I guess I have been tired for a very long time....
maybe it was the first time  I decided....
that I did not want to live anymore.....
or the next....
or the other few times i thought about it
but didn't do anything about it.

I am practically a big ball walking
with all these things weighing me down
and dragging me to accept and go underneath
it kills me yet still....
I am still here, stuck...
caught in the middle and not going anywhere

I would give anything to wake up,
break free.... start over..
clean slate and all..
all these memories and feelings
only remind me of who I am
why I should not be here anymore....
no where feels like home enough for me to want to stay....
isn't it weird that at this age?
I do not crave anywhere and no one I know?

Yet that is it...
I'm a blank canvas
empty....yet too full of white.
it tears me apart every day
not knowing which person I will be when....
I'm scared of being....
I am tired....