It is misleading to say
That I am trying my best
When I am actually trying
To prevent myself from getting worse
To prevent that state of being
When I can no longer stand
And sitting up becomes unbearably hard
When every part of me is at its lowest
And my mind has completely given up
I lie still waiting
For my physical being to die with me

You are like a box of kleenex
But you are more than a box of tissues
You are there when I am sick
Or whenever I cry over personal issues
You are there to help me
Clean up my messes
You are there to comfort me
With my life stresses
I need to take you everywhere with me
In pocket form, when I travel too far
And traveling gets easier
When there's one in the car
You help me aid others
When they are sick or need help
You can never have too much kleenex
Or a mother's love for yourself

You are one of those people
Who loves my company
Though, when it comes to my different sides
You couldn't love all of me
How can you say you understand
When you neglect my inner demons
If you are ashamed of them, you are ashamed of me
They are a part of me from deep within
How can you understand me
When you only care what is easy to know
That you do not dare solve the puzzles
Of the complexities of my soul
So when you say you love me
I cannot believe in such a lie
Because my dark layers were too deep for you
And you didn't even try

The road to recovery
May be longer than I intend it to be
As if I've been walking for more than a century
Seems more like the road to immortality
Even if I still walk the path in darkness
Even if I cannot see the end
I will keep walking forward
While my heart continues to mend
I will stitch my heart back to together
Finding new pieces along the way
Filling in those missing parts
It will evolve into something new each day
A path with no light
Can be difficult at times
I cannot see the obstacles
I am more vulnerable from behind
Demons of my past
Or my mere cautiousness
Stop me from going further
I become emotional and careless
Along the way I learned
I create my own light
No matter where I go
There will always be a path in sight

My tolerance for pain is high
My tolerance for people is low
Life keeps going overwhelmingly too fast
When all I ever grew up with was slow
I hated myself for being different
Yet I couldn't force myself to change
To fit their mould and expectations
I didn't want to be just the same
I felt guilty for wanting different
No one told me it was okay
I find it difficult to allow myself
To ignore what people have to say
I'm afraid of judging eyes
Critical minds and shallow mouths
That judge how they see it
Or what other people have found
Slowly I am learning
That being myself is okay
I'm allowed to, I'll try to be
Unapologetically me, everyday

When people tell me
To not be sad or to not cry
I can't help but associate
Those feelings with myself
Who am I without my depression?
I grew up with it, it is a part of me
It is as if I hear
That I cannot be myself
Just try to be someone else
Try to be happy, they say
As if happiness was a person
That I am always compared to
A favourite child, that I'd always lose to
The first choice that he loves too
I can try to be her
I can force myself to be her
But I cannot be her
I can only be myself

Cry when your feelings
Are still fresh and pure
Holding them inside
Only taints the waters
The negative feelings
Manifest in tears unshed
If they are not free to fall
They are free to form instead
Into ice, building a shield of frost
To preserve feelings unexpressed
Until there is time to thaw
Or the ice shards will pierce through you
Breaking through your human walls
Aching to be acknowledged
Finding any way out
Through the pains of the body
Or outbursts of the mind
Unsaid feelings will have their say
As if they are an ocean
Contained in a tank  
You cannot keep the tide from coming

If your feelings can only be expressed
By human nature's raindrops
If you must break the dam
That holds your tears back
If you must open your eyes wider
To see past the blurry vision
As if your tears cleanses your sight
Bad thoughts, bad feelings and memories
Flow out through the windows of your soul
Keep them unlatched until the rain has ended
For storms like this come and go
The salty drops that stain your face
Are reminiscent pieces of your sorrows
They are no longer trapped
They are free to fall
It is okay to cry

I tried to get over you
But in a way, you wouldn't let me
I tried to avert those eyes I love
Yet you still had to look at me directly
I saw you as more than a friend
However, I still had to be friendly
I tried to let this friendship fade
Only life wouldn't allow it entirely
Those weird signs or connections
As if the universe likes to taunt me
How we coincidentally meet
In the oddest places unexpectedly
Now we are closer than before
You've seen the side
I desperately tried to hide
Now I can't hide it anymore
Today you comforted me
You hugged me out of consideration
I only felt your kindness through your touch
For once, without ill intentions
Maybe I'll get over you
Or you've settled in a special place in my heart
At least for now my heart is mending
And our friendship can finally restart

I wish I could go back to the time
When you were alone, afraid and confused
When things weren't alright at home
When you had no one else to turn to
I want to tell you it's okay
It's okay to not be alright
You may feel misunderstood and out of place
Like the darkness behind the light
You'll meet some great people
You'll make good memories
Even if it's not okay now
Believe me, it will be
You deserve the love you needed
Even if you didn't get it at all
Hold on tight and fight for it
Don't just give up and fall
You will use your pain as armour
And protect people like you
Your failures are your victories
Because you always seem to come through
Every time you get back up
Count that as a victory
The pain didn't stop you
You will become a better me

I hear so often
When you say you want to die
Think of everyone else
How much they would grieve and cry
When you're gone
Everyone focuses on the pain you left behind
The pain left in the hearts
Of the closest people in mind
But do they stop and think
About the pain you've endured
When they tell you to keep living
As if for them and not you, it's absurd
When I say I want to die
I want the pain to end
I don't know how to adjust normally
I'm still learning how to fit in
When I tell you I want to die
Please don't tell me this
Just think of everyone else
How much of you they would miss
Because I thought of them already
It just adds on more guilt
More self-blame, self-hatred
Have you ever asked how I felt?

Your anxiety, I want to meet her
I want to get to know her just as well
Why she hurts you and says those things
Why she created your own personal hell
Why she shakes your vision and distorts it
So all you see is lies
Why she hides you from all comfort
But exposes insecurities you despised
I want to understand her
Why she fights so hard to be known
She wants someone to acknowledge her
You don't have to fight her alone
When she shakes your heart
So much your mind feels dizzy
I am here for you and her
You just have to call out to me

Fall into the rabbit hole of my soul
For it is dark and deep
An endless abyss of complexities
That you can never fully explore
I too, have not seen the end
I continue to wander
The parts of my soul
Created, yet untouched
Unknown even to me
Because I am finding myself
Unknowingly in a cycle
Of creating and reinventing
How can you tame
What is always changing

Humans are sociable creatures
Sometimes I don't feel human
I have more emotional connections
With objects than with people
Maybe that is the reason why
I can let go of people so easily
And yet can't let go of something for so long
I'm not scared of being alone
I am scared of wanting to be
I should yearn for human connection
But sometimes it just feels
Like a social obligation
If I'm not human
What am I?

Take care of yourself
Take a walk outside
Reach out to loved ones
Don't forget to exercise
It's okay to have feelings
Don't keep them inside
Even all the bad ones
Like how you want to die
They're valid, acknowledge them
Even if it makes you cry
For the longest time you held them
Let them go, cut the ties
When you're struggling, it's okay
Say what's true and not lies
Some people won't understand
But there are some who can empathize
Life will hit you hard
It feels more difficult at times
But look forward to the ups
Because without the downs, you'd have a flat line

I look at you with hearts in my eyes
Can you see my heart breaking?
I look at you with sparkles in my eyes
I am drawn to the spark between us
I saw chemistry and potential
A spark that could light a forest fire
Strong enough to disrupt the nature of our friendship
But then I look at you looking at her
The same way I do to you
I can't blame you
How you look at her
Your eyes don't lie
And neither does mine
I just hope you never look deep into my eyes
And realize I love looking into your eyes too

My name is Hiro and yet I couldn't save you
If I hadn't picked up your hat
Maybe I would've caught up to you
I remember those flames
As if I've found hell on earth
Your disappearing silhouette continues to replay in my mind
As though foreshadowing you leaving from this lifetime
Just once I hated your caring nature
If you hadn't cared so much
You would still be here
I am blinded by regret
Over something I couldn't control
I was close to the flames but I felt so cold
As time went still
I froze where I was
My tears aching to be free
My cries wanting to mimic the explosion
Like those flames that took you away from me

I understand now
Why unrequited love is so hard to get over
It is resilient
It doesn't need much to grow
Nor does it need much to love
It can be torn apart, played with and experimented
But underneath the cuts and scars
There is still love
How do you break a love so stubborn?

I'm afraid to ask for more
Just in case you might leave
I find myself often unattached
So I wouldn't lose more pieces of me
I anticipated you would leave
More than you would stay
It's a belief instilled in me
That sadly won't go away
It's hard to trust people
When I trust them to leave
It is hard to depend on them
When I expect to be deceived
The love that I am used to
Doesn't seem like love at all
It feels like something you lose to
Something encased within my walls

Sometimes I feel hollow and empty
The beating sensation of my heart
Is but a rattling noise in my chest
Nothing to keep it still
Nothing to keep it in place
Strings of the heart
Torn and severed
Tangled within its own
My heart lies in a pile
Of strings untied

The first time I fell for you
All the love songs made sense
My feelings expressed in the lyrics
My love expressed with someone else's words
Your image comes to mind every time
Strengthened by its soundtrack
My illusion grows stronger
As it latches on to a song
That song has become yours
I sing to it
Hoping you would listen
So you could sing along
We would make perfect harmony
But it wasn't your genre
Now I listen to them
Again, they are just songs
Someone else's words
No longer hold my feelings

Why am I called a funny girl?
When my humour is as dry
As the pages of a book
Or Gaston's flirtatious lies
Is it because people laugh
Before words even escape my mouth
That reading is ridiculous
How could such a woman be allowed?
To the characters in the stories
They do not laugh or judge me
They share my thirst for adventure
How I wish my life would be more lively
Every morning is a routine
That requires no risk to take
If I settle and rot in this tiny town
It would be my biggest mistake
My books are like tiny windows
In lives I wish to live
I just wanted something new for a change
Something more than this town can give

I like to explore books untouched
Every page is like taking another step
Every chapter is like completing a mile stone
Building a world I don't know yet
The author is my tour guide
Their words build my map
I create distinct images
New locations and people overlap
I meet new characters
I become someone different
Immersing myself in paper adventures
Makes reading much more intimate

Childlike innocence
Childlike wonder
I want to travel back to that time
A simpler time
Simple yet imaginative, so creative
A world solely mine
That is my wanderlust

Sometimes I want to be lost and forgotten
To be free to roam and wander
No responsibility attached
No obligation left behind
To be erased from all the memories I reside in
From all the hearts I took refuge in
I have this innate, uncompromising selfish desire
To be free, from everything

I sculpt you in the papers of my sketchbook
Every stroke of your outline is defined so well
To express the only way I know how
An outlet for my hidden feelings
But seeing your face in view again
Always elicits another daydream
It is never enough
You don't know that I draw you
In your most candid moments
Just to capture that memory again
You're the most beautiful when you don't try
By now I know the beauty in your every flaw
From growing up by your side
As close as we are, I want to be closer
Every canvas I see
Is another home to paint a memory
Your lips like fire, your eyes like the sea
They resemble the chaos of the waves
Showing your wild nature
They reel me in
I drown in them endlessly

Why was I born an obstacle?
Why is being a woman, considered as one?
For I can learn and I am capable
Yet none of it matters, for I am not a son
If you truly need more soldiers
Please just take me instead
My father knows no limits, but I do
Just treat me as one of your men
I will fulfill my role as a soldier
I am a female and a fighter
I am a woman and a warrior
I may not be perfect
But I will fight for her
The girl in the looking glass
Who has failed as a daughter
She will fulfill her role as a soldier
She is a woman, she is a warrior
She is the girl worth fighting for

Driven by animal instincts
Reminds me yet again
I can no longer daydream
I am no longer human
I forgot the different colours of the leaves
I cannot dream this nightmare away
I cannot see colour in darkness
In the moonlight, they all look the same
I can run faster, I can jump higher
Even then, I cannot escape
I am stuck in the world of the living
An endless, ageless fate
I belong on the other side
I naively hoped the afterlife was better
But dying was more peaceful than this
I didn't choose the path to forever

Your presence is passive
Only a few see your passion
As those who overshadow you
Always seem brighter
Your beauty shines just as much
Though differently, in the moments
When most are unaware
You are one whose mind flourishes in the dark
Or whose love gives more
After the sun has left
Through late night talks
Or late night thoughts
You are a comforting light
To those who seek it
As you stay with them in their darkness
You are the child
Of the man in the moon

A good man with good looks
Looks too good to be true
With an ambition as big as his muscles
Assuming he would have a big ego too
I have loved and I have learned
No man is worth the pain
Because I chose to take his place
He left me with nothing to gain
Love drew me in so tragically
Blinded me with infatuation
Then stabbed me where I'm vulnerable
All because of some fatal attraction
So how do you expect me to admit
What led me to despair?
I will not fall in love again, I quit!
When has love ever been fair?

How can you contain a storm
Because I've tried all these years
I've deprived myself of all things
Just to keep my mind clear
It seems like it's getting worse
I can't help but be frozen with fear
I just wanted to build a snowman
But I have to miss it every year
For once I want to let go
Of these gloves, my mental chains
If I suppress it, it only grows
I don't want to hurt her again
I'm afraid of keeping this coldness inside
That it will stay and freeze my heart too
Alone and afraid, trying to maintain this lie
When was the last time I said anything true?
I'm afraid of myself most of all
How can I fit in this society?
When I cannot be who I am
Without remorse, rejection and anxiety
I'm afraid the longer I'm away from her
I'll lose my last bit of warmth
That I will soon be cold-hearted
Then I will never stop the storm

My dear child, I have miss you
I've been far from you for too long
But call me and I will always run to you
We are connected with this song
Hear my heart through the rhythm
See my soul through the notes
Feel my love through the melody
For that is why I compose
I will live on through my words
That sing to you every night
You hear them in your heart, your dreams
Even if I'm not in sight
Try not to forget me
We will be reunited soon
Sing my song and I will stay
Forever alive within a tune

When people have done you wrong
And stolen your ability to love
Do not fight fire with lava
Just look at the skies above
Do not reflect the chaos of the ocean
And let it be cloudy and dark
Even when pain runs centuries deep
They have not stolen your true heart
Your pain does not define you
Nor should it have control
Because love is limitless and plentiful
No matter how young or old
Do not let pain shape your armor
Or help build your walls
For a rock is already known for
Being solid and strong
But what is more amazing
Is a heart that’s been through it all
A love so resilient in something so fragile
That answers every time it is called

I never really had a dream
I always had a goal
Until I met her, it seems
I had one hidden in my soul
I wanted a lavish life
To make up for what I lack
To live out as someone else
Indulge and never look back
Then I met her
Who dreams more than she knows
She is lively, innocent and bright
Inspiring wherever she goes
Her dream is so pure
Nothing to really be gained
She only wanted to see and know
Why those floating stars came
I realized dreams could change
I have found a new dream
To be with her amongst the lanterns
Every year so it seems

I tore my heart out
Though I can still feel how it beats
I wanted to feel no more pain
As I lie still in defeat
To no longer feel good or bad
Was painlessness really worth it?
To no longer feel happy or sad
I don’t know if it’s really a merit
I try to put my heart back in
But my body no longer accepts
My body is cold, heartless
It sees it as a foreign object
My body fights to live
When my mind has given up
It threw away my heart
Without pain you cannot love

My thoughts arranged in poems
My words spoken in song
Every movement I make
Falls with such grace
Following the rhythm of a tune
I paint my face like a blank canvas
With colours unnatural to me
I sort them in shapes and patterns
Distinct and differently
I pick a character to play
I will be her today
Then return to being me tonight
I am a work of art
A work in progress
A creatively driven sight