Is it sugar
Or is it death dirt* or nothing.
I think about it looking into my tea cup.
Just an idea in my head.
My over thinking, over analyzing mind

I think I am fat.
I hate being fat.
Then I see an amazing fat girl looking good in her jeans.
Her overthrow looks amazing and I want that
I want to be fat.

I could be small.
I tell my self.
I should eat way less and get skinny.
Fit in very tight jeans and have big hair.
The skinny girl yesterday looked amazing.
But would I

What if I cannot look good skinny.
I'd loose my **** and look weird.
What if I am those people who can never get small

I love food and good places.
Most of the times fat girls look awesome dressed up.
I am not skinny or fat.
I have never understood my body.
Sometimes I feel smart sometimes I doubt everything*

So, is it sugar? Is it dirt?
maybe I will never know