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Sep 22 · 95
written in red
what's written
in red ink
lies pain
burried deep
enough to not
make a sound
Sep 19 · 20
better untitled
aon lann
go géar
nó fírinneach
a thógáil amach
cad atá tú

no blade
that sharp
or untrue
to take away
what is you
Credits to Temporal Fugue for this beautiful poem I found
Broken minds are the ones
That try to mend others
With their kind
Woolen patches.

Their words often remain
Filled from head-to-toe
With scars that refuse
To open

Their mouths are sewn shut
By the demons
They had once fought,
Seeking revenge
By making their brains rot
I hoenstly didn't know what to do for the last line, sorry
I want to strum to the beat
Of your heart,
Dance with your soul.

I want to pretend
Your name wont leave me
With sorrows
As soon as you go.

I want to make our last night
One you fight
To leave your memory

I want to watch as
Our last embers
Fade out of control
From the black coal
That turned to ashes.
I couldn't run,
I couldn't hide
So I kept a silver blade
By my side
Red as the blood
Seeping out of my skin,
I can feel myself
Drawing in
To the silver glow
That only God knows
Has never left my side
I'd rather talk about
Your eyes glistening in the moonlight
Than the thoughts
That run through my head
In the dead of night
ugh idk if I actually like this one person and I hate not knowing
Sep 8 · 661
Nameless faces
I'm the shadow
Casted by the sun,
Feeling small
As the day's begun.

I watch people
With nameless faces
Go places
With no destination,
No purpose.

I watch them with
Bruised ribcages
And flowers blooming from their arms,
Pretending to be a part
Of the crowd,
Pretending to fit in.

Their hearts are shattered to dust,
But they fix it
With stiches and staples that turned to rust,
Pretending all the pieces fit

Their shirts are filled
With pins and needles,
that poke their skin
Pretending not to notice
The emptiness filling in.

But I stay put.
My shadow is too small to notice,
Too scared to move.
My mind is almost as broken as theirs,
But my door is fully open,
Not pretending.

Their cuts are filled with dirt and vines,
While mine are healed
From the years of pain.
I feel like my poems aren't as good as they used to be but I'm trying
Sep 6 · 745
phantom pain
I can feel the pain
I haven't felt in a while,
the tears I have yet to shed,
and the aches that don't hurt my heart.
Why is it I feel everything I have not?
Jan 21 · 726
My scars say
The thousands of words
That never left my mouth
Jan 21 · 206
Another night
Why can't i be like everyone else?
I can't be happy,
I can't be sad.
I can't feel anything
Or even get out of bed
All i can do is sit and stare
At the wall
WIth salty tears streaming down
My face.
Thinking about my place in the world
And how I can't be like
Everyone else
Sad poetry from last year. so glad i got better
Dec 2018 · 361
Too much feeling
It was both you and i
Who fell from the sky,
But i fell hard
And you spread your wings
To fly
i found out that my old crush (he kinda liked me then) blocked me on instagram. i lost all feelings for him a while ago, but i felt a little hurt. no idea why he did it, we only talked on there 3 times
Dec 2018 · 440
Take me away
The walls are stained
With sin and pain
That will never fade
let me fade into darkness
Dec 2018 · 268
Take me away from here
Dame tu mano
Porque quiero ir
Lejos de aqui
estoy sola en un mundo triste
Nov 2018 · 215
With a mind endlessly spinning
And forever thinking,
My woes
And sorrows
Never fade.
Will be it just another tear,
Just another year
Of sadness?
Will it go on forever
Until it drowns in the depths
Of all the other days,
Wasted and faded away?
Or will it unfold
Great promises?
I'd love to know what
Awaits me Tomorrow
sorry if it's not great quality
Nov 2018 · 258
You spent more money
To pop pills
Than you did on bills.
I guess numbness
Feels better than reality
Oct 2018 · 252
light-less shadows
let me see
the sun because
it's bright light
left my side
long before
i could notice
i used to seek attention for help, but i feel myself hiding it now
Oct 2018 · 782
Broken hearted
Searching for all the metaphors
Of a broken heart,
Yet there's nowhere i can start.
You're the only thing left
In my mind
That i can't even find
The right words to speak,
As the ink
Spills on my blank sheet
Of paper
I was watching the office and that somehow inspired this
Oct 2018 · 360
Dancing in the moonlight
I remember you
Dancing in the moonlight,
Tears down your cheeks.
You told me you loved me,
And i told you the same.
We held each other like
Our mothers antiques:
Afraid of breaking,
Afraid of fading
Into nothingness
As the moonlight fell upon us.
All we wanted was
For this night to never end,
As we mended each others broken heart
With woolen thread
And cotton patches.
We were forever unbreakable
Until our two hearts shattered
On the pavement of your mother's
I wish I could have never left
Because now,
All i can remember is
You dancing in the moonlight
slightly inspired by some of X's lyrics

*Not from personal experience*
Oct 2018 · 308
I feel the silence
I hear the silent sound
Of people who aren't around.
I feel everything,
Then nothing.
My soul is always shaking
From the outside to within.
I would rather be anything
But this
Oct 2018 · 128
My demons
My demons all fight
Over the music in my soul.
Oh how i hate
This lack of control
Oct 2018 · 490
Your love
Sipping on your love
Like a bottle of whiskey,
So intoxicating,
Yet so risky.
I've never been in love, but i can relate it to a person who i liked me and i really liked them back.
Oct 2018 · 540
Make me self-destructive
I wish i could feel
Those dearly hated emotions
That kept me up for days.
The ones that broke me down
And put me through the haze
Of emptiness.
I want my life to go crumbling
Down on me like
Raindrops on a sunny day.
I crave destruction,
I crave self-hate,
I crave it as much as an alcoholic
Craves alcohol
Because I don't deserve to be fine.
I don't deserve happiness,
I want it all to go away.
The blade that left
More than figurative scars
Is so tempting,
Yet it doesn't feel the same.
I feel pathetic and no good.
I want that blade to hit my skin
And be self-destructive.
I want to be this way again,
But i don't.
I wish I could be normal
I hated being numb, self-destructive, and sad, yet it's the only thing i know. I feel like no matter what i do, i'll never be happy with myself
Sep 2018 · 199
Let me be the one . . .
Let me be the one
That can make anything fun.
The one who doesn’t cry
When shown the least bit of attention.

Let me be the one who can laugh and joke
Without constantly apologizing in my head
For being “an annoying mess”

Let me be the one
Everyone remembers
In high school,
Thinking “I really miss her.”

Let me be the one
Who can start conversations
And not the one who makes
Existing one akward.

Let me be the one
Everyone can name
And not be referred to as
“The girl in the grey sweater”

Let me be happy
Around others
And not face the constant stress
As to weather they know what a mess I am

Let me be the one
Who doesn’t rely
On an extrovert to come my way
To make friends.

Let me be the one
Who never worries about my reflection,
Overly obsessed with perfection,
And filled with guilt over these fat thighs.

Let me be the one
Who doesn’t constantly say
“Quiero morir” (i want to die)
In every small situation, hoping no one understood what I said

Let me be the one
Who can look good in everything,
Sep 2018 · 2.0k
Look into my eyes.
Don't tell me you are fine.
I'd rather watch you break down and
Listen to you tell these **** lies.

Let your words
Break into sobs
And let me watch as your once red tears
Turn clear.
Please tell me why you
Still do this to yourself.

Don't tell me what I want to hear.
Tell me why you break down.
Tell me what you feel
And the things you fear

Tell me how you got stuck
In this rut.
Let me listen
And don't think you're the burden
On my shoulder.

You should fear for youself
More than you do me.
You should be free
From these mosnters in your head.
But they keep dragging you down.

You need someone
But you keep running
Until you're all out of breath.
I'll try to help and try to understamd
But you'll just keep runing until your death
To my friend. I wish you could get better.
Aug 2018 · 217
I don't know weather
I'm digging my grave
Or my past,
But I hope this feeling
Doesn't last forever
man, life really *****
Aug 2018 · 266
No title
You live out your life
While I bleed my feelings.
Oh how different we are.
Aug 2018 · 1.1k
I feel numb.
My emotions as empty
As my expression.
Thinking that maybe this
Can be this thing people call
After weeks of suppressing
All these emotions,
I so badly want to feel them again.
It’s that one missing
Piece to this puzzle
Of what it’s like
To normal and whole.
You’re living and breathing
Like a normal human being,
But you can’t fully function
Like one.
Your drowning in the lack of emotions
That you would even ****
To feel anything.
Even if takes
A silver blade
That tears apart your flesh
And your mind.
Aug 2018 · 879
another spanish poem
rezo a Dios por misericordia,
porque me odio a mi misma,
por la razon que la unica persona
que me gusta, eres tu.

I pray to God for mercy
Because i hate myself
For the reason is, the only person
I like, is you
is there anything in Spanish I did wrong? I don't know much by far, but im trying
Aug 2018 · 158
My heart is trapped in the cage
Of your silhouette.
Chasing you through the shadows
And darkness
Aug 2018 · 3.9k
Burn (revised)
Burn your skin. Burn your throat  
With a cup of gin,  
Don't pretend that you prevent  
A red glow searing in.  

In your soul no control,  
Through the skin and through the vein,  
The edge of pain can drown it all,  
And gin cuts the pain.  

Cold as blade, then searing hot,  
The words so soft and nice:  
A carefree home, no lighting rod,  
Before you struck it twice

Burn your soul
Because the wounds on the outsides
Are unlike the ones on the inside:
They will always heal.
I  made the original poem better
Aug 2018 · 681
The girl with a beautiful smile
A vibrant personality,
And a picture perfect family.
Envied and loved.
Not a single person to hate
Besides herself.
The things that nobody sees is when
She breaks down,
And every night
Hunches over the toilet
With a spoon in her throat.
Telling herself only one more time to be pretty.
One more time to be happy.
One more time to be loved.
One more time to escape.
One more time to get better.
One more time to stop.
She lets her emotions overrule
And demons take control.
Life shouldn't be this way.
Her father's a drunk, her mothers a drug addict.
She would do anything to escape this world
Of darkness,
But no one seems to know.
She puts on this picture perfect image
To protect herself,
Despite it killing her that her voice will never be heard
No one seems to even notice
The bruises on her legs and back
Or how she always seems to go to the bathroom
Every time she eats "too much."
If she told anyone,
They would hate her,
Her parents would hurt her,
And she would never have any hope
Of becoming the girl she pretends to be.
this poem is actually not really finished. I might delete this one later
Aug 2018 · 311
Don’t call my scars ugly
Call my scars ****
Because I've never seen them as beauty.
Make fun of how I lost my sanity
For numbness.
And yes,
Go ahead
And call it teenage angst
Because you can't seem to find the line between
Phase and disorder.
I fought so many battles against myself
That you can't even imagine.
My scars on the outside
Only reflect little
Of the many scars I've left on the inside.
You may see my arm
Covered in scars as me once seeking attention.
While you are not completely wrong,
I can't even begin to explain
How wrong assuming could have been.
I lost my pride and disgnity for these scars.
Assumptions like yours
Are the reason I try to keep
Them hidden.
Why I, for so long,
Thought they made me ****.
But really,
They are just an **** part of my past
And beautiful reminder of the present.
So next time you see my scars,
Don’t stare,
Don’t assume,
And don’t call them ****.
Just walk by
And see me as a normal human being
I have maybe 20 scars on my arms, but many more on my shoulders, stomach, and legs that no one can see. Ppl see what is visible and assume that since they can see it, I wanted them to see it. I wouldn’t have so many scars they didn’t see if I wanted them to see it all
I wish I never met you ana.
I wish I didn't fall for your trap.
You call me fat
And make me breakdown.
You pulled me in,
With hands of barbed wire
And tore me into pieces,
When I didn't listen
To your screams
You hurt me so much
That I began to hurt myself.
I so badly wanted to get you out of my head
That I took a blade to my legs
And burned my skin.
You made my life a living nightmare
And world full of regrets.
Even 1 calorie over my limit
Sent me into a whirlpool of guilt
And shame.
You promised me coinfidence I didn't have,
Nor will ever receive.
I know you're not real,
And I know you're a fragment of my own psychological pain,
You made me become a victim of my own mind.
Trust me, it sounds much more dramatic and powerful when you're hysterically crying
Aug 2018 · 3.3k
my heart s k i p s a beat
Everytime I
       ­              O
My mind
Hearing your voice.
My cheeks B L U S H red
And my head
                       S             P           I
               G.                                         N
                       N             I            N
When you talk to me.
Why is it that I like you?
I hope he's not reading this
Aug 2018 · 3.5k
I don’t want this
I don’t want to shed another tear,
I don’t want to burn my precious skin.
I don’t want my heart to ache another second knowing that I’ll never be good enough for you
I don’t want to be emotionally numb
I don’t want to spend another minute hating myself.
I don’t want to breakdown the thought of gaining a single pound.
I don't want to avoid human contact because of the thought that they will see me how I see myself.
I don’t want to love the feeling of hunger.
I don’t want to tear myself into pieces
I don’t want to see the beauty in the sick
I don’t want to weigh myself every 10 minutes
I don’t want to spend 3 hours pacing around my backyard
I don’t want to live in this constant l nightmare
I just want to be happy.
I want to be good enough.
I was to change for the better,
But it's harder than you think.
I hate it when ppl say stuff like "go out and talk to ppl. it'll build confidence." you see, for a normal person, that would help. but for me, it only makes things worse bc I find new things that they will judge me for, which makes me feel worse and making me less confident. sorry aboutthe rant
Jul 2018 · 476
10,000 steps
10,000 steps a day,
In hopes that maybe there is a way for me
To be healthy
And get skinny
I do it to avoid
The feeling that I'm not worthy
Of anything other than pain, but of course
My mind always goes back to the way it was before
When i finish the 3 hours of non stop pacing.
I don't know why,
But I keep thinking
That maybe if I burned extra calories,
I can be like a normal 13 year old girl
And eat as much as I want.
But of course,
It never happens.
I eat and I feel extremely guilty.
I hurt so badly because I thought I thought I could be normal
Crying hysterically,
Burning my skin,
Wishing I could take another 10,000 steps.
Vivir es morir despacio

To live is to die slowly
i know, everything can be poetry. i got that memo already.
i have a question tho: when is despacio 2 coming out?
Jul 2018 · 1.4k
like a wildfire
Bedrooms and broken hearts.
A place where a fire is easy to start.
Bruised faces and nameless
People to blame
For what started in you.
A small flame that used to light up the day
Slowly spread into a wildfire,
Damaging everything in its path
Until it finally stops.
Everyone seems to blame the fire,
But never the person who caused it.
They don’t look beyond what is in front of them
Because it takes 5 seconds to see a monster
And 5 days to reach behind the monster and see a damaged person
yes. it's about anger
Jul 2018 · 2.5k
If your mouth spewed lies,
They could slit my skin like knives
Sharper than
You could imagine.
They would be
Before that could ever happen,
I surrendered
Taking my own knife,
And hurting myself
Before you ever could
the sweet, innocent, happy girl
I used to be, only 5 years ago, is long gone.
Thrown away like a pile of garbage
& replaced by a zombie
Fueled by nothing more than fear, anger, sadness, & anxiety.
Not living; just breathing.
If she knew herself today,
She would be terrified of the monster she'd become
While her dreams were crushed right in front of her
& swept away by suicidal fantasies
And abuse of ecstasy
She saw.
She would probably be wiped away
Because she would have never guessed
She would become suicidally depressed
& at the age of 17, addicted to numbness
That eased her emotional pain.
Cutting, burning, drinking,
Taking so many pills she couldn't even think,
While almost by the minute,
Her anxiety and depression only got worse.
But what would surprise her the most
Was how she could even think of ending her own life,
Because she always knew suicide was never the answer.
But I guess after 2 years of constant anxiety,
Depression, hoplessness, & a life that didn't feel worth living,
It begins to feel like the only option.
Most painful of all,
She would hate to see her own death,
When the tiniest thread
Of the rope that once fully held her life together,
Bringing her hope,
Finally broke.
Crying, dizzy from all the pills she took,
She grabbed her blade and slide it across her throat.
Ending all hope for things to get better.
I'm sorry I'm not you anymore.
It shouldn't have ended this way,
But I couldn't live like that forever.
It had to stop
disclaimer: I haven't gone through some of these things, I based them off little things I went through and what others I know went through.
Jul 2018 · 632
Éire (Ireland)
The beauty of a broken land,
Where each and every man
Took up his own fight
And fought it with all his might
. I really should keep learning Gaeilge (irish language)
Jul 2018 · 496
Pretty, skinny. perfect,
Everything I want to be.
Well, I mean on the outside at least.

You post pictures of your "great" feast,
But I know it was a binge.

You appear so perfect and normal,
But you shed that skin
As you become out of sight.

Anxiety, mental break downs,
And I don't even know what.

You don't try to hide it,
Yet you somehow don't let it show.
At least to those who you don't know.

I understand so much,
Yet I don't at the same time.

You are so skinny,
Yet you don't eat and call yourself fat.
I understand hating yourself so much,
You make yourself suffer.
I understand it is your only need to cope.
Yet I don't understand
How someone has never been fat like me
Is taught and told to hate herself.

I want the best for you,
But I still don't know how bad it got.

I just can't stand to see you look perfect,
While no one sees your pain, fear, or guilt.
If you're reading this, im sorry. you deserve better than any of what you're going through
Jul 2018 · 3.8k
I don’t have a title
When calories become evil,
When diets become starvation,
When 90 pounds becomes fat,
When the scale becomes a shrine,
When life doesn’t feel worth living,
When 3 hours of exercise becomes normal,
Someone starts dying
Jun 2018 · 347
Stay as empty as you can be,
Empty as your emotions,
Empty as your stomach,
Empty as all those processed calories
You family eats.
Jun 2018 · 585
Hidden behind a mask
Pretty petty perfection,
Looking at my reflection,
Wishing for any form of validation
That my suffering means something.
My body burning, aching
From last nights purging.
Oh how much worse it could have been.
Weighing myself 5 times a day,
Going out of my way to seek attention
That I so desperately want,
While not wanting it at the same time.
People judge,
But they do not see.
They don't see what's behind the suffering.
They don't see the burning and cutting
On my body.
They do not see me obsessing over every calorie.
They do not see me crying myself to sleep every night.
They don't see me holding on to everyone tight,
In hopes that maybe they won't leave
Maybe it's a way of feeling better about myself,
To see how well I can hide so much pain,
But it's better to hide the mess in a closet
To appear clean
im sorry, I know it's bad
Jun 2018 · 472
My heart
A thread and a needle
Can't stitch any deeper
Than you have gone
To my heart
dont ask why I did this. it shouldn't be published, but I published it anyways
Jun 2018 · 853
Delusional conclusions
Fulfilled by hallucinations.
Chasing the shadows
Of your internal conflicts
Tricked by your own brain
That everyone is playing the game
Called your life,
Feeling as if you were going insane,
Not wanting to blame- no, believe-
Your own family
Has turned against you,
But the voice in your head
Keeps shouting,
Telling you your own kids want you dead
And you fed into your own demons
Because it's hard no to drown when
You're in a large body of shark infested water,
No matter how hard you fight to survive.
Im sorry, this is just very personal to me. idk if it's good, bad, okay, or whatever.
Jun 2018 · 228
why do you like me
I like you,
but why do you like me?
I'm not pretty
Nor do I have an amazing personality.
I wanted it to be true that you liked me back
But I so badly don't want you to like
Someone who lacks
Any good qualities.
I mean, maybe it's the my insecurity,
But you could do much better than me
I hate myself
May 2018 · 722
There are no words that I can describe my pain,
Besides fear, sheer helplessness
And bottled up pain and guilt
That was eating away at my soul
Until I couldn't bear it anymore.
1/2 a muffin and 1/4 cup of cereal
Settled in my stomach,
Only worth 1/2 my daily calories
But I still managed to feel guilty
Because of my lack of control.
Voices were screaming inside my head
I tried to fight,
I really tried
Lying to myself that it was fine,
I couldn't let myself believe I was worth anything
So I ran to the bathroom scratching my throat
Regurgitating the pride I had once swallowed.
And a lump of coal I tried to hide
Trigger warning
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