i have made myself
a slave
to my own deranged mind

i have prepared
my own funeral
the corpse is mine

i tried
many times
to save you
to the point
i couldnt save myself

the spirit
is only dead
i am too late

love was
my drug
ending my
nightmare so effortlessly

my breath
is now rejuvenated
in my process
of constant healing

i have been broken
many times
at the seams

to the point
healing is
unattainable


but the partition is
once again drawn
and a new era
has only begun

(b.d.s.)

i am
hovering between
me and
my body

i cannot think
i cannot dream
unreal is
what i seem

reality is not existent
its just a concept
the insistant resistance
of playful dreaming

i have just barely
made it
slightly touching the ground
drowning in the cushioned air

i must be suffering from
sleep deprivation
or one too many shots
of *****

air
has no gravity
increasing the longevity
of time

time has stopped
it is infinite
hovering slightly above
the current.

the present.

i fall
just as a star falls
euphoria washes
away from my eyes

reality surrounds me
as my breathing
comes to a stand still

(b.d.s.)

people act as if
mirrors
reflecting every image
like a real life playback

from every breathing
living soul,
to every eyeball that rolls
casts back a ripple of emotions

sometimes mirrors
are emotionless,
dead pieces of glass
only showing pain

torture and agony
carried on
from day to day
locked in aching hearts

reflections are not who
we are
just glimpses of what
we can become

becoming allows us
to develop
and become one
with ourselves

unity gives us cause
and cause gives us purpose
without it
we cannot be balanced

(b.d.s.)

somehow i always
wrote poems
fantasizing about
the beautiful picture frames
and the way your hair shone

you looked so perfect
(at least that was what i thought)
it was only a facade
just a mere existence

i failed to write
about the way the blood
rushed through your eyes
like fire

i failed to see
how
a silent stream of tears
constantly fell upon your face

i failed to see
the imperfections of a love
so strong

i wrote about the mere
cliche
i failed to see
how the picture isnt as perfect
as it used to be
i thought you changed
but it was my fault all along

(b.d.s.)

eyes rolling
about in their sockets
like bowling *****
rolling,
rolling
meadering through
such vivid hallucinations
what is truly real
may hardly exist at all
scenes created
the obstructive pins
of our lives
(b.d.s.)

this is the story of how i break free.

a bright white light
pours on my face
as i open my
eyes

i wake up
in a room
i hear faint voices
barely audible

i touch the
white walls and the soft
carpet floor

soundproof.

there are only
one thing here:
a recording turntable


this whispering sensation
continues
as i put the dial
on the vinyl

it buzzes
and cracks
and pops

then finally,
one whisper
emerges from the record

"im afraid to die"
"...my blood on such a *blank carpet"
this piercing voice
only sounds once


faces emerge
like blankets of
empty white void
made known to the world

"im afraid to die"
the intensity grows
i scream and wail
mourning the lost souls

i turn off
the tape
recorder
thinking it
would all go away

i only wanted
it to go away
but wait, why
am i the one always
running?

running from who i am
what i want
what i love
gone.

piercing waves of
screaming
just constant screaming
in the dead silence

im afraid to die

i look
to the tape recorder
it was off

it had always been like this
all the time
i soon realize
that one voice
was always my mind

(b.d.s.)

silence exists as wind billows
through the night sky
echoes through wary hearts
a sudden high

the landscape erupts
as loneliness is now confined
a freeing passion
remains of lost signs

the ocean depict
a pain deep inside
that is all but forgotten
in the shadows they hide

(b.d.s.)

language has become
fool's talk
we gibber and gabber
to prove unimportant points
we speak
to disturb the silence of the world
we write
irrelevant symbols
to tell stories
untold
we wish
to make noise
for the simple
desire
to be heard

(b.d.s.)

you are here
scrawled in the margin
of my college ruled
notebook

three words
filled with so much doubt
im tired of questioning

i dont want to choose
between confidence and uncertainty
because both hold
such empty promises

all i hear everyday
is what people say


lucy, you failed.
lucy, why did you bail?
lucy, you never changed
lucy, why are you here?

is lucy even here?

voices.
rise from the deepest
darkest corners

my name
construed on their egoistic
pessimistic
narcissistic
lips.

the cool wind
keeps my delirious thoughts
floating in the empty air

i am instantly
reassured that i am here
i am real

(b.d.s.)

if you listen carefully
    there is a language
     that lovers only understand

    it is within the stars
        speak in accents
            of love defined*

                                                      (b.d.s.)

love falls
as fast as
bread crumbs
quickly escaping
a dinner table

love quickly
ends as soon
as it begins
they end with
an inaudible thud

as our hearts break as
it hits the unforgiving pavement


i guess it can be seen
as some sort
of experiment
that is left uncontrolled
foreign & unknown

it seeps
through our veins
it invades our organs
eats our souls

destroys our bodies

it is our silent killer
destroying us by
making us feel whole

i want to be yours
just not a part of you
i want to be whole
one with you

i want to be yours
i want to be able
to attach the word
"mine" to your name

i long to be yours
just like the sun longs
for the earth
holding on in a constant balance

i long to defy the will
of the law
against the sins
of love

i long to
feel the warmth
of our hearts
becoming one...

like two hearts
exchanging blood,
feeling the pulse against
yours

love always eternal.

(b.d.s)

used to speak in bodies
but now we speak in tongues
the frozen air bites my lungs

empties my soul from what it sees
lost black sorrows seep and bleed

gasping for reality while gasping for love
crushes my lungs, a pain undone

always sitting and waiting for a sign
always wanting things that arent mine

love was your favourite crime
especially if the heart broken was mine
(b.d.s,)

one match.
kindled
one infatuation

this lit match
was contained
in a jar
in the innermost parts
of my heart

i protected it with
all i had
i trusted you

which was quite sad.

one day
you broke
this fragile jar

that's when it began.

hot sizzling ambers
glow red
as the morning sun

burning intensely
giving off an odorless smoke

see,
my heart
has been now set ablaze for you

its veins produce
a scorching red
liquid
that burns at the thought of you

it does not
only hold liquids
but it holds angst

angst
since you left me
in this fiery blaze

amidst the bright flames
at the bottom
lies coal

coal.
this black ashy substance
fueling the ****** agony

coal.
from the time
you betrayed me.
when deceit seemed
to only be on your tongue of fire
coal.
when you said
our love was like an everlasting cigarette
but instead you gently blew out the light
what a lie.

the blaze rages on
destroying the memories
of what used to be

it regains strength
it heals the soil
gives light to the new

it releases
exorbitant amounts
of catharsis
i feel it

the fire
will never die
with the unfortunate truth
that you were never mine

but the only thing that will be remembered
is how much i had tried

(b.d.s.)

hazy sedated thoughts
trapped in a collapsing world
of overdosed reality

it all begins
as he bring the needle
he injects the happiest lies
to dull my heartaches pain

it runs like morphine
through me
im in a state of
uncontrollable infactuation

he has hurt me
so many times
but yet
i hardly knew it

i ache for it
forgetting the mere fatality
i hate him
for doing this to me

i can hardly see my own thoughts
addicted to the feeling
of the cloud of deceit brings

why does love have to be
so effortless
yet
cause so much great pain?

i miss you
like the way
my dreams miss
being plagued of thought of you

black counter
vacant chairs
running water

erased marks
abstract thoughts
delusional past-times
forgotten melodies

what had been long forgotten
was brought back current existence
broken desires
were sealed by unforgotten lies

(b.d.s)

i am a slave to love
it drags me constantly
never letting me go

it eats my soul
disables me
swallows me whole

calms me.

it is so irresistable
i want to resist
i want to leave
but i want it

i am its freak
lock me in its box
tell me you love me
for i am dreadfully lost
(b.d.s.)

as i walk down
the streets of my neighbourhood
i take life in a whole new perspective

the night's hustle
brings forth clarity
to one's eyes
it wants to be one - daring me

i surround myself
with the sounds
that make the night alive

i inhale the night's forthcoming
i taste the west coast air
on my tongue
the slight breeze
gently tickles my skin

i see the exquisite rawness
of the night
everything is black and white
colour is absent from sight

black and white thrives here
from the city sights
to the cars headlights
everything works in unison

the night's passing clouds
remind me
of who i am
where i come from
why im different

but  the moon holds
a secret unlike any other
it believes

(b.d.s.)

there is a box
i am alone
dead inside
motionless

i figure that
this is only a dream
i am only dead


darkness swallows
me
into depths
i cannot see

i am confined
into the corners
of my own head

i try to run
but somehow i am
still trapped
stuck once more

i am a sinner of love.
what do i do? what do i do?
my shadows tell me
i cant escape too

my shadows keep
me as their prisoner
sell my soul
to be a slave of love
(b.d.s.)

i begin to run
from the very thing
that i am

one.

the chase begins
a fight between
mind and body

two.

i suffer the inability to comprehend
the world and myself
my enemy is gaining control

three.

i lose my thoughts
i have lost the ability to
once love

four.

i punch the mirror
of myself
for words scrawled
hold an empty truth

five.

it never been there  all along
it had only been
myself

(b.d.s.)

two bodies
pausing in virtual realities
colors tangle
as love falls

effortlessly.

(b.d.s.)

the sleek
cool marble
chills run
down
the stone
delineations
and curvatures
of fine hands
and legs
white and pure

her eyes
blue
a fountain of youth
i wish i could bathe in it
forever

her blank gaze
from vacant
rolling ball
sockets
falls dreamlessly
into the oblivion

tinkles of music
hum and drone
noiselessly
like spoons
clattering to
the unforgiving ground

her cold heart
exposed
as she reclines,
back arched
ever so slightly

she is without
her soul and mind
the marble
her master
keeps her confined-
her own timeless paradigm

i have a great thinking capacity
but my thoughts feel like a mystery

my dreams
are eating me
faster than chipped concrete
breaking me
emotionally;
mentally.

thoughts translate
into garbled words
that i cant really communicate
i try to emulate
desires that
seem unattainable
probably unbelievable

brain-eating nightmares
like electrical cords
shock me
like a thousand swords

i am disintegrating
my mind seems to be decaying
probably rotting
or maybe i had just been dreaming

(b.d.s.)

its quite funny
how people change
you think you know them
but you dont

its like
you just never know
what to expect

people change
they change all around you
like the leaves of fall
signifing the forthcoming winter

people just come and go
you need to learn to expect it
sometime they just leave your life
for no just reason

but sometimes life
doesnt give you
all the answers

(b.d.s.)