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Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
I do not know much about 2003
cant remember much
.....I remember me.

Young ,Stranded, Cold, Scared,
Hurt...Broken, Sad......


Hopeful.... Hopeless ,Then hopeful again.
Expectant.....Trusting.... Willing....
Heart broken.


Lost,..... Dreamer.....Bigger dreamer....
Almost found.


Still dreaming.....
Still hoping.....
And on some days, .......most days.
Still lost.
an explanation of the poem. A little truth, about becoming.
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2021
I always wonder, if 2020 ****** as much as I know it did....
Then how come it’s the first year that I can remember....
where I wanted to stay a live?
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2017
They say it takes 21 days to break a habit.
I used to believe them
But when you cannot leave some one alone.
No matter how much they push you away.
When you smile when you think of them.
Or force stop your self from liking them.
And fail terribly.
Make faces when you meet them....
Mutual faces.

You know they are the one.
You would choose them over and over.
Whether they choose you or not.
And its been years..
But you still have the habit of liking them
Brenda Mukisa May 2018
He is perfect.
In height, age and appearance.
His pink lips turn a darker shade when he licks them.
He looks at her as she smiles..... or laughs.
He turns away when she looks at him.
Sometimes he continues staring....

He is handsome this one.
The way he turns all red when his emotions are spiked.
Or how he tries to make his small eyes appear bigger.
He looks great in yellow... or blue...or other colours.
He is a beautiful man indeed.

He is kind and respectful.
Blows children kisses and plays with them.
He is loved every where he goes.
At least by all she has met.
He doesn't take life too serious.....and plays along with all.

It was nice meeting you, he said....

I hope you become mine, she prayed silently......
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
I envy those who are loved.
those that have seen love in every city
every home they've lived.

I envy belonging.
having a place you are missed.
having people that miss you.

I envy love
having some one who loves you.
raw, intense, truly.... darkly or innocently.

I envy life.
the desire to live forever.
I wish I had that.
I've had nothing for so long
so much that I wouldn't recognize more, if I got it.
Brenda Mukisa Oct 2017
i wonder about us
i donot know about us
i am a very sure person
with you its uncertainity
they say love is wierd
or complicated even
but how do i over come this
how do i go past this.

im tired of feeling hopeless
loveless or not sure
love is not complicated
we shouldnt belive it is
its easy
i love you
you love me back
as simple as the words are.

im tired of being told it not possible
that he may walk a way
or have a past i cannot handle
stand by and support me instead
that is what i need
not scary messages
or sad stories
let us love
let us be happy
allow me to love in peace
this is about us
me and him
not the world.
and yess, this is possible.
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
She turned over in her sleep
but she could not
she just could not push past the hard body behind her
then she remembered where she was and smiled.
he still had his hand around her
she tried to turn and peep at him
he breathed peacefully in his sleep
but even then ,
he still remembered to hold her tighter
he adjusted his position and re-aligned his body with hers.
to pull her closer into him
as though just holding her was not enough
his alarm sounded the first time
and sadness swept over her
the moment had ended, but she was wrong
over and over, his alarm sounded
but he constantly turned to put it off and held her closer
the smile on her face was as though it was painted on her
consistent and not leaving
just like her heart bit and the pulsing behind her
the sun rays kept passing through the curtain
the hours went by
she felt hot, but couldn't move
that was their story.

And that was enough.
First poem in the about us series.
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
We always had conversations.
Texting, alot. In the middle of the night, day.... or early in the morning.
When the rest of the world was clearly asleep.
I'd stalk you and text you immediately I saw "online"
Every one thought I was stupid for loving you
I donot know, but can't say I was.
That evening I heard you were back.
I rushed off to see you because I'd missed you.
I wanted to talk to you.
You offered to drive me to the mall.
We had alot to talk about and catch up on.
You told me about her like I knew her.
And maybe at that point I actually knew her through you.
Your descriptions, admiration.....
And just how much your face lit up when you talked about her.
I was happy for you.
She was still giving you a hard time.
Hadn't said yes yet.
And you were impatient for it.
Even when I had every right to be sad
because in my mind, you were mine.
Always had been.
I was happy because one of us was fighting for what they wanted.
She was your type.
Big *** and hips.... ***** to die for... great body.
And me.... just normal. Nothing too big.....
Yet you preferred too big. And that she was.
We talked about her for a while, at least you did.
And all I did was listen and smile.
You were happy and that made me happy as well.
Only difference was, only one of us,
This time around, had hope.
continuation of About us #1

To be Continued....
Brenda Mukisa May 2018
I now remember the very first time I saw you.
walking down the small crowded walkway.
both of us were pushing our friends.
At least I was, because I was holding mines arm and talking to her.
You on the other hand had friends around you.
But all you cared for was your phone.
One accidental meeting.

I knew I'd seen the most handsome guy in my uni.
I went back to my room and told all my friends.
They thought it was a lie.... that I exaggerated.

The next time I saw you was at a uni rally.
You were not actively involved even.
You just stood at the side lines and looked on.
I showed my roommate the handsome guy.
Weirdly she knew you....
But when we walked up to you, she said hello.
And you answered only her, you didn't see the other girl.
The one who almost collapsed from standing next to you.
You were even more handsome in day light.

Last night I saw you again.
Now I remember what that felt like again.
My heart stopped when I saw you.
And when you reached out to hug me this time.
I thought my heart would burst from pumping so fast.
You are still the most handsome guy I ever saw....
And when you walked me to my bus and made sure I got in.
I thought you'd turn around and walk away.
But you were standing at my window.....
Our parting was a peace sign..... and I pray this time again,
its not our good bye.
continuation of About us #2
a poem from the About us series.
Brenda Mukisa Sep 2017
every one deserves or wants
a certain kind of love.
some  know it
some sell them selves short.
some wait for what they deserve.
others are simply clueless.

we deserve a certain kind of love.
one that makes us smile
at the thought of it.
one that gives us energy to wake up.
one that lifts you when your down.
encourages you to be better.
is ever present when you need it.
it gives life meaning....

this might and could be different for all.
they've just got to know what kind they deserve.
and chase it.
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2018
With all the empty promises
It all started at home
The backbone of society they said....
Instead of it being strong and providing a safe place for me to land
It gave me a broken disfunctional one.
Children beaten everyday endlessly for even the smallest things.
They insisted that an African child understood from their behind.
Then polygamy came in
Mama so angry at the second woman forgot to love me too
Packing her bags in the name of saving her heart
She left mine to be abused daily by the other woman

School was supposed to be my escape
It only came with too many canes
Teachers who threatened not to give you marks unless you slept with them
Children who bullied you for being poor or not beautiful enough
So many times I wanted to run
But I knew that without an education you are no body

I thought adulthood was going to be my paradise
My government however is filled with corrupt and selfish leaders
Taxes every where every day it's all you practically work for
Jobs are hard to find unless you are connected to some one on the inside by blood, or sleeping with them.
My landlord keeps banging on my door angrily
I've lied to him so much he says
But my job pays 200k , I use 100k on transport, over 50k goes to taxes and I'm left with 50k to do every other thing.

I love the beautiful scenery and weather..... but apart from that.....
My continent is killing me.
Brenda Mukisa Jun 2018
Her mother dies and she feels lost.
She had never had it so easy.... but always tried.
Early mornings of house work before school.
Late weekends from washing piles of cloths.
Running into class late because she had to help mama.
She didnt feel bad... or sorry for herself.
She knew mama did not do it as a punishment.
So she grew from skinny to skinny...
Healthy skin....tender bones.
In holidays she dug.
Watching the morning sun drain her energy.
Yet her *** persisted...
It was never a punishment.

Mama loves me, In her own way.... she insisted.

Aunty needs you to live with her.
Mama says one day.
Her life changes.... big houses, big cities, big neighborhoods.
We made it mama, she says over the phone...
Be good and read hard.... mama says.
Believe in God and read hard.... Aunty reminds her.
Years of love, peace and joy...
Aunty dies.

It will be well Mama insists.
Years go by... sadness slips through....
Step mummy is harsh... step mummy denies her food...
throws her out over and over....
Abuses her emotionally and verbally...
tries committing suicide for the first time....
dad does nothing..... daddy loves step mummy more....

African child.... sad, broken , lonely..... hungry.
Hold on..... dont let go.
Another day, another struggle.
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2017
She sat in the car staring at him
Waiting for him to drive in.
She wasn't expecting anything.
She hadn't even imagined her first visit.
She just stood there watching.
Letting the idea settle in.

When he opened the door and let her in.
She could not believe her eyes.
It was a beautiful house.
Empty beautiful house.
He said it was her home.
That she could make it a home.
She felt like it was her kind of home.

She could already see herself there.
Waking up each morning to the quiet.
To the peace and comfort of the country.
To the beautiful house and compound.
Her friends and family would visit here.

He showed her the children's bedrooms.
She could already hear them call.
Or cry but mainly laugh.
She could see her touch all over.
It was a home she could be proud of.

A home of her own.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2022
are you happy..
you asked me

i was so angry for so long
i woke up angry
i went to bed even more angry...

so yes.... maybe not happy all the time
but definitely not angry anymore
and it feels good to not be so angry any more.
Brenda Mukisa Nov 2017
Maybe its all about the little things

May be its not
This life didnot come with rules and regulations

Genesis reminds us how much we ****** at them.

May be that is the point.

That you alone can decide what to become.

You alone know how you feel inside.

You alone know how far you've come.

So, become what ever you like.

Even if it means changing your mind every day.
read 2003. It explains this poem.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
I need too much or nothing at all.
She said to him
He just laughed, like it was a  big joke.

Kiss her on pavements on lonely streets.
Let her toes curl from the feeling.
Where the trees look beautiful.
And the light from the Inn looks amazing.
Hold her hand on busy streets.
Wear matching t shirts or jackets... or jeans if you can.
Take her to that restaurant.
And all the others on your street and around the town.
Order different things and exchange plates half way.

Let them call ya'll crazy.
But don,t stop loving the way you feel best.
Take selfies every where you feel like.
Hold each other when ever you can.
Make breakfast in the mornings in t shirts or nothing.
Make lovely dinners with candles and wine.
Dress up for them if you must.
Or watch your favorite series in pajamas and eat from the box.
Loving should not have rules.

It should feel right, crazy, or perfect even.
Over the years it may have got an appearance.
But love must always be a feeling.
Brenda Mukisa Feb 2022
this week i wrote an email...
a very long email
but if i am to tell you this story
i should start from the beginning
i do not know this
i do not remember this either
so how do i tell you
about these other things.....
Brenda Mukisa Feb 2022
working on a puzzle and listening to a podcast
this one is special
its the first one i ever really got into
its the first i ever actually listened to
i am exhausted
i have been for a couple of days
i did not sleep last night
i can not eat
its a mix of both really
its weird how this happened
the need for responsibility
the presence and weight of it
somedays i think i will crumble from it
today i am hoping i survive it
today i am hoping i hold on just a little longer..
no tear
no screams
no falling apart
today i am hoping i sleep
today i am hoping i laugh for real.
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2017
We are having arguements.
Its more frequent lately.
I walk out and go.
This time I would go forever.

Yesterday felt wierd.
I didnt have to knock on your door.
I missed you at work....
Wished I would call.

Today you said you missed me.
I love you too.
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2020
Because a part of me just wants to fall onto the ground and cry so hard. Until all this pain and emptiness oozes out of my system.....
Through my tears.
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2017
There is a place where nothing grows
I stand on the side lines and look for hope
Signs or even, illusions.
In that place, I'm drowning
I do not even know if I want to be saved.
Sometimes I think that is the problem.
Its too sad and empty.
In that place I'm reaching out for you every day.
That place is here and now.
And I die every day.
Brenda Mukisa Feb 2018
for Anna.
daughter, sister, friend, mum.....teacher.
disease shouldnt have touched you.
time shoudnt have caught up with you.

they say there are no perfect people
i say they didnt meet you....

to Anna.
I once worried I'd forget you.
today more than ever, I know i'd never.
Anna Kasango.
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2017
So we beat on boats against the current
Borne back ceaselessly into the past
You forget what you want to remember
And remember what you want to forget
And we are quotation marks, inverted and upside down,
Clinging to one another at the end of this life sentence.
Trapped by lives we didn’t choose.

The heart dies a slow death.
Shedding each hope like leaves.
Until one day there are none.
No hopes… no nothing.
My thoughts are stars.
I cannot fathom into constellations.

Beautiful things only grow to a certain height.
And they fail and fade off.
And in that moment.
I swear we were infinite.
I hid my deepest feelings so well.
I forgot where I placed them.

We’ve all got both light and dark inside us
What matters is what part we choose to act on.
That is who we really are.
She is madness, sanity.
She is hell….and paradise.
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2017
I am fine.
I am okay.
You think you lost me.
I think I saved myself.
Maybe I got so good at running.
I cannot look backwards.
I miss you still, I am still here.
Nowadays, I feel my self going.

Before I go.
I wish we would love.
So real, so much.
One more time, without questions or doubt.

Just one more time.
Before I go.
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2017
I sak at many things most times.
The things I do best are dressing up and getting good grades.
Friendships are complicated.
Love requires thinking.
Feeling things when you don't want to.
Sharing parts of you you don't want to.

I am a very private person.
I find the concept of wedding by church complex.
I love God.
I just find the white dress, groom at the front and faces...
Extremely overwhelming.

I want to take dressed selfies.
Mirror selfies in pajamas and toothbrushes.
Playing selfies...the random ones between moments.
I want to scream love and look like it.
I want to be able to let the world know.

I just love my private life.
I love the mystery from not knowing  too.
I am happy from us.
I believe its possible.....

I believe in us
I believe in me.....
Brenda Mukisa Nov 2017
I dream of big cities
Distant cities.
Beautiful cities
Filled with loving and kind people.

I dream of a better world
Where there is no mean bitter woman
Yelling at you and making you fell less
Feel like an outsider
In the one place
You are supposed to feel safest.

I dream of large bridges
A million lights lighting up dark nights
Tall beautiful buildings.
Beautiful people.
Different shades of skin color
Distant and merry laughter.

Beautiful music
Not far yet not near
Filling ears, filling souls,
Making one feel whole
Bringing memories of yesterday
Not sad, just smile worthy.

I dream of large windows
With large, long cream curtains
Soft and comforting
Cream high walls and soft grey woolen carpets
Warm and *****

I dream of happiness
I dream of better big cities.
what if going away didnt change anything
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
Today I read about Bipolar
my question was if it is really a disease or a phase. So I went through the symptoms.
then I asked my self a question, am I that ill?

i) Constantly changing ideas and topics while talking.
I'd talk about Africa and Europe and how the moon would be a better home for me in one paragraph or sentence.

ii) Loud, rapid, and uninterruptible speech. My best friend says that she cant wait to talk loudly with me when I visit because I'll sing out loud and tell stories as loudly as I can. I often have to repeat things I've said but Its a happy place.

iii) Hyperactive behavior and amplified energy. There are mornings when I wake up and the first thing I do is sing and dance, hug people happily, sometimes I even have the need to dance over nothing in the middle of a road because I'm happy.

iv) Exaggerated self-image (self-confidence). I always say that things can not go wrong and should not, not because they wont but because I choose to think positively, walk i to that room and speak to a stranger if you can, put on that dress if you like it.. I say.

v) Going through Increased creativity and productivity,Grandiose beliefs, Irregular elation or euphoria, Irregular irritability, Random (very high) energy spikes, Loss of enjoyment in once-pleasurable things, Consistent sadness or depressed mood, Loss of energy or fatigue, Insomnia or excessive sleep, Problems with concentration and/or making decisions, Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, Feeling overwhelmed with sadness or despair, Impaired concentration and decisiveness, Diminished pleasure in once-enjoyable activities, Fatigue or lacking energy nearly every day.

Life is happening now and we should live it.
I'm not saying the diagnosis is wrong, I'm saying that some people have more than 4 symptoms but they arent sick, they are just having their best lives now.

its a struggle you must win everyday.
felt like leaving this here.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
I guess I have been tired for a very long time....
maybe it was the first time  I decided....
that I did not want to live anymore.....
or the next....
or the other few times i thought about it
but didn't do anything about it.

I am practically a big ball walking
with all these things weighing me down
and dragging me to accept and go underneath
it kills me yet still....
I am still here, stuck...
caught in the middle and not going anywhere

I would give anything to wake up,
break free.... start over..
clean slate and all..
all these memories and feelings
only remind me of who I am
why I should not be here anymore....
no where feels like home enough for me to want to stay....
isn't it weird that at this age?
I do not crave anywhere and no one I know?

Yet that is it...
I'm a blank canvas
empty....yet too full of white.
it tears me apart every day
not knowing which person I will be when....
I'm scared of being....
I am tired....
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2022
did you tell them that they are the best part of your day
that them existing and walking into a room makes that room different for you...
that waking up to their texts makes all the difference there is
that if you could choose to exist next to someone it could be them...
did you tell them

did you tell them that you like looking at them
watching them smile or just exist
that you see their flaws but even those would never matter when it comes down to it...
that you do not have to wonder when asked about them
that you are sure about what you feel about them

did you tell them
that them showing up in your life opened you to new versions of yourself you did not know even existed.
that you thought you were not capable of some things until them.
that you a different person and maybe a better lover because of them
that they opened you up....

did you tell them.....
did you tell them that most days you know that they are wrong for you
that you can see yourself being pulled under by them..
captivated by their energy...
drawn in by them over and over even when the possibility of similar endings are possible.

but did you tell them..
that most days, you are pretty sure that this is some sort of love
a raw, deep and real sort of love...
maybe not the common and known kind... but definitely there.....
did you tell them, i love you anyway......
Brenda Mukisa May 2021
He was sweet...
In a buy all the things I know you like...
Because you are spending the weekend...
Have a restaurant run
Because you love eating out...
Invite you over, like every weekend
Spend Christmas together....
Introduce you to all his friends..
Insinuate that he wants to have ***…..
type of way…..

But he never asked...
Not to be his girlfriend
Not to date him
Not to sleep with him...
He never asked, so I never let him.
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
when I was younger.
I told my self that one day I'd fit in
that I'd find my place.
And be happy....

Its been years.
It got worse.
My chest still pains from this feeling.
I've carried it for as long as I can remember .

My chest pains from loneliness.
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2017
We roam when we must not.
There is a place of dissatisfaction.
Some people think it is a curse.
But is it really?

Its simple to hold onto
Its simple to let go of.
Life floats away
We often see it do so..
Its sad most of the times...

Stability is an urgent need.
Most times its what we seek.
Most times its what we don't have.
Its the uncertainty that drains us.
The fear from the unknown.
The fear of falling.
The fear of not being saved.

Every human needs saving.
Some from the external.
0thers from within.
That is the greatest fear worthy thing.
Some have a problem.
Others don't.
Most times all we need is a clear picture.
Only a few get to see it.

To see what to run to or from.
may be things are not as bad as they seem
Brenda Mukisa Jun 2018
It was the way he looked at me...
with an awkward almost visible but not there smile
the first time he said good bye
it was nice meeting you
he said
I looked for the emotion behind it
almost there , almost not.... almost only imaginable
I may never know....

It was the way he could add a smiling emoji to his texts
never using the real thing
just symbols.... in 2018...
weird yet still cool...
np.... with a symbol at the end...that became our thing...

the way you block or unsave my number whenever,
only to save it again.
and its better than any text I'd read any day
our random conversations
where I never know how far to reach
because I can only respect you.....

sitting with you.
next to you.
you interpreting things I say
you being proud of things I say to people
but not to me directly....
or the way you close one eye when you talk to me
or see me.
or the way we pretend not to see each other
or I pretend alone.... I dont know.....

I go out and mind my business
I see you and its supposed to be a good day
but you are angry
I know..... I feel it in your tone, or how
you just cannot look me in the eye...
it pains me so to think you dont want to talk to me
or say anything at all.
I end up missing you, while standing next to you.

I like you.
I'm just confused if you do too.
I'm confused if you like me too..... I just wish you do too......
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
You deserve a love that consumes you.
and makes you feel whole.

You deserve a love that makes you happy.
and leaves no room for doubt.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
i.   the first time I saw you, you sat on the floor
at my house, I'd never met or seen you.
You smiled and said my name, then my sister's.
you seemed like the kind of person that belongs.
that fits perfectly and can be held onto.

ii.  we were perfect, making merry and laughing at things
it looked bright for the both of us.
that first night, we promised each other that we could always work it out.
no matter how rough it could ever get.
if only we had seen us now.

iii.  you jeer at everything I do or say.
according to you I am mean and unloving, disrespectful even.
according to me you are selfish, mean, bad hearted, bad mannered, uncultured, disrespectful, childish, unforgiving, filled with anger and jealousy, not moral-ed ..... and all the things I shouldn't have ever met.

iv.   its because of people like you that unmeet buttons should have existed.
Hate is a strong word, but sometimes I feel it when I think of you.
I have been feeling terrible these past few weeks because of someone in my life.....just had to vent here.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
Love me now...too much.
Love me deeply and wholesomely...
I want to feel you want me.....
Make me crave you...
Your touch, sound, smell......
Give me everything...
or nothing.
My heart hurts too bad right now and I do not even know why and it saddens me deeply...... days like this... one craves more love.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
I crave you.
In the deepest most unreal ways.
I’d let you consume me.
And you wouldn’t even have to ask...
Brenda Mukisa May 2018
kinder spirit
always looking for the best in people
and situations.
looking at options many seem to ignore
choosing to blame all involved parties and not just the easier one.

kinder spirit
who said that your mindset will be the end of you
who said that you can only be normal thinking like every body else.

kinder spirit.
stay kind.
normal is a crowded space
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
When the hour comes.
when I do not exist in the now.
Hold my body tight.
And feel one with the coldness.
because that's the last
you will ever get to take from me.
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2017
dark night.
The wind is slow but surely present.
Somehow we dont feel it, atleast I donot.
my porch we are starting on.
look up  the stars are beautiful.
pull me close
i'll lean on your shoulder.

wait for this moment.
lean deeper  its happening.
Tonight,  the happiest person in the world.
Is my best
because on dark nights like these.
stories begin, or a story begins.
maybe.... began
Brenda Mukisa Oct 2019
The day of my first date.
I had two dates.
I thought I'd walk in there and be out in an hour
He was early and I thought "what will this be like".
Then he talked about everything.
I don't remember the last time I'd smiled that much.
Its all I did that day.
4 hours later, I'd cancelled my second date.....
When I walked away you texted me and said you had a great time.
And you wanted to see me again that night...
To think now we've been on 5 dates and we talk every day....

Some how I made it to my second date....
He was nice, but I was on my phone.
He put me on his bike.
I thought I would fall off and I never saw him again.
Because my first date was minutes away and wanted to see me again.....

My third date
He was nice.
We had great wine, and I tried new food.
I was far away from home and so happy....
I went home and texted my first date.
Just two strangers far away from home.

My fourth date.
We walked along the beach.
Talked about dreams and laughed and smiled.
Had icecream and made videos.
I still smile about you.....
I told you I'd see you two years from then...
I kissed you goodnight and I knew I'd probably never see you again.

My fifth date.
His eyes were grey-blue.
And he was tall and so wise and for a moment I thought I'd stop running.
And maybe when we stood out there....
You smoking your cigarette.
I knew it was the end....
I almost wished it wasn't.

My sixth date.
He has that tired look on his face.
Very often its like he is too tired to talk so he uses actions.
He has that smile that makes you feel like the world is beautiful.
His smile could light up a room.
I envy his hair, he doesn't need a brush.
He makes me believe that I can try...
With him....
But we've been to dinner, the movies, Friday night games..
brunch....... I even decided I like techno music.... number 1... maybe I am starting to like you too....

My Seventh date.
I see him and I don't know what I am doing anymore.
But here we are....
Today we go to our 3rd date.....
and I am a girl who doesn't know...
But it’s easy to know when one minute we can talk a future and the next it can hit both of us that this isn’t an option.

My 8th date.
He was great.... we sipped wine at a balcony and talked about Starbucks and Macdonalds .... then we danced to music... two strangers dancing together far away yet present.....

My ninth date.
He talked about race and all things that crossed his mind....
sitting on my sofa pretending this was real....
I told you you were 20 minutes late... but you didn’t think that.
Maybe this is it for this universe.... that’s all we got.... but I’ll find ways in which I can remember you.... after all number 2 isn’t so bad a number.....

Then there is you.
The beginning....
"Can I please go with you guys?"
That is the first thing I ever said to you.....
I think.....
But you changed my life..... one kiss...
One touch.....
But then again.... it was one look.... the very first time I saw you.
I didn't see your face, or your eyes, or your nose...
I just brushed my eyes past you and I knew...
I was going to do you.
I did it my way.....
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
You are,
Mother of mine.
So small yet so wise
worrying about small things too much
perfect must be perfect for you to appreciate
you'd build a mountain out of nothing in every sense
you've loved me proudly, fiercely and protectively

Worrying about me on days I choose not to notice
having all the hope in the world in me
you belive in me
but above all... you wish me too much best.

Mother of mine
she dances on busy streets when she is happy
holds information of bigger towns in a small town
smiles wholly
tells every one who cares to listen that I will visit
stays up all night waiting for me.
And sits with me till the sleep comes for me.
takes time off to hang with me all day

Mother of mine
I will try my best to love you as much as I know how
I wish to hold your tender small body and hug you forever
pour all my love to you
to show you how much I love and care for you.
I may not scream it, but I love you.
Dearest mother.
Brenda Mukisa Nov 2019
Maybe I had my turn and now its up.
Maybe this is how my story goes.
So many downs, a few ups here and there.....
and then now.....
Maybe I have been tired long enough....
Someday someone reads my work and it touches them
and they decide maybe my life wasn't as ****** as I felt most of the time.
All these boys,all these drinks, all these cigarettes....
All these kisses and nothing was deep enough to touch my soul.
And I am just a lost girl in a small big city...
A tired lost girl who gave up...
Threw in the towel...
Maybe all these dreams about going home...

Only meant dying.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
Deeply, innocently, wholly.
with every fiber in me.
my entire being.
I reached out for you.
Brenda Mukisa Feb 2018
When the hour comes
When everyone has moved on
When people are in their happy place
Donot forget me

Remember my loud talk
My failure to be wrong or accept defeat
My consistent singing
My dream to see the entire world one day
My openness to people yet failure to draw them in
My obsession with personal space and privacy…
And above all,
My wish to not ever be forgotten.

I’ve left parts of me in this world
Random words, sayings, pictures…..and articles..
Find a way to find them.
When I am gone forever....
Then remember me……

After all, forever is along time .....
and, no one is here forever.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
Is it sugar
Or is it death
dirt* or nothing.
I think about it looking into my tea cup.
Just an idea in my head.
My over thinking, over analyzing mind

I think I am fat.
I hate being fat.
Then I see an amazing fat girl looking good in her jeans.
Her overthrow looks amazing and I want that

I want to be fat.

I could be small.
I tell my self.
I should eat way less and get skinny.
Fit in very tight jeans and have big hair.
The skinny girl yesterday looked amazing.
But would I

What if I cannot look good skinny.
I'd loose my **** and look weird.
What if I am those people who can never get small

I love food and good places.
Most of the times fat girls look awesome dressed up.
I am not skinny or fat.
I have never understood my body.
Sometimes I feel smart sometimes I doubt everything*

So, is it sugar? Is it dirt?
maybe I will never know
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2017
Its the brevity in words
the way they are said
I've met rude people who sound gentle
And gentle people who sound rude
How do we go from here
How do we start a new
Its more complicated than it seems
Or easier than we see.

I always wondered about life
I always wondered about everything.
Nothing and everything.
There are empty feelings in all.
Some scream them, others don't.
Pretending things don't exist never made them go away.
But still some people choose it.

Lets run away.
Lets make a story.
A story we would love.
A story others can fall in love with too.
Lets be proud of beggings.
Lets hold onto them to the end.
I'm proud of life......
I will hold onto it forever.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018
They say that bodies come in all shapes and sizes.
that all are beautiful and lovable...

Everyone has a different character too...
why don't we try to love and understand them all.

Change in any way,
means denying ones true self.

Just because you're different, doesn't mean you're all bad.
people always want one to act a given way in order to fit in or be considered mannered in the process we force people to change themselves and forget that everyone can be lovable the way they are.
Brenda Mukisa Sep 2017
In a certain version of life you are full.
Fulfilled in what ever you do
Full of a certain kind of in comparable joy
Life blooms around you
Life thrives as long as you are existing.
Every one feels like their lives are and have been made whole
As long as you are involved in that life.
In that version of life...
You feel whole yourself.

This is for those who have never known this moment.
Of course they have moments of it in their heads
They get to zone out in buses or on planes
Looking out windows and imagining that all is well
That all can be well.
Imagining life as they wish it was.
It is sad and empty and terrible yet binding.
In those moments all is well
Split seconds.
Moments in time.
Moments out of their imagined dull existence
Those get to be lived in a better place created in their minds.

I chose to stand on the other end every day
If it was possible every time
But this now  real version is so demanding
Feeding must happen all the time.
The body demands too much in this version
From cleaning to feeding
Protecting when it is in danger
Or treatment when it is ailing.

I chose to see a new version
Where both can exist without one tearing the other apart
Its not being needy or hard to please.
Its wanting to take this feeling away
This feeling that is so burdening and consuming
This endless need to see life from a different perspective.
A perspective where you love here and now
Not because you want to
But because its what is happening
And there are no other options
Gaps for wishing otherwise.
Or days you grad moments and want to hold onto them.

I long for a version where i do not have to feel empty
Or pretend to be fulfilled.
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
I guess I've dreamt of you for as long as I could read.
So I imagine you.
Large old buildings. Chilly weather practically all year
Amazing accents. Amazing places to see and belong
Probably amazing people....
A place so written about with rich amazing history.
Please let me see you.
Let all roads lead to us
Let us happen in this life time.
If even in my sleep I'd still say London.
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