Lay my head on a pillow of sentimental dreams.
Clouded vision, misguided moments.
Nostalgic memories, dispensed endorphinemachine.
Grudges held in high regards,
counterparts the spectrum of emotions experienced.

Token gestures of b r o k e n spirts,
r u g g e d features gold lies within it.

Within movements the snowflake melts in foreign temperatures.
History repeats itself,
things will never be the same again.

A beautiful eulogy,
an anthology of my soul.
Let it speak on the page in a delicate manner.
Channel my essence and bottle my compassion.
Make it happen.

Label it love.

Experience my being in your sensory safe house.
Whisper sweet nothings until they sweep me of my feet.
Hone in on my reason with the precision of multicoloured laser beams.
Lie to my in the format of lullabies.
Blow up my heart, let me be your doormat.
Actively break me, erupt and explode.
Eradicate your thoughts, erase what you were told.

Hang me out to dry -
let the crease decieve you.

Let me take over,
but don't let me defeat you.

She takes my breath away,
effortlessly.
She reads my mind like telepathy,
I forget my lines.
Stage fright.
Held dearly in her own mind,
profound and wicked insight.

I was a deer in the headlights,
blinded by this one of kind.
She said,
don’t worry it’s fine.
And now i don't mind,
just my business,
 and my existence is clear.

She steered me through choppy seas,
laid down her policies with honesty
and showed me how to live properly.
guided me through dark times,
stuck to my side like a shadow,
told me i was deep even though I was shallow.

Still my pal now though,
and best friend too,
now i’m investing my nest egg with the best egg
and making omelettes out of our scrambled heads.

Sometimes I write things and then look back at them and think...
                                    *Was that really me?

Last days hopeless,
myxomatosis

Ridden like a champion,
Diseased then deceased.

Rest in peace chief and the secrets you keep.

What lies beneath the surface seas is beneath me and beyond comprehension.

Did I forget to mention that I could see in the dark?

Rip your thesis part and take us back to the start.

A sharp dart, stupid, is all it takes Cupid to bring us together in cells and effect the brains nucleus.

But these bad habits won't change our tactics;
slapstick style remains in the temperance of saints and frustrates until we meet again...

Don't lose focus,
myoxmatosis.

The disease spreads like wildfire,
the wildfires spread like disease.

RIP please, just rest in peace.

Serendipity

Circumstances of the unforgiving sea,
Breaks my foundations like a wave.
The sun is out for blood,
Yet we are deceived by the breeze.
Farewell faro, so long for now,
I'll see you again
Someway, somehow.
For now take me home,
There's changes to make,
The chip on my shoulder dislocated my mistakes.
I'll change no matter how long it takes,
And you're safe here with me
At peace
At least,
until the levees break x

She couldn't get any closer to the fire if she fried...

Sharp pain side splitting,
harsh words hard hitting.
Sleepless nights, endless fights.
Try as I might the pain remains inside...

Unidentified, but never left,
uncomfortability felt with each breath.
Unbearable days and unimaginable nights,
Take the pain away and turn off the lights.

Heavy breath, wheezing tight chest,
freezing and cold sweats,
feeling so close to death,
Paracetamol,
paranoid to eat them all.

Glass splinters, shattered glazing.
Splintered instances, intimately unfazing.

A moments glaze through a monacle,
Omnipresent oracle in a sorrowful tone.

Opaque and oppressed, stressed,
bitten nails, blood drawn from the cuticles.

Beautiful touch, abrasive in nature,
But still smooth, still so smooth.

Held tight, aphyxiate the the trachea,
take my breath away, until the final gasp.

Dig the grave with broken nails and blunt instruments,
Clean up the mess, pristine, no evidence of the incident.

One year on....

My Nana has unfortunately passed away after a valiant fight against cancer. In this passing we have lost a lovely woman who meant the world to our whole family. Me and my cousins affectionally called her 'straight Nana' as when we were younger we were lucky to also still have our great gran around who we called 'curly Nana' this was based on the fact that Nana Pauline has Straight hair and her mother had curly hair. In all my years I've have never heard even a choice word said against her spirit or character which is truly a rare commodity in this day and age.



She lived a full life and had three amazing daughters and a step son who she raised as her own. Thirteen grandchildren one being myself and five great grandkids. Thankfully we recently all got together and she was able to see her whole family together for the first time. I could see how happy it made her that day to see the legacy she had created and more importantly that we all were in a good place before she left us for the final time.



'May the wind always be on your back and the sun always upon your face and may the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars '



My mother was very young when she had me so the support that my Nan gave her as I grew up was vital. Without her me and my mum would of struggled but we always had a safetynet of support that we could rely on that was invaluable to us both. I know this notion is appreciated by my aunties and cousins too. We all share our own individual special memories as well as collective moments too that we will never forget. I would appreciate it so much if anybody has any memories stories that they wish to share as I know they will help us all as a family as we cope with this difficult time.




Cara: ". I once mistakingly rang there (labour club) instead of nanas house looking for mum, nana answered anyway, and passed me on to mum! Good job I got the wrong number! 



Her husband John is a great man who was with my Nana for her last 20 years. He is a part of our family and I hope he knows that we will always be here for him and I look I will look forward to his Sunday Dinners in future and having a beer in the back garden in tribute to our usual routine. I know I'm not alone when I say we are always here for you and we love you
and respect you so much. If you ever need anything please do not forget that.


She had a a gift for poetry that was exposed when she made her way to Facebook. I would always giggle at the little dittys she would loving, yet embarrassingly post to our Facebook walls with affection, nailing little pockets of the personalities of the protagonists each time she wrote them. Reading back some of these small potent poems know I smile as a proud Grandson and I'm happy we will all each have our own little prose to refer to in the future. 




From Moat Road, to Winterslow Avenue, Clover  Croft and finally your home in Widnes - I'll always remember each place fondly for reasons as they represents different periods of my life as I've grown up. My blue bear and parties, your back garden at Moat Road. Snowballs and magic tricks, teddy football at Winterslow Avenue. Clovere Croft was a place of refuge in my teenage years, your naughty rabbits and old school cooked dinners and misbehaving Malig. The dog who you took in and never left your side. The Labour club, where you worked hard and played hard! The beautiful garden you have created that will grow and remind us of your colourful nature as the flowers grow and bloom each year. I know John will tender them with care and think of you with a smile as he listens to smooth FM and remembers all the great times that you both spent together there. 



'if winter comes can spring be far behind?'



As a woman she was truly beautiful, a short stunning blonde. Her three daughters each different in ways but each a  reflection of there mother in their own unique ways.  Looking at them now they are all testament to her gorgeous genes and gentle, kind nature.



Nana was the most amazing crossword completer I have ever met. I was consistently surprised by her ability to finish these crosswords as she watched daytime TV and it was one of the small funny things that made me really proud of her. She filled in the gaps that was synomomus to her life.

Each of her daughters have fought through hard times and she provided a back bone of support that helped them reach the stability and happiness in their lives today. I know she said to me personally how she had comes to terms with her fate and that she was especially happy my Aunty Julie has found happiness with a good man like her sisters. I feel this represented the final piece to the puzzle for her and as usual she was able to complete this before she left. She took great solace in this fact - and so she should. It made me feel a small element of contentness when she told me this during one of our last conversations together.



To all my cousins now is the time to step up and being there for your mums. I have no doubt you will be.  I am proud of you all and you all have a special place in my thoughts. You all have great qualities and potential and it's been a pleasure to watch you all grow up into fine young men and ladies, even mothers.  Please never hesitate to contact me if you need to talk or share your thoughts. I know we will remain strong as a unit and we will get through this tough time together as a family!


In closing I want to thank my Nana just for simply being her. I will hold you in a special place in my heart forever and you will never be forgotten. Each Christmas I will toast you with a Jack Daniels (Nan would always buy the guys a JD related present every year) I will never taste that whiskey again without a passing thought for you as it passes my lips. I know I will not be the only one with this sentiment.

Even as a close family - I still hope this brings us all together and that we use this experience to better ourselves in our own personal ways. Fight hard to reach your potential and stay true to your essence and the person you desire or have chosen to be. It's these times that expose what really matters to you - embrace those thoughts and do not lose them in grief or forget them in time.

I am so proud of you.
Goodby Nana. I love you.
Your Grandson,
Nathan x

On the river Liffey

I walk the same streets,
The same steps,
Familiar faces and similar sounds,
The same buildings and surroundings,
The same noises and recognisable faces.
Deja vu,
As the days go by,
Nothing seems to change in this town,
But that's not necessarily true,
If only they knew what others have been through.
To get to today.

I know that smell and I've seen that smile before.
Reflections caught in the glass,
Perpendicular to the way the river flows towards the sea.
That's where I'm heading without breakfast,
To break this mould and cycle,
Just to see you again.
Something that's real and something new.
Something beautiful and something true.
I can't tell you how much I wish that something or someone was you.

I've been here before,
But not without you by my side,
I'd walk away in foreign directions and you'd come long for the ride.
Forbidden and forgotten we miss the sites usually spotted,
By those a little less in love than us.

For some reason, today,
It was so important see the sea.
I walk for miles with swollen toes and bruised and battered metersal bones,
Just to see as far as my eyes could.

Just to see a new combination of waves before they break again.
Never in the same place again.
Ever again.
I think about the notion obessively,
The ocean holds me close indefinitely,
But it's still not the same.

The same place and the same time,
The same me but slightly different mind,
Eroded in time.

I walked a long way to see the sea today,
I walked along way to see the sea.

Even though I remain true,
And the sea remains blue,

It's could never be the same without you x

The heart works for the hard work,
beating constantly as targets are acquired.
Shots fired, money wired and payments aplenty.
Contacts signed, terms and conditions defined,
it could take time, but the ***** rolling.
Touch base as we reach for the stars,
customers in charge, their business is ours.
We roll monthly, comfortably in our own domains,
renew them annually again as the pattern remains the same.
Some days, it's a struggle to get out of the pit,
feeling burnout, lack energy for my daily workout.
The wage ain't great but the dividends could add up to millions.
Some are cynical but I won't listen to those opinions.
I treat my staff as people not minions.
No need for incidents were a team of individuals.
Passionate and driven creatures,
hidden features and secret keepers.
Let's get money and lets get paid,
Theres a million ways we can earn more than the minimum wage.
Let's raise the bar, the city is ours and the worlds not too far away...

Dream tomorrow and live today.

Oh Marilyn Monroe,
you were married to the stage show.
The baggage you carried made you run from home,
into the arms of Joe DiMaggio.

How could they of known?
The demons in your mind,
hidden inside the beauty that you portrayed on the outside.

They say revenge is dish best served cold,
but some like it hot.

Oh Marilyn,
you must of forgot.

Zeitgeist nights spent high like kites,
but only when we catch the wind.
It's singing to us, it's talking to us.
Who knows what this day might bring?

Sleep now sugar, let the hours pass.
Steep now mountains as the sand falls through the hour glass.
Talk to me, whisper to me.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

You stole my heart in Monamarte.
Crossed arms and crossed borders,
you told me from the start.
But who knows what the future will bring.

Not me my love.
Not me.

Imagine the mind as a tree and the brain as a seed.
The mind is made by the brain as the tree is made by the seed.

Imagine routes growing amongst hostile environments,
akin to thoughts that germinate in the mind of another.

A thought formulates from the combination of accepted truths that spirals out of control like the tree and it's roots.

Yet these moments are only revealed when the earth is disturbed,
if not they still grow but remain unheard.

Thoughts forceful through pastures,
it's in the nature of the living to overgrow and expose like an explosions aftermath.

Repressed and unchosen, but even the best storms pass,
give life to the grass and the elements that surround sound.

The seasons change like the reasons to live again.
The bony tree branches shake away the secrets of human beings leaving footprints underneath that intersperse the leaves.
Like a strong breeze.

Imagine a human being as a growing tree,
naked underneath without the leaves;

The leafs fall in time and reveal the skeletons of the human mind forgotten thoughts of friends and enemies both left behind.

Your name pops up occasionally and I remember you fondly.
You treated me wrongly but I still hold you in high regard.
I'm not sure why we have drifted apart,
but we can never be close again.

I thought we were good friends,
but it seems i've upset you,
and you don't have the respect to,
tell me what your problem is.

The solution is this.
The dissolution of memories from our teenage years.
Closest thoughts,
blood sweat and tears.
Evaporated into the evolution of friendship that no longer exists.

So long brother,
those words make me shudder.
Maybe I should call you out?
Maybe I should call you now?

The phone just rings out....

Come dine with me,
lets dine, lets dine today.
We'll get lost in each others eyes as the conversation fly's away.
Of course I'm yours,
I'd wage wars for us.
I've burn't the main course.
You take my breath away,
baby.
Lets get a takeaway.

You told me you needed a hero,
as I poured you a glass of Pinot Grigio.
I see through you to the bones,
your skeleton is everything to me.
You gave me the skeleton key, eventually.
I made copies so I will never lose you,
and I can always get back in,
even when you're not there.

You get the door and I'll get the plates.
Pour your honesty on top of me,
I can't get enough of your acquired taste.
Different each time,
indifferent to my trouble mind.
Together were one of the same kind.
My perfect 10.

Hold me down in straight jackets,
dress me up in dinner jackets.

Hold my hand as we meander through the crowds,
squeeze my fingertips as we fly through the clouds.

Release your grip on reality,
lock lips and tongue kiss until we reach a moment of clarity.


Look at me differently with each glance,
epitomise your heartbeat with the footsteps of dance. 


Step on my toes and break my bones...

This could be our last chance for romance.
This could be our last chance for romance.

Juxtapose my thoughts hold close and dearly,
departed,
nearly an artist.
Recently started,
standing up to be counted,
but the fact is,
the numbers don’t add up.


Pull the rug from underneath my feet,
and i’ll feel at one with the ground.
my soles will meet the surface,
and the holes in the life i chose.
will be exposed to those I surround.


Mistakes repeated like a daily routine.
a habitual cycle,
ritual in virtue,
I never meant to hurt you,
but the aftershocks are oblivious to man made emotions,
you watch in retreat,
as I go full circle.




Meander through my mind,
for one final time, 

maybe mine will change yours,
like the course of a river,
after a natural disaster.




My time alone is golden,
selfishly spent,
a time to payback and repent,.
I wish that made sense,
I whispered again.


For heavens sakes,
when the levee breaks,
you might understand,
I’m scared of the sea,
but i’m lost on the land.

I tried a hundred times,
and a thousand times more,
but why?
To become the master,
I had to fail,
more times,
than the beginner is yet to try.

Shun individuality,
encourage conformity,
rejected, shunned;       out of place.

Put on your mask,
lets stray outside...
into the slipstream of the mainstream,
and drown in the shallow waters.

Reveal Yourself,
ego dissolves when at peace like a Berroca.
Bring you back to life,
in a spliced moment of clarity.

The ego is society,
your face looks familiar,
but I can't put my finger on your name,
quietly,
we tip toe on the footsteps of the raconteurs,
and forget those that meant the most at moments.

Don't let the mask slip.

Let me be the first to say,
I'm not sorry for the words I said.
They may of been said in haste,
and put you in your place.
Enjoy the taste, of your own medicine.

Bittersweet quitter,
I could eat you for dinner.
There could only be one winner,
and I can't see you celebrating a victory today.

Take me away to the place where we doubled down,
your humbled frown,
in your dressing gown.
No one else around,
the screams in the backround,
no one will backdown,
at least for now.

I'm still not sorry,
Sorry.