships are torn

We only came to pass
Our times will come too fast
And no one knows for sure
Just what we’re living for.
Ithaca May 2019
Since you cleared your own path
I lost my inspiration

But looking straight ahead
I found my motivation

Henceforth my destiny is what I make of it
It seems you’re gone already, but thank you
Ithaca Apr 2019
Your love is the ocean
Your smile the waves
Your timeless devotion
Is what my heart craves

To be yours forever
To know what to say
My faithful endeavor
Never to stray

Your love is the ocean
Your smile the waves
Until the emotion
Of death parts our ways
Your love is the ocean
Ithaca Jun 2019
reading
old material
from depressed
me is like walking
into hell with a parka
and an umbrella.

reading
old material
from pessimistic
you is like eating a
chocolate covered
pine cone.
Ithaca Aug 2019
If I die tomorrow, I want the world to know I had a name.
If I die tomorrow, I want to know that you won’t do the same.
If I die tomorrow, I want to end it all on a high.
If I die tomorrow, I want to at least have told my friends goodbye.
Ithaca Jun 2019
i was under the impression that i needed you.

                       my mistake.
Ithaca Jun 2019
how can i love you for hating me
if you hate me for loving you?
Ithaca Jan 2020
Superficial feelings: a high of great command;
Introspective warfare in the palm of your hand.
Today I realized that I am only pixels on your screen. Merely a background character who you will forget in a matter of days.
Ithaca Mar 2019
What is reality?
Is everything a lie?
Do we live just to die?
And should we even try?

What is reality?
Is it short and sweet?
Is there a God to meet?
Does it matter who gets beat?

Is reality in the air we breathe,
Or in the people we love?
Or the heavens above?

Where can I go,
in order to find,
this pleasant reality,
that you speak of?
My reality check came in, it’s blank.
Ithaca Apr 2019
I will wait for you
Among the cherry blossoms
Echoing your name
Ithaca Apr 2019
“Seven”
“Four?”
“Seven”
“Five?”
“Seven”
“Ok fine, six”
“Seven”
“Ugh, ok, here”
“You know I would’ve given it to you if you just asked instead of bartering for— Hey! You only gave me six you little...”
“Haha, what happened to just giving it to me?”
“Shut up”
Ithaca Dec 2019
The sound of crimson rain descending from large, black clouds and landing with a vengeance on reinforced steel echoed solemnly throughout the night sky.

This post-demolition city was destroyed beyond recognition after the warhead hit.

Barren streets decorated with scattered rubble and the smell of decay saturated the night air. The radiation caused the rain to turn the color of blood; the blood of the millions of people that the projectile disintegrated.

Just North of the blast radius, a small, barely standing apartment complex stood ***** from the broken ground.

On the second floor of this hotel of hell, two teenagers, a boy and a girl, were quickly becoming men and women; their pleasure loud, but never heard.

Above them on the third floor, a woman hung **** from the ceiling. Her sickly body covered in boils from the radiation.

Two floors below, seven skeletons were spread equidistant from each other. The boy and girl had moved them surreptitiously after doing something with them that even I would not in right mind divulge.

The fourth floor was a horrible sight. A dying baby screaming helplessly; his mother and father lying dead beside him; they both shot themselves. The baby was born with six tiny, black eyes, and no legs to crawl. He’d take his last breath before the sun rose in the morning.

The boy finished his act, and took a large puff of a cigarette. The girl, completely satisfied and lying in blood, chose the needle. The boy followed.

It was their escape. A way to leave the pain of being orphaned by the war. Every single loved one and friend was slaughtered like cattle by the enemy. It was only them now.

This was their first night at the makeshift hotel, and they came willing to die. Together. They knew the radiation would overcome their sickly bodies.

There was nothing left to live for.
No place to call home.
Hölle auf Erden.
O night divine.
Ithaca Jun 2019
trapped in a cell, abandoned by light
fed through a tube, once day and night
no one around, to talk to or fight
sanity cowers in the absence of might.

showering cold in a tub soaked in tears,
the silence of torture has deafened his ears,
time is a lie, he’s lost count of the years,
forever imprisoned til the reaper appears.
Ithaca Jun 2019
I’m getting kind of tired of telling you that you’re not a monster.


Actually, now that I think of it, I’m getting kind of tired of telling you anything and you not listening to a word.


But I suppose that now I’m just somebody that you used to know.
Ithaca Apr 2019
Stop and bore into my eyes
You’ll see the mirror never lies
By the time you know I’ll sense your danger
I’ll be looking into the eyes of a stranger
Inspired by Queensrÿche
Ithaca Mar 2019
Can you tell me why I stare at the sun,
When I know it makes me blind?
Can you tell me why I don’t hang with friends,
And complain about being lonely?
Can you explain to me the joys of your life,
In a way that I would understand?
Can you light up the path that leads me to you,
When I have my head crammed up my ***?
Can you give me back my childhood?
I want it back so **** bad.
Can you give me one good reason to move on,
To not be depressed, but glad?
To me, it’s as if you’ve always seen the light,
You stare at the sun when you know it’s bright,
But unlike me, you don’t go blind,
It seems to be all in the state of mind.
Ithaca Apr 2019
I still look for you
You whose faces I know
Are you still looking for me
And will you stop to say hello?
If I don’t, it just means I’m scared for no reason at all. See y’all soon •>•
Ithaca Mar 2019
Why do I always feel the worst
Right after I feel the best?
The high comes crashing
My silent thoughts deafening
“Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are”
-GD
Ithaca Jan 2020
take me in
six inches deeper
my cold blade yearns to rust inside your heart

feel my pain
before the blood dries
I want to be the one to drain the color from your eyes
Ithaca Apr 2019
Thank you for your kind words
They mean more than you may know
I used to think that words were empty
But people like you help others grow
I’m sorry for being spastic lately
I hope I did not hurt you
I’m sorry for being narcissistic lately
So this one is for you
Thank you
Ithaca Mar 2019
It’s a funny place
Terrifying
I feel as though a single glance
Would cause my dying
So I’ll close my eyes
And pretend to sleep
I’ll annihilate lies
And destroy my creep
I wouldn’t wish being alone on the bus on my worst enemy
Ithaca Mar 2019
No magician could ever escape it
Nor any athlete ever outrun it

No genius could ever outwit it
Nor any man ever buy out of it

It's the only thing that no one wants
But everyone shares as equals
Ithaca Mar 2019
The different men in different suits,
With different socks and different boots,
Who **** the men of distant roots,
Because of evil institutes.

When evil rises once again,
They’ll call upon the different men,
The sword favored above the pen,
Forever ‘til never,
Amen
Ithaca Dec 2019
A subtle wind gently eased wild hair from his smiling eyes; the faintest hint of her essence hugged his comfy winter coat.

Not a mile to the East, the same breeze drifted wearily towards a lonely house near a sparkling frozen river.

There, kneeling at the edge of the water, a beautiful girl felt a subtle breeze gently caress her shiny blonde hair.

The young maiden breathed in as the wind continued to brush past her shoulders. She exhaled with a giggle and a blush.

This extravagant December morning, the sun rose in lavish style over the snow-bleached horizon.

The lad had worked as a paper boy in this cozy town for a little over a year, and the morning before, he had spotted the most gorgeous girl kneeling by a riverbed.

The young boy nearly broke his bicycle, he kicked the brakes with such force. He sat with open mouth and marveled at such a sight.

The girl saw the boy out of the corner of her right eye, and shifted a little in a knowing manner.

The smitten lad turned a shade of red that would make the Devil jealous, and tried to call out to this beauty. His voice failed him.

Feeling the attraction radiating from the boy, the lass arose gracefully and walked towards him.

The shocked boy seemed to forget how to walk for an instant. He fell flat on his face. He heard a hearty giggle, and though he thought himself a total klutz, he began to laugh at himself, with each breath ingesting cold, wet snow.

“Saylor”, said the girl, offering a hand up for the boy.

“Titan”, the boy replied, taking her hand. Laughing seemed to restore his confidence.

“Sorry for staring” Titan said apologetically. “I’m sure you get that a lot”.

Little did young Titan know, Saylor had been watching him every morning for weeks. Through the dining room window, she would watch as he would throw the paper towards her house, and pedal over the bridge leading into town.

“Don’t apologize” Saylor remarked. “You should come back tonight. It’s been a while since I’ve laughed like that.”

Not knowing exactly what she meant by that, and also not wanting to make himself look like a complete invalid by asking, Titan got back on his bike with a smile as grand as his elaborate fantasies of the night to come.
Please let me know if you would like a continuation :)
And if you’re wondering about the names, the answer is yes.
Ithaca Feb 2022
Once upon a midnight clear, while I sat there, drinking beer,
Reading a quaint and curious volume of fictitious lore,
While I stupored, nearly napping, suddenly I heard a trap beat,
Along with such horrible rapping, rapping outside my bedroom door.
“‘Tis a rapper,” I muttered, “rapping outside my bedroom door –
Only this and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember cooking stew in late November,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; – that igloo stew filled me with sorrow
From a book I sought to borrow – reprieve from indigestion –
From the rare and radiant pains of self-inflicted indigestion –
My irritation was beyond question.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Annoyed me – deployed in me anger never felt before;
So that now, for the sake of my blood pressure, I stood repeating,
“‘Tis the pizza delivery man entreating entrance at my bedroom door –
Some pizza delivery man entreating entrance at my bedroom door; –
Bringing pies from the pizza store.”

Presently my soul grew stronger;
Hesitating then no longer,
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is that I cannot tip,
Because of my relationship,
And so this house you may surely skip,
And thus pray stop the tapping,
Tapping on my bedroom door,
And leave me to my beer” –
Here I opened wide the door; –
Crickets there and nothing more.

Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, steaming,
Doubting, fuming as no mortal has ever feigned to fume before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were curses I won’t restore.
These I grumbled to the void and the echoes did restore.
Merely these, and nothing more.

Back into my bedroom turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somehow more annoying than before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely there is someone at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, who thereat is and this mystery uncover –
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery uncover; –
So I may rest and pray recover”

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and stutter,
In there stomped a baby hippopotamus of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he;
Not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mien of lord or lady, climbed above my chamber door –
Climbed upon the trophy case just above my bedroom door –
Climbed, and sent my favorite trophy tumbling to the floor.

Then, this baby hippo beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
“Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said,
“Art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient hippo stomping around on the nightly shore –
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”
Quoth the Hippo, “Dumbledore.”

Much I marvelled this ungainly hippo
To hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning –
Little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing a hippo above his bedroom door –
Hippo or beast upon the trophy case above his bedroom door,
With such a name as “Dumbledore.”
But the hippo, sitting lonely on the placid case, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered – not a single syllable stuttered –
Till I scarcely more than muttered, “other friends have come before –
On the morrow he will leave me, as my sanity has done before.”
Then the hippo said, “Dumbledore.”

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
“Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some bearded headmaster whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore –
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of ‘Dumble – Dumbledore.’”

But the Hippo still beguiling all my fancy to smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of hippo, case, and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous hippo of yore –
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt
And ominous hippo of yore
Meant in croaking “Dumbledore.”

Thus I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the hippo whose fiery eyes now burned into my *****’s core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o’er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o’er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser,
Perfumed from an unseen censer
The television showed my favorite team
Now losing as I glimpsed the score.
“Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee –
By these angels he hath sent thee
Respite – respite and nepenthe, from thy
Memories of this score!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and
Forget this evil score!”
Quoth the Hippo, “Dumbledore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! –
Prophet still, if hippo or devil! –
Whether Tempter sent, or whether
Tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert
Land enchanted –
On this home by horror haunted – tell me
Truly, I implore –
Is there – is there pizza in Heaven? – tell
Me – tell me, I implore!”
Quoth the Hippo, “Dumbledore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil – prophet
Still, if hippo or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us – by
That God we both adore –
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within
The distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted pizza whom the
Angels did procure –
Clasp a rare and radiant pizza whom the
Angels did procure.”
Quoth the Hippo, “Dumbledore.”

“Be that word our sign in parting, hippo or
Fiend,” I shrieked, upstarting –
“Get thee back into the tempest and the
Night’s Plutonian shore!
Leave no mark of dirt as a token of that lie thy
Soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! – quit the case
Above my door!
Take thy jaws from out my heart, and take thy
Form from off my door!”
Quoth the Hippo, “Dumbledore.”

And the Hippo, never flitting, still is sitting,
Still is sitting
On the broken case of trophies just above my
Chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s
That is dreaming,
And the lamplight o’er him streaming throws
His shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies
Floating on the floor
May only be lifted by Dumbledore!
Ithaca Mar 2019
This mask I wear
It conceals myself
I cannot bear
To reveal myself
This mask I wear
I paint it well
So no one sees that my life is hell
The mask I wear
It’s cracking at the seems
The light I’ve neglected so long
It’s starting to shine through
And maybe, just maybe,
I’ll finally be real to you.
Ithaca Sep 2019
It’s so much easier to lie to you with my fingers and thumbs than with my tongue.

So I keep to myself.
I’d rather you hate me for who I’m not, than hate me for who I really am.
Ithaca Jun 2020
Why do I write poems? Is it for expression? Is it for attention? For a girl?

Do I write out of a sense of obligation? Boredom? Pain?

Is there some ulterior motive? Something sinister and obscure?

Or is it that I just want to be accepted?

The reason why is always changing.

Do we watch **** because we are vile and perverted? Or maybe we just want to feel good? Feel something. Anything.

The reason why is not important. It is inconsequential. Trite.

Reasoning defies action, and action defines your character.

So who are you? Are you my reason, reader? Are you the reason that defies my action? Are you the reason I have no character? The reason I fear?

Or maybe,


The reason I’m here?
Ithaca May 2019
The bullets hit their bones
Agony in their screaming
Crying children shrieking
And three crows peck, peck, peck

Sirens blare in the morning
Dead bodies litter busy street
Their blood stains dispersed
And three crows pick at easy meat

The small girl lit her cigarette
And cleaned her machine gun
The little ****** had some fun
And the three crows pecked, pecked, peck
Ithaca Aug 2019
I thought I was the only one
Who felt such insecurity
Who felt this pressure
Who felt so different

Then you showed me
You feel the exact same.
Thank you for saving us both
Ithaca Mar 2019
When a dog chases it’s tail,
Does it get bored after it catches it?
Or does it hang on tight,
Running circles through the night?

If I chase you again,
Will you continue to run?
Run away forever,
Some sick idea of fun?

And if I become as fast as light,
Will I be the dog that hangs on tight?
Or will I too get bored,
And leave your life fragmented and ignored?
I would give up feeling sad if my cat would chase it’s tail
Ithaca Nov 2019
yesterday didn’t even ****.
it just wasn’t as good as today.
Ithaca Apr 2019
We fight to protect
We lie to protect
We live to protect
We die to protect

We make the ultimate sacrifice to protect what is most dear to us

Your raison d’etre
Your final breath
Ithaca Aug 2022
The bed is bigger,
The park is quieter,
The drives are longer,
The thoughts are louder.

Nothing shines as bright,
Nothing ends this fight.

I will make it through,
Because I have to.
Ithaca Apr 2019
Yeah life’s been pretty boring without you
I won’t lie, it’s my own ******* fault
I’ve lost count of how many chances you gave
And I drowned my loneliness in salt

I don’t think I’m a terrible person anymore
But it doesn’t stop me from closing the door
YouTube videos teach me assertiveness
I hold the key to my loneliness

I’ve got the key in the lock
But I haven’t the strength left to turn it
I cried for help
But when you came I just told you to *******
I’ve got this
And the cycle repeats
Over
And over
And over and
Over and over and
Over and over and over
And over and over and over
Until
Ithaca Mar 2019
We may look happy,
But it’s merely a guise.
We stand on tall buildings,
Planning our own demise.
Ithaca Nov 2019
Today doesn’t even ****.
It just wasn’t as good as yesterday.

— The End —