I need you to understand that it is okay to have a soul that is both tender and tired. I need you to understand that it is okay to be gentle with yourself, that is okay to feel what you are feeling. I need you to know that it is okay to not be okay, that it is okay to feel sad even if you do not fully understand it. I need you to know that you are the product of what is both hopeful and haunted within you, and it is okay to exist in this world as someone who is simply figuring out how to balance that.

Because this is what they don’t tell you — being a human is a confusing and messy thing. Life will amaze you in the most stunning ways, and it will also break your heart. Life will gift you the kinds of lessons that grow you and build you and help for you to bloom into the person you have always hoped to be, but it will also carry within it the kinds of losses that stay with you, that change you and mould you in uncomfortable ways. Life will demand for you to heal even when it hurts. For you to be brave, for you to fight for yourself.
Because at the end of the day, bravery isn’t a battlefield. It isn’t fast cars, or stunted risk. Bravery is the quietest thing you will ever know. Bravery is getting up in the morning when your bones are heavy and your heart does not want the light to crack within it. Bravery is being gentle with yourself, especially when it isn’t convenient or easy, especially when you are not a shining example of the person you strive to be.

But most of all, bravery is the way you stretch towards the light. It is the way you bloom in the direction of goodness, even when you may not know what you are reaching for. Bravery is allowing yourself to believe that you are growing, even when it does not feel like it. Bravery is knowing that there is more for you, that you will save yourself like you always have before; that you will survive.

It was all too fast and unexpected. Suddenly I was there meeting a complete stranger not knowing what to expect. She was a heart-breaker and I knew it deep down but I ignored all the red flags for all those butterflies and rainbows. She knew where my buttons were, she knew when to push them, she knew how to play a girl very well. And now I'm left feeling like a fool because she has moved on to her next prey.

There is no other person in the world I’d rather be with, there are no pair of arms I want to find peace in, or body I want to love. Just you.

Do not fall inlove with a writer
they see and feel everything.
particles that somersault in the morning ray telling them to embrace the day

They can smell the haunting
aroma of a coffee
whispers 'go grab your pen and write'

they look into a person's eyes
and could witness
how a sea crash into someone's soul

Do not fall inlove with a writer
they appreciate and value everything you do

they could see the entire universe
from your smile
only the ocean could tell
their hopes and fears.

They easily fall and break too hard.

Don't fall inlove with a writer
they'll make you their muse

from good times to bad times,
you will be the lyrics of their song.

She wrote love stories to hide the fact that she didn’t have one of her own.

It doesn’t hurt that you chose her. She’s prettier than me, smarter than me, not broken like me. Her smile is bright like the sun, her eyes are as blue as the sea, and her laugh is like the melody of the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. She’s your favorite book, and I’m just a page of it. She’s really the obvious choice.  I’m happy for the two of you, honestly.  Sometimes I see you holding her, and it looks as if you’re scared to let go. I see her smile up at you, and I can just tell that she’s lost in your eyes. I’m glad that you found love.  It doesn’t hurt that you chose her, but you wanna know what does? The fact that I almost had you. You almost loved me. You held me like that, and I smiled at you the same way she does now. But something happened, and suddenly you’re all I can think about, when to you I’m just a distant memory.

you asked me why i didn't come looking for you. and you assumed it was because i didn't love you enough. because i didn't want you enough. but the truth is, i couldn't stand rejection; i couldn't stand you looking at my soul and mocking it. i couldn't stand losing myself because that's all i ever had. and i already lost so many parts of myself for the people i love that i can't do it anymore. i gotta fall in love with myself before i can fall in love with someone else, i hope you understand that.

I need to be alone for certain periods of time or I violate my own rhythm.

Im not the girl you wanted she will be in your future while i am just someone from the past.

After being away from you so long, just standing in the same room as you feels like there is electricity binding us together, sparks flying as we pretend we haven’t seen the other. Tell me, in the moments when I drag my eyes away from you, do you look at me like you used to?!

Don’t think for a second that it didn’t hurt me to leave you,”
she urges.
“Because it was the most painful thing that I’ve ever had to do. It was so, so difficult. It took every bit of strength that I had not to turn around and apologize.”

She takes a deep breath.

“So don’t tell yourself that I wanted to. I didn’t, not at all. But leaving you was the only way I could save myself.

It’s just a word, but we give it so much power. It isn’t thrown around lightly.

It is also a feeling. It can somehow tear us apart from the inside out, or it can put us back together.

We need it in our lives and in our hearts. It makes us human.

But lately, I haven’t seen much of it.

This world needs more love. Throw it around like your life depends on it.

In a way, it does.

And even after you think you are clear of all the pain, there are parts of you that might still require mending. You may have to immerse yourself within your darkness a few times... now again, in order to truly understand what is still broken inside you and how to piece your soul back together.

She left me
yesterday
but love
had left us a
long time back.

It was all too fast and unexpected. Suddenly I was there meeting a complete stranger not knowing what to expect. She was heartbreaker and I knew it deep down but I ignored all the red flags for all those butterflies and rainbows. She knew where my buttons were, she knew when to push them, she knew how to play a girl very well. And now I'm left feeling like a fool because she has moved on to her next prey.

You are my weakness. Every time.

I tried so hard.
I tried to be pretty and funny and spontaneous. I tried to be better for you.

I know you’re not supposed to change yourself for someone, but I honestly feel like you were bringing out the best in me.

You didn’t make me change myself. I chose to. So it hurts that I still wasn’t good enough for you.

You didn’t try very hard. You didn’t have to.

I was head over heels for you, and you knew it. You abused it.

Now you’re gone, and I can’t even recognize myself.

And without saying it, I couldn’t deny what my heart wanted. There was always that silent hope that you’d find your way back to me after all this time.

I hope you find the wisdom to understand why you’re better off without some people and why some people had to leave instead of holding on without really knowing why. I hope you find the strength to let go before you fall. I hope you find the courage to leave before you get lost. I hope you see people for who they are not who you want them to be.
I hope you know that life is hard but it gets easier when the things that are meant for you fall into place. It gets easier when you stop running and stay put. When you learn how to wait because good things take time and good people are hard to find. I hope you know that’s what meant for you will never pass you by.
I hope you understand that if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. That if you have to force things to happen and lie to yourself and go against your beliefs, then it’s not for you. I hope you don’t get attached to wrong things or temporary things. I hope you understand that your journey doesn’t have to be like anyone else’s.
I hope you learn how to let go of the life you wanted and live the one that’s meant for you. Live your journey. Live your own story. I hope you learn how to let go of what’s not yours.
I hope you know the difference between what you want and what you need.
I hope you learn that no matter how hard you fight, you’re bound to lose the battles that are not meant to be yours.
I hope you wait for your own blessings. I hope you don’t stop believing that your time is coming. I hope you hold your head up high and walk away with pride when you feel unwanted or unappreciated. I hope you know that when you find what’s meant for you, the confusion will go away. The madness will make sense. The pain inside your heart will vanish. And your happy ending will find you.

Now all I’m left with are all these ******* memories.

They say that the good things in life are worth waiting for,” she says.
“Are they?”

“Definitely. The wait *****, but when the good things finally come, you appreciate them way more. So when life gets rough, just remember that. Remember that it’ll get better soon.“

This is me moving on. This is me accepting the ache of missing you. This is me waking up every single day, aware of what is missing, but accepting of the fact that this is my life now, that this is the way things are going to be. This is me understanding that it is okay to have my heartbeat speak your name. This is me understanding that it is okay to miss someone who was once such a staple in my life. But this is also me understanding that life does go on. That one day I will hear the songs and smile, I will sleep in my sheets and they will no longer smell like you; one day I will fall in love again, one day I will look back on this and my hands will not shake with the heaviness of it all.
This is me moving on. This is me accepting the fact that we will no longer make memories together. This is me coming to terms with the reality of a future without you. This is me understanding that you will do everything we had ever spoken about — you will live a life you are proud of, you will become the person you told me you hoped you could be, you will take the trips, you will experience all of the things you wanted to experience, you will love — deeply, and wholly and with every inch of your patchwork heart, but all of that will happen without me by your side.
This is me moving on. This is me accepting that sometimes beautiful things end. This is me understanding that there is nothing I can say, or do, to fix that. This is me coming to terms with the fact that sometimes leaving is an act of love, too. That sometimes you have to walk away from something soft and hauntingly real, that sometimes hearts don’t align. But this is me accepting that endings don’t have to be messy. This is me understanding how incredible it really is — that for a moment in time, in a world of billions, two strangers were in the right place, at the right time, and something transpired between them. This is my heart swelling with the thought — that at one point in time, we were the lucky ones. At one point in time, we beat the odds.

When it ends, the little things will haunt you most.
The text you don’t get in the morning.
The notification you no longer see.
The snaps that aren’t from them.
Not knowing about their day.
Or anything in their life at all.
It’s being unfriended.
Unfollowed.
It’s the left you used to take, driving to see them. It pains you to go the other way.
It’s the loneliness that haunts you, as you wonder — do they miss me too?
It’s tossing and turning late at night.
It’s just not being hungry.
It’s the empty feeling without them.
It’s the pain in someone asking how they are.
And you have to tell them you’re not together.
It’s laying there at night wondering who is holding them.
It’s the dreams that turn into nightmares.
Like they are everywhere and there is no way to escape them.
It’s running into them and just not knowing what to do.
It’s looking at them as if they were a stranger.
But you know every one of their secrets.
You know how they like to be kissed.
You know how they like to be held.
You know exactly what to say to calm them down.
Here you are with an abundance of information.
You don’t know what to do with.
Then you try and move on.
But in everyone you look at, you search for them.
As if finding them would lead you to find yourself again.
Because when they left they took all of you with them.
Everyone falls short.
Everyone leaves you a little more empty.
Because when they one person who can make you feel better.
Is the one who has made you fall apart.
How do you even save yourself?
How do you find yourself again?