don’t forget me
ask me how i am every now and then
think of me sometimes
and miss me
u won’t forget me, will u?
i know i’m nothing to u anymore
but won’t u still
think of the things we did before
and smile?

i can’t seem to forget your face
the way u smiled at me
the way u speak to me
your voice i yearned to hear
the way u looked at me as i gazed
how u played with my hair carelessly
and rested on my shoulders
and how your back look when u walked away and left me

as the light keys
of the piano
drift smoothly
and swiftly
across my fingers
i played
as the melody sings
the piano keys
seemed heavier by the second
as i played softer and softer
the voice became louder and louder
the melody disrupted

not everything is  
just smiles and laughters
not everyone
is always happy
stop acting so happy
i know some part of u is sad
is hurt
why won’t u open it up to me
i will comfort u
i will care for u
u are not alone
i know that u always laugh and all
but are u really happy
or were those fake laughters
all those tears that are inside of u
are they drowning u
tell me something
please
i really care for u

u could see the brokenness in me.
u could see the darkness behind this mask.
u could see that i tried, yet i fail then lying on the ground, given up.
u could see i was overwhelmed.
u could see i was trying to fight against the war in my head.

the pain,
the suffering,
i am hurt.
u could see that.
u wanted me to trust u,
u wanted me to open up to u,
u said u could help.

when i gave u the keys to this locked door,
u ran up to me,
u held me up when i fell.
u shooed away what was there crowding and surrounding me.
u held up the sword and told me to stand behind u, u wanted to help me fight.
but we fought together,
and it was almost over.

now i’m picking up shattered glass.
one pricked your hand, u bled,
but u continued.

i hoped u didn’t see the glass bead tears under those light.
the light that u brought into this darkness.
i’m really thankful that u helped me,
if only it wasn’t over so soon.
could u stay with me?
i want u to, please?
i... i—,, 92&/@/&/&
i— love you.

what about all the plans
in the future
we already talked about
what to do next
but how can there be
even tomorrow
when us
don’t exist anymore

eating chocolates
trying to be happy
telling myself
that there are
many fishes in the sea
u are not the only one i need
there are many others that can be
the one that helped me like u did
the one that cared for me when no one else did
the one that loved me like u did

tears dry
and vanish
while the pain
and feelings
stay

if only i was my old self
i didn’t need to worry much
just had homeworks and tests
thats all
the new me
the changed me
the messed up me
that now knows everything
loneliness
fear
trauma
and everything else
that changed the light into darkness
changed the happy me
the pure innocent me
the old me..
that was carefree

don’t bury your emotions deep down to a place u can no longer find it.
don’t just ignore them
don’t distract yourself away from them.

u know i loved u and it hurts me seeing u like that.
please take care of yourself, im already no longer with u.
no longer being able to share the burden with u.

when u told me u had a mental breakdown, i... i was sad.
even though i’ve already let go of u, i will still care for u.
so don’t make me worry please because now im no longer with u.
i don’t know what’s happening to u, and yes i know i’ve loved u.
but i will always be with u

a lasting portrait that sways in your head
like the pendulum in a clock swinging every second
it was tormenting you
and— i lingered     still.
even though i’ve long left
it seems like my heart was still there
my mind trying to cut off strings of attachments
my heart clung onto
both of us saw each other at the corner of our eyes         again.
yet we look down and walk away
not even giving a smile but a “bye”
you didn’t know your feelings
and up till now u still don’t
but i did.    
—from the very start i knew.
but yet knowing you, like i knew myself
i still expected a nicely wrapped gift
when u had let me down.

deleted contacts
deleted messages,photos
and everything i could physically
but mentally i couldn’t delete u
but u mean nothing to me now

sorry if i caused u unhappiness
u always seemed unhappy with me
unhappy of what i do
u don’t seem to show it
but i know it
and why
why are u so unhappy
it’s okay
u can leave any time u want
i already told u
but u still stay
and i don’t know why
its okay for people to leave in my life
because it seems so common to me
that it is nothing already
just leave
please
i don’t want to see u so unhappy

so many chances given
so many times forgiven
so many stitches yet to heal
but crossed over with more wound
taking longer time to heal
yet the scar left behind will never be gone

dwelling on things that i shouldn’t be
looking back at memories of what could have been
those smiles that i’ve seen
and when you used to call me queen
now my feelings are just statics on a screen

watered up eyes of
tears and feelings that only fell- for you
don’t you see how important you were to me?
if only you knew

i miss your summer hues
but now you give me snoozes and mutes

i really shouldn’t be thinking about you again
but i can’t stop myself from doing so
whenever i see you walking pass the corridor
i would shy away and ignore
but i would always see you at the corner of my eye
without saying a hi or bye
we crossed paths
but at least we are under the same sky

this feeling of sadness will always stay in me
the ache in my heart will never fade
and knowing of all that
i still carry hope
maybe, one day?
something will bring us back together again?
but for now, you’re just a lasting portrait in my heart.

the carnival rides
sitting on the sides
swinging from left to right
going the highest ups and the lowest downs
turning and twisting
so swiftly
as the chilly wind blows ever so slightly
knees wobbled
stars seem to be around me
the whole world seems like its spinning
going round and round
and till i fall down
collapsing to the ground
everything seems so dark
can’t seem to see anything
in the dark
someone please wake me up
from the dreams
as i continue sleeping

there is no us anymore
i wish i could go back to the times
that us existed
but without u
us won’t exist
and without me
us will be broken
trust
heart
all smashed to million pieces
broken
picking up those pieces
stitching them back
to the right places
hoping that they won’t leave a scar
hoping that it would look the same
hoping that u would come back

walking down the dark corridors
turning behind every few seconds
scared of what was going to be behind
fear that i go through while waiting
sitting alone in the classroom
dull dimly lit
seemed so eerie
the four walls of the classroom
that seemed to cave in
u have no idea
blasting music in my ears
hoping i won’t hear anything
any whispers
closing my eyes
hoping i won’t see anything
any shadows
hoping that u would come quickly
and keep me company
laying my head on the table
eyes closes
earpiece on
but every single small noise i hear
i awake
feeling scared
or hoping it was u at least...

whispers in this empty room
with these lonely spirits
the shadows that stood by me
and there’s these creatures
that was like me
they brought me down
brought me more sadness...
trying to cover it up with laughters
we are the same beings can’t we help each other?
the darkness wouldn’t do that
they only gave fear
that’s all
i would rather live in it
than with the addition of these creatures

wishes made
candles blew
now waiting
for it to come true
waiting for so long
but nothing seems to come
wishes were made
but i don’t see them coming true

wishing the one i was hugging
was you
wishing the one i rested my head against on
was you
the one that held my hand
the one that fingers ran across my hair
the one that held up my head
and kissed...
it was you
sorry it wasn’t*
it was all my imagination
but i wished it was
sadly wishes don’t come true
but i loved u

saw u walking with that other girl
smiling so happily
i think its jealousy
so don’t mind me
u talk to her
every single day
yet u throw excuses at me
maybe it’s not just jealousy
its just u
not making ur priorities