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May 8 · 430
tears of joy
sunday 8th May, 2022

and just like that
just another Sunday morning
i stare  into your eyes
and I want to cry..
not from pain or sadness
but happiness….

now I know what it means
to cry tears of joy…
Brenda Mukisa Mar 18
did you tell them that they are the best part of your day
that them existing and walking into a room makes that room different for you...
that waking up to their texts makes all the difference there is
that if you could choose to exist next to someone it could be them...
did you tell them

did you tell them that you like looking at them
watching them smile or just exist
that you see their flaws but even those would never matter when it comes down to it...
that you do not have to wonder when asked about them
that you are sure about what you feel about them

did you tell them
that them showing up in your life opened you to new versions of yourself you did not know even existed.
that you thought you were not capable of some things until them.
that you a different person and maybe a better lover because of them
that they opened you up....

did you tell them.....
did you tell them that most days you know that they are wrong for you
that you can see yourself being pulled under by them..
captivated by their energy...
drawn in by them over and over even when the possibility of similar endings are possible.

but did you tell them..
that most days, you are pretty sure that this is some sort of love
a raw, deep and real sort of love...
maybe not the common and known kind... but definitely there.....
did you tell them, i love you anyway......
Mar 18 · 154
a little less angry
Brenda Mukisa Mar 18
are you happy..
you asked me

i was so angry for so long
i woke up angry
i went to bed even more angry...

so yes.... maybe not happy all the time
but definitely not angry anymore
and it feels good to not be so angry any more.
Mar 16 · 67
going and coming...
Brenda Mukisa Mar 16
are we going
better yet, are we coming

i keep looking
i keep searching

in this slow dance
in this beautiful mess

i have grown
but i feel blown

old yet young
small yet big

you consume me when you want
i let you when you come....

i beat my self up for this
yet you enjoy this..... maybe

you want me
you want others...

i want you
and i want others

one of us is fooling the other
is one of us loving the other....
Feb 10 · 54
and other things?
Brenda Mukisa Feb 10
working on a puzzle and listening to a podcast
this one is special
its the first one i ever really got into
its the first i ever actually listened to
i am exhausted
i have been for a couple of days
i did not sleep last night
i can not eat
its a mix of both really
its weird how this happened
the need for responsibility
the presence and weight of it
somedays i think i will crumble from it
today i am hoping i survive it
today i am hoping i hold on just a little longer..
no tear
no screams
no falling apart
nothing.....
today i am hoping i sleep
today i am hoping i laugh for real.
Brenda Mukisa Feb 10
i am sorry.....
i feel terrible....

i believe you
that is the problem
but this part is easy too.

if tables turned
i would make the same choice
i would be sorry too
i would feel terrible too
and do it any way.....
Feb 9 · 46
and other things
this week i wrote an email...
a very long email
but if i am to tell you this story
i should start from the beginning
i do not know this
i do not remember this either
so how do i tell you
about these other things.....
Oct 2021 · 79
the cat named Ingrid
Brenda Mukisa Oct 2021
you see Ingrid is male
now donot ask why
you we didnt know if he was initially male or female
you see the person who named him hates cats.
like really really hates cats.
which is werd
ı mean because cats are lovely
also there was a time ı didnt love cats
okay that is wrong
ı dıd not hate cats.
i was verily terrified of cats
and then someone showed up..
and they loved dogs.... so i loved dogs...
and then i moved and met Cinamon.
she is Ingrids mum...
and now Ingrid comes over often...
hungs with us...
and we feed him and love him
you see when we found out he is male
we didnt want to change his name because we loved it already..
so now we have a male cat called Ingrid...
Sep 2021 · 80
Only but a random guy?
Brenda Mukisa Sep 2021
first day.
Day one… minute one
Two people walk into the cafeteria
I see her, I wonder about her in passing
Day….
I stopped keeping track.
What was the first friendly thing we said to each other?
Do you know?
Do you remember?
I do not…. It’s like one minute you were just there…
A random guy walking with a girl…
A girl I wanted to know.
But there is now…
tennis.
Some days I text you all day
We can do that all day…
We talk a lot.
We laugh a lot too
Your eyes are so brown…
It’s strange, it’s all I see
But you can listen to poetry I like
Or finish my chocolate.
Or just exist together.
Find me one day…. Around the world.
This can’t be it.
What would it be like…..
Aug 2021 · 472
when I run...
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2021
25.08.21
but, when I run.
will you run?
Aug 2021 · 126
MORE HAPPY THAN NOT?
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2021
I want to say that you can arrive….. I want to believe that you can.
When I decided to leave, I did not even know to where.
I always believed that I would find somewhere far a way.
Where the plants and trees are often green.
And the lake or water really is somewhat a walk away.
And that every day I am glad to be here.
But most importantly that I am elsewhere.
That people get to learn my name.
To know about me. To wonder about what I am like.
I did not go far away, just away.
But there is green every where and the river is beautiful.
I get new lovely kids who say teacher instead of miss.
And the people, well atleast most of them, are kind and nice.
The only blue eyes here are off tiktok…..
The closest thing I have to a best friend here lets me sit on her yoga mat.
She sits on the floor and this is important because it is the only seat in the house.
And brunch is a whole experience because it accompanies a walk in the quiet town.
No one grabs phones or bags here so you can actually walk
the water in the shower is always warm to hot and dinner is a family affair
Laughing and talking around the table and maybe, just maybe….
I can be more happy than not.
Jul 2021 · 89
Greys Anatomy
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2021
Life they say... and life it seems... is the worst thing right around the corner...
Any minute someone would go into labor in the middle of a storm and have to get operated on on a kitchen table without anesthesia....
A woman would be knocked off into the river while saving a patient
Or have a bomb blow out that you just had your hand to...
Have a patient beat the crap out of you in a trauma room or watch your husband get shot then operate through a miscarriage....
Have your sister die in a plane crush or get picked to identify your husband after he was in an accident and someone was negligent enough not to make bar-holes.....

Yes.... but sometimes, it’s also like watching Christina **** it in cardio, or stare at Owen making love to Christina.... or Dereck, Dereck staring at Meredith.
Life is Like an episode of Greys anatomy...
Jul 2021 · 66
2020
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2021
I always wonder, if 2020 ****** as much as I know it did....
Then how come it’s the first year that I can remember....
where I wanted to stay a live?
May 2021 · 101
Face
Brenda Mukisa May 2021
He had a set resting face
Like he was so bored and wanted to sleep off
But when he smiled...
His eyes almost closed, with tiny lines on both sides.
And his mouth curved beautifully...
Showing a number of crooked teeth
But somehow it lit up the space he existed in...
In that moment, everything is forever beautiful.
May 2021 · 909
But, he never asked.
Brenda Mukisa May 2021
He was sweet...
In a buy all the things I know you like...
Because you are spending the weekend...
Have a restaurant run
Because you love eating out...
Invite you over, like every weekend
Spend Christmas together....
Introduce you to all his friends..
Insinuate that he wants to have ***…..
type of way…..

But he never asked...
Not to be his girlfriend
Not to date him
Not to sleep with him...
He never asked, so I never let him.
Nov 2020 · 85
TO BE A PRESIDENT
Brenda Mukisa Nov 2020
No.... no, I don’t support change just for change, I need it so that I never have to look at the faces during the news hour just to make sure it isn’t someone I know bleeding out on the street. I need this change because I didn’t work so hard for a 4.0 degree through expensive schools to earn 100 thousand shillings a month. I need change because I want my freedom of free speech without worrying that it will mean a bullet in my head.... I want answers to the millions of money that are supposed to build roads and schools and hospitals but somehow just disappear and no one answers for them and I want to know that my son will come home safe when he leaves to go into town, that the education I give him isn’t a waste of time and money and that if he dreams of being a president, he actually can be one!
Nov 2020 · 101
TRUE LOVE LASTS FOREVER
Brenda Mukisa Nov 2020
I grew up believing it’s only true if it lasts forever.
Maybe true is now
Loving you now
And you loving me now
Now, tomorrow and the day after....
And knowing that it’s okay if that’s it.
the idea of forever isn’t the physical person
But the thought of them that lingers beyond.
Beyond now, today and the day after.
Brenda Mukisa Oct 2020
I know what it means to be alone
Not standing in a room full of people alone
But sitting in an empty room by yourself alone
Sitting there and knowing you’d be gone today and now and no one would know alone.
Alone enough to know that there are 7 billion people in the world and no one cares enough to check in or care alone
Alone
Aug 2020 · 79
Like the sun!
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2020
Tomorrow the sun will rise again.
And so will you.....
Aug 2020 · 78
Saturday, 22 August, 2020
Aug 2020 · 83
A part of me
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2020
Because a part of me just wants to fall onto the ground and cry so hard. Until all this pain and emptiness oozes out of my system.....
Through my tears.
Aug 2020 · 112
I WROTE A LETTER TO TAYLOR
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2020
Taylor seems... no, Taylor is  foreign.
Distant, unknown and even weird to call out yet to others, probably the most familiar.
In truth I didn’t know him. I never will. He never introduced himself or opened up or showed up because in truth he never wanted to. So he didn’t try.
I wrote a letter to Taylor because that was the way best way I’d accept my true terms with Philip.
Jul 2020 · 71
This can’t be it.
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2020
there should be a place
where my heart is full, hugs are warm
smiles sincere.... and my spirit free!
Jul 2020 · 82
Thank you
Brenda Mukisa Jul 2020
03.07.2020
I wondered about the end

.....nothing prepares you for goodbye!
Jun 2020 · 746
Lockdown
Brenda Mukisa Jun 2020
First, we wondered about staying in.
Truth is,
I’m only scared of the outside!
Brenda Mukisa Jun 2020
My friend calls me and tells me that this time around we need to re apply for our jobs after quarantine.
I tell her *******.
You see, I am not joking. I mean it.
I got tired of people treating me the way the want.
Now I will get treated the way I want.

My work place sends me an addendum.
They want to cut salaries despite the fact that we've been working full time despite the pandemic.
I hear it is up to 50%
You see I am a teacher.
When a pandemic happens I still follow my timetable.
I show up and teach, and call or email those that aren't showing up.
And tell them to show up.....
So I say *******.
I cannot sign something I do not agree with.

This guy I used to date started texting me.
He says he hasn't been with anyone because of the pandemic.
He says I am his best option 'right now'
I say *******.
I turn off my data and go to bed.
You see I am no longer available for your entertainment.
I once 'dated' this American white male who told me I wasn't supposed to have an opinion....
I text people I like now..... that really really like me back

When my boss calls me.
She doesn't say hello or check if I am well.
She goes straight off to yelling and screaming.
I say *******.
I turn off my phone and move on with my life.
Because despite falling apart and feeling so lost most days in this pandemic.
I did show up and do my job
So when she learns to communicate, I will talk to her.

I applied for a job, no jobs where they told me..
the problem is my nationality.
Not my papers, experience or inability to perform...
In fact before I told them where I am from, they told I could make a good addition to the team.
Until I turned out African.
So I say ******* when your online course says it will open global opportunities for me.

Because the world is 'woke' now.
African Americans can chant 'Black lives matter'
Their voices are heard and the world chants with them in solidarity.
So this is me whispering
That my Black life matters too....
My voice, my thoughts and opinions matter too....
And hoping the world will hear me too one day
And stand with me in solidarity.....

I'm not angry, I am just fighting for my rights.
Mar 2020 · 319
Old lover.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2020
This is a short story about me.
I've been to tons of dates.
Some good, some plain, others bad.
Most importantly I have gone to each
Hoping it will be my last stranger date
That the next time I return
We are a couple of old lovers
Meeting again and falling in love
For the 100th time from the first time I saw you
And you me
But I still look at you across  a room
And there is no one I would rather be with
I choose you too much
And you..... you look at with recognition
And that is all I get....
A familiar face, eyes, voice....
I stopped wondering if people could love me
Maybe I focus more on the love I can give
One day its going to return
In  a thousand-fold
Until then, I look at the next handsome guy
That smiles at me...and smile with my heart
Who knows, it could be you....
over and over!
Nov 2019 · 102
Death Poem
Brenda Mukisa Nov 2019
Maybe I had my turn and now its up.
Maybe this is how my story goes.
So many downs, a few ups here and there.....
and then now.....
Maybe I have been tired long enough....
Someday someone reads my work and it touches them
and they decide maybe my life wasn't as ****** as I felt most of the time.
All these boys,all these drinks, all these cigarettes....
All these kisses and nothing was deep enough to touch my soul.
And I am just a lost girl in a small big city...
A tired lost girl who gave up...
Threw in the towel...
Maybe all these dreams about going home...

Only meant dying.
Nov 2019 · 107
LOST STARS
Brenda Mukisa Nov 2019
Somewhere between can I go with you,
and are you okay? we met each other. It will
always be in every kiss after now.....
Or how you whispered in my ear the first time...
I like being with you too....btw.
or held me all night the first night.... it's there...
in every conversation we have.... in long kisses late
night or early morning in the back seat of Ubers..
its in every hello and every stare....
you said we shouldn't worry about stuff...
if the universe wills it, it will work out..
I hope the universe is listening....
because I am waiting for it.
Music inspiration: maybe we are lost stars, trying to light up the dark.
Oct 2019 · 248
Dates
Brenda Mukisa Oct 2019
The day of my first date.
I had two dates.
I thought I'd walk in there and be out in an hour
He was early and I thought "what will this be like".
Then he talked about everything.
I don't remember the last time I'd smiled that much.
Its all I did that day.
4 hours later, I'd cancelled my second date.....
When I walked away you texted me and said you had a great time.
And you wanted to see me again that night...
To think now we've been on 5 dates and we talk every day....

Some how I made it to my second date....
He was nice, but I was on my phone.
He put me on his bike.
I thought I would fall off and I never saw him again.
Because my first date was minutes away and wanted to see me again.....

My third date
He was nice.
We had great wine, and I tried new food.
I was far away from home and so happy....
I went home and texted my first date.
Just two strangers far away from home.

My fourth date.
We walked along the beach.
Talked about dreams and laughed and smiled.
Had icecream and made videos.
I still smile about you.....
I told you I'd see you two years from then...
I kissed you goodnight and I knew I'd probably never see you again.

My fifth date.
His eyes were grey-blue.
And he was tall and so wise and for a moment I thought I'd stop running.
And maybe when we stood out there....
You smoking your cigarette.
I knew it was the end....
I almost wished it wasn't.

My sixth date.
He has that tired look on his face.
Very often its like he is too tired to talk so he uses actions.
He has that smile that makes you feel like the world is beautiful.
His smile could light up a room.
I envy his hair, he doesn't need a brush.
He makes me believe that I can try...
With him....
But we've been to dinner, the movies, Friday night games..
brunch....... I even decided I like techno music.... number 1... maybe I am starting to like you too....

My Seventh date.
I see him and I don't know what I am doing anymore.
But here we are....
Today we go to our 3rd date.....
and I am a girl who doesn't know...
But it’s easy to know when one minute we can talk a future and the next it can hit both of us that this isn’t an option.

My 8th date.
He was great.... we sipped wine at a balcony and talked about Starbucks and Macdonalds .... then we danced to music... two strangers dancing together far away yet present.....

My ninth date.
He talked about race and all things that crossed his mind....
sitting on my sofa pretending this was real....
I told you you were 20 minutes late... but you didn’t think that.
Maybe this is it for this universe.... that’s all we got.... but I’ll find ways in which I can remember you.... after all number 2 isn’t so bad a number.....

Then there is you.
The beginning....
"Can I please go with you guys?"
That is the first thing I ever said to you.....
I think.....
But you changed my life..... one kiss...
One touch.....
But then again.... it was one look.... the very first time I saw you.
I didn't see your face, or your eyes, or your nose...
I just brushed my eyes past you and I knew...
I was going to do you.
I did it my way.....
Mar 2019 · 223
this time, the boy likes me
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2019
was it that time you told me you saw too much in me
that there is too much potential in me
or when you went with my eating whim
you just supported me, believed in me.

you still look at me the same way
you still really look at me

that night you told me you liked me
you added..... really like you.....
i still smile to it

this time, the boy likes me..... i smile.
love eventually finds you.
Mar 2019 · 584
like a boy.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2019
we take baby steps
in the right direction sometimes
we like the boy, we crave the boy, we support the boy
we loooovvvveeee the boy

what do you do when you like a boy?
i think you tell him...
sometimes you tell him so you can know
if he likes you too
sometimes you tell him
so he can know
that you like him
not because you want him to like you
it could be a plus
but this boy you know

you know he likes someone else
you like him enough to be happy for him
with that person even
or someone else.
but whats the point of liking someone
and them never knowing.

so tell that  boy you like him
watch him practically run away from you
every time you try to talk to him
let him say yeah baby when he texts you
let him be afraid of you still liking him
text him and ask him if you are okay.......
the two of you.....

yes, you used to like him
but telling him you did set you free
weird right?
but it actually stopped you from dying inside
falling deeper each day.

and look at him knowing you dont like him
not any more.
to the love i had and lost.
Mar 2019 · 173
Parts.
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2019
How many parts do you think make up our bodies?
It cant be one whole piece
I think there are different small pieces
These pieces put together to form one whole.
I terrible whole in my case.
Is it even terrible..... I wonder.

All my life I have given parts of me
Random parts
You see I don't think I have anything sensible to share.
Even parts I didn't know I had, shredded already.
I feel like the universe just decided to cut chunks off me
And share them
Against my will
Every time I stood there, watching.
Sometimes I even felt grateful.
I thought every time..... could be the lucky time

Its just hope

I still hope
I feel like I still have small parts left
Those that haven't been shattered yet.
My not yet shared parts.
I've shared them sometimes in my head
I still do
I still feel stupid after I share them
I don't want to feel this way anymore.

I am a girl.
Who wants to share her self so much
so bad..... they say you never know
That one day you finally get it right.
I wait for that day
I share myself at the moment.... all the time
My parts..... different parts.

......my parts......
what is left of my pieces?
but that's all I have, and I want to share
.....I hope you accept them.
one day, you find love...... and become whole.
Mar 2019 · 338
Shalom
Brenda Mukisa Mar 2019
Shalom.
How are you?
Did you get happier, taller, smarter?
Are you happy?
I miss you.... I wonder about you....
Do you still remember me?
Would you recognize me if you saw me?

Shalom.
I donot know if I am taller
May be I am.
I think I got darker, but well, my color always changed.
I try to be happier each day.
I definitely found some peace and quiet...
Its comforting.

Shalom.
What are you like?
I remember your face, your smile.
I often joke about your weird laugh.
But I also miss it.
I hope you are smart.
Remember you always knew the right answer.
You just have to think about it.
Jan 2019 · 1.1k
While I exist
Brenda Mukisa Jan 2019
I am a black girl with locs
I wear head wraps and put on African prints
I do not speak with an African accent
or religiously follow the traditions.
For that I am not African enough.

One says he loves me
One looks at me enough to burn holes into me
One comes looking for me only to act like he doesn't know me
One winks and seeks attention when I'm done giving it
One.... one said He can never like me
That one I think I like most
For that I'm foolish.

I am a small girl
I however seek to loose weight more
than people way fatter than me
They all say my size is okay but they are not
my brain and thus don't get to feel fat the way I do
For that they say I'm ungrateful.

I appreciate black men
I just prefer white men
I try not to date black men long time
For that I am racist to them.

I speak to my parents but don't go out
of my way to spend time with them
Past hurt and experiences and avoidance
of future heated discussions leads me
For that I am ungrateful.

I sit in my house and cry.
I cry at worship and feel less and lost most of the time
I take smiley pictures and eat a lot of ice cream
For that I am happy.

I love eating at restaurants and cafes
I love ice cream , cake and wine
I don't like food and rarely eat
I take pictures of my food and ice cream a lot
For that I am a show off

All assumptions, all untrue, all your thoughts
Ask me my name and hold me when I feel I'm falling apart
Love me on days I cant love myself
Ask me about me first.
Then think truths about me.
the girl behind the assumptions.......
Dec 2018 · 361
Out now
Brenda Mukisa Dec 2018
I don't know how.
God! I didn't even try
But somewhere along the way,
I fell out of love with you.
12. December. 2018.
11.58am
Nov 2018 · 347
*not a poem
Brenda Mukisa Nov 2018
what comes to your mind every time you think about tomorrow
is it some distant place you want to see
or some place you don't care about because apart of you knows what tomorrow will be like*.
sad
empty
reminder of loving him over and over knowing he cant love you back
another day
another sad reminder.

you do not want to love him
you have tried for so long to move on from the night mare
its killing you on the inside
but you are stuck

this is not a poem
this is a reminder
of how many times I have failed to not love
when all I want to do is stop loving

this is a sad note
from an empty soul with too much misplaced love
a note from someone who should stop but for some reason continues
a deadly cause that is eating my happiness
that is draining me slowly

I just want to stop
Please help me stop.
messed.
Oct 2018 · 353
You Know
Brenda Mukisa Oct 2018
The first time I actually saw him
My heart raced.
Then it was a date
Then it was a trip
Emotional abuse became my potion

The first time I saw him
He was just another guy
That guy told me it was nice meeting me
He thought that was goodbye
Then he saw me again
He told me he would never like me.
He said no three times in one sentence
Now he smiles and looks or my eyes in full rooms
Says be safe, and long time..... like he cares.
My ego reminds me  he said no

The first time I saw him
He  was just another guy
Then we argued a lot
Then he started saying things like I'm his half
That  I'm the love of his life
Talking about babies and   ***
But he touches me and all my senses are awakened
He holds my hand and it fits perfectly and when I try pulling away,
he holds it down tighter

Yesterday  he used my phone to text himself
He said I love you so much
He has shown it.....
He has never said it though
For me to believe it, I need to hear it too.
You can know when there's something
Oct 2018 · 122
Slow
Brenda Mukisa Oct 2018
Patience.....
What do you know about patience
Tell me about patience
How do you learn how to be patient
Next to someone who makes everything impossible
Who pushes back at every turn
Who makes you feel bad or question everything

One day you are looking forward to an adventure
Then you are arguing about everything
Having to explain and second guess everything
Having to doubt everything

How do you master patience
Or the need to hold on to an idea?
Oct 2018 · 235
Soft
Brenda Mukisa Oct 2018
Its not the ideal definition.
Its however all I can think of now.
Your soft touch, almost cold, almost too soft.....
Its the kind you think you imagined, but you know you didn't.

How are you?
I'm not fine..... I didn't see you all day.....

The love of my life is from....
I look at you and smile.....
you are smiling too.... with your eyes too.....

It reminds me of one of our first conversations
It makes me realize you were listening.

Hello, my name is Brenda.
I want to say......

I want to stop the staring that never says anything
I know you are looking
I know because I cant stop looking too

Hello......
I want to know you like me.
.......because  I know you feel it too...I think you feel it too.....
Aug 2018 · 525
Africa Broke Me
Brenda Mukisa Aug 2018
With all the empty promises
It all started at home
The backbone of society they said....
Instead of it being strong and providing a safe place for me to land
It gave me a broken disfunctional one.
Children beaten everyday endlessly for even the smallest things.
They insisted that an African child understood from their behind.
Then polygamy came in
Mama so angry at the second woman forgot to love me too
Packing her bags in the name of saving her heart
She left mine to be abused daily by the other woman

School was supposed to be my escape
It only came with too many canes
Teachers who threatened not to give you marks unless you slept with them
Children who bullied you for being poor or not beautiful enough
So many times I wanted to run
But I knew that without an education you are no body

I thought adulthood was going to be my paradise
My government however is filled with corrupt and selfish leaders
Taxes every where every day it's all you practically work for
Jobs are hard to find unless you are connected to some one on the inside by blood, or sleeping with them.
My landlord keeps banging on my door angrily
I've lied to him so much he says
But my job pays 200k , I use 100k on transport, over 50k goes to taxes and I'm left with 50k to do every other thing.

I love the beautiful scenery and weather..... but apart from that.....
My continent is killing me.
Jun 2018 · 321
CONFUSED.....
Brenda Mukisa Jun 2018
It was the way he looked at me...
with an awkward almost visible but not there smile
the first time he said good bye
it was nice meeting you
he said
I looked for the emotion behind it
almost there , almost not.... almost only imaginable
I may never know....

It was the way he could add a smiling emoji to his texts
never using the real thing
just symbols.... in 2018...
weird yet still cool...
np.... with a symbol at the end...that became our thing...

the way you block or unsave my number whenever,
only to save it again.
and its better than any text I'd read any day
our random conversations
where I never know how far to reach
because I can only respect you.....

sitting with you.
next to you.
you interpreting things I say
you being proud of things I say to people
but not to me directly....
or the way you close one eye when you talk to me
or see me.
or the way we pretend not to see each other
sometimes
or I pretend alone.... I dont know.....

I go out and mind my business
I see you and its supposed to be a good day
but you are angry
I know..... I feel it in your tone, or how
you just cannot look me in the eye...
it pains me so to think you dont want to talk to me
or say anything at all.
I end up missing you, while standing next to you.

I like you.
I'm just confused if you do too.
I'm confused if you like me too..... I just wish you do too......
Jun 2018 · 300
From here
Brenda Mukisa Jun 2018
I didn't do anything.
She cried.
I'm innocent.... she swears
I truly am.... believe me.
She repeats over and over.

He listens to her.
He looks at her
But doesn't believe her.
She feels him not believe her.
It's been going on for so long now.

Leave my house. She yells.
Find your self a husband of your own.
But he is my father..,.., it doesn't apply
You've chased me out for so long....

It gets better from here.
Wait for it.
Her sister says.
How do we go from here?
Is the ideal question....
How do we we find a happy place.
How do we find perfect?
Jun 2018 · 311
African Child.
Brenda Mukisa Jun 2018
Her mother dies and she feels lost.
She had never had it so easy.... but always tried.
Early mornings of house work before school.
Late weekends from washing piles of cloths.
Running into class late because she had to help mama.
She didnt feel bad... or sorry for herself.
She knew mama did not do it as a punishment.
So she grew from skinny to skinny...
Healthy skin....tender bones.
In holidays she dug.
Watching the morning sun drain her energy.
Yet her *** persisted...
It was never a punishment.

Mama loves me, In her own way.... she insisted.

Aunty needs you to live with her.
Mama says one day.
Her life changes.... big houses, big cities, big neighborhoods.
We made it mama, she says over the phone...
Be good and read hard.... mama says.
Believe in God and read hard.... Aunty reminds her.
Years of love, peace and joy...
Aunty dies.

It will be well Mama insists.
Years go by... sadness slips through....
Step mummy is harsh... step mummy denies her food...
throws her out over and over....
Abuses her emotionally and verbally...
tries committing suicide for the first time....
dad does nothing..... daddy loves step mummy more....

African child.... sad, broken , lonely..... hungry.
Hold on..... dont let go.
Another day, another struggle.
May 2018 · 1.1k
About him.
Brenda Mukisa May 2018
He is perfect.
In height, age and appearance.
His pink lips turn a darker shade when he licks them.
He looks at her as she smiles..... or laughs.
He turns away when she looks at him.
Sometimes he continues staring....

He is handsome this one.
The way he turns all red when his emotions are spiked.
Or how he tries to make his small eyes appear bigger.
He looks great in yellow... or blue...or other colours.
He is a beautiful man indeed.

He is kind and respectful.
Blows children kisses and plays with them.
He is loved every where he goes.
At least by all she has met.
He doesn't take life too serious.....and plays along with all.

It was nice meeting you, he said....

I hope you become mine, she prayed silently......
May 2018 · 516
About us #3
Brenda Mukisa May 2018
I now remember the very first time I saw you.
walking down the small crowded walkway.
both of us were pushing our friends.
At least I was, because I was holding mines arm and talking to her.
You on the other hand had friends around you.
But all you cared for was your phone.
One accidental meeting.

I knew I'd seen the most handsome guy in my uni.
I went back to my room and told all my friends.
They thought it was a lie.... that I exaggerated.

The next time I saw you was at a uni rally.
You were not actively involved even.
You just stood at the side lines and looked on.
I showed my roommate the handsome guy.
Weirdly she knew you....
But when we walked up to you, she said hello.
And you answered only her, you didn't see the other girl.
The one who almost collapsed from standing next to you.
You were even more handsome in day light.

Last night I saw you again.
Now I remember what that felt like again.
My heart stopped when I saw you.
And when you reached out to hug me this time.
I thought my heart would burst from pumping so fast.
You are still the most handsome guy I ever saw....
And when you walked me to my bus and made sure I got in.
I thought you'd turn around and walk away.
But you were standing at my window.....
Our parting was a peace sign..... and I pray this time again,
its not our good bye.
continuation of About us #2
a poem from the About us series.
May 2018 · 150
CROWDED SPACE.
Brenda Mukisa May 2018
kinder spirit
always looking for the best in people
and situations.
looking at options many seem to ignore
choosing to blame all involved parties and not just the easier one.

kinder spirit
who said that your mindset will be the end of you
who said that you can only be normal thinking like every body else.

kinder spirit.
stay kind.
normal is a crowded space
Apr 2018 · 425
About us #2
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
We always had conversations.
Texting, alot. In the middle of the night, day.... or early in the morning.
When the rest of the world was clearly asleep.
I'd stalk you and text you immediately I saw "online"
Every one thought I was stupid for loving you
I donot know, but can't say I was.
That evening I heard you were back.
I rushed off to see you because I'd missed you.
I wanted to talk to you.
You offered to drive me to the mall.
We had alot to talk about and catch up on.
You told me about her like I knew her.
And maybe at that point I actually knew her through you.
Your descriptions, admiration.....
And just how much your face lit up when you talked about her.
I was happy for you.
She was still giving you a hard time.
Hadn't said yes yet.
And you were impatient for it.
Even when I had every right to be sad
because in my mind, you were mine.
Always had been.
I was happy because one of us was fighting for what they wanted.
She was your type.
Big *** and hips.... ***** to die for... great body.
And me.... just normal. Nothing too big.....
Yet you preferred too big. And that she was.
We talked about her for a while, at least you did.
And all I did was listen and smile.
You were happy and that made me happy as well.
Only difference was, only one of us,
This time around, had hope.
continuation of About us #1

To be Continued....
Apr 2018 · 368
chest pains.
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
when I was younger.
I told my self that one day I'd fit in
that I'd find my place.
And be happy....

Its been years.
It got worse.
My chest still pains from this feeling.
I've carried it for as long as I can remember .

My chest pains from loneliness.
Apr 2018 · 270
Bipolar
Brenda Mukisa Apr 2018
Today I read about Bipolar
my question was if it is really a disease or a phase. So I went through the symptoms.
then I asked my self a question, am I that ill?

i) Constantly changing ideas and topics while talking.
I'd talk about Africa and Europe and how the moon would be a better home for me in one paragraph or sentence.

ii) Loud, rapid, and uninterruptible speech. My best friend says that she cant wait to talk loudly with me when I visit because I'll sing out loud and tell stories as loudly as I can. I often have to repeat things I've said but Its a happy place.

iii) Hyperactive behavior and amplified energy. There are mornings when I wake up and the first thing I do is sing and dance, hug people happily, sometimes I even have the need to dance over nothing in the middle of a road because I'm happy.

iv) Exaggerated self-image (self-confidence). I always say that things can not go wrong and should not, not because they wont but because I choose to think positively, walk i to that room and speak to a stranger if you can, put on that dress if you like it.. I say.

v) Going through Increased creativity and productivity,Grandiose beliefs, Irregular elation or euphoria, Irregular irritability, Random (very high) energy spikes, Loss of enjoyment in once-pleasurable things, Consistent sadness or depressed mood, Loss of energy or fatigue, Insomnia or excessive sleep, Problems with concentration and/or making decisions, Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, Feeling overwhelmed with sadness or despair, Impaired concentration and decisiveness, Diminished pleasure in once-enjoyable activities, Fatigue or lacking energy nearly every day.

Life is happening now and we should live it.
I'm not saying the diagnosis is wrong, I'm saying that some people have more than 4 symptoms but they arent sick, they are just having their best lives now.

its a struggle you must win everyday.
....living.
felt like leaving this here.
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