It's not what it once was
This broken love in pieces on the ground
We still smile but both know it's fake
We still love but we're both holding out

Too afraid to commit
To somthing that we know could break
We can't live through that pain again
So we **** ourselves and say we're ok

So we love with our hearts half numb
Just incase things don't work out
Hoping our numb parts will be left
If everything else crashes down

It simply is not what it once was
This broken love in pieces on the ground

I'm just a brokenhearted warrior
Trying to find the strength to fight his fight
I've lost one too many battles
Trusting my own strength and might
Lost one too many friends
As I kneel on the battlefield alone
I lay my sword down today
I begin my journey home

And suddenly
Your best memories
Become
Your worst enemies

Can you show me the way to my heartbeat
When my love was so simple and pure
Can I please find a way to go back there
To relive my sweet yesteryear.

Broken is the color of my heart
A teardrop, the sound of my mind
Alone is the taste of my thoughts
Nothing, all i feel tonight.

Adventure was in her spirit
Love was in her soul
Her heart a raging sea
That no one could control
Fire was on her fingertips
Wild was in her eyes
Freedom was her battle cry
As unchained as the sky

There is an emptiness inside a man
a place that is only hers to fill
He will never be complete without her
His heart never beating stands still
A lifeless man, yet living he wanders
As he prays that one day she'll come home
But if not he will wait and he'll love her
Till the day that he dies all alone.

And so, broken, bleeding and on my knees
I learned what it meant to surrender
To let go of every part of my control
To worship in awe of His splendor
To lay down every expectation
To take up my trust and my faith
Broken I learned surrender
On my knees heart abandoned I pray

Memories, cruel and vivid.
Every detail of a life once lived.
Of the happily ever after that once existed.
When a ring and my heart were her gifts.
I can remember every moment.
Of every single day.
The gift of a beautiful memory.
Yet a price there is to be paid.
Those moments will never leave me.
Forever imprisoned in my brain.
The most beautiful moments live on.
In my mind over and over replayed.
But I've found beauty hurts the worst.
Because in the beautiful I still feel her.
Reminded of the home I once had to go to.
Our love once alive, now lay burned.

Alarm clock**
......
Click.
......
Wake up. Why?
To get out of bed. Why?
To get ready. Why?
To go to work. Why?
To make money. Why?
To pay bills and eat. Why?
To live. Why?
To wake up..... Why?

I wish I had the words to say
To tell you just the way I feel
I'd tell you what you mean to me
I'd let out all that is concealed
So if tomorrow never comes
And if the sun doesn't ever rise
At least I'll sing you one last song
At least I'll look into your eyes and say
I love you

"Why do you wear that ring on your neck"
They ask.
"..... it's a long story"
I simply reply.
I manage to not shed a tear
Only because they've all already been cried

I used to believe in fairy-tales
Before my face bore all these scars
Before most of my heartbeats were broken
And I locked what was left behind bars

I used to believe in true love
Before true love stopped believing in me
Before I was thrown in a prison of memory
As she walked away with the key

I used to believe I was Prince charming
I would slay the dragon and save the day
Then I took a good look in the mirror
And I saw the beast lived in my face

I used to believe in happily ever after
It will would turn out alright you'll see
Then my own fairy tale lay broken
And in fairy-tales I no longer believed

Turns out
Not all fairy-tales
End with a
*Happily ever after

Somday
This nightmare will be over
Somday
The one my heart bleeds for will see
Somday
I will open my eyes, my love
And look into the eyes that love me

To see this rain come falling down
Its hard for me to bear
She was always terrified of storms
But I was always there
To hold her tightly in my arms
To pull her close and say
"No matter what this storm may bring
Its going to be ok"
A heartbreak felt with every drop
As I watch the storm alone
But a peace I feel for the hand that holds her
Is greater than my own

Poetry is breath for the broken
When air isn't enough to keep you alive
When speaking no longer suffices
To express what you're feeling inside
It's for pain beyond what you knew existed
It's tears when you run out of tears to cry
It's for all of the words left unspoken
And the times you never got to say goodbye

Don't tell me you love me.
You can't.
You don't even know me.

I do not know what tomorrow holds
But I do know Him who holds tomorrow
Therefore I lay aside all anxieties
Every fear and sorrow
Because though they neither sow nor reap
God provides for the sparrow
And I don't have to worry about missing the mark
Because I'm not the archer I'm just the arrow
I'm just the instrument that God chooses to use
As He masterfully conducts His heavenly tune
Therefore satans guilt cannot consume me
And absolutely no credit is ever due me
Because it was He who decided to choose me and use me for His glory
All I have to do is follow He who gave His everything
To see my sin washed clean
Because the sentence that once read "Guilty"
Now reads "Set Free"
So please never address me as the Bruce Lee of poetry
I'm  not the shepherd i'm just a sheep
And if I don't point back in everything to Him who leads me
My words are empty and mean nothing
Therefore I do not preach my own power but that of the cross
I lay down my life, count all as loss
I can simply be the broken warrior that I am
His hands hold this world
And his love scarred those hands
I never have to worry about my performance or plans
I know Him who holds tomorrow
By faith in Him alone I stand

Without her life is to me
Music to a deaf man
A crimson sky to a man born blind
Spoken words to a mute
Unfulfilled longing
The undying desire for the unattainable
Feeling the wind in your hair as you sprint to the lame
Beautiful poetry to an illiterate
The desire to gather the stars in my hand
And set them in the blackness of my heart
To breathe in the peace of the ocean
And hold it in my troubled soul for but a moment
Life to a dead man
Without her life is to me

And the sad thing is  that you'll never know
You'll never know all that you are to me

You are my smile, my joy, my laugh
You are my broken heartbeat
You are my song, my art, my writing
My 3:14 a.m. can't sleep poetry
You are my treasure, my great adventure
You are my wild and free
You are my
"I miss you"
"I love you"
"I need you"
You are every word that I speak
You are my princess, beauty to my beast
My happily ever after ending
You are my soulmate, the love of my life
And forever you'll be my always

If I screamed "Someone help!"
Would you hear me?
If I never came back
Would you care?
If I showed you the scars on my chest
Would you do anything but stand there and stare?
If I told you all that has happened
Would you see but a glimpse of my pain?
Would you stay by my side and be there for me?
Or like everyone else tell me I'm insane?

And suddenly sad songs aren't sad enough
The deepest words aren't deep enough
And numb isn't numb enough
Alone isnt alone enough
Cold October rain isn't cold enough
And pain doesn't hurt enough
to explain the suffering and loss of love

No one ever told me
that love was suicide

Her beauty was in her strength
Untouchable radiant fire
A silent unspoken warrior
The one my heart desired
I looked into her eyes and knew she was stronger than anyone could see
And I could feel the beating of her heart
Beautiful, wild and free

Tell me again you care, as I cry myself back to sleep.

Tell me again you understand, a pain beyond what you've ever seen.

Tell me again your here for me, as I sit in the corner alone

Tell me again you know, a darkness you could never dreamed to have known.

Tell me again that you've been there, as I feel the blood stream down my chest.

Tell me again it gets better, as my weeks turn to months with no rest.

Tell me again to move on, while I still love her with all of my heart.

And I know I'll never be able to stop even if we're forever apart.

She is gone.

She isn't coming back.

As I look back straining to see her.

Grasping for a thread of hope.

Hoping that it was only a dream.

A terrible nightmare.

Clinging to belief.

Believing that the fairy tale exists.

Existing to love her.

Loving her because it's who I am.

Refusing to let go.

Because if I did I would be letting go of myself.

Of everything I ever loved.

Of the only home I ever had.

.....

She's gone.

She isn't coming back.

"I'm getting better"
I tell myself every day
Then I see her picture
I hear her name
I pass by that spot
I remember that day
My heartbeat stops
The whole world seems to fade
My love floods back in
Along with the pain
I try to accept it
It will never be the same
"She left it's ok
Somtimes people change"

So alone I traveled the world
Alone I chased all our dreams
Alone I reached out for her hand
To the place where I knew it should be
Alone I danced slowly with her
Alone I walked by the sea
Alone we grew old together
Never knowing it was only me

I lay here in stillness
Snow falling around me
Your head on my chest
My heartbeat is pounding

Our souls dance together
But we don't make a move
For fear we will break this
That this moment well lose

I wish I could stay here
And just relive this day
But like everything I love
It will fall away

I know now it's over
Fingers intertwined
I've fallen, I'm yours
I only pray you'll be mine

Pain, the reminder that I'm still alive
But how desperately I wish that I wasn't

Weather it brings joy
Or is pours out pain and tears
Do somthing today
That you'll remember in fifty years

Maybe I do
Maybe I hold on to this pain
Maybe I can't let it go
Because it's all I have left
All I have left of Her

Live your life.
Even if it kills you.